WEIGHT UPDATE

I think I will have a "weight update" from time to time.  That way, it's in it's own post.  I can be so organized on here, on Pinterest, etc. but in "real life," I suck at it.  I have been trying not to eat much the past couple of days.  I'm doing low carb, but that's expensive at times & I just don't have the money right now.  So it's just easier to not deal with food.  I get so tired of the thoughts in my head.  Constantly thinking about food...what I should eat, what I want to eat, when I'm going to eat, how many calories or carbs are in whatever it is I'm thinking about eating, berating myself for not being stronger than this fucking food addiction/obession.  It's tiring.  Jeff says it's always about my weight...he means that I'm always bringing it up or making sarcastic comments about myself or joking about me being fat.  I can't seem to help it...it's just a normal thing right now.  Maybe always will be, but I'm trying to be more conscious of it & not do it so much.  I wake up thinking about food, think about food all day, go to bed thinking about food.  Always eating too much or too little (though the too little rarely happens).  Starving myself & then bingeing.  Being pissed off that I don't have more self control.  Letting the scale dictate my mood for the day.  Being bitchy to everyone because I can't eat what I want to eat.  Yet I know that I'm the one who got myself to this point.  If I don't eat, I don't feel well & get very bitchy & mean.  Jeff now knows what is going on and tells me to eat something NOW.  All the good stuff has carbs in it.  Carbs & I don't get along anymore.  I can put on some serious pounds in a week by eating too many carbs.  Don't even know how much weight I could gain in a month if I just ate all the carbs I wanted to.  I used to drink A LOT of Mt. Dew, but gave that up years ago & started drinking diet coke.  Now people are telling me not to drink that because of the aspartame & maybe that's part of why I don't feel good.  So now I'm pissed off about that.  Do I have to give up everything??  So I have been trying to stay away from all soda...but I love carbonation.  I crave it sometimes.  I don't like getting regular cokes or whatever anymore, because there are a lot of calories & carbs in those.  So I have just been drinking energy drinks here & there & trying to stay away from the stuff I really want.  One Summer a few years ago....it was what I like to call "The Strawberry Slush Summer."  I swear I was at Sonic every day getting a Route 44 Strawberry Slush...sometimes TWICE a day.  Yeah...not so great for my weight, but loved the stuff.  But kicked that too, because that was just putting way too much weight on.  I get obsessed with certain things for awhile & then get past it...except with food.  Can't get past that, because we NEED food, so can't just stop eating.  Though one doctor when I was younger told me that's what I should do.  Jeff & I have been going for walks...but not as much as we did before I had a vehicle again.  Need to start.  We did go on a long walk on Friday.  About kicked my butt though.  My friend bought me a very cool pedometer, so have been wearing that around.  You're supposed to get 10,000 steps in a day.  I average 2,000-3,000 usually.  So I'm a long way from what I'm supposed to be.  I did walk over 10,000 steps on Friday...but damn that's a lot of walking.  I wouldn't even complain about that much, but my left ankle...well I don't even know how to explain it.  I don't have any arches anymore.  A few years ago, my ankle really hurt & I had an X-ray done.  The doctor said I had a bone spur, but never said anything else about it, so I just let it go & just ignored the pain as much as I could & have ever since.  But now...I don't know if it was because of the bone spur or something else, but I like walk on the inside of my foot.  It's kinda weird.  So my whole ankle hurts most days when I walk on it.  I can't even straighten it out anymore.  So after walking for awhile, it gets pretty bad.  I get frustrated with my body for not working "right" & not cooperating with me.  

CLOUDY DAYS

It's cold, cloudy & windy here.  Snowing in the mountains.  I'm not going to complain too much, because I know the hot is coming...and I can't stand it when it's too hot...so will enjoy the cooler weather while I can. :)  If it could stay around 65-75 degrees, I would be good!

Took Jeff to the ER on  Saturday night.  His stomach was causing him some serious pain.  They said that everything looked OK and to just take probiotics & eat yogurt, because he may have too much bad bacteria instead of good.  The scary thing is his blood pressure...it was 166/116.  He's 30.  Every male member on his mom's side has died of a heart attack.:(  So it's not good.  They gave him a prescription for some blood pressure medicine, but told him he needs to get a regular doctor so they can monitor him.  I know he's freaking out about it.  

