LAST WEIGH IN OF THE YEAR

My last weigh in for 2013....I'm 293...very disappointing.  BUT am down 20 lbs from last year at this time. Here's to another year of losing pounds & inches.  

ISSUES & OTHER FUN THINGS

Bottom line...I don't feel good.  I went to the ER again Friday night....was in MAJOR pain.  When I first got there, my blood pressure was 130/96.  Not extremely high, but high for me.  They had my results from the pelvic exam.  I DO have a cyst on my left ovary, but they don't seem overly concerned about it.  I don't expect them to be...they aren't the ones in pain.  My white cell count is the same as it was the week before...a little high, but not a lot, I guess.  I haven't been able to eat much because I usually just end up throwing up after.  I know that's gross...but might as well put it out there.  It doesn't seem to matter WHAT I eat or when I eat it.  I was sick again just a bit ago...guess that's why I'm up so early.  I try not to eat much now because of that, but I get hungry.:(  A never ending cycle.  I may just try to drink protein shakes for a day or two.  I don't even know if that will make me sick or not as well.  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  

Jeff & I are doing OK.  We have had some long talks recently.  He's sorry that's he's not attracted to me, but he loves me a lot & won't leave unless I ask him to.  Which I won't.  I know he's bored & having a hard time here, because there isn't much work & that I'm 14 years older than him & I have health issues & don't want him to be stuck with someone who isn't feeling good most of the time.  But I love him & I guess I'm just being selfish.  Will just have to wait & see how it plays out.  

I told my ex (Dave) last month that he would have the boys New Year's Eve.  I had told him that that early, because otherwise he would say that I hadn't given him enough notice or whatever.  So I mentioned it again the other day & he said it was a good thing that he didn't have any plans!  I told him that that's why I told him a month ago & he said that he doesn't remember me telling him that!  I told him that that didn't surprise me.  He didn't listen to me when we were married, why would he listen to me now?  The boys don't want to stay with him anyway.  My mom is willing to watch two of them, but not all three.  The reason being, the oldest & youngest fight all the time & she doesn't want to deal with it.  I don't blame her.  So one of them will HAVE to stay with Dave.  Jeff & I don't have any major plans,  but we would like to just hang out alone for a bit.  We don't get to do that very often.  That being said, I have decided that I need to start spending more time with the boys individually, as well as altogether.  I went & hung out with Dominic at mom's yesterday after work.  I was hurting from standing all day (I hate that I hurt like I do), but we played "Just Dance" on the Wii.  Now THERE's a workout!LOL  Still a bit sore from that.  But it was fun & I'm glad that I was able to just hang out with him.  I have work today & tomorrow...but will see about spending some time with each of the other ones soon as well.

I"m having a hard time dealing with things at the moment. I know I'm not really old, but I AM 44 & that still freaks me out a bit...being in my 40's already.  I don't FEEL that age mentally...physically I do...hell sometimes I feel like I'm 70 physically.  So the things that are freaking me out at the moment:  getting older, getting sicker/being in pain, dying, loved ones dying....just basically running out of time to do everything that I want to do.  

I want to get another tattoo soon....still deciding what I really want.  I have also seen some people who have colored their hair blue, green, purple, pink etc...& would like to do that too!LOL  BUT like I said...I'm 44 & maybe that would look stupid.  Dave heard me mentioning that to the boys the other day & he goes "mid-life crisis?"  Hell maybe so.  I wish I had been more adventurous when I was younger & not so worried about what people thought.  I recently saw a picture of Demi Lovato & thought she looked amazing with blue hair!!  

What do you guys think I should do?  

