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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

LOW CARB & AUGUST...

August is both a good & bad month for me.  I LOVE August.  My birthday is the last day of the month.  August is when I got married, when we bought our house, when both of Daves' parents died,  when Dave told me he was leaving, when he moved out.  So we shall see how this August will go.  I believe that all will be good.  I want to be more optimistic about life...about everything.  It will be hard for me...so will just have to do the day to day thing. 

Jeff & I are supposed to be renting a cabin the weekend of my birthday..I look forward to it!!:)   I want to lose some weight before then.  I started low carb again yesterday.  Will try to do it for all of August.  Hell I can't say that I will TRY, because then I won't do it.  I will just DO IT.  I know I can't lose a 100 lbs before then..unfortunately.  But maybe I can do at least 20.

Monday, July 30, 2012

A BIT OF INSIGHT INTO ME

I wonder why I am the way I am.  Why I obsess over every fucking thing there is to obsess about.  Why I'm so terrified of being abandoned by people...I mean if they don't want to be in my life, it's their loss right?  But I don't see it that way.  I feel unworthy.  Feel like I'm not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough (well obviously), funny enough, caring enough, etc. etc.  I'm basically a good person.  Though I have some faults...I'm sarcastic, I can be a total bitch when I feel criticized, backed into a corner, betrayed.  I'm a negative person...maybe I was born that way, but I think a lot of it came when I was growing up.  I'm not blaming anyone else for the way I am, but when you see things when you're a child, you pick up on that.  I'm pessimistic most of the time and have to work at looking at the "bright side of things."  I have to work at being more positive.  I wish it came naturally to me like it does some people.  I can read self-help books all I want...but it's hard to change my mind-set.  I fly off the handle at the smallest of things...like when I got a negative comment on here the other day..did I really need to freak out like I did?  No.  If I text JM or anyone else that is important to me and I don't hear back from them in a certain amount of time, I'm pissed off.  Wondering what I did wrong, said wrong.  Why I'm not good enough that someone WANTS to text me back right away.  That's so not normal.  When I like hanging out with someone as much as I like hanging out with Jeff...then I obsess about that.  I'm so unhappy in my life, that when I do have some happiness, I want to grab onto it and not let go.  Which makes that person uncomfortable...but only because I get sarcastic and bitchy at times when I don't think that they're paying enough attention to me.  I have a control issue.  Even if I'm not in control of my life...I like to think I am..it makes me feel better..not so panicky and "lost."  I can't control how other people act or feel about me and that actually causes me anxiety. :(  I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.  I know I'm not "normal."  Not even close to being that.  I know I push people away with my neediness.  But, then on the other hand, if I feel like I've been lied to or betrayed somehow..then that person is so out of my life.  I go from one extreme to the next...from being needy and wanting to have that persons' attention all the time...to not giving a damn, ignoring them...pushing them away.  I tend to see things in black & white.  I have tried to see all the gray areas and sometimes I can...but usually it's you're either for or against me, on my side or not, love me or hate me.  When I was a kid..I wouldn't want to be just someones' friend, I wanted to be their BEST friend.  I had to make sure that I was better than their other friends.  That I meant more.  When they wanted to hang out with other friends and not me...I was devastated.  This was in grade school!  So it's like I have always been this way.  I don't like change and usually won't change unless it's forced on me (like my divorce).  I would have stayed in an unhappy marriage, just so nothing would have to change, so I wouldn't be alone.  That's another thing...I don't like being alone.  I WANT a boyfriend or husband.  I don't want to grow old alone...another of my fears.  But I have pretty much been alone for the past 3 years...and you get kinda used to it.  I have "seen" other guys, but haven't felt a lot towards them.  Every now & then I would meet one that got my interest, but it never went anywhere..as you can tell from reading my blog over the past couple of years.  I have really liked a couple of guys...even loved one or two.  I'm an intense person.  If I like someone a lot...I'm all in.  But nobody has been "all in" with me for a long time.  Jeff and I have an awesome relationship.  Just to be able to laugh, watch movies, hang out and not worry about being judged is awesome.  We tell each other we love each other.  Which I totally do love him.  Yeah we haven't known each other that long...but it's just there.  I know that even if we don't end up together..that we will always be good friends...yet I want to be the one that he wants forever.  Anyway, I got a bit off track there..,but that's how my mind is.  It's all over the place all of the time.  I know that I need to learn to "go with the flow," that "things happen for a reason" and all of that good stuff.  That where I am now is where I need to be.  But it's just soooo not easy for me.  Even if I lost all of this weight, I don't think that would change how my mind is.  How I feel about things.  How I act and react to things.  Sometimes there is just so much chaos in my head that I feel that I should just disappear.  So people can judge me all they want, but they don't know me.  I try not to judge other people and can't figure out why everyone feels the need to judge everyone else.

FMM: GOALS & MORE


If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Goals and More


1. Brag about some of your daily, healthy habits. I wish I had more healthy habits then I do.  Right now..gonna have to say drinking protein drinks.
2. Do you track your daily food intake? If so, how? I just basically do it "in my head."  Which I know isn't a good thing. 
3. What do you want to change most about your daily routine?  I think about food waaayyyy too much.  I have been like that for as long as I can remember.  I would like to not obsess about food, drink more water & exercise more.
4. How often do you exercise?  I was exercising 3-4x a week before I got pneumonia...haven't reallye exercised in like 6 weeks.:(  So going to get started again..and do the 3-4x a week again..maybe more.
5. How do you stay on track when you’re on the go?  I suck at this.  It's sooo much easier to just grab fast food when you're in a hurry.  So need to work on this more.
6. What’s one excuse you use that prevents you from reaching your goals?  I was just meant to be fat, so why bother.
7. What scares your most about your journey?  That I will never lose weight because of lack of control & motivation..
8. What do you think will change most when you reach your goal? (If you have reached it, what’s different?)  The way I act around people..the way I present myself.  I would rather "fade into the background" now...I believe that I would be more confident..not so damn insecure.
9. What motivates you to reach your goals?  I want to look good, be pretty, be able to wear cool clothes instead of "fat girl" clothes,  to be healthier & have more energy, to be here for my kids for a long time.  Being fat is totally unhealthy.  As I get older, I know that I have to take better care of myself.
10. Share a few of your goals.  I don't do long-term goals, as I find them harder to stick to.  Some of my short term goals:  to exercise more, drink A LOT more water, to eat A LOT less carbs, to not worry so much about everything..I know that's really not health related..but I think it would help with everything else as well.
Now it’s your turn to fill out this week’s questions. Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments. Happy Monday, friends!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

THE WEEKEND

The yardsale went OK..didn't make a whole lot..but then again, didn't have a whole lot out.  I know that having it on a Saturday would be better.  Daves' sister is having one towards the middle of August and she said that I could bring some stuff down there for that..so I might do that.  I do know that I will be getting all the junk out of my house in the month of August..well starting tomorrow actually.  I just want a clean house. 