My niece, Taylor, turned 16 on the 14th...I sent her a text and told her Happy Birthday & that I loved her.  I heard nothing back.  She had prom last Saturday.  I texted her & told her to have fun.  Then commented on her Facebook page how pretty she looked, etc....still nothing.  It's rude & disrespectful.  I don't know what her issue is.  Granted, I don't get to see her very often (even though we live in the same town), but I still love her & would like to have some sort of contact with her.  But her mom (my sister Bev) is kinda like that too.  She has her own life going on & she's a private person, but it would be nice to be able to talk to her or hang out with her from time to time.  She always says (when she does answer me) that we will get together "soon" for coffee or just to hang out.  I don't know what soon means to her, but it's been months now since we have hung out.  She was really good with mom at first when Duke (step-dad) passed away...now she doesn't talk to mom that much either, which really pisses me off.  I mean WTF?  I just don't get people sometimes...especially family.

I updated my links on my page...so when you click on Tagged & Pinterest, it actually goes to my pages instead of just the site.  Sorry about that for anyone who may have tried those & it didn't work.  Forgot to update everything...I forget a lot of things these days actually.  VERY annoying.

The depression is kicking my butt at the moment.  Not sure why.  It comes and goes.  Phillip has it really bad too.  Jeff has never had depression & can't understand why Phillip would be depressed because "what does he have to be depressed about, he's 16?"  He at least tries to understand me & my moods.  If someone has never had depression, it's very hard to explain what it feels like.  

FMM: LIFE SKILLS

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Life Skills

1. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?

Yes I do....though it took me awhile at first!!  A lot of stalls...LOL

2. Do you know how to jump start a car?

Nope

3. Do you know how to perform CPR?

I took a CPR class a long time ago.  I would like to think that I could still do it, but probably should take a refresher course.

4. Do you know how to hang a picture?

Yes...if I can just get it straight!!;)

5. Do you know how to ski?

Nope...which is funny, because for most of my life I have lived 24 miles from a ski area!!LOL  I also worked at the ski area...taking care of the kids at the ski school until it was their time to ski or their parents picked them up.  Was just too scared to try I think...I wouldn't even attempt it now.

6. Can you draw a basic map of the world?

I hate to say this...but probably not!!LOL

7. Can you do a decent dive into a swimming pool?

I can swim, but I can't dive.  I would try when I took swim lessons when I was a kid...but just couldn't get the hang of it & so performed a lot of belly flops...ouch!

8. Can you open a champagne bottle?

No....I don't like champagne at all..so no great loss.:)

9. Do you know what to do if you spill red wine on the carpet?

No...but could watch a youtube video.:)

10. Do you know the proper way to fold a fitted sheet?

Another no...LOL   I have always been horrible at this.  

FMM; DAILY ROUTINES (April 21st)

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Daily Routines

1.Do you eat breakfast each day? If so what?

I really can't eat breakfast.  I may eat breakfast food later in the day, but until around noon...if I eat anything, it makes me feel sick.  So even though I'm hungry in the mornings sometimes, I don't usually eat.

2. How do you commute to work/school and how long does it take?

I don't work right now & don't have school...except when I take my kids.  So I will use that.  I drive a 2009 Chevrolet Impala...it takes about 10 minutes each way.

3. What is the first website you go to each day?

It used to be Facebook, but now it's mostly Pinterest.

4. Do you check email/facebook/twitter before you get out of bed?

No....I have the computer on the kitchen table most of the time, so I get up and go out there first.

5. Do you take lunch to works/school from home?

Not applicable to me.

6. What time do you normally finish work/get home?

I pick the kids up at 4:10pm...so after that.

7. Do you tend to plan your evening meals in advance or do you grab something on your way home?

I need to start planning meals.  It would be cheaper and maybe healthier that way.  I have a very bad habit of just grabbing fast food for everyone.

8. What do you typically do in the evening to relax?

Surf the net, read books on my Kindle or just watch TV shows and zone out for awhile.

9. Do you fit exercise into your daily routine, if so how?

I don't on a regular basis...especially now since I finally have a vehicle again.  But  I try to go for walks...though I need to do more.