MADE IT THRU!!;)

OK...the 23rd...I called & made the appt & was supposed to go in on the 24th for the ultrasound.  I DID end up going to work, but I was pissed off about it. LOL  Didn't go in until 12:30pm & I was scheduled to work at 8:30am.  It was crazy that day!  SO many people shopping.  I couldn't NOT go, ya know?  I told one of my managers that I might have to call in on the 24th because of the ultrasound & she pretty much said that if I did, I wouldn't have a job.  You can only miss 3 days in a 6 month period.  So it was just a crappy day.  I changed my appt to the 26th.  Work on Christmas Eve wasn't too bad.  Worked from 9:00am-5:00pm.  By that time, Jeff's mom was here & they came & picked me up & we went down to my mom's to open presents.  It was actually pretty nice.  I was worried that it would be weird.  But all turned out good.  I got some books that I wanted & a couple of other things.  Then we came home...mom had to bring the boys home a bit later because there wasn't room in Brenda's car (Jeff's mom).  It will be nice when I can get my own car again!  The boys went to sleep pretty easily...wish they would have done that when they were little!!LOL  I always had a hard time getting them to sleep because they were so excited.  I told them that they couldn't open presents Christmas morning until 7:00am, because Brenda was sleeping on an air mattress in the living room.  So we all got up then & opened presents.  They loved their presents.  They all got quite a few things.  Not only from me...but others as well.  The "main" presents....Dominic got a tablet & Matthew got a Nintendo 2DS.  Phillip got this cool ring that he wanted.  I had to order it.  He wears a size 13!  Anyway...he also got an air mattress, because his bed has seen better days.  Now just have to clean out his room & put it in there.  It will take up more space than I had thought.  He later got a guitar from his dad that he really wanted.  The boys got me some nice presents.:)  Books & jewelry.  I love them so much!!  I didn't feel great Christmas day & had to lay down a lot, which I felt bad about.  It was a beautiful day out.  I was just really hurting (my stomach).  Brenda fixed dinner.  That had been the plan from the beginning, but I still felt bad that I wasn't able to help her.  It was really good!  The boys had gone with their dad.  My mom stopped by for a few & ate with us.  Which I loved.  I'm glad that she decided to come over.  Later, Brenda & I watched the movie "Heat" with Sandra Bullock & Melissa McCarthy.  I LOVED the movie!  It was sooo funny!  It was good to laugh.  I love Sandra Bullock.  Melissa McCarthy was awesome though!  She has a new fan.  

Will write more later.  Hope everyone had a great Christmas!!

WORK & LIFE

I'm hurting quite a bit right now.:(  Supposed to call the hospital in about a half hour to set up the ultrasound.  I have to be at work at 8:30am...so should probably be in the shower by now...but it can wait a few.  I did work yesterday.  A LONG day for sure....10:00am-7:00pm.  I was tired.  But I made it.  Went to look at Christmas lights with mom & the boys last night.  Came home, ate a little, watched some of a TV show with Jeff & then I was out.  I have so much to do before I go to work in the morning.  Need to clean the apartment...which means: dishes, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, straightening up bedrooms.  I still have a few presents to wrap.  Jeff's mom will be here sometime tomorrow.  So have to get things done tonight after I get off of work.  Have to work at 9:00am tomorrow, so won't have time then.  I don't feel good at all this morning.  Just feeling overwhelmed.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad if his mom wasn't coming up, but she is such a ball of fire.  Efficient.  Clean house, so much energy.  I actually feel not good enough.  I worry about what she will think of our place (even though she's seen it before), I worry about how her & my kids will get along, since they haven't been around each other pretty much at all.  She's bringing an air mattress, so she can sleep in the living room.  So everyone will have to be quiet after a certain time.  My kids tend to wander to the kitchen during the night...but the living room & kitchen are in the same area...no division between them.  She's bringing her dog (a black cocker spaniel) & Jeff' cat....who by the way HATES me.  I have never had an animal who hides from me or hisses at me when I pick it up!  I think she's just jealous!LOL  She adores Jeff.  At least I get along with the dog & SHE loves me.:)  But Jeff is very picky about his cat.  He can't have her here, because of rules of the apartment complex, but he's worried about her getting out the door when one of the boys opens it, or eating something that it shouldn't, or getting into something it shouldn't while it's here.  That adds a little stress to my life as well.  We're all invited to a Christmas Eve party at my mom's friends house...but Jeff isn't sure he wants to go, since his mom & him don't know the people & "what will I do with my cat?"  Mom has Christmas Eve dinner during the day, because my sister has her daughters then before they go with their dad.  I won't be able to make the dinner because of work.  But then as soon as I get off of work, will go to mom's so all of us can open each other's presents while everyone is still there.  I want Jeff to go as well...but guess it depends on if his mom is here yet or not (I'm sure she will be).  Most likely, he will back out of doing that too.  Come to think of it, he backs out of quite a few things having to do with my family.  He says he'll go to Dominic's band concert or whatever, then ends up not feeling good enough to go.  Kind of annoying actually.  I know he wants more of just me & him time, but he also needs to do things with my kids & I & things like that.  Tell me if I'm wrong.   Then another rant....I texted him yesterday from work how stressed I was having to have to come home, do the dishes, clean up the place, etc.  Think he would have done anything to help with that?  Nope.  I come home every day & if I haven't done the dishes the night before, they just aren't done.  Same with cleaning up everything.  I expect that from my kids...not from the other adult in the house.  I love Jeff immensely.  I could just use some help from time to time. 