I was thinking about stopping blogging...I kinda came here for me...to vent, record events of my life, etc.  But now I just feel like I'm being judged.  That I need to censor the things that I talk about or say.  So not really sure what I'm doing yet.

I had a great time with JM!  It's totally different than anything with any other guy.  He actually likes to cuddle, watch movies, talk, just hang out.  I won't get to see him for another month though..which sucks..but will just have to deal with it.  My birthday is at the end of August and he rented a cabin for the weekend.  Thought that was really cool of him to do for me!:)  I look forward to it.  He is from Seattle..and him and his mom have to go back there sometime next month to get some more of their stuff out of storage.  He moved out here last year and his mom moved out here a few months ago.  I've only met her once, but she seems cool.  I will TRY not to obsess like I usually do about him and everything else.  Seems the more stressed out I get in my life...the worse the obsessive thoughts become.  After I get paid, I need to go back on my antidepressants...maybe that will help some.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

HATERS & COWARDS

I know that by letting "anyone" post comments...I'm just asking for abuse.LOL  But really?  If you don't like reading my blog and what I have to say...don't read it.  To "anonymous" who told me to "get a life.." ummmmm.....YOU'RE the one reading other peoples' blogs.  So...I could say the same for you...GET A LIFE.  I can talk about whatever the hell I want on my blog.  Freedom of speech and all...it's not that kind of country yet.  I wonder if you live in the States...though you might live in one of the countries where you get shot for voicing your opinion.  But I seriously doubt that...since you freely voice your opinion here.  I think that you're a coward because you have to post anonymously.  Got something to say...say it to my face bitch..would be the correct response to give you....girl or guy..you're still a bitch in my eyes.  You're the kind of person who talks shit behind someone elses' back, but won't say it to their face.  I actually feel sorry for your friends and family.  They have to put up with you being two-faced on a regular basis, I'm sure.  OK!  Now THAT'S out of my system....make yourself known or shut the hell up.

Yes I obsess...A LOT.  I will get over it.  I always do.  Not just about guys..about everything under the sun.  I have always been this way and will most likely always be this way.  If you don't like it...stop reading my blog...simple as that.  I say what I'm going to say.  Am I insecure?  Hell yeah I am...most of the time.  Not as bad as I used to be, but still am.  Do I bitch, nag, complain, wallow in self pity, be negative?  Hell yeah I do...but not all of the time.  Show me one person that is happy all the time....wait that might be our anonymous commenter.   I don't take criticism well and I can be a total bitch when someone is being rude to me or acting like they are better than everyone else...OK..guess I wasn't totally over it in my last paragraph.LOL

For those of you who want to keep reading...please do so...everyone else...YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR POWER TO STOP READING MY BLOG. 

I'm having a small yardsale in the morning...then heading to Colorado Springs tomorrow afternoon for the weekend.  Yes, going to hang out with JM.  Even if nothing comes of it..we're still cool as friends and don't run out of things to talk about. 

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

MORE OF THE SAME....

OK...I know people will get tired of hearing about this..and I apologize..but I need to vent.  JM and I texted some yesterday...AFTER I texted him first at like 3:30pm.  Then he had some work to do on the computer last night..which is fine...but finally I'm like "just text me when you have time to talk, because I'm tired of texting first all the time."  Told him that it didn't seem like I was one of his top priorities.  He said he was sorry and that he would take breaks more and message me more.  Have I gotten a text from him today yet?  Nope.  So whatever.  I'm not texting him first again (though it's hard not to).  I was supposed to go up there this weekend, hang out and watch movies.  But I'm totally not going unless he starts texting/talking to me.  I mean seriously.  I figure by the way he's acting, that he just wants to be friends anyway.  I don't know why he just doesn't come out and say that.  So guess he will be put in the "friend zone" at least for now.  That way I don't expect him to text much or put forth the effort that you would if you were in a relationship. But he has to understand that I will do the same then.  I won't text constantly (I haven't done that for awhile anyway), won't share my feelings much, etc.  Tired of the fucking games. 

As for moving..I don't think it's going to happen right now.  Just not enough time to get my house packed up, find another place (plus have the deposit and everything else) and get the kids settled before school starts.  So hopefully I can keep this house until next May at least.  I can try to save up some money for the deposit and everything, then as soon as school is out next May..we are outta here.  Bad thing is, Phillip will have to start high school in a new place.  But it can't be helped right now.  I just don't look forward to another year here.  Who knows what will happen in a year.  Things continually change and not always for the better.

I went to the doctor yesterday..and all is good.  Well I still have a cough somewhat.  He wants me to do another chest x ray in a week or so to make sure that the pneumonia is totally gone.  He asked me if my chest had hurt while I was sick and I told him that it had.  Not sure why he asked me that?  I hope they didn't see anything else on the last x ray to make them think something other than the pneumonia is going on. 

My mom...I feel bad for her.  It's like one health thing after another with her.  Now she has all of these red spots on her body that, instead of getting better, are getting worse.  The doctor doesn't know what it is.  He gave her antibiotics for it, but they aren't helping.  Now the things are starting to itch.  She's already had chicken pox when she was a kid.  The doctor said it's not contagious...how the hell does he know when he doesn't even know what it is??  I just hope that she gets better soon, that it's not anything serious and that it's NOT contagious.  I don't need more health issues and I don't want my kids getting sick. 

It's another hot day here...getting tired of it being so damn hot.  Ready for some rain and cooler weather. 

