.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
QUESTION...
When does everyone weigh? Do you weigh daily, weekly, every 2 weeks, once a month? I'm obsessed with weighing every day and what the scale says kinda sets my mood for the day.:( It sucks. I think about my weight, food, etc. way too much.
RESULTS OF SLEEP STUDY & MORE...
Well I haven't gotten an "official" call from the doctor about the sleep study yet..but the guy who did the sleep study that I only had a "little bit of apnea" and that was around 5:00am. So not sure if I still have it or? Guess I will know more after the doctor calls. It wasn't too bad..just weird sleeping with all that stuff hooked up to me.
I'm out of Mirapex (RLS pills)..this is the first night without them..so not too bad at the moment..but I can't get any til Friday..so may be a bit worse by then.:(
Christmas was good.:) The boys got some nice things and were happy with what they got. I got a new jacket, a poster from Twilight...my niece gave it to me..and also a deck of cards that have the movie characters on them.LOL Some perfume, a Tigger jacket, a couple of necklaces. My son, Dominic (9) likes the Raiders and he got a few t-shirts with their logo on it, a flashlight with their name on it and a Raider watch. My ex took it pretty well considering he's a Bronco fan.:)
I have been out of the diet pills for about a week now (Fastin). I felt that they were really working. I wasn't thinking about food all of the time. They're like $30 and I just don't have the money right now. So will have to wait until the 3rd to get those and the rest of the Christmas pics and some stamps to send everything out. I have gained like 7 lbs.:( But started exercising again yesterday and watching the carbs. I refuse to gain all the weight back that I lost. So right now I'm 316..yuck. Can't do much except move forward and be more concious of what I'm eating, drink more water (A LOT more) and exercise. Even if it's only 30 minutes a day...at least it's something.
I wished Greg S. a Happy Birthday on the 24th and told him Merry Christmas. He texted back to say thank you. Told him that I missed talking to him and he said he missed talking to me too. But that's all over now.
Never did hear from Mark S. Didn't think I would.
Louie wants more than friendship..I don't. Is that horrible? I have just taken care of people all of my life and I'm taking care of my kids right now and they are my #1 priority. Louie is in a wheelchair and has some health issues and needs pretty much constant care. I just don't feel that I can handle that right now. I don't know if that makes me selfish or not. I haven't been over to see him since last week, because I don't know what to say. I definitely don't want to hurt him. He wants to hang out on New Year's Eve...but I have the boys this year.
Mike K. texts me some, but not on a regular basis and when he does and I answer..then I don't hear from him til the next day or whatever. He texted me tonight and asked if he could call me. That was a couple of hours ago and I was charging my phone, so I just got the message. I didn't text him back. Just don't feel like talking right now. When I have needed someone to talk to..he hasn't been there for me at all. People need to treat each other the way they want to be treated. I just tend to "shut down" with people who don't show that much interest in being in my life.
Paco wanted to know what I was doing on New Year's Eve too. I just don't feel like doing anything..just hanging out with my kids and watching the ball drop in New York is good with me this year.
I feel better now that the pressure of Christmas is past. I know that's weird and I don't know why I feel that way. Just time to move forward and it will be a new year soon and that's always a good thing...although 2012 might not end all that great..you never know. I prefer to believe that everything will be OK..that the "craziness" surrounding 12-21-2012 is just that.
I don't have any desire to go out with anyone right now or even to go out. I have crazy moods. Sometimes I WANT someone in my life and other times, I know that I don't have time for anyone right now. With everything going on with my kids, my feelings towards my ex, my weight loss issues, wanting to do what I want to do when I want to do it, etc...I just don't think I'm willing to put in the time it takes to develop a relationship right now. Which sucks. But it's just the way it is.
I'm out of Mirapex (RLS pills)..this is the first night without them..so not too bad at the moment..but I can't get any til Friday..so may be a bit worse by then.:(
Christmas was good.:) The boys got some nice things and were happy with what they got. I got a new jacket, a poster from Twilight...my niece gave it to me..and also a deck of cards that have the movie characters on them.LOL Some perfume, a Tigger jacket, a couple of necklaces. My son, Dominic (9) likes the Raiders and he got a few t-shirts with their logo on it, a flashlight with their name on it and a Raider watch. My ex took it pretty well considering he's a Bronco fan.:)
I have been out of the diet pills for about a week now (Fastin). I felt that they were really working. I wasn't thinking about food all of the time. They're like $30 and I just don't have the money right now. So will have to wait until the 3rd to get those and the rest of the Christmas pics and some stamps to send everything out. I have gained like 7 lbs.:( But started exercising again yesterday and watching the carbs. I refuse to gain all the weight back that I lost. So right now I'm 316..yuck. Can't do much except move forward and be more concious of what I'm eating, drink more water (A LOT more) and exercise. Even if it's only 30 minutes a day...at least it's something.