Today is weigh in day, but not sure if I will or not.  I know I have gained a few pounds.  My battle with Cheetos is being lost at the moment!!LOL  I will work harder this coming week....AFTER I eat Christmas dinner.;)

HOSPITAL

On Friday night, I was in serious pain.   It was the period cramps x 100.  Then it was just my whole stomach hurting.  Throwing up, etc.  Yuck, I know.  Woke up yesterday & hurt some, but went to watch the boys bowl.  I had my mom take me to the ER after that...so at noon.  They were a little busy when I got there, but not too bad.  This is a small town, so they usually see you pretty fast.  Well after they got me into a room, everything got a bit crazy.  Guess a lot of people didn't feel good yesterday or broke bones.  I was in the room for 2 hours before I saw a doctor.  He said I would need to do a urine sample & have some blood tests done.  That was at 2:00pm.  They came in to take the blood & everything at 3:15pm.  He said it would take 45 minutes for the results.  They came in with the results at 5:15pm.  During this time, they had given me an IV with a pain medication called Toradol.  It helped a little with the pain, but pretty much just made me tired.  I was hurting again by the time they came back in at 5:15pm.  He said that my white cell count was a bit high.  So I have an infection somewhere in my body.  He wants me to call the hospital in the morning & make an appointment for a pelvic ultrasound to see if anything is going on there...ovarian cysts, etc.  He gave me a Vicodin for the pain, plus a prescription for a few more.  Well....I only took that one & it pretty much made me not feel good.  Nauseous...though it DID help with the pain.  So not sure if I will get the prescription filled or not.  I was supposed to work last night, but couldn't.  I have to work this morning & for the next two days.  Not sure if I'm going to go in though.  Still hurting some.  After I had left the hospital, I wondered that since I have an infection in my body...why didn't they give me some antibiotics?  So hopefully it doesn't get worse before they figure out what's going on.  I was planning on taking a "break" from work after the first of the year...at least for a couple of months.  For a couple of reasons.  One is that I don't want mom to have to continue to come get me & take me to work & then pick me up all the time.  Another is that I just need to focus on my health & try to get better.  I don't want to quit & I don't want to get fired.  But since I missed the last couple of Saturdays & may miss more if they want to do the ultrasound tomorrow or Tuesday....I may end up getting fired.  I work at Wal Mart & Christmas is Wednesday....sooooo.   But I can't help being sick.  So instead of waiting until after the 1st of the year, I may be done working already.  I was going to try to go in today...but just hurting.  I hate calling in....you know they aren't happy about it.  Some people continue to work even if they're really sick & they just get worse.  I got a copy of all of my blood results & there is one thing that is low...short is "neut."  So I looked it up.  It's basically a white cell that helps fight off infection..."normal" is 42 & above & mine is 37.  So not only do I have an infection my white cells are trying to fight off (that's why the white cell count is high), but some of the white cells aren't up to par & doing their job.  I looked it up on the Internet...which isn't always a good idea...but at least I have more information.  With that one being low, I'm more susceptible to getting sick....so working at Wal Mart wouldn't be the best idea right now.  Just feel guilty as hell for not working. 

FRUSTRATED, BUT ALSO THANKFUL.

I'm so frustrated with my weight.  I thought for sure that I would be below 288 this week...but nooooo....back up to 291!:(  Not happy about that at all.  Just need to focus.

