I have dyed my hair numerous times over the past couple of months...first dark purple, then pink. It has faded out now & I"m just letting it. It was something I had always wanted to do. I just never did when I was younger. Believe me, I got some weird looks & of course, comments. "It's not Halloween," "Just in time for Easter," etc. Some asked if I was having a mid-life crisis. Geez. Can't a person just have purple/pink hair because they WANT to??LOL I have always been ignored to an extent. I figure it's because of my weight, but who really knows what it's about. So having all the attention that having colored hair brought was unnerving. But it brought me out of my comfort zone & that's a good thing. It's something that I can now cross off my bucket list. My hair...my poor hair...has been bleached/colored so many times over the past weeks, yet it's hanging in there. It's kind of white with pink highlights at the moment.LOL People have said that it reminds them of cotton candy. I don't mind that. I'm not sure if I will continue to let it fade out or if I will try to go auburn. Have always wanted reddish hair. But I don't know. Kinda tired of the attention AND not being taken seriously by other adults. The teenagers & younger kids might think it's "cool," but other adults just think it's "weird, childish" etc. People are always so judgmental. Anything different they can't deal with. On the other hand, some older adults (the ones who REALLY have issues with the whole hair thing) have told me that it was awesome & that they wouldn't have the guts to do it. So that made me feel good...though there is that approval that I seem to need. Always looking for approval from others. Have been trying to get away from that, yet it's always there.
The boys have been doing pretty well. Phillip does well at the alternative high school, though he's still a pain in the ass getting up in the mornings. He can't sleep at night...I think he just tries too hard or something & that makes it worse. He started seeing a shrink & that seems to help some. He's also on Prozac. He still has some depression & I know that that just won't "go away." But he's hanging in there. He's in fencing...which is kinda different...but he enjoys it & that's what matters. He's surprisingly "light on his feet," for being such a big kid. I mean he's 16 & around 6'2...plus he's heavier. I've been trying to get him to lose some weight...but he fights me on that. I know he would feel better if he did, but he has to really want to. Yet I will NOT let him get up to 400+ pounds. He's like 350 or so now.:( Dominic is doing really well in school. He get's mostly A's & B's. He's the one that has his homework done on time, book reports done way in advance, etc. Science..he has an A. Which is amazing to me...I hate Science.LOL I was NOT a good student. He's also a good artist. He's a very responsible 12 year old. Matthew is doing really well in school as well. He struggles with being able to focus. He's very scattered. Forgets things very easily...has trouble finishing sentences sometimes because he loses his train of thought. Not sure what that's about. Waits until the last minute to do his homework, forgets that he has homework, etc. Yet he is doing good too. In advanced Spelling now (he asked to be because the other was too easy), is good in Math...which shocked me, because that's what he seems to struggle with homework-wise. Yet he does really good on his tests at school. Sometimes I feel a bit stupid when I don't know the answers to Algebra or Geometery questions. I sucked at those subjects. Plus they start them SO early now. But I know that's probably a good thing. They pretty much ask Jeff for help on that kind of stuff now, since they know I will have no clue. I think it's cool that they feel that they can go to him, yet I wish I could help them more, since I am their mom. All three are in a bowling league still. Though the "season' has ended recently. They have "state" in Denver in the middle of May. They always look forward to that..their mini-vacation. They are all pretty good now & I'm glad that they enjoy it. Oh, Matthew has seasonal asthma again & needs an inhaler...seems to happen every year around this time since like 2012 at least.
My mom has aged a lot since my step-dad died last July. It shocks me sometimes. It also makes me sad. She misses him a lot. Seems lost at times. Is tired, has no energy, some depression. I can understand that, yet it's hard to see. She has this horrible cough going on (she smokes). She's had it for awhile, but it's gotten worse. She sees the doctor for other things, so I guess if something was really wrong, they would tell her. But she also gets sick more often now...with colds, flu, etc. & it takes her longer to get over them. She used to have energy to go go go...now it's just gone. It's hard seeing her get older, look older, not feel well, etc. She's only 64 & that's pretty young still these days. I worry about her. Dominic still stays with her every weekend. They don't have school on Fridays, so from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon...that's where he's at. He's a creature of habit & likes his "routines." That's one of them. I think it's good for both him & my mom. She also lives to see her youngest granddaughter, Jasmine. She's 3 now. Lives in Grand Junction, which is about 4 hours away...which sucks. She doesn't get to see her much in the Winter, because the mountain passes between here & there usually have a ton of snow. She is going to try to get over there for Easter though. I hope that she's able to. I think it's important. Mom has really liked two singers in her life...Elvis & Alan Jackson. So at the end of March, Alan was in Colorado Springs & I was able to take her to that. That was pretty cool actually.:)
One of my friends, Mandy & two of her children Marissa 9 & Mason 5 were murdered in Canon City on March 9th. It was pretty horrible. Her live in boyfriend, who was a sex offender (not sure if she knew that or not) raped her 16 year old daughter & killed the rest of them. I think he was going to kill the older one as well...she was tied up, while he slept, but she got away & ran to the neighbors. When the police got there for the sexual assault..that's when they found the bodies. They had been gone for at least 10 hours prior. Sick ass MF. I guess it was pretty horrific. He didn't just shoot them or even just stab them. Yes he stabbed them, but he pretty much mutilated them. They aren't letting very much out. I can't even comprehend how someone can be so evil. Death is too good for him.