I wished Greg S. a Happy Birthday on the 24th and told him Merry Christmas. He texted back to say thank you. Told him that I missed talking to him and he said he missed talking to me too. But that's all over now.
Never did hear from Mark S. Didn't think I would.
Louie wants more than friendship..I don't. Is that horrible? I have just taken care of people all of my life and I'm taking care of my kids right now and they are my #1 priority. Louie is in a wheelchair and has some health issues and needs pretty much constant care. I just don't feel that I can handle that right now. I don't know if that makes me selfish or not. I haven't been over to see him since last week, because I don't know what to say. I definitely don't want to hurt him. He wants to hang out on New Year's Eve...but I have the boys this year.
Mike K. texts me some, but not on a regular basis and when he does and I answer..then I don't hear from him til the next day or whatever. He texted me tonight and asked if he could call me. That was a couple of hours ago and I was charging my phone, so I just got the message. I didn't text him back. Just don't feel like talking right now. When I have needed someone to talk to..he hasn't been there for me at all. People need to treat each other the way they want to be treated. I just tend to "shut down" with people who don't show that much interest in being in my life.
Paco wanted to know what I was doing on New Year's Eve too. I just don't feel like doing anything..just hanging out with my kids and watching the ball drop in New York is good with me this year.
I feel better now that the pressure of Christmas is past. I know that's weird and I don't know why I feel that way. Just time to move forward and it will be a new year soon and that's always a good thing...although 2012 might not end all that great..you never know. I prefer to believe that everything will be OK..that the "craziness" surrounding 12-21-2012 is just that.
I don't have any desire to go out with anyone right now or even to go out. I have crazy moods. Sometimes I WANT someone in my life and other times, I know that I don't have time for anyone right now. With everything going on with my kids, my feelings towards my ex, my weight loss issues, wanting to do what I want to do when I want to do it, etc...I just don't think I'm willing to put in the time it takes to develop a relationship right now. Which sucks. But it's just the way it is.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
MY HEALTH
OK, I don't know why I forget to post about how my physical health is..I know it's as important as my emotional health..maybe even more so. I have started seeing a physical therapist for my left ankle. It's really been bothering me for the past few months. Well come to find out that I don't have any arches. The way I have always walked..with my feet more pointed outward..has caused the issue. So though it probably won't ever get better..maybe get some things to put in my shoes to help. Bad thing is..they cost a lot of money (the ones she wants me to get anyway). So may have to wait on that awhile. My ankle/foot doesn't hurt ALL THE TIME, but after it has been in one position for any length of time..it's like "stuck" and it really hurts to try to move it. I have to massage it to get it to cooperate.
I go in for a sleep study tomorrow night. I have sleep apnea..was diagnosed a few years ago. I used to have a CPAP machine, but have no idea where it is..as you can tell..I didn't use it much. I just find it annoying to have something on my face while I sleep. BUT I recently read that sleep apnea can cause weight gain, strokes, heart attacks, sudden death..etc...(I may FEEL suicidal sometimes, but I have no desire to actually die). SO decided I had better get my ass in gear and get checked again and see what I need to do. Get a new CPAP machine and go from there. So will let you know how it goes. I also have RLS (restless leg syndrome). I take Mirapex for that (a drug also used for Parkinsons) and it helps soooo much! I have run out of it before...and it's NOT a good thing. Can't keep my legs still when I try to rest at night and don't get any sleep. I'm glad that I finally found a drug that can help. I hope it never stops working.
I go in for a sleep study tomorrow night. I have sleep apnea..was diagnosed a few years ago. I used to have a CPAP machine, but have no idea where it is..as you can tell..I didn't use it much. I just find it annoying to have something on my face while I sleep. BUT I recently read that sleep apnea can cause weight gain, strokes, heart attacks, sudden death..etc...(I may FEEL suicidal sometimes, but I have no desire to actually die). SO decided I had better get my ass in gear and get checked again and see what I need to do. Get a new CPAP machine and go from there. So will let you know how it goes. I also have RLS (restless leg syndrome). I take Mirapex for that (a drug also used for Parkinsons) and it helps soooo much! I have run out of it before...and it's NOT a good thing. Can't keep my legs still when I try to rest at night and don't get any sleep. I'm glad that I finally found a drug that can help. I hope it never stops working.