Geez...I complain a lot, huh?LOL  Just one of those days.  Hope everyone is having a good week.

Monday, July 23, 2012

FMM: SEVEN

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. (The same rules apply today!) If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!


Friend Makin’ Mondays

 
  1. What is your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?  Reading a book or taking a nap
  2. What is your favorite color?  Blue, light green & light purple
  3. Have you ever been to Europe?  No I haven't, but would like to
  4. Do you wear glasses or contacts?  Glasses
  5. How often do you brush your teeth?  Once or twice a day
  6. Share a guilty pleasure.Making cookie dough...just to eat the dough!!
  7. What are you most proud of accomplishing this week?  Getting out and doing things once again...since I'm finally feeling a bit better.
Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions. Don’t forget to link up in the comments. I’ll be back to answer the questions later. Until then, Happy Monday

DISGUSTED

I just feel disgusted with myself for numerous reasons.  There is this group on Facebook now...there is about 24 of us...and we had to send "before" pics...it's a 90 day challenge and whomever loses the most weight by then, wins all the money that we have put in...I think it's like $70 for each of us..so that would be a decent amount of money to win...anyway...I had Dominic take the pics...with form fitting clothes...OMG...I'm SOOOOO FAT!  It totally depressed the hell out of me.  Like I'm not depressed enough already.   I totally didn't know that I had some many "fat rolls" on my back.  No wonder guys don't like me.  I mean, I know I'm fat....but just to see that...

I'm so tired of this weight...so tired of being controlled by food..thinking about food...wanting food, etc.  I have decided that food is the enemy.  I'm just going to try to drink a lot of water, tea, diet soda (gotta have that) and just try not to eat much.  I was doing good when I wasn't feeling all that great..but now that I'm feeling better...my appetite is back...which sucks.  I know you're not supposed to starve yourself..but I think that if I drink protein drinks, that my body won't think anything of it.  I don't know.  I feel insecure in my body. 

Things with JM are so-so.  We have talked some on the phone and texted.  He leads more with his head while I lead with my heart...so that is a bit of an issue, but he told me that he doesn't want me to change.  That he doesn't throw the word "love" around a lot, but that he does love me.  So, of course, that makes me feel good.  BUT I just don't think that I'm a priority to him.  Yesterday was his birthday, so he called and talked to me in the morning..the told me that he would text me later.  Well finally at 11:30pm, I texted him and told him that I hope he had a good day and told him night.  He texts right back and says that his cousin just left.  Then he didn't say much and I told him so and he said he was just tired.  I told him I would let him go then and he said "I love you baby.  I'll call you in the morning."  So whatever.  I don't know.  I'm sure he could have found time in his day to send me a short text.  I think that even if I had waited til midnight to text him, he would have said that his cousin just left.  I don't know.  Guys are confusing.  The thing he doesn't seem to understand is that once I get over something, I'm pretty much over it.  So if he doesn't want that to happen, then he needs to step up a bit.  He's so my type except for the being chubby part.  He's taller than me, but is thinner..which I have never really liked, but I DO like him.  Yet, I feel self-concious about my body and that doesn't help anything.  I don't expect a guy to text and call me 24 hours a day..but really...can't find 5 minutes to text in a 14 hour period?  If I didn't like him so much, this wouldn't even bother me like it does.  It seems like the guys I like don't like me that much and the ones I don't care for that much totally want me.  It's BS.

Dave and I fought over the phone some more yesterday.  We haven't done that for awhile.  He's just selfish.  I guess that's what it is.  He wants booty calls with me...well I told him that was a no go.  So he was mad about that, but then said he understood.  The other day, after the shootings, he told me that he had sent a text to Gracie saying that he felt the need to tell her that he loved her.  She told him she didn't know what to say to that.  Anyway, I was married to him for 13 years..did he tell me that at all?  Nope.  Which is all well and good...but don't be trying to hook up with me, when you don't even care about me that much.  He told me that he had tried a couple of times to get back with me after he left and that I wouldn't try...are you serious??  I told him that how could I even try to work on something..when he's the one that fell in love with someone else and left his family.  What is there to work on from there?  How can I compete when his heart is already somewhere else?  I told him that I couldn't just have taken him back..it wasn't just me that I had to think of..it was the boys too.  I would have let him move back in, made the boys happy..then a few months or years down the road..he would bail again and break their hearts all over again?  I don't think so.  I asked him if it was worth giving up his family for...(since he's not with Gracie right now) and he said no.  I don't even have any major feelings for him anymore.  Just pisses me off that he didn't try harder a few years ago.  Now all he is concerned about his maybe getting a second job, so he can pay off his bills sooner and then maybe Gracie will want him back.  So he's focused on that..while I have to focus on everything else.  Finding another place to live..maybe having to take the kids away from their family and friends since it's expensive around here...have to pay for their school clothes, supplies, pictures, etc. next month (he will TRY to help).  Plus take them to this amusement park by Colorado Springs called "The North Pole" and take them over to Grand Junction to see my sister and her little girl.  In a jeep that needs new tires...no I don't have the $500 to get new tires...and yet he says it's always all about me.  I tell him that I'm the one that takes them places and does things with them..that he doesn't even try to do things like that...he just doesn't get it.  He's like "just stay in the house and call Social Services or somebody and see if they can fix the outside of the house.  Really???  Like I haven't asked for enough charity over the past 3 years.  Know how embarrassing that is?  Yes, I'm grateful...but damn.  I get child support and Social Security.  Yes I know that I have to get a part-time job.   There's no doubt. I hate being broke by the middle of the month.  If I do move out of town, I think it would be maybe a little easier getting a job...though I could be wrong.  Just go where nobody knows me and where there are more job opportunities.  I have always had a hard time making decisions and sticking with them.  Always wondering if I'm doing the "right" thing.  It's annoying. 