Work went OK today...very long.  Came home to find the dishes STILL not done.  I would have done them last night, but Jeff said "No, I will do them tomorrow."  Ummmm....guess not?  Kinda pisses me off.  He gets annoyed that Phillip (my 15 year old) sleeps all day & doesn't do much of anything....he can't really say much about that at this moment. 

On a more positive note....the Christmas tree is decorated & looks nice.  I will have to take a pic & post it.:)  I have most of the presents wrapped...just a few more to go.  I want to go help mom with some things tomorrow...since I have the next 4 days off.  Woo Hoo!!:) 

Jeff doesn't like going to mom's because she smokes & everything smells like smoke...then HE smells like smoke after he's there.  Mom thinks it's because he doesn't like her.  I haven't told her about the smoke thing yet.  It aggravates me.  I like going to her house & playing cards...but we need 3 people...Duke used to play...but he's gone now.  It's not like there are a lot of options.  But oh well.  I don't know how much of a conflict my relationship with my mom will be with Jeff & I.  It had better not be a conflict AT ALL. 

NOT FEELING GREAT

I slept a lot of yesterday.  Supposed to work today, but called in.  I feel bad doing it...especially this time of year...but I'm hurting at the moment.  My stomach has really been hurting, but mostly right now the pain is in my back towards the middle on my left side & it comes around to the front on my left side.  My left arm aches.  I'm not running a fever or anything....a fever for me is anything 98 & up, since my usual temp is 95-96.  I'm going to call the doctor as soon as they open this morning & hopefully I can get in.  I didn't want to go to the ER last night, even though I felt like I needed to, because I can't afford that.  The boys bowl this morning & they want me there & so I will do my best to be there.  I have missed the last two weeks since I had to work.  They are all on a bowling league & they really enjoy it.

The Christmas tree is up...it's a pre-lit tree...but some of the lights don't work anymore...so I found out when we put it up.  So will have to add some lights.  Then will probably decorate it tomorrow evening sometime when Dominic is home too.  He stays at my mom's on the weekends.  It's just what he does.  I think it's just to get away from brothers who fight all of the time.  I must say that I get tired of all of their fighting too.  It's ridiculous. 

Jeff is an amazing boyfriend.  He rubs my back when I don't feel good, gets me things from the kitchen when I don't feel like moving.   I'm happy that he's here with me.  I know that he may not be able to stay even though we both want that.  He can't find a job here.  He's very smart & working fast food...well just not for him.  He would take that job though if it was available.  Living in a small town isn't always the best thing.  He's trying to find some on line work as well.  I hope that he finds something soon.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Going back to bed.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

WEIGHT LOSS & THINGS

I'm below 290 for the first time in years!  OK, I know a lot of you are probably thinking...YOU"RE STILL FAT!  Well that is true.  I don't really ever see myself being totally thin & I guess it doesn't matter now as much as it used to when I was younger.  Being THINNER will be great no doubt....but when you're thin & old...well then you just have more wrinkles.  Besides I'm pretty sure I won't be wearing a two piece when I'm 60.  Hell I haven't worn a two piece since I was like 5!  Anyway, I'm proud of myself regardless.  I'm down 27 lbs from where I was last year at this time.  If I would have had more discipline, I would have been down a lot more by now.  But that's just not me.  Though I AM determined to be down to at least 245 before April comes around....maybe May.  That's when it's getting warmer & you see all the "beautiful people" wearing shorts.  Every March/April I think to myself..."if only I had started losing some weight in October/Novermber, I could be down at least 50 lbs right now."  So instead of waiting until then to think of that, I'm thinking of it now.  So then when I DO think about it then, maybe I WILL be down that much!LOL  OK...I know I'm a bit strange.  I prefer the term "funny." 

I have been cleaning & moving things so I can get the Christmas tree up & things decorated....hopefully be doing that tonight or tomorrow.  So lifting things that aren't exactly light doesn't do much for my pain level.  Some days, I feel totally good.  Not much pain at all.  But a couple of nights ago, I moved some things...and my neck & shoulders have been hurting/burning since.:(  I have been taking the meds that I was prescribed for the Fibromyalgia & also have been putting ice on it some....but it's still not great.  Then I have "period cramps" a lot of the time....painful ones...& what's even worse about that?  I haven't had my period since October 4th!  No, I'm not pregnant...that ship has sailed.  Most likely in perimenopause...which makes me even more cranky than usual.  They have been a bit sporadic the past year or so...but not sure I have gone this long without one.  Even if I didn't have my tubes tied, I wouldn't worry about pregnancy, because you actually have to being HAVING sex to get pregnant.  I'm lucky if I get anything once every 6 weeks or so.  I have just pretty much stopped asking.  The rejection gets old after awhile.  We also get along much better when I don't bring it up (yes I know).LOL   I really didn't think that I would have to give up sex just yet.  Thought I had maybe 10 years left at least.  But I love him & that's that. 