HOLIDAYS & DEPRESSION
Wow...this depression is seriously kicking my ass.:( I wish it would just pass already. Will just have to ride it out and hope I start feeling better soon. I think some of it has to do with the fact that Dave will be putting in for his transfer to Denver in March or April. I don't know who long it takes from there...but I don't want him to leave.:( I guess maybe I should have just let him move when he first left me, but I begged and pleaded him to stay around for the boys' sakes. Now I have to go thru all of these emotions again. So though I look forward to what a new year will bring..I also dread it. I was never good with change...it pretty much has to be forced on me.
Helped mom make fudge yesterday and I have gotten some cards (holiday pics) out to some people. I'm totally broke at the moment, so will have to send out the rest probably after the new year. I hate when I have to do that. But what are ya going to do, ya know?
Greg S and I decided to be just friends...though I think we won't even be that really..since I don't feel like texting him anymore really. He texted me a few days ago and said he started seeing someone else down there, but he would like to stay friends. At least he was honest. I thought he was really cool and easy to talk to, so it kinda sucks that he found someone else.:(
Mike K. and I talk some, but not a regular thing. I just don't need the drama.
Sean B. Not sure where that stands and don't really care at the moment.
Mark S. I haven't heard from him since my last blog post. So I'm sure he's not planning on coming up for Christmas. I can take hints pretty well.LOL
Louie...I went over to see him a couple of days ago and he is hanging in there.
I watched all but two episodes of the Biggest Loser..will finish watching those today. I figure I can mess around on here, watch some TV and clean some...the cleaning really needs to be done. LOL I have done some...I will never let my house get this messy again..nor will I keep stuff that I don't need. Not being able to throw things away is a horrible thing...but at least I'm not as bad as some people I have seen on "Hoarders!" KNOCK ON WOOD!!LOL
When I weighed yesterday..I was 309. I'm happy about that. Hoping to be 300 by January 1st. Then hope to lose 10 lbs (at least) every month...so will be around 245 when my class reunion rolls around in the middle of June.
Helped mom make fudge yesterday and I have gotten some cards (holiday pics) out to some people. I'm totally broke at the moment, so will have to send out the rest probably after the new year. I hate when I have to do that. But what are ya going to do, ya know?
Greg S and I decided to be just friends...though I think we won't even be that really..since I don't feel like texting him anymore really. He texted me a few days ago and said he started seeing someone else down there, but he would like to stay friends. At least he was honest. I thought he was really cool and easy to talk to, so it kinda sucks that he found someone else.:(
Mike K. and I talk some, but not a regular thing. I just don't need the drama.
Sean B. Not sure where that stands and don't really care at the moment.
Mark S. I haven't heard from him since my last blog post. So I'm sure he's not planning on coming up for Christmas. I can take hints pretty well.LOL
Louie...I went over to see him a couple of days ago and he is hanging in there.
I watched all but two episodes of the Biggest Loser..will finish watching those today. I figure I can mess around on here, watch some TV and clean some...the cleaning really needs to be done. LOL I have done some...I will never let my house get this messy again..nor will I keep stuff that I don't need. Not being able to throw things away is a horrible thing...but at least I'm not as bad as some people I have seen on "Hoarders!" KNOCK ON WOOD!!LOL
When I weighed yesterday..I was 309. I'm happy about that. Hoping to be 300 by January 1st. Then hope to lose 10 lbs (at least) every month...so will be around 245 when my class reunion rolls around in the middle of June.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
UPDATE & BIGGEST LOSER
First, right after I posted my last blog...Mark S. texted me!! Shocked me. He said that was sorry that he didn't get back to me sooner, but that work has been busy. He went in around 8:30 this morning and will get done around 7:00pm. He's still not sure what time he is coming up for Christmas Eve and Day. I really hope that he does come up. He's cool and I would like to get to know him more.
I have recorded "The Biggest Loser" on my DVR for the past month and haven't watched them yet!:( The season finale is tongiht already!! I LOVE that show! So will try to cram the last few episodes in today.:)
I have recorded "The Biggest Loser" on my DVR for the past month and haven't watched them yet!:( The season finale is tongiht already!! I LOVE that show! So will try to cram the last few episodes in today.:)
BEING SAD......
