If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Dating

1. What is your current relationship status? (Be as specific as you’d like to be!)  I talk to a few guys on-line and hang out with a few around here...but I'm single.  Though a guy in California is coming on pretty strong..will just have to wait and see.

2. List a few qualities that you look for in a significant other.  A nice smile, nice eyes, kind, honest, loyal, can carry on a conversation, sense of humor is a must

3. If you could choose to date one character in TV or film, who would you choose? And which characteristics are most appealing?    "Marty Deeks" on NCIS: Los Angeles.  He is sooooo cute, hot, sweet, charming, funny....love his smile, his eyes.  *SIGH*

4. How long should you date before becoming exclusive?   One date.LOL  Just kidding.  You can't really put a time line on this.  It depends on the people involved and the circumstances. 

5. What are your thoughts on public displays of affection?  Holding hands is cool...hugging is fine.  Even a kiss here and there.  But making out in front of a bunch of people isn't my thing...though I hear some people like doing that and others like watching!!LOL

6. How has what you want in a mate changed throughout your life?  When I was younger...as long as he paid attention to me and liked me, I wasn't that picky.  Pathetic I know.  Liked the "bad boys" the best.  The worse they treated me, the more I wanted them.  A very sick thing.  Now I know what I want and don't want and what I need and don't need.  Also I won't put up with half the stuff that I would have put up with before..any verbal, physical or emotional abuse and he's out after the first time he does it.  I want a guy now who has a job, a car, his own place and who offers to take me places and actually pay for it.  Back in the day...those things weren't mandatory (though they should have been).

7. Do you kiss on the first date? Totally depends on the chemistry & if both of you are feeling it.

8. Would you date someone shorter than you?  I prefer guys taller than me.  I'm 5'9.  I don't want to feel like an Amazon...but if he was cute, sweet and I liked him, I would give a shorter guy a chance.

9. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?   Definitely his smile.  If he has bad teeth..that's a major turn off.

10. Is it important to be friends first?  It would be nice..though it doesn't always happen that way.  I think the ones that last are the ones that start out as friends first though.

11. How long should you wait before becoming intimate?  Same as on the kissing...it depends on how the people are feeling & what they both want.  I would like to say that I have never become "intimate" on the first date...but I have.  I WOULD advise to wait til at the least the 3rd or 4th date at least though.  By then, you can tell if they're really interested or not in you as a person and not just as a booty call.

12. Do you prefer to date older or younger?   My ex husband is the same age as me..but I have always dated younger.  I may date someone who is up to 5 years older than me...but would depend on the person.

13. Biggest turn-on? A sense of humor, a nice smile...amongst other things..that's all I'm gonna say.LOL

14. Biggest turn-off?  Bad teeth, body odor,

15. Describe your dream date.  A picnic in the mountains is always nice.  Sometimes, I like to get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant.  But either way...a walk under the stars at some point needs to be included.:)

INTERESTING TIMES....

Well my weight sucks.  I have erased some of the weight entries..since it seems to pretty much stay the same from month to month.  I will keep weighing weekly and posting it on here.  Then maybe just keep the end of the month weights...see what I lose from month to month.  I don't know.   All I know is that I either have to really try or just give up.  I can't be "in between." 

I haven't told anyone who knows me about my blog.  Until the other day...when I told a friend in Florida about it.  He is also a friend of my 19 year old niece.  I told him not to tell her and he asked why.  I told him that because there are some things I post on here that I don't want my family or anyone around here knowing about.  I can only hope that he'll respect my wishes.  I love my niece immensely, but she is like her mother (my youngest sister).  She will use whatever information she has on you against you if it suits her purposes.  Sorry to say and a sad thing as well...but true.  I was going to tell a couple of other friends from other parts of the world, but I am re-thinking that right now.  I don't need to be freaking out that other people will find out..the ones who I don't want to find out.  Maybe I'm just being paranoid..but this is something I do for me..not for everyone around here.  If that makes any sense.