Phillip is all pissed off at me for whatever reason tonight.  Didn't want to talk to me when I called him today.  He says I never let him do anything.  I'm like WTF???!!  He never wants to do anything!  All he wants to do is play video games, eat and sleep.  He had wanted to go stay at his cousin, Angelas'...I don't like her (Daves' niece) and don't like him being around her without other people around...she's 26 or so..but she doesn't act like it.  Why would she want to hang out with a 14 year old?  So I told Dave it was up to him, but he knew how I felt about it.  So I don't know if he stayed with Angela or not.  I told Dave that him and I just needed to stop talking..that I would just move if and when I felt like it and would tell him after it happened, since he doesn't like to hear about it.  I'm not happy with Phillip at all.  He could have at least talked to me.  It's not like I never do anything for him.  I love him immensely..but he's being a little brat at the moment.  It upsets me.

I go back to the doctor in the morning...will see what he has to say.  I'm done taking the antibiotics & steroids now..so will see how my lungs are.  Hopefully all is good.

Dominic & Matthew are going to go to Bible School this week at the church across the street from us.  They love going to this one every year.  I wish Phillip would go too..but he didn't want to...like that was a surprise.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

MEMORIAL TO THE ONES LOST IN AURORA, COLORADO JULY 20, 2012

I don't understand people.  What the fuck are they thinking??  Obviously he didn't want to kill himself..he just wanted to take other people out.  It's BS.  People go to see a movie...and they are shot and killed.  The guy doesn't give a shit.  He will live a cushy life in prison..while the victims are dead and their friends and family have to live this nightmare for the rest of their lives.  How is that right?  The cops should have automatically killed him.  He is a coward and a serious waste of space.  Yes, I lead with my heart and emotions instead of with my head..but that's who I am.  If someone is guilty of some horrible crime and their is no doubt..then he should be executed on the spot.  Why put them in prison?  They get a bed, 3 meals a day, watch TV, etc.  It's messed up. 

Let us remember the ones who are lost and the ones who are still fighting for their lives.

Matt McQuinn's last living act was to shield his girlfriend from the hail of bullets sprayed by the gunman behind the Aurora, Colo., multiplex massacre.
The 27-year-old was among the 12 moviegoers killed in one of the worst mass shootings in American history.
His girlfriend, Samantha Yowler, 26, survived with a gunshot wound to the leg and is in fair condition after undergoing surgery. Her life was saved by the quick actions of McQuinn and Samantha's brother.
Nick Yowler, who had joined the couple for the midnight screening of "The Dark Knight Rises," was unharmed in the shooting.
"Both the Yowler and McQuinn families thank everyone for their concerns, thoughts and prayers during this difficult time," the McQuinn's lawyer, Robert Scott said in a statement. "The families ask for everyone to be patient and respect their wishes during this very difficult time."
McQuinn and his girlfriend, both Ohio natives, met as co-workers in a Springfield, Ohio, Target store. They both transferred last November to another Target location in Aurora, near where Nick Yowler had been living for the past ten years, the Dayton Daily News reported.
McQuinn “was a great outgoing person," a co-worker at the Colorado Target super store told The News. "We lost a great person and we still can't picture or realize that he's gone."





Jon Blunk's girlfriend, Jansen Young, said he was fatally shot after pushing her under a seat for protection.
"Jon just took a bullet for me," Young, 21, told the Today show. "He knew and threw me on the ground, and was like, 'We have to get down and stay down,'" she said. "Every gunshot, I was like, 'This is it … I'm done for.'"
Young said that Blunk had previously been in the military and was planning to enlist again. She said she tried to rouse him when the shooting was over, but he didn't move. "He is the guy that would take a bullet for you. He did the right thing all the time," she told Today. "I know I would not be here today if Jon had not been next to me in that movie theater."






John Larimer was a Navy sailor stationed in Aurora and a native of Crystal Lake, Ill. A cryptologic technician third class, he joined the Navy last year and was stationed at Buckley Air Force Base.
"I am incredibly saddened by the loss of Petty Officer John Larimer — he was an outstanding shipmate," said Cmdr. Jeffrey Jakuboski, Larimer's commanding officer. "A valued member of our Navy team, he will be missed by all who knew him."
Before his death was confirmed, his family described frantic efforts to reach him.
"We have literally been calling for 15 hours," Scott Larimer told the Chicago Sun Times. "We cannot get any help from the military, the police, the hospitals, the Red Cross. ... We cannot get a single answer if he is alive or dead. ... We are more than frantic."





Sports writer Jessica Ghawi moved to the Denver area from San Antonio about a year ago. The final post on her blog described escaping a shooting at the Eaton Center mall in Toronto last month, where seven people were injured and one died.
"I noticed this feeling when I was in Eaton Center in Toronto just seconds before someone opened fire in the food court," she wrote. "An odd feeling which led me to go outside and unknowingly out of harm's way."
She wasn't so lucky in the Aurora theater, where she and a friend cowered on the ground before she was shot twice, in the leg and then in the head, her family said.
Ghawi, who wrote under the name Jessica Redfield, was an intern at Mile High Sports Radio and wrote for the sports website Busted Coverage.
Her firefighter brother Jordan Ghawi described on his website how a friend tried — in vain — to save her.
"While still administering first aid, Brent noticed that Jessica was no longer screaming," he wrote.
Her boyfriend, minor league hockey player Jay Meloff, posted on Twitter: "Never wanted to fall asleep because it meant missing time with you."




Micayla Medek, of Westminster, Colo., was a student at Community College of Aurora and worked at a Subway store. She described herself on her Facebook page as "a simple independent girl who's just trying to get her life together while still having fun."
Friends Medek went to the movie with told her family they tried to carry her out of the theater.
"She was coughing and she fell to the ground, and that's when the police or whoever was trying to help her ushered them out and said 'There is nothing you can do,'" her aunt Jenny Zakovich told the Los Angeles Times.
"He was absolutely hysterical, just sobbing, 'I want to get my baby and bring her home,'" she said of Medek's father. "He feels she is lying on the floor of the theater and it is making him insane."





Alex Sullivan died on his 27th birthday, celebrating with a movie with a big group of friends.
"Oh man one hour till the movie and its going to be the best BIRTHDAY ever," he tweeted before the movie started.
The married bartender was killed just two days before his first wedding anniversary with his wife, Cassandra.
"The Sullivan family lost a cherished member of their family today," the family said in a statement. "Alex was smart, funny, and above all loved dearly by his friends and family."
His father, Tom, was captured in a photograph that quickly became a face of the tragedy in an anguished embrace with his family outside the theater, where he had been frantically showing a photo of his son and looking for information.