The last couple of days have been hard for me.:( Don't really know why. Have cried some...haven't done that for awhile. Just sad about a bunch of things really. Being alone is the main one I think. Dave (ex) told me on the phone the other night that I sounded really depressed and maybe I should get some "help." I'm like, excuse me, but you know that I don't like being alone...I also reminded him that HE doesn't like to be alone either and that he wouldn't have left me if he didn't have someone else lined up already. He pretty much agreed with me. I told him that it wasn't his concern anymore. He told me that I have to love myself before anyone else can love me. Is he Dr. Phil now?LOL I know that I have to love myself and I do to an extent..but I'm not always easy to live with!! Guess he figured that out as well.:(
Went to Colorado Springs last weekend with mom and Duke Christmas shopping. I think I got all the things I needed! This time of year is crazy! I still don't have my cards sent out. Just got the family pics done on the 9th. My niece, Justine, took them. I think they turned out OK...not bad at all. Hopefully will get them all sent out this week. Can't believe that next weekend is Christmas already!!
The diet pills (Fastin) seem to be working..I'm rarely hungry (could all be in my head) and don't eat that much. I got down to 310 the other day..not sure what I am now. It's pretty sad when you're happy to be down to 310!LOL
Now on to the guy situation. There will always be a situation where guys are concerned.:( At least with me.
Mike K....he hasn't been texting me back, hasn't been calling, etc. Has really hurt me. I mean he starts out all gung ho..sending me gifts, calling me constantly, etc..then nothing. Wouldn't tell me why. Well he called last night (actually really early this morning) and he had been drinking some..which was good for me since I was able to find out what is going on with him. He's totally confused. He doesn't know what the hell he wants. Like I said, he is still married and lives in the same house as his wife though they are separated. She treats him like crap, because she doesn't want to be with him and doesn't want to deal with their 3 kids. He's like 11 years older than her and got married when she was 18. She's 28 now and I think she's figuring out that she lost out on a lot of things. Not an excuse, but that's what I see happening. He wants to keep his family together as much as possible for the kids' sake. I can understand that. But get this, he had backed off, because I was getting to serious..that I was coming on "too strong." I'm like REALLY??!! He's the one who was sending me gifts and getting all serious first. So I felt it was OK for me to do so to an extent as well..guess not. He said he was sorry that he backed off, but that he got freaked out a bit. He said that he still cares for me and loves me. That's where he's confused and makes ME confused...he says he loves me..but says that I'm too serious. I cried a little bit..don't think he could tell. I told him I was upset because he could have TOLD me this instead of just backing off. He apologized and said that he wants to get back to the way it was in the beginning. Us talking, etc. Do I believe him? I believe that he may want to get back to that..but do I think he will? No not really. I told him that I would back off..that he could text me if he wanted to talk to me, but I wouldn't be texting him first. He said he didn't want that, that I could still talk to him. I'm like WTH?? I care about him a lot..but I don't know how I'm supposed to even act now. He tells me that one of his good female friends now says she's in love with him and that he's not interested in her. Doesn't want me thinking that he's up there screwing around, because he's not. That him and his wife haven't done anything in a long time. Why is he even concerned what I think about that? He says that if I find something better here, that he doesn't want me to lose out on that because of him, but that he would like me to give us a chance...I'm like I don't know what the hell is going on in his head. Tells me he loves me before he hangs up..I didn't say it back. Then texts me "I love you please let me prove it xoxo." I just responded "OK."
Sean B...had an argument with him the other night. It's "all good" now. I know that he loves me, but not sure how I feel about him It's like he never wants to meet me in person. Says that we can in February in Colorado Springs because a sci-fi convention is there. Ummmm...OK. I don't even like sci-fi. He will go to Colorado Springs for that (and will see me then), but won't go just to see me. Makes a whole lot of sense. Plus when he gets mad, he likes to call names...and they aren't nice names.
Greg S...he's still cool and we text. Not as much as we did, but still quite a bit. I don't think he knows what he wants either, but at least he's been divorced for awhile and has his own place. More than I can say for most of them. We will see how it goes..but I will just let him take the lead. I'm not putting myself out there anymore. If a guy is interested in me..he can prove it. I'm done trying.
Mark S...yep a new one...well he's not even in the picture really. About a year ago, I had responded to his ad on Craiglist..he was alone for the Holidays and wanted someone to hang out with. Well my e-mail had gotten lost..or he just didn't see it. He was cleaning his e-mail out the other day and found my message, so he asked if the offer was still open for this year..since he still didn't have anyone to hang out with. He's 29, in the Army, is Asian. So I said it would be cool to meet him. Did that last weekend while I was in Colorado Springs. He's a hottie for sure. Things happened...anyway, he said that he would still like to come up for Christmas. He texted briefly after we saw each other, but hasn't answered my texts in a couple of days. I'm such an idiot. But I tend to live in the moment and that's not always a good thing. Anyway, that's on him. If he wants to spend the Holidays by himself or whatever, that's on him.