OK...now for the "trouble brewing" that I was talking about the other day.  The night of the reunion..Dave & Gracie came in a little later than me.  Things seemed OK at first, but as the night went on, they didn't seem in a very "happy" mood.  I had gone over a couple of times to ask if they were having a good time and to try to be "friendly."  They said that things were fine..,though clearly they weren't.  Then they left..I didn't even know they had gone.  Later on, Dave comes back by himself.  He wasn't happy.  I asked what was going on and he told me he would tell me later.  So I left with him...he gave me a ride down to my moms'.  We drove around for a few.  I don't remember a lot of the conversation, because I had been drinking.  Anyway, she had brought her 12 year old daughter with her, so Dave wasn't going to stay at the hotel with Gracie.  OK, I understand that.  But she was upset with him because her birthday was on the 7th (when they were in Seattle) and he hadn't given her anything.  Well I think he gave her a card.  She was upset about this and said she didn't feel like a girlfriend anymore.  So he dropped me off at moms.'  I was going to the class picnic the next day with the kids and asked if he was going and he said probably not.  He later decided to go...but Gracie had left early that morning.  She told him that she can't support them both, that he had better get his finances in order, that she needed some space, that she wasn't even sure that her landlord would let another person live in her house, since there are so many living there already!  REALLY??!  She didn't seem to be concerned about that when Dave put in for his transfer in March.  So if it had gone thru before now, what would have happened?  He would have no job here, a job in Denver..with no place to live?  She's making excuses.  I had always thought that if they had spent any real time together (instead of a weekend here and there for the past 3 1/2 years), that it would be totally different.  She also said that last weekend had "weirded her out," whatever that means.  So after their week in Seattle and then the weekend she had here..she all of a sudden decides that she needs to back off a ways.  She KNEW he had money problems the whole time....or she should have anyway, by the way I talked.  He DOES have some serious income issues at the moment, but that's on him.  She barely texts him now and they haven't talked on the phone since Sunday.  He's really upset, angry, etc..but isn't going to 'push it.'  Won't "beg" her to be with him.  He's going to stop to his transfer..which he says should end it for good...but "oh well."  REALLY??!  He gave up everything and then he's not even going to fight for what he gave up everything for??  THAT kinda pisses me off.  Do I want them together?  Not really..never have and I haven't lied about that.  But he was going to move away from his kids to be with this person..he hurt his kids by not listening to them, begging him to stay.  For what?? For nothing.  How do I know all of this? Because guess who he turns to???  Yep..me.  Should I feel sorry for him after all the crap he's put me and our kids thru the past 3 years??!!  HELL NO!  Yet I kinda do.  He hates being alone.  So now here he comes around me again.  How many times have I heard him tell me he's just "not in love with me anymore?"  That he's happy with her, he loves her, that we have nothing between us except for the kids?  That I need to move on, quit being so pissed off about it, etc?  How many times did I beg him to give us another chance and make a fool out of myself??   Yet now, he wants to have a "sex thing" with me.  Wants to kinda hang out with me, is texting me before work, etc.  Yet just a week ago..he was all about her!!  WOW.  I asked him if it would just be a "sex thing" and he said "yeah for now."  What the hell is that supposed to mean?  That he's waiting for her to come around again and if she doesn't, then I'll be "good enough" to be with?  Well guess what?  I don't want to be "settled for."  I want someone who loves me and respects me, who WANTS to be with me and who isn't thinking about someone else.  Because, believe me, there would be NO WAY I could EVER trust him again.  If he did it once, he'll do it again.  That if she snaps her fingers tomorrow, in 3 months, in 6 months, in a year...that he'll be gone.  I wouldn't do that to myself and I sure as hell wouldn't do that to my kids.  Of if not her, then someone else.  Do I still love him?  Yes I do.  I will always love him.  I want us to always be in each others' lives.  I want us to be there for the boys.  But the past few days have shown me that he really doesn't have any respect for me at all.  That he's willing to "use me," until she comes back or something better comes along.  Yes I would be using him too..but that's not the point.  She turns her back on him for a FEW DAYS and doesn't pay attention to him...and already he's running back to me.  What kind of person does that?  What kind of love is that that he had for her?  I don't like being alone.  Never have.  But I have kinda gotten used to it over these past few years.  Should I "settle" too and let myself be used?  Nah.  I may not be thin, beautiful and all of that...but I'm worth more than that.  Would love to hear some of your opinions on this.