Friends posted on Twitter that Boik, of Aurora, died in the shooting.
"RIP Aj Boik, you were such a great friend," wrote Danielle Euglow.
He was a distributor at Organo Gold, a coffee company, and went to Gateway High School in Aurora.







A friend who was with Teves in the theater posted on Twitter that he had been killed.
"Alex Teves was one of the best men I ever knew. The world isn't as good a place without him," wrote a woman named Caitlin. "Alex Teves was a Arizona basketball fan, loved Spider-Man, was an amazing therapist, and died a hero...He could make us all laugh with his Gollum impression. I'll never forget that."

Teves recently graduated from the University of Denver and was planning to start graduate school for physical therapy. "He was a wonderful person,” his aunt Barbara Slivinske told the Daily News. “He didn't have a mean bone in his body. He was loved by everyone," she said. "He was a lot of fun, he had a great sense of humor, and he was very intelligent. He loved everybody and everybody loved him."




Rebecca Wingo was a mom of two and a Community College of Aurora student. She was at the movie with her friend Marcus Weaver, who was shot but survived. “I was in Theater 9 for the 12:05 a.m. Batman Aurora Century.Twenty minutes in gun fire erupted from the corner," Weaver told TV station WGNT. "My friend Rebecca Wingo and I hit the floor. Round after round. It was insane. People screaming, bullets flying. I pulled her out but she was unconscious. I was shot in the arm and have fragments in my shoulder. I’m thankful to be alive. Please pray for Rebecca Wingo and all the wounded. I can’t believe this."

 

Veronica Moser, 6 - Deceased
Little Veronica Moser was the youngest victim of the shooting, her great-aunt confirmed Saturday.
"This is just a nightmare right now," Annie Dalton told NBC News. "It's a nightmare."
Veronica's mother, Ashley Moser, 25, was shot in the throat and abdomen and in critical condition, Dalton said.


Gordon Cowden - Deceased
The Denver Post reports that Gordon Cowden is the last victim to be identified, according to the Arapahoe County Coroner's Office.


Jesse Childress - Deceased
Air Force Staff Sergeant Jesse Childress was among the dead, an Air Force spokesman said. He was an Air Force reservist on active duty with the 310 Force Support Squadron.


Christopher Rapoza - Injured
Rapoza, of Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, was shot in the back, and posted photos online showing his graze wound and a bloody T-shirt. "I'm doing all right just a little shook up," Rapoza, who plays bass for the punk band The Toothaches, posted on Reddit. "Me and my girlfriend waited until it seemed the shooting was finished so we were some of the last people out of the theatre and there was a lot of blood."
Stephen Barton, 22 - Injured
Barton was on a cross country bike trip with a pal when they stopped in Aurora and decided to take in the Batman movie. He was shot in the left side of the neck and suffered shrapnel wounds to his face and right arm, and was recovering after surgery.
"My memory is only of the muzzle, of the flash. ... I didn't even see a figure behind the gun," he told the Los Angeles Times. "It was cold and calculated, definitely...It seemed very methodical, just the rate at which he was firing and how he wasn't really moving positions. He was just like unloading into a crowd.
Once Barton recovers, he wants to finish the cross-country bike trip, he said.
Samantha Yowler - Injured
Yowler suffered a bullet wound to the leg even though her boyfriend and brother shielded her with their bodies. The boyfriend, Matt McQuinn, was killed. The couple had moved from Ohio to the Denver area last year and worked together at a local Target.
Petra Anderson, 22 - Injured
Anderson was shot four times with shotgun pellets, one of which entered her nose and traveled through her brain.
The Colorado native graduated from the University of the Pacific in May and planned to go to graduate school at the University of Maryland in the fall, according to the Aurora Sentinel.
Zak Golditch, 17 - Injured
Golditch was in an adjacent theater and was hit in the neck by a bullet that went through the wall, according to the Aurora Sentinel. The rising senior and football and track star at Gateway High School was treated and released from a hospital.
Louis Duran, 18 - Injured
Duran was shot in the head, leg, arm and chest and was recovering at home, according to ABC News.
"He said it felt like getting punched in the head and it was really hot," said his friend Jahlil Hall. "Then he felt like his arm had been blown off. He ran over to the stairs and some random guy helped him out of the theater."
Gage Hankins, 18 - Injured
Hankins, of Forest, Ohio, was in an adjacent theater and hit by flying shrapnel, suffering a two inch wound, according to the Toledo Blade.
"The surgery went well, it came out very good," his cousin Patrick Massara told the paper.
The Hankins family was visiting Denver for a conference.
Brent Lowek - Injured
Lowek is a friend who went to the movie with Jessica Ghawi, who was killed in the shooting. He was shot and underwent surgery at a nearby hospital.
"It looks like he's going to be OK," his stepfather, Dan Greene, told CNN.

Ryan Lumba, 17 - Injured
Lumba was shot in the stomach and underwent surgery, his mother Remy told ABS-CBN. He graduated from Eaglecrest High School this year and enrolled at Western State in Gunnison, Colo.
Caleb Medley - Injured
Medley was shot in the face and in critical condition at a Denver hospital, according to KRDO radio. His wife, Katie, who was with him in the theater is nine months pregnant and was uninjured. Medley and his wife moved to the Denver area from Florence, Colo. recently so her could pursue a career in comedy.
Bonnie Kate Porciau, 18 - Injured
Porciau, of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was shot in the knee, according to the Advocate.
"We have so much to be thankful for," her mother Kathleen told the paper. "So many people aren't in the same position."
A statement from her family said her "injuries, while serious, are not life-threatening, and the early indicators from her surgery have been encouraging."
Carey Rottman, 27 - Injured
"Shot in the leg at Batman. Where is he when you need him. Please pray for everyone here," the Mequon, Wisc. native posted on Facebook.
Rottman, who lives in Denver, is a sales manager for Coors Distributing Co.