Louie...I have gone over there a couple of times now. Stayed the night one night so we could watch a movie. It was interesting. I slept in the same bed as him..he needs it warm in his room, since he's small and doesn't have much fat on him to keep him warm. I find it hard to sleep when it's too hot. We talked some..he's still having a hard time missing his ex. He will for awhile..believe me, I know. He's cool to hang out with. Anyway, a CNA comes in and gets him into bed at night and then up again in the mornings. During the night, he needs to be turned over a couple of times. His niece usually does it, but he told me how to do it that night, so I did..but was really afraid of hurting him. He said I needed to get over that and that I wouldn't hurt him. He was born with..I can't remember what he said it was called...but his muscles stopped growing at a certain point when he was younger and that they will just get weaker as he gets older. He can't go anywhere in the Winter really, so he's having a hard time with that, plus going thru a break up. So I go over and hang out. It's funny because he used to be really good friends with my ex back in high school and even later.
Speaking of my ex...he texted me this morning "Hi sweetheart. I'm headed to work. I love you." I texted back "Wrong person, but thanks." LOL He didn't say anything back. He really needs to watch which person he's sending texts too.LOL That, of course, was meant for Gracie.
I'm supposed to go to lunch with my friend Joannie today..she knows how down I've been. I don't know what I'm going to do without her when she eventually moves to N. Dakota.:( She has been there thru all of this crap the past couple of years. I should stay home and clean...get cards ready, etc. I'm just sooo not in the mood. I need to snap out of this and fast. I AM a worthwhile person. I just have to convince myself of that.
Went to Colorado Springs last weekend with mom and Duke Christmas shopping. I think I got all the things I needed! This time of year is crazy! I still don't have my cards sent out. Just got the family pics done on the 9th. My niece, Justine, took them. I think they turned out OK...not bad at all. Hopefully will get them all sent out this week. Can't believe that next weekend is Christmas already!!
The diet pills (Fastin) seem to be working..I'm rarely hungry (could all be in my head) and don't eat that much. I got down to 310 the other day..not sure what I am now. It's pretty sad when you're happy to be down to 310!LOL
Now on to the guy situation. There will always be a situation where guys are concerned.:( At least with me.
Mike K....he hasn't been texting me back, hasn't been calling, etc. Has really hurt me. I mean he starts out all gung ho..sending me gifts, calling me constantly, etc..then nothing. Wouldn't tell me why. Well he called last night (actually really early this morning) and he had been drinking some..which was good for me since I was able to find out what is going on with him. He's totally confused. He doesn't know what the hell he wants. Like I said, he is still married and lives in the same house as his wife though they are separated. She treats him like crap, because she doesn't want to be with him and doesn't want to deal with their 3 kids. He's like 11 years older than her and got married when she was 18. She's 28 now and I think she's figuring out that she lost out on a lot of things. Not an excuse, but that's what I see happening. He wants to keep his family together as much as possible for the kids' sake. I can understand that. But get this, he had backed off, because I was getting to serious..that I was coming on "too strong." I'm like REALLY??!! He's the one who was sending me gifts and getting all serious first. So I felt it was OK for me to do so to an extent as well..guess not. He said he was sorry that he backed off, but that he got freaked out a bit. He said that he still cares for me and loves me. That's where he's confused and makes ME confused...he says he loves me..but says that I'm too serious. I cried a little bit..don't think he could tell. I told him I was upset because he could have TOLD me this instead of just backing off. He apologized and said that he wants to get back to the way it was in the beginning. Us talking, etc. Do I believe him? I believe that he may want to get back to that..but do I think he will? No not really. I told him that I would back off..that he could text me if he wanted to talk to me, but I wouldn't be texting him first. He said he didn't want that, that I could still talk to him. I'm like WTH?? I care about him a lot..but I don't know how I'm supposed to even act now. He tells me that one of his good female friends now says she's in love with him and that he's not interested in her. Doesn't want me thinking that he's up there screwing around, because he's not. That him and his wife haven't done anything in a long time. Why is he even concerned what I think about that? He says that if I find something better here, that he doesn't want me to lose out on that because of him, but that he would like me to give us a chance...I'm like I don't know what the hell is going on in his head. Tells me he loves me before he hangs up..I didn't say it back. Then texts me "I love you please let me prove it xoxo." I just responded "OK."
Sean B...had an argument with him the other night. It's "all good" now. I know that he loves me, but not sure how I feel about him It's like he never wants to meet me in person. Says that we can in February in Colorado Springs because a sci-fi convention is there. Ummmm...OK. I don't even like sci-fi. He will go to Colorado Springs for that (and will see me then), but won't go just to see me. Makes a whole lot of sense. Plus when he gets mad, he likes to call names...and they aren't nice names.