MY WEEKEND

I'm skipping FMM this week..it's about what's in your bag...I don 't carry one around.:)
The weekend went really good.  Went to the parade Saturday morning...wasn't too big of a one this year...my chest got a bit burned.:(  I will post a pic here in a few.   Then went down to the park for awhile so the boys could go on rides.  It poured briefly, but we took cover in one of the booths!!  Daves' sister, Georgia was down there and bought a few things for the boys.    Matthew went on rides, but Dominic didn't feel like it.  Then came to moms' for a brief nap...standing there watching the parade & then walking all that way..didn't dawn on me..I was seriously hurting.  Then went to  the new high school that isn't done yet.  We weren't allowed to go in the old high school to say good bye...it was already under demolition.


The reunion Saturday night was awesome!  People actually DO grow up!!    There was some drinking...but not too bad.  Here is a pic of me and some girls at the reunon.

I'm second from left..the one with the sunburn!!LOL  Danced, drank, laughed until around midnight..then headed home.  Sunday morning went to a picnic with everyone (well some showed up) and the kids.  
So I worried over nothing.  Like I usually do.LOL  For our 30th, we're planning on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean.  To be alive and kicking then would be good too.
There is some trouble brewing in paradise..will explain later.

I NEED TO GET CONTROL OF MY LIFE

The weight thing is really bothering me..I sooo wanted to be down below 300 for my reunion tomorrow night..well obviously that didn't happen.  I have pretty much stayed the same for the past 6 months..which is good & bad.  Good..because I haven't gained any weight, but bad because I haven't lost any either.:(  Maybe I should just accept the fact that I'm fat & will probably always be? 

We have a thing here every year..downriver canoe race, carnival, booths, etc.  That is going on now.  Dave & I both took the two younger ones down for awhile Thursday night..then I left and they stayed with Dave.  We didn't go down today..but tomorrow morning there is a parade, so will go to that.  Gracie will be there for that and all the reunion stuff.  She was supposed to come in today, but was unable to.  The boys will hang out with Dave & Gracie for awhile tomorrow..even though it's hard for me  to let that happen.    But I need to get used to it.  They are tearing down the old high school here & building a new one, so the Class of '87 can get a tour of the new school tomorrow at 3, but we have to wear hard hats..since it's still under construction.  I wasn't going to go, but my friend, Missy wants me to, so I shall.  Then the reunion starts tomorrow night at 6 til whenever.  Then on Sunday, they have a family picnic at a local park at 11.  I think that everything will go well.:)  I'm looking forward to  it, whether I'm fat or not.

Has anyone read the "Left Behind" books?  I just started reading them along with my oldest, Phillip.  He's very interested in reading the Bible and everything now..I think just trying to figure out what it's all about.  He was baptized Catholic..his dads' family is Catholic.  But I will let him choose when he's older what religion he wants to be.  He wants to start going to church, so will see if I can find a good one.  My other two haven't been baptized yet & I want to get that done as well.