I still have a job.  Which is good.  Well good & bad at the moment.  Good...because I need the money, I'm thankful to have a job when a lot of people don't & it gets me out of the apartment for awhile.  Bad because I'm in pain sometimes & don't' feel like going to work & also because I don't have a vehicle of my own right now. 

I THINK I have everyone bought for that I needed to buy for.  There may be one or two things that I still need to get, but at least I'm not waiting until the last minute like I usually do.LOL  Proud of myself for that too.  Now to wrap everything...which I don't like doing at all.  I either get too much paper or not enough.  Just one of those things that I'm not great at.  Besides everyone just rips the paper off anyway, right?;)   I work Christmas Eve from 9:00am-5:00pm.  So guess that's not too bad.  We are closed on Christmas (the only day of the year that we are).  Jeff's mom is supposed to come stay with us Christmas Eve thru the day after Christmas.  She's a cool person & we get along.  I just feel inadequate or something around her.  She's only about 8 years older than me.  She's tiny & has a ton of energy.  I have never had that much energy now that I think about it.LOL  It will be nice having her here though.  Just not sure how all that is going to go yet.  I want to spend some time with my mom on both Christmas Eve & Christmas Day.  She doesn't have anyone now really.  Just my sisters & I.  She also has a few good friends, but not sure what they're planning.  One of them, Jan & her husband Mike, have mom over for dinner a lot now.  Which I think is a good thing.  She got yet some more bad news yesterday.  She has gotten Social Security for years.  Well when her & my step-dad got married in 2009, she reported it, filed all the papers with everyone like she was supposed to, etc.  She got this thing in the mail, so she called them.  They didn't put her down as being married until 2012!!  Which basically means, if they think they overpaid her, she will have to pay it all back!!  She's struggling enough as it is.  I swear....life seriously sucks sometimes!!  I get sooo annoyed.

Dominic had his band concert last night & did really well.:)  He plays the trumpet.  They get out of school next Thursday for Christmas break.  They will have to stay with Jeff some when I work.  Mom can't come get them & watch them all of the time.

OK guess that's enough for now.  Hope everyone is having a good week.:)