Greg S...he's still cool and we text. Not as much as we did, but still quite a bit. I don't think he knows what he wants either, but at least he's been divorced for awhile and has his own place. More than I can say for most of them. We will see how it goes..but I will just let him take the lead. I'm not putting myself out there anymore. If a guy is interested in me..he can prove it. I'm done trying.
Mark S...yep a new one...well he's not even in the picture really. About a year ago, I had responded to his ad on Craiglist..he was alone for the Holidays and wanted someone to hang out with. Well my e-mail had gotten lost..or he just didn't see it. He was cleaning his e-mail out the other day and found my message, so he asked if the offer was still open for this year..since he still didn't have anyone to hang out with. He's 29, in the Army, is Asian. So I said it would be cool to meet him. Did that last weekend while I was in Colorado Springs. He's a hottie for sure. Things happened...anyway, he said that he would still like to come up for Christmas. He texted briefly after we saw each other, but hasn't answered my texts in a couple of days. I'm such an idiot. But I tend to live in the moment and that's not always a good thing. Anyway, that's on him. If he wants to spend the Holidays by himself or whatever, that's on him.
Louie...I have gone over there a couple of times now. Stayed the night one night so we could watch a movie. It was interesting. I slept in the same bed as him..he needs it warm in his room, since he's small and doesn't have much fat on him to keep him warm. I find it hard to sleep when it's too hot. We talked some..he's still having a hard time missing his ex. He will for awhile..believe me, I know. He's cool to hang out with. Anyway, a CNA comes in and gets him into bed at night and then up again in the mornings. During the night, he needs to be turned over a couple of times. His niece usually does it, but he told me how to do it that night, so I did..but was really afraid of hurting him. He said I needed to get over that and that I wouldn't hurt him. He was born with..I can't remember what he said it was called...but his muscles stopped growing at a certain point when he was younger and that they will just get weaker as he gets older. He can't go anywhere in the Winter really, so he's having a hard time with that, plus going thru a break up. So I go over and hang out. It's funny because he used to be really good friends with my ex back in high school and even later.
Speaking of my ex...he texted me this morning "Hi sweetheart. I'm headed to work. I love you." I texted back "Wrong person, but thanks." LOL He didn't say anything back. He really needs to watch which person he's sending texts too.LOL That, of course, was meant for Gracie.
I'm supposed to go to lunch with my friend Joannie today..she knows how down I've been. I don't know what I'm going to do without her when she eventually moves to N. Dakota.:( She has been there thru all of this crap the past couple of years. I should stay home and clean...get cards ready, etc. I'm just sooo not in the mood. I need to snap out of this and fast. I AM a worthwhile person. I just have to convince myself of that.
Monday, December 5, 2011
SNOW, SNOW & MORE SNOW
Did I really say that it was more like Spring than Winter??? I jinxed it! It's COLD and has been snowing for the past couple of days. I'm already tired of it. Well not the snow so much right now, but definitely the cold.
Matthew is better.:) They did well bowling on Saturday. I took them bowling again for fun on Saturday night. I bowled with them and my friend Joannie went as well..though she didn't bowl. Her and I had gone to the Mexican Restaurant before that and had a couple of drinks.
Phillip is sick and is staying home from school today..which could get me into trouble.:( But if he's sick, what am I supposed to do? If they miss 10 or more days in a semester..there will be issues..I can't remember what they are though..prison, dungeons? Guess we'll find out! This will be his 10th day. He had texted me on Saturday night wanting me to come get him...IN DENVER!! Which is 3 HOURS away!! I was like NOT. He did get to go to the mall up there and got his picture taken with two Denver Bronco cheerleaders...was quite happy about that.:)
Mike K....it's still the same. I'm like whatever. Obviously he got whatever he needed to get out of talking to me. I'm tired of putting myself out there and then this crap happening.
Sean B...have talked to him some..maybe give him more of a chance. Don't really know yet.
Went over yesterday afternoon to see Louie. He's a cool guy. He's not over his ex..but he likes me. I like him too, but think we are better off as friends. Will probably hang out with him again this weekend.
Talked to a new guy on messenger last night for like 3-4 hours. Which is unusual for me. I don't get on messenger much, but have been because of Louie. This new guys' name is Greg S. He lives in Colorado Springs. He seems like a nice guy.
I don't feel real great and I have a ton of things to do today...well this whole week actually. Wish me luck!!
OH! Today is my mom and step-dads' 2nd wedding anniversary.:) Hopefully it's better than the last one..mom had to go by ambulance to Canon City for kidney stones.