Anggiat Situmeang, 44 - Injured
Situmeang suffered an eye injury in the shooting, according to the Aurora Sentinel. His wife Rita Paulina and their son were also injured. The couple immigrated from Jakarta, Indonesia, ten years ago and were working at the Life Care Center Nursing Home.
Rita Paulina, 44 - Injured
Paulina suffered gunshot wounds to the left hand and the left leg. Her husband Anggiat Situmeang and their son were also injured.
Prodeo Et Patria, 14 - Injured
The teenage son of Rita Paulina and Anggiat Situmeang was shot in the lower back, treated and released.


Thursday, July 19, 2012

NEW WEIGHT!!:)

I'm down to 302!!  I know that's still A LOT...but I haven't been down this far in over a year!  I'm just not eating much and when I do..try to stay away from carbs as much as possible.  I could never be anorexic..love food too much..but just as long as I stay away from most food..I should be good.  Hopefully next week at this time I will be in the 290's.  I also have to drink more water and stuff...haven't felt much like drinking anything either...kinda upsets my stomach when I do. 

I sent JM's stuff out yesterday.  I'm not chasing anyone though and that's what it feels like I'm doing..so just going to back off.  If he wants me in his life, he knows where I'm at.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

FEELING BETTER....BUT

I'm finally feeling better..Thank God.  I have found if you don't have your health..you pretty much have nothing.  I still have a little ways to go..need to see the doctor again in the morning.  Then need to start packing up my house and trying to figure some things out.  Jeff & I talk...but it's not as easy as it was before.  I hate that.  I think that things are OK for now...we both want to spend a little more time together and see how it goes, but I don't see it really working out, even though I REALLY want it to.  Guess you can't force relationships..it's either there or it isn't.  We care about each other and all, but sometimes it takes more than that.  He's hard to figure out..yet he says that I'm the one that's confusing.  I'm not the one who changed out of nowhere...so I don't know.  I get too intense too fast and I know that...think I would be able to control that by now, but I can't.  His birthday is on Sunday..so sending a couple of things out tomorrow.  Nothing major...but some cute little things. 
I usually continue to talk to numerous other guys on-line or whatever even when I'm talking to one guy that I really like.  I haven't been doing that since I met JM.  I don't know if that means anything or not.  I just know that he gives me butterflies.  BUT I also feel kinda panicky and things sometimes too...is he going to text, when is he going to text, should I text first, etc.  It wasn't like that at first and it sucks that it's that way now.  He says I matter to him...but he doesn't always act like that anymore.  He admits that things have changed..but yet he still wants us to 'try.'  Hell if I know what I'm doing.  Maybe this is why I shouldn't go for younger guys..but then again...older guys can be just as finicky.  I guess I just need to find someone that is as intense as I am...at least be intense about ME.  But then why even bother to look or try to hang on to whatever it is I have with JM?  Who wants to get hurt again?  Defnitely not me.  I guess the good side of being sick & also being stressed out about things is that I have lost 10 lbs in like a week.  I don't feel like eating anything...hopefully that will continue.  Maybe if I was thinner...guys would be more interested in me.  Well duh...I KNOW they would.  It just sucks..because I will still be the same person no matter what I weigh.  I'm just really sad & overwhelmed with things right now & don't know what the hell to do.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

FMM: FINISH THE SENTENCE


Now it’s time for FMM. If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Finish the Sentence


I like…the smell of the rain
I don’t like…people who play games
I am…crazy & insecure at times
I love…someone who doesn't love me the same
I dream of…living in a beautiful log cabin in the mountains with a special someone
I wonder…if I will ever find true love again
I know…that I feel alone most of the time
I went…to the cemetery earlier to be alone & think
I have…to figure out what I want to do with my life
I think…that I think too much
I plan…to change my life...somehow
I regret…some things, but try not to regret too much
I do…want to be happy
I drink…mostly diet coke..but have been trying to drink more water
I wish…for enough money to not have to worry about anything
I am…intense & emotional
I am not…the way most people see me
I need…to learn to accept myself for who I am
I hope…that I can finally make a decision on where to move, what to do and that I can lose this weight
I want…to be a better mom
I sometimes…think that I will never get ahead in this life...or get myself together
I always…fall in love hard
I can…be who I need to be..if I try hard enough
I cannot…deal with being who I am now
I will…try not to give up

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back here and link up in the comments. Happy Monday, Friends!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

JUST TIRED....

I'm tired of being sick...of not feeling well.  If you don't have your health, you really don't have anything.  Got up, took my meds, ate a little something, so it wouldn't upset my stomach.  Now just going to go back and lay down for awhile.  My kids should be home later today, so that's good.:)  Just wish I had more energy and felt a lot better to be a better mom.  Couldn't pay the house payment this month...just hoping that I can get caught up next month...or find a better place to live.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