Adam & I text off & on, but never really talk much.  I haven't seen him in person since the end of May..guess if that's not interested, I don't know what is.LOL

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Bedroom Habits

1. Do you set an alarm clock? If so, for what time? I don't set the alarm too much during the Summer...but when I do..it's for around 9:00am. During the school year...it's for 5:45am.
2. How many hours of sleep do you get on an average night?  Not a lot anymore...anywhere between 3-6 hours usually.
3. Do you bring your laptop to bed? I have the laptop ON the bed.  Which isn't a good thing.  I just move it over to sleep.
4. How many pillows do you require to sleep? I need at least two...I need to buy some new ones...mine are pretty "flat" now & I need fluffy.:)
5. Do you sleep with socks on? Yep most of the time.
6. How often do you change the sheets?  Every couple of weeks or sooner if needed.
7. Do you remember your dreams? Bits & pieces most of the time.
8. Which side of the bed do you sleep on?  I sleep alone now..so it doesn't really matter...but it seems I end up on the right side of the bed more.
9. How often do you take naps? Unfortunately every day around 2, I will lay down for at least a half hour..when I was a kid, I hated naps!!LOL
10. Do you sleep soundly?  Not really.  I wish!!  I do sometimes sleep "hard,"  But when I wake up from tthat...I feel more groggy.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! And hey…try saying hi to someone new this week! Happy Monday, Friends…

GOOD & BAD

Things are going a bit better...the officer was "out of line," & went beyond some boundaries.  My mom & step-dad know some of the local law enforcement & talked to them about the whole situation..since I was freaking out.  The officer can't just say he'll be back in a week to do a "walk thru."  He would have to have a warrant & no judge would give him one without cause.  Plus, if he was really concerned..Social Services would have been called immediately.  I totally understand that they are trained to look for that sort of thing..they say that there have been some pretty bad cases..where there were cockroaches & other bugs all over the place, etc.  But geez...I may be a lot of things, but I believe that I'm a good mom.  Yes I'm totally disorganized.  I have done a lot of cleaning though in the past week!!LOL  I have quite a bit ready for a yardsale..that I will have either the last weekend in June or the first weekend in July.  I still have some cleaning to do, but will definitely get it done.

I'm HUGE.:(  The past few days I have eaten a TON of stuff.  Well maybe not a ton, but a lot of crap with carbs in it..so I feel disgusting.  I don't even know if I'll weigh on Thursday..since I have the reunion on Saturday night..I don't want to depress myself too much!  We'll see.  I need to get things back "under control" again. 

I have been soooo tired today.:(  My oldest keeps waking up at night having panic attacks & wakes me up, so I can calm him down.  I feel sooo bad that he has to go thru that crap.  I just haven't been getting any sleep..between that & all of the stress.  I slept most of the day yesterday off & on, but still woke up feeling "icky."  I wish I could sleep & wake up feeling "refreshed!"LOL  But I usually just still feel tired.:( 

A guy in North Carolina has offered to pay my airfare if I will come hang out with him for a week sometime..we have been friends for awhile over the internet.  I may take him up on the offer...just hate explaining things..where I'm going, who I'm seeing, etc..to my mom, ex, etc.  They are just concerned about things like that..since I don't really KNOW that the guy isn't a psycho killer.  Would just be nice to get away for a bit. 

Matthew (youngest) has had a major cough for the past couple of weeks & was getting worse instead of better.  So I took him to the doctor on Monday.  He said that it had started out as a virus, but then had gone into his lungs.  So his lungs are inflamed & he has "temporary asthma." :(  So he's on antibiotics, anti-inflammatory drugs..for a few days & an inhaler to use every few hours if he needs it.

I'm not so stressed out about money right now..went to Bingo last Friday night...had like $10 to my name.  I won a total of $425!!!  I have NEVER won that much money at Bingo (or anywhere else for that matter.  So it has really helped. 

I have talked to Adam a couple of times...or should I say texted.  He wanted to come over & hang out the other night..sit out on the porch & have a couple of beers after the kids went to bed..but it was pretty late then & the kids were still up...it's Summer.  Hard to get them settled down sometimes...well it's really just Phillip who thinks he has to stay up to all hours.  We have this problem every Summer...then it's a pain to get him back on the "right" schedule when school starts again.  So will have to see about getting it straightened out now.  I know he's 14, but him staying up all night & sleeping all day isn't good for him, for me or for anyone else.  So Adam said maybe another time.  I was surprised he wanted to come over at all or do anything. 