Matthew is better.:) They did well bowling on Saturday. I took them bowling again for fun on Saturday night. I bowled with them and my friend Joannie went as well..though she didn't bowl. Her and I had gone to the Mexican Restaurant before that and had a couple of drinks.
Phillip is sick and is staying home from school today..which could get me into trouble.:( But if he's sick, what am I supposed to do? If they miss 10 or more days in a semester..there will be issues..I can't remember what they are though..prison, dungeons? Guess we'll find out! This will be his 10th day. He had texted me on Saturday night wanting me to come get him...IN DENVER!! Which is 3 HOURS away!! I was like NOT. He did get to go to the mall up there and got his picture taken with two Denver Bronco cheerleaders...was quite happy about that.:)
Mike K....it's still the same. I'm like whatever. Obviously he got whatever he needed to get out of talking to me. I'm tired of putting myself out there and then this crap happening.
Sean B...have talked to him some..maybe give him more of a chance. Don't really know yet.
Went over yesterday afternoon to see Louie. He's a cool guy. He's not over his ex..but he likes me. I like him too, but think we are better off as friends. Will probably hang out with him again this weekend.
Talked to a new guy on messenger last night for like 3-4 hours. Which is unusual for me. I don't get on messenger much, but have been because of Louie. This new guys' name is Greg S. He lives in Colorado Springs. He seems like a nice guy.
I don't feel real great and I have a ton of things to do today...well this whole week actually. Wish me luck!!
OH! Today is my mom and step-dads' 2nd wedding anniversary.:) Hopefully it's better than the last one..mom had to go by ambulance to Canon City for kidney stones.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
DECEMBER ALREADY!
Can't believe that it's December already..don't know where the time goes anymore. It's definitely acting like Winter now...for awhile there it was more like Spring. It's been snowing most of the night and is still coming down. I have to take the two younger boys bowling this morning (they are on a league)..so have to go clean the jeep off in awhile..FUN!!LOL I went and bought some Christmas cards yesterday. I plan on getting them out by the 12th. I would try for sooner, but I want a picture of the boys and I to put in them first. I think we're doing that next weekend..my niece is going to take them. I'm really late doing that this year. Usually I do the pics in October or November at the latest. I have bought a few presents for the boys, but not a lot yet. I can't afford a lot this year. Well any year really!! But as they get older, they want more expensive "toys." Dominic wants an ipad...hell if I had $500..I would get ME one, not my 9 year old!!LOL I feel bad though. I know I'm going to have to get a job soon and most likely it's going to have to be fast food or hotels.:( Wal-Mart says I don't have enough "availability." Yeah whatever.
I bought some new diet pills..I think I should be getting paid for this!! I try them, they don't work, so they take them off the market.:) This one is "Fastin." Just bought it yesterday, so will start those today. I REALLY need to start exercising again!!!! Quit being so lazy..is what I tell myself on a daily basis. I'm OK after I get started (usually), but it's just getting to that point.
Mike K...I swear I'm so frustrated with him. He says he'll be "better." That he loves me and misses me. Will try to text more during the day, etc. Believe me, it isn't working. He has a funny way of showing that he wants me in his life. Of course, the guy who is messing with my head, is the one I want the most. Typical pattern. I know it's wrong, but can't seem to help myself. But I WILL quit being so needy..if that's what you want to call it. If he doesn't text, then I won't either. Sounds like I'm in grade school!!LOL I guess I just hate feeling that I'm not "in control." I just need to back off some, I guess. Which I hate. I start liking a guy and get used to him being in my life, then I have to let go. Doesn't make sense to me.
Sean B...he's mad at me for doing to him what Mike is doing to me. He seems also to want me more if I'm not paying that much attention to him. A weird cycle. I like him a lot...but I think as more of a friend than anything. Maybe one of these days I will meet him and then will know where that will go if anywhere.
Paco...I haven't been talking to him either. He has called me a couple of times and left messages. I need to call him. I don't want to lose him as a friend and I DO like hanging out with him some. That's not his real name by the way.:) It's just a nickname that I have always known him by.
I went to school with (well he was a few years older than me) with a guy named Louie. He's in a wheelchair and always has been. I'm not sure what all is exactly wrong with him and I think it's rude to ask. Anyway, I have always "known" him. He was popular in school. I didn't talk to him much until we were older and he was one of my ex's best friends at one time. Anyway, he's on my Facebook and we started talking more and now I look forward to talking to him on messenger every day..and I didn't used to get on messenger at all. Just don't feel like talking to someone THAT much.LOL But he's sooo cool! He's funny and sweet. His niece and her family take care of him now that both of his parents are gone. He wants me to come over and watch movies with them sometime, so I will probably do that next weekend. Dave and Phillip went to Denver this weekend and I don't have a babysitter for the younger two. I think it'll be fun. His niece says I should date him and that he really likes me. He just went thru a break-up not too long ago, so he's sad about that. I like being friends with him and he makes me smile. So that's all good.