GOOD & BAD

On July 6th....I went to Colorado Springs to see JM.  It was a good weekend..and he's such a cutie!!  Things have kinda cooled off some...but we still talk.  I will explain that more later.  I didn't feel real great that weekend..and probably should have waited to go.  Saturday evening, I laid down most of the evening.  Then got up Sunday feeling pretty bad.  I drove home and pretty much went to bed.  Monday...got up and got the boys ready to go to Denver for WWE..Dave let me borrow his car (amazingly enough), since one of my tires on the jeep isn't great...I had gone to the gas station to see if I needed air in the tires the week before and the guy said that he was just going to leave them as they were..because my tires were so bad...that I need new tires.  I was hoping he wouldn't say that.  That will be like $500!  Which I don't have.  Anyway, I wasn't feeling great..but not too bad.  Had a good drive to Denver and the boys were totally excited!  Met Jimmy and his daughter there.  Had to stand outside in the heat for about 45 minutes before they opened the doors...thought I might melt!  Of course, I still had the fever going.  We had AMAZING seats!  It was soooo cool to see John Cena, Big Show, AJ, and more!!  The boys had a great time!  We left a little early...we went to see Monday Night Raw..but then after they had Smackdown as well.  We watched some of that.  Then the boys were ready to go, I wasn't feeling good.  We went up some stairs and I had a hard time catching my breath.  I bought them a wrestling belt and a couple of shirts.  I was going to drive straight back, but right before Colorado Springs...I was like there was no way I could do it...it was another couple of hours from there.  I felt soooo bad...I could tell my fever was up and my chest congestion was bad.  So I got a room and the boys watched TV for awhile.  I tried to go to bed..but it was sooo bad and I couldn't stop coughing.  Phillip stayed up late to keep asking if I was OK.  Dominic kept wanting a hug.  I called the doctor the next morning and made an appt to see the doctor when I got back that afternoon.  So I get back, drop the boys off and go to the doctor.  Well I have pneumonia!!  I have never had that before and I hope I never have it again.  It's horrible.  They gave me a breathing treatment at the office, then gave me strong antibiotics to take for 5 days and gave me an inhaler.  Told me if I wasn't better by Friday to come back.  So I went back yesterday, because I felt pretty bad still..had to see a different doctor.  He said that I was wheezing really bad...asked if I had ever had asthma before, been around abestos (sp?), had lung problems, etc.  I never have.  He said that we had to clear my lungs.  So he gave me another breathing treatment, gave me another week of antibiotics, a steroid to take for 10 days (I don't really like to do that..but I will), take Mucinex and use the inhaler.    I'm supposed the see the doctor again next week.  I just want to feel better again.  Finally, my fever is down..after over two weeks.  JM & I still talk and text..just not as much before.  But he's been really sick too.  When I was there, he was having major jaw pain.  He's been sick and in the hospital overnight since I left...his temperature got up to 105 a couple of days ago.  They said it's a combination of the flu and some bacteria in his bloodstream.  So he's on major antibiotics.  He had to go back today. because he was feeling so bad.  I still believe that he's "The One," and if I'm wrong, then I am.  But I would seriously marry him in a heartbeat.  He's cute, great smile, sweet.  But only the future will tell.  We have said that we both want to stay in each other's lives no matter what.  I hope that at least stays.  I finally feel good enough today to write this blog and do a few things.  I have to figure out what to do about the house, moving, etc..so I really want to get better soon.  So if you pray, say one for me if you will.

I haven't been around my kids much since we got back from Denver...since I'm sick and I don't want them to get sick again or get sicker.  I miss them. 

Dave and Gracie are pretty much over.  He's having serious financial problems.  He wants affection from me, but I just don't have it to give.  It's like it doesn't matter to him that I feel like crap...it's all about him.  I'm thankful that he's taking care of the boys for me...that is a big help.  I thought that if Gracie wasn't around..that maybe things could go back to how they were..but I have realized they can't.  The feelings that I had for him just aren't there anymore..and his still aren't there for me anyway.  I told him to talk to her then...but he says he won't beg.  So that's on him.  I just want to get my life together, make sure the boys are OK, that I can afford a nice place, make a good life for my kids and myself.  Get a part-time job, lose this weight. 

My step-dad came thru surgery fine.:)  I haven't been able to be around him much for the past couple of weeks, because I didn't want to risk getting him sick.  I still can't go around him and mom much, since I'm still not my best.  I'm just glad he's OK.

My mom's cat..Melinko...will probably die today or tomorrow.:(  The vet isn't sure what's wrong..but may have gotten into some poison and his bladder is pretty big.  Not much they can do to save him.  It's very sad...anyone who has lost a pet knows it's like losing a part of the family.

FMM: SUMMERTIME


If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Summertime


1. What is your favorite thing about Summer? Sunshine...and I LOVE Summer evenings!!
2. What is your favorite outdoor activity? Going for walks...and having barbecues & picnics!
3. If you had to choose, would you prefer to be too hot or too cold? Too cold probably..you can always get warmer with blankets...when you're too hot...you're pretty much out of luck.
4. Does your appetite increase or decrease during warmer months?  It definitely decreases..which is good!  I feel nauseous if I eat much when it's hot out.  So fruit is a good thing!
5. What is your favorite seasonal Summer fruit? Definitely watermelon!
6. Would you prefer to spend a hot summer day at the mall or at a swimming pool? If it wasn't a public pool...then definitely the pool...I'm too self concious to go to a public pool.
7. Are you more likely to tan or sunburn? I have always sunburned (had a few really bad ones when I was a kid)...then I peel & then white again!
8. How does your routine change when Summer begins? Doesn't change a whole lot...though the kids and I sleep in longer!
9. What is the temperature outside where you are today? It's a cool one day...maybe in the low 80's...with clouds...I need some coolness!
10. What is your favorite Summer holiday? The only one that I can even think of is 4th of July...so gonna have to say that one.;)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

FMM: QUICK QUESTIONS


If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Quick Questions


1. What are your plans for Independence Day?  Well here it is...Independence Day..and I'm doing nothing.:(   Colorado has a fire ban..so NO fireworks or a MAJOR fine.  So that's out of the question.  Not really sure if I will do anything later or not.  Depends on if I feel better or not. 
2. What is the last thing interesting thing you drank?  Haven't had any really cool drinks since the reunion!! LOL
3. Share on of your favorite quotes. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got."
4. Name someone or something that makes you smile.  My kids, JM, a babies laugh


5. What will you/did you eat for lunch today? Had some chicken
6. What’s the last movie that you watched and enjoyed? "The Avengers"  LOVED it!!
7. Share something sweet and unexpected that someone did for you recently. Well it's not really something that they did, as much as what they said.  I have been sick the past few days.  I'm supposed to go meet a new guy this weekend (JM).  I was thinking of maybe cancelling because I have been sick...he said that he wants to spend time with me regardless and that if I was still sick, he would take care of me.  How cool is that?
8. If you could spend ten days on vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go? This is a toss up.  I can see white sands, blue waters and drinks with umbrellas...yet can't picture me in a string bikini for some reason..*sigh*  So, if not that, then definitely a cabin in the mountains.  Where I could just chill out, go for walks, enjoy the quiet...and hopefully bring a hot guy with me!!  You know I had to add that!!LOL
9. What are you currently reading?  I just finished reading "Tribulation Force."  Now I'm trying to read a couple of books at once..which never works.  So the main one..is the biography of Portia de Rossi. 
10. Share at least one thing that you’re looking forward to this week.  Going to Colorado Springs this weekend to meet an amazing (and hopefully NOT serial killer) guy.

Now it’s your turn to answer the questions on your blog. Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday!

UPDATE.....AND HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!