FEELING....BLAH

Not going to do the FMM today.  It's just sharing a Holiday recipe & I don't really have one.  I don't know what my issue is really.  Just don't feel great mentally or physically at the moment.  I don't know if it's because of how cold it is outside (the highs the past few days have been in the 20's at the highest), not having a vehicle to go places & do things that I need to do, having a messy living room because I'm trying to go thru all of my pictures from like the last 10 years that I should have gone thru before, the fact that Jeff & I have pretty much nothing in common, the fact that my oldest son is totally unmotivated & hasn't been to "real school" in probably a year...though he's doing on-line for the alternative high school right now & if he had done good at that, they would let him in next month...but he hasn't, so I doubt they will...so will have to figure out what needs to be done then, plus he is totally unhappy.:(  Probably why he isn't motivated to do anything.  So basically, it's just a lot of things.  I miss my step-dad a great deal.  Nothing is the same.  I hate it.  Hate death.  Hate sickness.  My mom hurt her arm/shoulder the other day & has been in a lot of pain since.  Why can't she just get a break?  Why can't things work out for her?  The truck that my step-dad had bought the year before his death & was repossessed after he died because she couldn't afford the $600 payments...well they sold it for like $19,900...so they sent her a bill for the other $8,000 still owed.  WTF???!!  She had told my step-dad when he was alive that him buying the truck would totally screw her over after he was gone & he was like "everything will be fine."  I know he meant well & that he really wanted that truck....but it hasn't been easy for mom.  Her health hasn't been the best the past few years...but I think it has gotten a bit worse since he died.  She always had so much energy before...getting things done that she wanted to in no time.  Now it takes her awhile & she hurts a lot.  She's only 64.  That affects my mood too.  I love my mom & have always been close to her.  Seeing her like this & knowing there's really nothing I can do about it...it wears on me.  Having to rely on her to take me to work & other places when she's feeling badly, makes me feel even worse.  I hope that 2014 is a better year for all of us, because this year, though it has had some good things too, has pretty much sucked.  As for Jeff & I have nothing in common....we laugh & can talk about anything, which is awesome.  But as far as interests go...he likes gaming, anime, sci-fi.  I'm just not into any of that, though I don't mind sci-fi.  It's like we're both just doing our own thing.  One thing we do have in common is the love of movies & watching TV shows together.  We were talking last night....he can't find a job here.  He's smart & was working in the gaming industry.  He came here to this small town for me.  But there isn't any jobs here.  Nobody is hiring right now.  He wants to work & have money for him & for us.  I know he will do what he can.  But he may have to leave & go somewhere else, but that would mean the end of us.  We both know that.  That's why he doesn't want to leave & go somewhere else.  We love each other a lot.  We're best friends.  But I can't just pack up & go with him somewhere, though I would in a heartbeat.  But I have my kids to think about & I can't just pack them up & go.  I can't leave them here.  I would miss them sooo much, plus my ex...well I don't see him as being a full-time dad.  He barely sees them now.  When he does, it's not for very long.   They don't even want to spend that much time with him anymore.  Anyway, I don't know what to do about anything anymore.

I had some issues at work yesterday.  I won't get into all the details...but we'll see if I still have a job.

Also a couple of days ago...I decided during my lunch break, to buy the diet pill "Hydroxycut Hardcore."  I took one pill.  Well....about an hour later...I started feeling REALLY bad.  My stomach was hurting so bad & I was sooo sick.  I had to call someone over to my register to take over like twice because I had to go to the bathroom.  I was so hot inside that I was actually sweating.  Then I got the chills.  I seriously thought that I was going to have to call an ambulance.  It felt like I was dying & I'm thinking to myself  "this would be a crappy way to die...over some stupid diet pill."  I made it through the next 3 hours of work & then just laid down when I got home for awhile.  Never again.  I will just have to deal with my weight the old fashioned way....I know that it hasn't really worked for me in the past....but hoping that I can lose at least another 15-20 lbs at least.  Then whatever from there. 

I don't feel great & dread going to work today.  I don't want to call in because I know how busy they have been with the Holidays & all, plus I would probably be "coached" & possibly even fired, since you can only miss 3 days in a 6 month period.  I haven't missed a day in awhile, though I did have to go home after a couple of hours on October 14th (because my oldest was having issues) & I was warned that I would have a "coaching" again.  But I never did.  Anyway, I only work like 4 hours or so today...a short shift. 

I have all of my Christmas pictures/cards ready to go out today.  Proud of myself for that!  Usually I get them out around the 23rd, which sucks.  I have most presents bought...but still have a few more to get...hoping that I still have enough money to do that with.  I will have to check & see.  I will get thru the rest of my pictures that I have all over the living room floor later today & get things cleaned up.  So hopefully will have our tree up Tuesday or Wednesday.  Jeff wanted a real tree, but I can't afford one & he doesn't have any money at the moment.  So my fake one will go up this year.  Which is cool with me....less mess!!;)

Jeff & I both have Pinterest pages...he just now got one.  He has like anime, Star Trek boards....but he also has hot women....under goth, tattoos, etc.  They are all thin & beautiful.  Now I can see why he's not attracted to me at all.  I'm not anywhere near his type.  But he says he loves me completely & that I'm everything to him.  So I will try not to let my insecurities get to me. 

 

How do I compete with that???  Yes they are beautiful & thin....& that's cool, but not when that's what your boyfriend likes & you're nowhere near that.  I couldn't add some other pics...because I felt that they were "too sexy" for here.LOL 

 

 

 

LAZY DAY

I'm so tired at the moment.  That & I'm still sick...OK I know that I wouldn't feel 100% better instantly...but felt good yesterday....so just thought I was over being sick...NOT.  It's cold out & starting to snow....I see a lot of sleeping going on today.LOL  I have a few things that I want to get done...but mostly just sleep. 

