STILL AWAKE....

I'm still awake at 2:50am & then wonder why I'm so tired during the day!!LOL  I'm actually dying my hair again...lighter blonde once again.  I can't help it...just like blonde.  Actually I liked red...but I would never look good with red hair unfortunately.:(  My cousin, Brenda has red hair & I was so jealoous of it when we were kids & she hated it...being called "Red" or "Carrot Top," etc.  I have always thought that guys with red hair were hot..LOVE Ron in "Harry Potter!!":)  Though I have only met a few guys with red hair in my time.  So we'll see how this turns out.   Hoping that I look good.  Getting older...I know that blonde isn't always the best way to go now.  I have just been dying my hair since I was like 20.  I have had some strange colors come out at times...once it was too yellow & another time it was too orange...maybe if I was younger, that would have been the "in" thing to do.;)  But not now.  Though there IS this older lady at work who can pull of maroon hair...I guess it's maroon.  Just very bright.LOL

Dominic went on his field trip & had a lot of fun.:)  I'm glad that he did.  I was worried.  He did all the activites..some kids didn't because they were afraid of heights or whatever.  They had horseback riding, canoeing, repelling, zip lining & a couple of other things.  I guess I will always worry about my kids though,..no matter how old they are or where they are.  Just part of being a mom.

I texted my sister, Bev today to ask a question about this legal thing & to ask if she wanted to go to dinner sometime, since we never get to see each other.  She never texted me back.:(  It hurts my feelings.  I know that she is caught up in her life, but I miss her.  I just wish that she would make more of an effort to stay in touch with me.  After all, we ARE sisters.  The legal matter is this....my dad passed away in 2001 & his mom passed away in 2010.  She didn't leave a will...which is the craziest thing I ever heard.  I mean she was meticulous about EVERYTHING.  A spotless house, keeping records of everything....she had a huge yard & garden & had maps of where everything was planted, etc.  So it just doesn't make any sense to me that she didn't leave a will.  Anyway, my Aunt Sharon had lived with her for the last 10 years or so of her life, along with one or more of her adult children.  In that time.. that house went to hell.  When I was a kid, we weren't allowed to even play in the house, because it was so spotless.  Well, believe me, that changed.  They had dogs & a million birds (my aunt raised them or whatever).  It was just a mess.  The once beautiful yard & garden died..they didn't even try to take care of it.  It was very sad to me.  Well..3 years later...my sisters (including my half sister Lori whom I never talk to), were sent letters from a lawyer.  Basically my Aunt Sharon & her sister, my Aunt Linda, want to put the house in their names..since my dad is deceased, I guess my sisters & I have a say in it.  My grandma's house is on a corner lot & the house & the land that goes with it..it equals 6 lots.  The way house prices are around here these days...it would go for a pretty high amount..just for the land, since the house isn't in the best shape.  I think that they want to sell some of the lots off..not sure if they want to sell the house or not.  They didn't talk to us about it or anything, so not sure what is going on.  If there is no objection from my sisters or I, then it will just go in their names & whatever they sell, they will get the profit from it & most likely their kids as well.  I don't think that's right that we wouldn't get anything.  I'm not being greedy, but I'm pretty sure my dad would have wanted us to have something.  So not sure what to do.  I'm not good at this kind of thing.  Then if I DO object, then we have to go to court, which I suck at even more.  My dad died without a will as well...I think he thought he would live forever, even after he was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer.  Any donations that were made or any insurance money, my step-mom took & went to Europe a couple of months after he died.  My sisters & I each got one thing that we had given dad over the years...I got a Bronco coffee cup.  Then she tried to tell my Aunt & Grandma that we had just "come in & taken a bunch of stuff," just to try to start a fight.  Anyway..I kinda got off the subject there for a minute.  I guess the bottom line is to have a will.  I still need to do that myself.  As for the other...I don't know.  Do I ask for my name to be put on the house as well & if they do sell anything, then I will split dad's share between my sisters & I?  Or do I just ask that it be included in the papers that my sisters & I get something if they decide to sell?  I know that it will probably start a war.  Family things are always hard.

OK...the craziest thing happened to me.  As you know, I work at Wal Mart.  Well there is this guy that has come in a few times & comes thru my line.  He's always nice to me & when I say "have a good day, see you later" he says "I hope so."  I didn't really think anything of it, because guys don't normally pay attention to me, let alone flirt with me.  I haven't worked for a few days, so I went in (yesterday now) with Matthew to get him some new shoes.  So Matthew went to look at them while I got a few other things.  Well the guy was in one of the aisles & he said "I was hoping that I would run into you."  He went on to tell me that he's new in town, that he's getting settled, that his name was Jim.  He then asked if I would like to go out sometime & if he could have my number!  OK all you women out there...this may be a regular thing for you...but in all of my 43 years, a guy has never asked for my number.  So it was actually pretty cool.  I figure we can hang out as friends sometime.  Anyway, we went our separate ways, but saw each other again in another part of the store.  Matthew was with me that time, so I said "this is my son, Matthew."  So they said hi to each other, but I think that may have changed his mind.LOL  Which is fine.  I just thought it was kinda cool that he actually asked for my number.  OK, I will move on now.LOL