GEEZ.....

OK I have a question...do protein drinks make you gain weight?  I have been exercising some..but not consistently.  I haven't been eating a ton of stuff..but I gained 4 lbs this week!!  So I thought maybe the shakes were doing it...I have 1-2 a day.  I'm just not happy about the gain at all.:(  Very discouraging.

I keep hoping that things will get better..then something else happens.  On Wednesday...a cop from the Sheriff's office comes to my door to serve me with papers for a bill that I owe..OK that wasn't the problem.  I was in the other room, so Matthew opened the door..but barely.  If the cop saw anything, it was towards the desk (which is a mess) & the boxes that I have over there for yardsale stuff.  I'm going thru things for yardsale and to move if we have to.  Anyway, I go outside to talk to him, he serves me the papers, then he asks me "how many kids are living here?"  I told him 3.  He asked where they were..he had already seen Matthew.  So I said that one was still sleeping (it was almost noon) and one was at my moms'.  He goes "sleeping?!"  I said that yeah my oldest was sleeping, that he's a teenager.  So he asked how old he was and I told him 14.  He goes "well I'm not worried about him.  You're house is a mess."  I couldn't believe he said that!  I told him that I was getting ready for a yardsale and maybe to move and he goes "It looks messier than just for that."  WTF?!  He tells me that he'll be back in a week, that the house had better be "cleaned up" and that he's going to do a "walk through."  I can't even believe this!!  Yes my house is a mess...I have put that on here before.  I have a lot of things to go thru and get rid of.  I was starting to do that.  If I try to do too much at one time,I get pissed off and overwhemed and then don't want to do anything.  So I was doing some every day.  Now I have to get it ALL done within the next 5 days???  He didn't even say for sure that he would be back on Wednesday..he said "next  week."  I don't know how I'm supposed to get everything done in 5 days.  The boys help some, but they don't know what to keep or get rid of..except for their stuff.   Phillip has been helping, because he doesn't want them to take his brothers.  They are NOT going to take my kids.  I don't even think they would give them to Dave because he is living with his sister & her house isn't nowhere near spotless.  All I have to say if they think they are taking my kids, then they had better bring back up. 

My sister, Cindy, who lives in Grand Junction..she works at a convenience store.  She was working the other day, along with a few other employees, including male ones.  Well if something happens, you're supposed to push the "panic button."  Cindy saw a guy out at the gas pumps beating the crap out of his girlfriend/wife.  So she just automatically went out there and told him to stop and to chill out.  Well he went after Cindy!  Started punching her too.  The guys that were there did NOTHING & nobody pushed the "panic button."  Finally Cindy yells for them to call the cops.  Anyway, the guy took off running and THEN the guys chased him.  I don't know if they got him or not.  Cindy will be OK..but now she might lose her job, because she didn't push the damn button.  Well they will have to fire everyone then, because nobody else did either.  It's ridiculous.  She was just trying to do something good.  I may not get along with her much, but I still love her.  I would have stood up for her.

I haven't talked to Adam since Wednesday night..which is weird.  Usually we text or IM some every day now.  Plus he answers my texts pretty fast.  He hasn't answered my last two texts.:(  One was last night and one was this morning.  I had talked to him before about my abandonment issues and how I feel when people "bail" on me.  So if he's doing that..then that's totally messed up.  I hope that he's just busy or something.  I'm soooo damn tired of all of the rejection.

I want to thank everyone for commenting on my posts.:)  Jolene...glad I "won you over.":) 

Well I had better get started cleaning...have a lot of work to do...yuck.