10. If you had an extra hour in your day what would you do with it?

I would probably write a real letter or two.  Maybe catch up on another episode of one of my fave TV shows....I should probably put exercise though.LOL

ANOTHER DAY

Got my results from my bone marrow biopsy back yesterday...everything is fine...not blood disorders or leukemia.  Which is really good news & I'm grateful.  On the other hand, guess I just feel like crap because I'm overweight & getting older.  I don't really know.  I do have the colonoscopy & endoscopy done next month & we'll see about that, but I don't see there being anything wrong with those either.  I have nausea every morning & on most days it comes & goes throughout the day as well.  It's annoying.  I'm just at a point right now where I'm just fed up with the nonsense.  I will just have to learn to deal with feeling like this.  I guess it could be a food allergy...but who knows.  I already don't drink milk or eat eggs, because they cause me major stomach pain.  I wanted to do an at-home food allergy test, but they are pretty expensive.  So for now, I will just deal with it.  

Jeff hasn't been feeling real great lately.  A lot of stomach issues.  I think that he may have an ulcer or something, but he has to go to the doctor to get that checked out & he doesn't like doctors...if he keeps being in pain, he may change his attitude on that though.

WEIGHT LOSS

I think I may actually be ready to stick to this low carb thing.  I have been half-assing it for awhile now & then getting frustrated when the scale doesn't move.  I want 275 by May 16th..that my not be logical, but I want as close to that as I can get.  I'm like 298-299 now.  Tired of being fat, feeling like crap, feeling out of control.  I took comfort in that I was at least going for walks (long ones) with Jeff.  But since getting the car, I haven't even been doing that.  Becoming quite lazy.  That needs to change as well.  

FMM: FAVORITE THINGS (April 14th)

I know you all love the random question weeks, this week is a variation on that. This week the questions come to you from Stephanie who blogs over at Athlete at Heart. I was lucky enough to meet the her at Fitbloggin last year. Thank you for this weeks awesome questions.

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Favorite things.

1. Favorite color? (be specific… what shade of blue/green/red etc)

Light Purple (lavendar), Bright Green, Dark or Cornflower blue.  

2. Favorite piece of clothing you own?

I don't really have a favorite item...though I love my "holey" jeans which are "skinny jeans." Yes they actually have them in my size, even though I'm not really skinny.:)  Like the ones below....just with a bigger butt & hips.;)

3. Favorite smartphone app?

Facebook I guess....I don't really care about a lot of apps.  OK...I know..LOL

4. Favorite city?

So far...LAS VEGAS baby!!:)

5. Favorite strength training exercise?

I have a "band" that I used for one of my work outs...does that count?LOL  Also 3-5 lb weights.

6. Favorite vegetable?

Green Beans

7. Favorite hair product? (shampoo, styling, conditioner etc)

Any shampoo that adds volume since my hair is fine...always has been..which annoys me.  My BOYS have thick hair.  How fair is THAT??lol

8. Favorite animal?

White tigers....saw these cubs & had to post.:)

9. Favorite superhero?

I like Thor...or maybe I just like Chris Hemsworth as Thor?LOL  Also Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man....OK I'm getting off track here.LOL

10. Favorite recipe? (share the details with us)

I must admit that I hate cooking.LOL  So got nothing here...sorry.:(

FMM: RANDOM QUESTIONS (April 7th)

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This week’s random questions come to you from Tyra who blogs over at Random Acts of Snark. Thanks Tyra for the awesome questions.

1. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it?

I haven't had one of those in a LONG time.  I used to dream that I was in a swimming pool...drowning..because no matter how I tried to swim to the top, I could never reach it.  I would wake up actually holding my breath.

2. What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

Elk's heart...and not by choice.  I was tricked.  It was good until I found out what it was.LOL  I don't try a lot of new foods...because my stomach doesn't like different things...hell sometimes it doesn't even like "regular" things.

3. Can you comfortably eat in a restaurant by yourself? Go to movie?

Yes...I don't really LIKE to.  Well...I don't mind going to a movie by myself.  The restaurant thing makes me feel a little weird at times.  I got used to them a bit though after my divorce.  Now I'm back to not being used to them..,since I have a boyfriend.  We all adapt to situations though when we have to, right?