We're pullling Phillip out of school on Monday.  I talked to the school counselor & she thinks it's a good idea & that she has some on-line class information for me, but that he has to be enrolled in one of them by the end of next week or it will be turned over to the courts.  I told Phillip that there are going to be some rules & some changes.  He HAS to do his school work & get totally caught up to where he's supposed to be right now, he has to help around the house & do some yardwork, he can't sleep or play games all day & he has to lose some weight.  I'm not being mean about that last thing either.  He's gaining weight way too fast & it's not good of his body.  He's 15, about 6'2 & weighs around 330 right now.:(  We have to help him NOW.  We have tried to help him, but he doesn't want to hear it & wants to eat all the time.  It's been difficult.  Dominic & Matthew both weigh 100 lbs right now (they are 11 & 9), but Dominic is a little chubbier than Matthew because Matthew is taller, which Dominic hates.  I told all of them that we can go on walks, they can ride their bikes, etc, but that they can't stay inside playing video games all day.  Dominic was playing football on his recesses..but guess that was "banned" recently, because they could get hurt.  That's ridiculous.  They can play when there are coaches & helmets, but not otherwise.  They can't even be kids anymore.

I weighed in at 299 yesterday.:)  I did that once before earlier this year, but then went back up into the 300's.  So not going to celebrate yet.  I want to get down as far away from 300 as I can.  Tired of that number.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.:)

P.S.  JM & I have been together for 10 months today.:)

FMM: INSIDE MY HEAD

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Inside My Head

 

I like…the smell of rain
I don’t like…when children are bullied
I love…my kids, my boyfriend & my life
I dream of....having enough money to travel & show my kids different places
I wonder…why there has to be so much hate in the world.
I know…that things don't always turn out the way I want them to...
I went…to Colorado Springs last week to see my amazing guy.
I think…that I should start getting my house cleaned up
I plan…to go to my Job Corps reunion in Montana in September
I regret…not losing this weight when I was younger & having years to enjoy being thinner.
I do…try to "go with the flow," but it's not easy for me.
I drink…not as much as I should...of anything.  But I love margaritas!!:)
I wish…I could go to Scotland with JM next month
I am…happy with myself for exercising as much as I have been.
I am not…happy with still being insecure
I need…to quit being so jealous & insecure.
I hope…that I will stay healthy for a lot more years
I want…to be with JM all the time
I sometimes…think about death too much...what happens after we die, what is the point of all of this, if I will see my loved ones again...
I always…put all of my feelings out there & love hard.
I can…do anything that I set my mind to...just have to DO it.
I cannot…stand being ignored.
I avoid…people who will only bring me down...most of the time.
I will…lose all of this weight.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions. Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday, lovies!

KINDA THE SAME....

Not a great deal has changed in the past few weeks.  I have been exercising...but haven't much this past week.  I need to get back into it again, since I DO feel better after I exercise.  I have been trying to watch my carbs...so have been eating peanuts as a snack..then was wondering why I wasn't really losing much weight...didn't realize how many calories are in a 6 oz bag of peanuts!!  If you eat the whole thing at one time..which I do...it has a little over 1,000 calories!!  That's great if that's all you're eating for the whole day..not so great if you're also eating other things.:(  I really do need to pay attention to these things.  Right now, I'm so tired of figuring out how many carbs & calories are in things that I just don't even want to deal with eating anymore.  The PLAN is to drink a protein shake or two a day & the rest of the time, just drink water, lemon water, tea.  Will see how long that lasts.  Just annoyed about a lot of things today. 

Went to stay with JM & his mom last Tuesday-Friday.  They have moved into a new place across town from where they were, so I helped move stuff.  His mom is pretty cool.  I had a good time.  JM makes me laugh a lot, which is always a good thing.  I'm still frustrated on a few things, but I know that he loves me & I just need to let certain things go.  He is going to Scotland around the 19th of next month for a month or so.  It's supposed to be a month...but I don't know.  I have some worries about him finding someone who he is actually attracted to, but he said that we are in a committed relationship & that that means something to him.  I'm still on the fence about moving down there.  It's a big change.  I'm not good with changes.  Will see how it goes when he is back from Scotland, I guess.  I would have to move before August, since that's when school starts.  The mortgage company...they keep giving me the runaround.  They are "helping" me, but it seems like nobody knows what the other one is doing.  So don't know how much longer I will have this house.  Hoping they won't foreclose at all, but if they do, then hoping that they won't until the beginning of June at least, when school is out.  Phillip hasn't been going to school..like that's news.  I'm thinking about just pulling him out of school.  What's the point of going for a month?  Pretty sure they won't pass him now.  I don't even know what to do about that.  Dominic is going on a school field trip tomorrow & will be back on Wednesday.  This is his first time away from home.:(  He's excited for it & I'm freaking out.  I just want him to be OK.  They have to go over Monarch Pass...which is crappy during the Winter/Spring.  Just have to pray I guess.  I usually do anyway.  I think it helps some.