As for my health. I saw a gastroenologist (sp?) in Colorado Springs on March 19th. I have a colonoscopy & a scope done down there on May 22nd. I hate those things. He also asked if anyone had ever told me that I had a heart murmur. But my main doctor checked me later & said that she didn't know what he was talking about. My doctor sometimes annoys the hell out of me. Sometimes she acts concerned & seems to really want to help me & other times...not so much. Then I saw a hematologist...my iron was really low, so they were going to give me iron thru an IV...but I have been taking an iron pill every day & that has raised it some, so the IV wasn't necessary. But my eosinophils are still high & they need to figure out why. So on April 9th, I had a bone marrow biopsy. HOLY SHIT! That hurt so bad. I don't ever want to have to do that again. One of the nurses that was in there...she's an ER nurse....she had never seen one before, so guess she was just observing...she told me after that I was her new hero. That she would never get that done unless they knocked her out. That made me feel good.LOL They said that I did better than some people. I admit that I did cry just a bit. Kinda hard not to when they pull the bone marrow out.:( Yuck. I get the results on April 23rd...have an appt to go in and see her. Hopefully they will figure out what's wrong & fix it.
I have been without a vehicle since the beginning of November...which has been a pain in the ass. I have looked at cars since February when we got our income tax back, yet most were crap vehicles. Or I just couldn't afford them. At the beginning of March, I applied for a Capital One Auto Loan. Well I was able to get that & they sent a blank check, but there were some criteria that the dealerships that actually took the check would have to go by. Ridiculous things. So I get that all done & ready to go. Today was the last day I could use the check, so mom took Jeff & I to Colorado Springs yesterday. I was able to get a car, but not with the check. Which sucks, but the car dealership was able to go thru there lending place. Still...the guy had to really work to get me "situated" to get a car. My credit isn't great, I don't have a down payment right now (most of the income tax is gone), etc. I didn't want huge monthly payments...but that was inevitable. So they let me take the car (I had to get insurance thru one of their brokers before I could legally take it)...but they will take $500 off of my credit card at the beginning of May (they did want $1,000 but I was able to get it lowered) & then starting in June, I have to pay around $325 a month plus $100 in insurance.:( That's A LOT of money when you don't have a lot. It's a 2009 Chevrolet Impala. It's white. It's nice & I love having a car...but really going to have to cut back on things. Food is going to be more difficult to buy...I don't qualify for food stamps. My mom gets in her moods sometimes & was very negative about the whole thing, which made me feel negative & guilty. I really have to watch that. I seem to absorb other people's feeling/emotions a lot. She's like "I'm not going to bail you out when you can't pay for it." Things like that. Her & my step-dad have done a lot of things for me over the years & I very much appreciate it, but she kinda uses that against me sometimes & it bothers me. I seem to be a "punching bag" of sorts for her & I don't like it. Not sure what I did to deserve her mean words sometimes, but I have always tried to be there for her & have been the one who has been around the most out of my sisters & I. My youngest sister, Cindy is finally off of drugs & doing well (she's the one with Jasmine), so her & mom get along a lot better now & her & I are at least talking. It does seem like Cindy can do no wrong these days. My other sister, Bev....well she has her own life going on & we're pretty much not a part of it. She calls or texts mom every now and then...even though she lives here in town. She continues to feel that I have always been mom's favorite. So whatever. It's like how old are we??? So her & I don't talk much anymore either, which makes me very sad. My niece, Taylor, turned 16 yesterday & I texted her Happy Birthday & that I loved her...didn't hear anything back. I think it's pretty rude actually. I don't get to see her or my other niece Madison much either. Cindy had come over for Mandy's funeral, so I saw Jasmine then. That is one stubborn little girl.LOL If she doesn't want to talk to you, she won't talk to you. She didn't talk to me the whole time I saw her. She just kind of looked at me..smiled a little bit every once in awhile..but that's about it. I think the pink hair threw her off.LOL
A good friend of the family (well used to be) passed away on April 9th.:( She was a big part of my life growing up & was my mom's best friend...Dee. My ex & I got married in her back yard. But she moved away & then her & my mom had an argument about something...and Dee held grudges...so that was that. She was dying of cancer...she had mom's number...you would think that she would have at least called to talk to mom before she died...but she didn't. Mom had tried over the past few years to talk to her...but that didn't really work out. It's just sad. I miss her. We used to go over to her house & play Spades or just hang out. LOVED her biscuits & gravy...strange what you remember.LOL She will be missed.
Guess that's all that's been going on in my life. I will write more on here...as I find it helpful to just get things out & put everything down. I have had some depression again and that always kicks my butt.
2 comments:
I really liked your hair. The purple was a nice color, but the pink really brought brightness to your face. :-)
Thank you.:) Living in a small town where everyone knows you isn't easy when you want to be different.:( I'm not more of a reddish. Will probably stay that way for awhile. I liked the pink too by the way.:)
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