I know, I know...I have been seriously slacking for the past couple of weeks.:(  Since like around June 22nd...haven't really felt that great.  But will try to catch you up from there.  I went to the park that day with J and the kids.  It was hot out and we stayed ALL day.:(  I wasn't feeling that great, but the kids were having fun.  While I was at the park..the guy that I had hung out with in Denver...Jimmy...had driven down...(3 hour drive)..to hang out with me.  I had told him I wasn't sure what I was doing that weekend, so I was a little annoyed, but flattered.  I only like him as a friend and have told him that...just hope he accepts that.  So I hung out with him a bit that night at his hotel room watching TV and just talking (yes..I know you can hardly believe that).LOL  But it's true.  We decided to go to Cripple Creek the next day to gamble a little.  I LOVE Cripple Creek, but still wasn't feeling all that great...but went anyway..had fun, didn't spend a lot of money (only because I didn't have a lot to spend), didn't win anything, but it was nice to just hang out.  We got back, he went to his hotel and I went home.  Sunday morning...Adam texts me to see if I want to go to the mountains again.  I told him it would be a little while.  So Matthew & I went to brunch with Jimmy before he headed back home.  Adam and I went for a drive in the mountains..which I love.  But was just feeling "blah."  We talk about a lot of things.  He's "not ready for a relationship,"  "sometimes you just know when it's not going to work out," he "needs someone who is on his level intellectually."  Says most people are "dumbed down."  OK...can I take that as an insult???LOL  I'm like okkkaaaayyyyy.  But he is fun to hang out with and he is a cool friend.  Monday and Tuesday...I slept most of those days. I felt guilty for being lazy.  Didn't know what was wrong with me.  Was going to go to the doctor for blood tests (still might).  Wednesday I was a bit better...at least I got up and took a shower and went somewhere.  Still really tired though.  Thursday..I can't even remember what I did that day.  Then last Friday..WHAM!..I was sick with what Matthew had gotten sick with at the end of May and is just now getting over.  I felt HORRIBLE.  My joints hurt..my hips, my knees.  It was crazy.  My skin even hurt.  So siince then...I have pretty much been in bed hoping not to die!  OK..it was only REALLY horrible a few times.  But I have had a fever of between 99-103 degrees since Friday...and it's just now going away some today.  I called Monday & Tuesday to see the doctor, but they didn't have any openings.  I think that's crazy.  So I felt that if I got really bad, I would just go to the ER.  Yesterday was the 1st day that I just made myself get up, take a shower and go do what I need to get done (pay some bills, get some food, etc).  Luckily, the boys have been staying with Dave or my mom.  I haven't been going around my moms' at all..which is weird for me..because my step-dad has heart surgery (put a new battery in his pacemaker) next week and I don't want to make either one of them sick.  The boys have all been sick with this too...Dave took Phillip to the ER the other night because he got huge hives all over his legs and arms.  They have no idea what caused it, but they gave him a shot and antibiotics.  I think someone is trying to get rid of us....mmmmmmm.....LOL  I went to get lunch with J yesterday...I was feeling "icky," but she wanted to go.  I think people don't believe me when I say I'm sick.  Dave just totally blows it off.  I'm not feeling real great right now, but there is a little parade in town at 4.  Dave is taking the boys and I should go.  I feel so guilty for not being around them at all since like Friday.  Then I'm planning on going out of town tomorrow until Sunday...if I feel better...will explain that in a minute. 

Dave & Gracie are the same.  He texts her and she answers him in one word answers, which he hates.  He hasn't tried to call her, because he's "scared" of what she's going to say.  He hasn't put a stop on his transfer yet, because he wants to talk to her first.  I told him he had better hurry up, since it would be his luck that the transfer would go thru like right now and he would have no place to go.  Yes he would have a job in Denver, but no place to live..since Gracie was under the assumption that he would be living in his own place up there and not with her.  He still keeps pushing the "sex thing" with me, so I just try not to be alone with him.  It irritates me.

Jimmy texted me and told me that he got the WWE tickets for July 9th in Denver!!!  He is totally cool.  Like I said before, I just hope he's not expecting anything in return.  I didn't ask him to buy the tickets.  I was going to see about getting them on the 3rd when I got paid.  So he got 6 tickets...for me, the boys, him and his daughter.  The boys will be soooo excited!!  Dominic LOVES wrestling and kept showing me where I could buy tickets on the internet.  I told him I didn't know if I would be able to still buy the tickets when I got paid or not or if they would be sold out.  He was disappointed, but as he usually does, he just said OK.  He's such a sweet child.  I'm glad that he'll be able to go now!:)  The other two like wrestling as well, but just not into it as much as he is.  I will probably wait and tell them on Sunday....cross your fingers that everything goes good!  That no roads are closed due to all the wildfires that Colorado is having.

OK...here is some crazy news.  On June 25th, I had gone on Craigslist to put a posting on there to see if anyone had WWE tickets..while I was doing that..I decided to post a "personals ad" for a long term relationship for the Colorado Springs area..it's a couple of hours from here....I was just pretty much messing around, because usually if you're looking for a LTR, you don't get many replies on there.  So I put that, also that I was a BBW, that I had 3 kids.  I wanted someone taller than me, between the ages of 35-50.  I got two responses.  One was from a married guy (what part of the ad did he NOT understand?) and the other one...well it's been awesome.  He wasn't going to respond because he's 28..will be 29 in a few weeks.  So yeah, I'm about 14 years older than him.  I e-mailed him back and we have texted every day since then and have spent hours on the phone (which I don't do with anyone).  We always have something to talk about, he's sweet, love his voice.  We have known each other for a little over a week now, but it seems like A LOT longer than that.  I'm supposed to go see him this weekend.  Too good to be true?   Maybe.  But I'm willing to take a chance.  We have agreed, that after we meet, if we don't feel "the chemistry," that we'll still remain friends, because we get a long so well.  I will just use his initials for now...JM.  My mom, of course, is concerned...I usually don't tell her about any of the guys I'm talking to, but since he is pretty amazing so far...I decided to tell her.  She (being my mom) thinks he's probably a serial killer.  His mom...who just moved to the area as well from where they are originally from (Seattle)..believes the same of me.  Regardless of what happens, I'm glad that I met him.  He's an intereresting guy, funny and charming.