4. What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most?

I don't have a lot to leave anyone.  What I do have...would go to my kids, mom & boyfriend.

5. Would you rather…Go without television or fast food for the rest of your life?

Going to have to go with fast food as shocking as that is for me to say!!LOL  I NEED my TV shows!!LOL  OK...I need an intervention or something obviously.:)

6. What was the best thing that happened to you this past week?

I bought a new car....a 2009 Chevrolet Impala...it's white.  I love it...but it's going to cost me plenty.:(

7.  List the food items you take at a salad bar

Lettuce, cucumbers & tomatoes...hard boiled eggs if they have them...smashed up is even better.:)

8. If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question)

Talking too much about nothing in particular?LOL  Don't really know.  I guess I just don't have talent.:)

9. What do you keep in the trunk of your car?

Besides dead bodies?  OK KIDDING people!!LOL  Not a lot at the moment.  Guess I should put a first aid kit in there at least & some provisions...blanket, flashlight, etc, in case I ever need them.

10. How many rings before you answer the phone?

I have a cell phone and that's it.  So....maybe 2-3...unless I don't want to talk to whomever is calling...then I don't answer.:)

FMM: HOBBIES & GAMES (March 31st)

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Hobbies and Games

1. Do you have a favorite board game?

Going to have to go with either Monopoly or Sorry.  Love them both.:)  Though I don't play very often anymore for some reason.

 2. Do you have a favorite card game?

Contract Rummy (but you need at least 3 players)...Spades (also at least 3 players)...which makes it difficult to play either anymore.  Used to play Contract Rummy with my mom and step-dad all the time...but since he passed away last July..have only played it a few times with my mom & Jeff.  Not very often though...which sucks, because I LIKE to play cards.

3. Do you play games on your phone?

I play Candy Crush.:)

4. Do you prefer the x-box, playstation or wii?

We used to have all 3 of those (I have 3 boys ages 16, 12, 10), but are down to the X-Box & then my mom has the Wii.  I prefer the Wii myself.  My boyfriend, Jeff (who is a gamer) likes all of them,LOL

5. Do you have a favorite outdoor hobby?

Going for walks.  Love going to the mountains when we can...,mostly do that in the Summer though.

6. Have you ever been geocaching?

I actually had to look that word up!LOL  So no....have never been.

7. What’s your favorite hobby?

I LOVE to read!!  Also like genealogy...but don't do it as often as I would like.  Plus I guess Pinterest is a hobby???  I'm a bit obsessed with it actually.  I can hoard to my hearts content & not make a mess.:)

8. Is there a hobby you would love to try but are too scared too?

Skydiving comes to mind.LOL  Or maybe zip lining.  That sounds a bit fun.

9. Do you enjoy doing puzzles?

I used to do jigsaw puzzles but haven't in years.  I like logic & crossword puzzles now.

10. Have you taken any classes in anything?

No...not too many opportunities for that in this town.  Would like to take a class in scrapbooking someday.:)

FMM: WOULD YOU RATHER (March 24th)

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Would you rather…

1. Chocolate or vanilla ice cream?

Between the two...going to have to go with Vanilla.

2. Coke or pepsi?

Diet Coke....pepsi is way too sweet!

3. Cats or dogs?

I'm more of a cat person.  Though little dogs are OK.:)

4. Summer or Winter?

Between those two....Summer.  I LOVE Summer evenings.  I get tired of the cold & wind during the Winter.  The snow is cool when it first starts in October..but then that's it.LOL

5. Early bird or night owl?

I'm definitely NOT a morning person!!LOL   I have to get up around 5:30am-6:00am though to get my kids up for school.  NONE of us are morning people...so you can imagine the fun of that.  A night owl for sure...though I'm usually in bed by like midnight or so.

6. Baseball or football?

I like to GO to baseball games (I have been to a couple), but not watch them on TV.  I like to watch pro-football...GO SAINTS!:)

7. Glasses or contact lenses?

I wear glasses.  I can't do contact lenses for two reasons...1. the eye doctor says the stygmatism (sp?) in my eyes is too bad for contacts and 2. NO WAY can I put things in my eyes!!LOL  I don't like anything near my eyes.  Eye exams are a nightmare.