Did some grocery shopping yesterday after work.  Jeff had walked up to meet me, so that was cool.  Mom came & got us after we were done.  That's such a pain in the ass.  Having to rely on someone else to drive us around.  I'm grateful & thankful that she is there for me...but she shouldn't have to be doing that...and I feel bad.  But, for right now, there's not much I can do about it.  Anyway, I also got our Christmas pictures ready to be sent out.  I do one of those Holiday Card things from Wal Mart where you can put a picture or a few pictures on a "Christmasy" card.  I don't explain things very well sometimes.LOL

Sorry for such a short post...don't have a lot to say today.  Shocking, I know.;)

WINTER & OTHER THINGS

It's supposed to start snowing later today & last until Thursday...with 8-12 inches of snow...that is sooo weird for us!  We used to get a lot of snow here in my small town in Colorado...but the past few years, we just haven't.  Guess it's time for it though.  The highs are only supposed to be in the teens & 20's for the next week or so.  I hate it being that cold.:(  Luckily after I work today, I don't work again until Saturday.  My mom can't come out when it's that cold. She has Raynaud's Syndrome.  So cold is NOT a good thing for her.  Even with gloves & heavy socks on...that doesn't always help.  I sooo need a car.  Will just keep hoping.  I have changed my mind on the gofundme.com page.  I will get a car eventually in one way or another, but my mom is having a lot of financial difficulties right now...that on top of missing my step-dad.  I don't think that she should have to worry about so much stuff right now.  It's not fair or right.  No, nobody ever said that life was fair...but damn.   So if I could get help in lessening her burden any, then that's what I want to do.

I worked from 10:30am-6:30pm yesterday.  I was hoping to get done early, because I felt like crap.  But they already had people call in & we were busy.  So I got to stay.  Wasn't an easy day.  I was nauseous as hell most of the time.  Just felt like crap.  I THINK I feel better today...seems to be right now anyway.  I only work from 9:30am-2:00pm today, so that's cool.  Then I have to shop for food after that.  I finally have some money today.  Not sure when I can get to the store again...though I'm hoping to be able to go on Thursday or Friday.  The people who worked on Thanksgiving, get a 25% discount on anything in the store on those two days...so I'm buying big.  Well at least a little big.LOL  There are some electronics that my kids wanted for Christmas...so will see about getting those then.

I have been trying to go thru boxes of pictures that I have been neglecting for years...writing on the back of them so people know who are in them, etc.  Very time consuming!  I would like to eventually get them all in albums...but that won't be for awhile.  I still have quite a few to go thru...and they are in the living room at the moment.  So will work on those for the next few days.  Would like to get our Christmas tree up in a week or so.  Jeff wants a real one, so that's what we're aiming for.  I also need a couch....I have been putting that off for the past 6 months...now just feel that it's time.  Will be a pain in the butt though getting it & finding help to get it to our upstairs apartment & everything...especially since it's going to be so cold & there will be snow on the ground.  But we'll manage.

Well....off to get ready for work.  I hope you're having a good day.:)

FMM "UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS"

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 Unforgettable Moments

 

 

1. Share the details of your first kiss.  My first kiss....guess this doesn't mean the one in 2nd grade when Brian & I had no idea what we were doing?LOL  Regrettably it was with a guy name George.  He was a player & I wish I would have waited to have my first kiss with someone I actually cared about & who cared about me.

2. Did you put your foot in your mouth in 2013? If so, tell us about it.  I can't think of any.....

3. Share the story of one of your most embarrassing moments.  When I was in high school...I used to be really shy & insecure.  When I walked down the hall, I would always look at the floor.  One day...for some reason, I wasn't....that was when one of the Seniors (I was a Freshman) stuck his foot out & tripped me.  Needless to say...it was mortifying!  I fell...books went everywhere...a teacher was there asking if I was OK...NOT one of my best moments.