It very much sucks what happened in Boston last week.:(  There are some crazy people out there.  Not only do we have to worry about other countries hating us, we have to worry about people who are already here that hate us.  I think it's ridiculous that they are able to get away with crap that they do.  At least Americans stick together when it's needed...but it would be nice if we did at other times as well...and not just when it's chaos.

FMM: TV, MOVIES & ME

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

TV, Movies and Me

 

 

1. If you could be a recurring star on a show that is currently on TV, which show would you choose?  I'm going to have to go with...."Chicago Fire."  I would like to be one of the EMT's who get to hang out with those hot firefighters.:)
2. Name the movie that you are most embarrassed to admit that you love. I'm not really embarrassed about any of the movies that I watch....let's see...how about a cartoon instead??  SpongeBob!!:)  I love just zoning out to that.
3. Name one show that you’ve never seen and would love to watch.  "Vampire Diaries."  Can't believe that I have never watched an episode of that! 
4. Do you ever go to movies alone?  I do when there is a movie that I really want to see & that I know my kids won't like.  Otherwise, they go with me. 
5. If you could only watch one TV show for the next year, which show would you choose and why?  "Person of Interest" I believe...either that or "Blue Bloods."  I love both of those shows!
6. If you could star in one reality show, which one would it be and why?  Gonna have to go with "The Biggest Loser."  Because I need that kind of "structure" to help me lose weight..besides I'm competitive & that would push me more.
7. If someone rented a billboard for you, what would it say?  "Tammy...will you make me the happiest person on Earth & marry me?"  Hey that's all I could think of!!LOL
8. Who is the most famous person with whom you have been in the same room?  I have never been in the same room as a famous person.:(  Though I have been in the same store...Jessica Biels' grandma lives here in town & her & Justin Timberlake were in the Wal Mart here a few years ago...I was there as well...but I didn't see them, but my niece got a pic with them.:)
9. If you were chosen to be a contestant on a TV game show, which show would you want to be on?  Wheel of Fortune or Deal or No Deal.  I would love to be on either of those two!!:)  They used to have cool game shows on..not so much anymore.  One game show that I would totally suck at is Jeopardy..unless it was kid week or something!!:)
10. If there was a movie being made about you, which actor would you choose to play you?  Sara Gilbert.  I loved her in Roseanne...so sarcastic...fits me to a tee!!:)  Plus she's funny.  She's not fat, but they could put a fat suit on her to play me.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday, lovely humans!

WEARY.....

Do you ever just feel so tired...it's like your soul is tired.  I don't know if that makes any sense or not.  I just let life get to me sometimes.  Too much going on.  Too many people being sick.  I have realized that getting old is a pretty horrible thing...but then so is death.  Either way...it's gonna happen.  I just don't like the idea of getting sick, of having to have someone take care of you & most likely it won't be a family member.  It's like you revert back to being a kid again.  Not something to look forward to.  Whoever said that they were "the golden years" must have been drunk.   I used to like going down to my mom's..playing cards with them, having a barbecue, just hanging out...but not anymore.  All they do is argue.  I can understand that they are both stressed out & don't feel well...but geez.  It's to the point where you can just feel the tension in the house.  A lot of things can change so fast.  I wish that there was some sort of warning system...like they have the sirens for the tornadoes...I think that the universe should send some kind of sign or warning before big life changes.LOL  Hey, it would be quite helpful. 

Work is going well.  They have cut my hours, which is fine.  Doing OK basically.  Just gotta control my impulses to gamble.  The more stressed out I am, the more I want to do that.  So just gotta control it.  Another thing I have to control is the whole sex thing.  I still have times where I just want to use that as a way of dealing with the stress of life.  To "escape" for a bit.  Of course, I don't, because I have JM, even though he doesn't even want sex with me.  I must like torturing myself or something.  But love is more important than sex, right?

I'm still exercising for 50 minutes a day at least.  Sometimes I skip a day.  I measured myself on the 5th and have lost 12.5 inches all over.  That's cool.:)  Though I have a lot more to go.  Every little bit helps.

Matthew & Dominic both missed most of last week of school.  They have been sick.  Matthew gets high fevers every time he gets a cold or anything.  The other night..it got up to like 103.7.  It's just crazy.  Phillip has been going to school, though he did miss one day last week.  He knows that he can't do that anymore or they will turn it into the courts.  They have already told him that, so hopefully they didn't do that.  He only has a bit more school left before Summer vacation, so I told him to suck it up & just go.