8. Coffee or tea?

Coffee...with cream & sugar!:)

9. Mac or PC?

Doesn't really matter to me.  

10. Roller coasters or not?

I used to LOVE roller coasters!!  Those things were/are amazing!!  However, I used to be MUCH braver when I was younger where that is concerned.LOL  I would love to go on one again.  The problem I have at the moment is I'm always afraid that I won't FIT into the seat or if I do, that they won't be able to close the bar properly.  So maybe after I lose a bit more weight...I will try one again.:)  Though the whole "Final Destination" thing kinda freaked me out!!LOL

FMM: HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (March 17th)

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Holiday Traditions.

1. Do you celebrate St Patrick’s Day?

Not really...though I do wear some green!:)

2. Which is your favorite holiday to celebrate?

Christmas for sure.  LOVE the Holidays.

3. Do you have a favorite ‘holiday’ food?

OK I love all kinds of food.LOL  Ummm....turkey & cranberries come to mind.  Also Apple Pie.

4. What do you think of holiday parades?

I used to watch them on TV all of the time.  I haven't in quite a few years though.  I think they're a fun thing & people need to have some light hearted things in life that make them happy & I think parades are one of those things.

5. Have you ever been part of a parade?

We have an annual thing in my town called FibArk.  It's like downriver canoe/raft races, booths, carnival, etc.  It's in the middle of June.  My dad used to be a fireman here & then later firechief...the firetrucks were always in the parade that we had..so I always got to ride on one of those during the parade when I was a kid.:)

6. Do you decorate your house for the holidays?

I do for Christmas...a tree, garland around the house, lights around the windows.  Not so much for the other Holidays, though I sometimes put things in the windows for Halloween.

7. Do you send holiday cards?

I used to send A LOT of cards with letters in them!! LOL  I still do send cards..but not as many as I used to...because I would hardly ever get any back & if I did, it was just their names signed in there...so annoying.  I want annual letters!!:)  So I do send pictures of the kids now & try to get the letters done as well, though I didn't last Christmas.  This Christmas...will definitely be sending more pictures & letters out to some people.

8. Are there any holidays that you celebrate that are traditional in another country, but maybe less well known in the US?

No....but that's kind of a cool idea.:)

FMM: LET'S TALK VACATIONS (March 10th)

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Vacations

1. Where was the last place you went on vacation to?

Ummm.....I don't get to go on many vacations.  Let's see....a couple of years ago, I went to Wisconsin for a Job Corps reunion of sorts.  I thought of that as a vacation.:)  

2. Do you have any plans for a vacation this year?

My boyfriend, Jeff & I were going to go to Seattle sometime in June (he's from there), but since I got a new vehicle...don't think we will have the money to this year.:(  It makes me very sad.  Also have a Job Corps reunion in Montana at the end of August...hoping that I may be able to at least go to that.

3. If money was no option, where would you dream vacation be?

Somewhere with a beach, light blue water, drinks with little umbrellas.:)  Perhaps Hawaii.

4. What is your favorite vacation spot that you have visited?

Going to have to go with Las Vegas!!:)

5. Have you ever had a staycation?

Not really

6. Are you a lie on the beach person or a go out and explore person?

A little of both.  I would love to lounge on a beach with a drink & a my kindle.:)  But I also want to see the sights.

7. When you fly do you have a favorite airline?

I don't fly very often...so don't really have a particular airline that I like...though Southwest is usually pretty good.

8. Have you ever had a ‘vacation from hell’ ?

I wouldn't say it was really HELL...but when I was about 18...we drove to thru Yellowstone, all the way up into Calgary, Alberta Canada, down thru British Columbia, etc....(I'm from Colorado)...in a van with: my mom, step-dad (my 1st one & he was an ass), my grandma & my two younger sisters.  Yeah...it was fun. (a bit of sarcasm there!!)LOL

9. Have you ever had an airline lose your luggage?

Not yet...knock on wood.  I would NOT be happy.

10. Do you send postcards to friends and family when you go on vacation?

I try to...but like I said...don't get to go on many vacations.  Next one I go on, I will make a point of it.:)