My youngest...Matthew...was really sick earlier this week. He had a fever and chills..a little sore throat, but not bad. It was mostly the fever and chills. I have never seen him so sick. One night, his fever got up to 104.3!!!! I was freaking out. Took him to the doctor and he said it was "probably" just a virus and it had to run it's course. So I just alternated between Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 4 hours. Finally his fever broke. If it had gotten even to 104.4, I was headed to the ER! He's feeling better now, though he says his throat still hurts some (they checked him for strep) and he doesn't have that. Also has a cough now. I'm hoping none of the rest of us get sick.
My mom turned 62 on Nov. 29th. We had cake for her that evening. I'm hoping that my sister and I can take her to dinner next week. I didn't have money last week and Bev (sister) is out of town this weekend. She has a boyfriend out of town..which I think is awesome! She has been alone for long enough after her divorce, so I'm happy for her (also a little jealous, I must admit). I got mom an Alan Jackson calendar..which she loved. Him and Elvis are the ones that she has obsessed about in her life.:)
I bought some new diet pills..I think I should be getting paid for this!! I try them, they don't work, so they take them off the market.:) This one is "Fastin." Just bought it yesterday, so will start those today. I REALLY need to start exercising again!!!! Quit being so lazy..is what I tell myself on a daily basis. I'm OK after I get started (usually), but it's just getting to that point.
Mike K...I swear I'm so frustrated with him. He says he'll be "better." That he loves me and misses me. Will try to text more during the day, etc. Believe me, it isn't working. He has a funny way of showing that he wants me in his life. Of course, the guy who is messing with my head, is the one I want the most. Typical pattern. I know it's wrong, but can't seem to help myself. But I WILL quit being so needy..if that's what you want to call it. If he doesn't text, then I won't either. Sounds like I'm in grade school!!LOL I guess I just hate feeling that I'm not "in control." I just need to back off some, I guess. Which I hate. I start liking a guy and get used to him being in my life, then I have to let go. Doesn't make sense to me.
Sean B...he's mad at me for doing to him what Mike is doing to me. He seems also to want me more if I'm not paying that much attention to him. A weird cycle. I like him a lot...but I think as more of a friend than anything. Maybe one of these days I will meet him and then will know where that will go if anywhere.
Paco...I haven't been talking to him either. He has called me a couple of times and left messages. I need to call him. I don't want to lose him as a friend and I DO like hanging out with him some. That's not his real name by the way.:) It's just a nickname that I have always known him by.
I went to school with (well he was a few years older than me) with a guy named Louie. He's in a wheelchair and always has been. I'm not sure what all is exactly wrong with him and I think it's rude to ask. Anyway, I have always "known" him. He was popular in school. I didn't talk to him much until we were older and he was one of my ex's best friends at one time. Anyway, he's on my Facebook and we started talking more and now I look forward to talking to him on messenger every day..and I didn't used to get on messenger at all. Just don't feel like talking to someone THAT much.LOL But he's sooo cool! He's funny and sweet. His niece and her family take care of him now that both of his parents are gone. He wants me to come over and watch movies with them sometime, so I will probably do that next weekend. Dave and Phillip went to Denver this weekend and I don't have a babysitter for the younger two. I think it'll be fun. His niece says I should date him and that he really likes me. He just went thru a break-up not too long ago, so he's sad about that. I like being friends with him and he makes me smile. So that's all good.
My youngest...Matthew...was really sick earlier this week. He had a fever and chills..a little sore throat, but not bad. It was mostly the fever and chills. I have never seen him so sick. One night, his fever got up to 104.3!!!! I was freaking out. Took him to the doctor and he said it was "probably" just a virus and it had to run it's course. So I just alternated between Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 4 hours. Finally his fever broke. If it had gotten even to 104.4, I was headed to the ER! He's feeling better now, though he says his throat still hurts some (they checked him for strep) and he doesn't have that. Also has a cough now. I'm hoping none of the rest of us get sick.
My mom turned 62 on Nov. 29th. We had cake for her that evening. I'm hoping that my sister and I can take her to dinner next week. I didn't have money last week and Bev (sister) is out of town this weekend. She has a boyfriend out of town..which I think is awesome! She has been alone for long enough after her divorce, so I'm happy for her (also a little jealous, I must admit). I got mom an Alan Jackson calendar..which she loved. Him and Elvis are the ones that she has obsessed about in her life.:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)