4. Tell us what it was like when you traveled outside of your home state or country for the first time.  I was 12 & got to go to Disney Land with my friend & her family...we drove there...so I thought it was the coolest thing to go thru different states & see different things...Utah, Nevada, California....then Arizona & New Mexico on the way back.  I had an amazing time!  I give credit to my friends' aunt & uncle for taking 4 pre-teen girls on a trip like that!!LOL

5. Share something that forced you outside of your comfort zone in 2013.  My step-dad died.  I don't like change.  Don't like losing people that I love, don't like people being sick & knowing there's nothing you can do about it.  It forced me to deal with something that I don't even like thinking about.  I'm still out of my comfort zone.

6. Tell us about a gift that you received that meant a lot to you.  I just received a gift from Jeff that means a lot.  Totally took me by surprise.  It's a Christmas ornament in the shape of a skeleton key (which I love).  The top part of it is in the shape of a heart.  It says on the side of the key "Our first Christmas together in our new home" & he had them put 2013 on there.  I love it!  I will share a pic later.

7. Share the details of the best date that you’ve been on in the last year.  I haven't been on a date in the past year.:(

8.  Describe one beautiful moment that was not captured by a photo.  There are a lot of beautiful moments that aren't captured on camera.  I can't name just one.  The first snowfall was pretty amazing!  Jeff & I walking over a mile to 7-11 to get a drink at midnight in the cold & walking on icy roads was pretty amazing too.:)

9.  Share one important thing that you hope to accomplish before the end of the year.  It's only a few weeks away....so I wish to accomplish getting all of my Christmas cards out before then!!  Anyone want one....let me know.:)

10.  Tell us about one defining moment of 2013.  Ummmm....I got to move into a new apartment in June/July.  I don't know if that's a defining moment or not.  Oh...in July Jeff & I had a HUGE fight.  He was in Scotland, so it's not like we could just talk it out.  He decided that we needed to take a week or two & decide if we should stay together or go our separate ways.  We decided that it was worth working out...so here we are.  I believe that was a defining moment.

FEELING.....

OK....I just wrote a ton of stuff...and then somehow accidentally erased it!!!  NOT a happy person right now.  So will start over.  I'm not feeling great at all...my voice comes & goes, I'm nauseous from time to time, my eyes are watery, I'm tired.  I started feeling sick on Thanksgiving.  Was trying to fight it, but losing the battle.  I have been going to work...which hasn't been easy.  I have to work again today.  All I want to do is sleep.  Jeff fixed dinner last night.  He later offered to open the bedroom window so I could sleep better (I can't sleep it I'm too hot), even though it meant that it would be freezing in the room.  Then he played with my hair until I fell asleep...it's a comforting thing for me.  We may not have a "regular" relationship, but it's still an amazing one. 

Jeff went to Colorado Springs the Tuesday before Thanksgiving & came back on Saturday.  His mom was going to be alone, so he wanted to spend it with her.  She'll be coming here for Christmas.   Thanksgiving was pretty nice.  Went to mom's for the day.  I laid down a lot while I was there since I was feeling icky already.  It was hard not having Duke there, but it was even harder not having him at mom's birthday the next day.  She turned 64 on the 29th.  I had a lady from Bingo crochet a blanket for her with the New Orleans Saints colors...her fave team!  I had it for like 6 weeks!LOL  Very hard not giving it to her earlier!  I also gave her a card from Duke...I know that may sound weird, but it seemed like the right thing to do this year.  Bev & her daughters came down.  My niece, Justine & her boyfriend were there.  Justine had bought some fudge from a lady in town for mom...the woman makes different kinds of fudge & Justine got: chocolate, peanut butter, pistachio, cherry & birthday cake (my fave...it tasted like sugar cookies!).  I ate more that day than I did on Thanksgiving!  Felt kinda crappy after I did too.  Eating doesn't bring as much enjoyment as it used to...though I still love eating (clearly).    We had a "Parade of Lights" Friday night downtown.  We have a small town, so it wasn't a huge parade.  It was freezing out!  Dominic & Matthew got to ride the Elk's Lodge float.  Duke used to be a member & his brother is also.  He had messaged me on Facebook wanting to know if they would like to ride it.  I thought that was really cool of him.  The boys had fun.  They light the Christmas tree on "S" mountain that night as well.

OK....I have a little time to lay back down before I have to start getting ready for work....so will write more later.:)