MY WEEKEND

My mom, step-dad, sister Bev & her fiancee, Carlo went to see Joel Osteen on Friday night in Denver.  We hit rush hour traffic from Colorado Springs to Denver...it was pretty crazy.  Sooo many people were there..there were a couple of guys out front of the Pepsi Center, where it was held, preaching & yelling about God and reading the Bible etc..not sure what that was about?  Maybe some people don't like Joel Osteen?  I admit, I have never really listened to him, but my mom & Bev listen to him on TV and really like him.  It lasted longer than I thought it would, but I did enjoy most of it.  A lot of it..it was like he was talking directly to me.  That life is too short to be depressed, angry, negative, etc. & he's right.  That we shouldn't settle for "good enough," that we all deserve better than that.  All of those parts were cool.  The parts that I didn't really like...I know that there are kids in other countries that need our help..they are starving, are sick, etc.  I wish I could help all of them, but we also have kids in THIS country that need help as well.  Anyway, he showed a 3 minute video of kids in other countries and that they need our help.  He had people going around with "brochures" with kids' pictures on them that you can sponser..for $35 a month..he told people to raise their hands if they wanted to sponsor a child and the volunteers would come around with the brochures and they just needed to fill it out, including their credit card information.  Then they came back around and collected them.  Then sent buckets around to put money in for the church.  Well I wouldn't mind sponsoring a child, but can't afford it right now.  OK, so I guess that kinda bothered me a little.  Then at one point when he was talking, he squeezed his eyes shut and got emotional..was crying a little...I don't know if that was real or just an "act."  Isn't that horrible that I think that way???  But, like I said, a lot of his message was awesome and I felt better after listening to him and I guess that's the most important thing.

We drove back to Colorado Springs & stayed in a hotel there for the night.  Went to Ft. Carson the next morning before leaving to get my step-dad his medicine (he's retired Army).  Also went to Kmart and found a nice shirt for the reunion..which is next weekend already!  I also ordered one..will see which one looks better.  Hopefully I don't look too huge.  I don't even know if I should go...I know that I will be the biggest one there.:(  There is NO WAY that I can get down below 300 lbs now before next weekend..so will get down as far as I can & have to be happy with that. 
Then we just came home.  Sunday was a lazy day & I didn't do much of anything, except do a few things on the computer & watch TV.  Today..I felt OK..but not the best.  Went to the park with my friend J & her kids..and my son Matthew went.  The other two didn't want to go.  Dominic has been staying down at my mom's every night since school got out for Summer!  He likes being away from his brothers & having some peace & quiet, I guess.LOL  Phillip & Matthew DO fight A LOT.:(  Drives me crazy.

Dave went to Denver today & him & Gracie are flying out to Seattle tomorrow for her nieces' graduation.  He'll be back Sunday, I guess.  I'm thankful that it doesn't seem to be bothering me all that much.  Just have to "let go" of all the negative things in my life & all the anger I feel or have felt.  Forgive myself for my past and forgive other people..which isn't too bad..it's the forgetting that I have issues with.LOL  I'm trying to work on myself.  Not an easy thing.

Adam & I text some, but haven't seen him since Memorial Day.  I saw Vic today while I was at the park.  I looked away & acted like I was doing something else.  I guess he kept looking over..to see if I would talk to him?  I don't know...but seriously, WHY would I talk to someone & be nice to someone who pretty much ignored me & treated me like he did?  I haven't seen or talked to him for over a month.

FMM: QUICK & EASY

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Quick and Easy

1. When is your birthday? August 31st
2. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?  Last week
3. What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Protein Shake
4. Who is the next band/artist you will see perform live? Have no idea.;(
5. What is the last song you listened to? "Trying Not To Love You" by Nickelback
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, which one would you choose? Spanish
7. Does anything on your body hurt right now? My middle back...my ribs hurt..not sure why and neither does the doctor..so going in for X-rays.
8. What’s your favorite sports team? New Orleans Saints!!
9. How often do you watch the news? Not as much as I used to...maybe once every few days.
10. Do you wear glasses?  Yes...getting new ones soon, since my eyes have changed some more.

This week was short and simple, and now it’s your turn to answer the questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments!