STRANGE...

Well I tried to "fix" the weight thing on the right side of the page & ended up deleting most of it.  Not sure why it let me put one thing in there & that's it.  So annoying.  Anyway I weighed myself on the 25th & I weigh 300 lbs!!  That's a good thing for me.  I have been over 300 for awhile now...so just another pound & I'm out of those horrible numbers.  I go in 5 lb increments...so next goal is 295.  My first main goal is 275. 

My step-dad went to the eye doctor today, because he thought he needed new glasses.  When we play cards, he has to really squint to see what they are.  Turns out that he doesn't need glasses...he has cataracts over both eyes.:(  Just one thing after another.  One thing goes wrong with him & the rest just seems to follow.  I hate it...that he's getting older & sicker.  If I hate it, HE must really be over it. 

I'm going to my Job Corps reunion in Montana in the middle of September.  I look forward to it.:)  Hopefully quite a few people will show this time.  So I would definitely like to be down to at least 245 by then.

WON'T LET ME POST MY WEIGHT?

For some reason, I can't post on my weight at the right side of my page.  When I go to add it, it says to correct the error on the page, but there is no error.  Any help would be appreciated.:)

I'M ALIVE.;)

I can't believe that it's been a month since I have really written anything.  Just haven't felt like dealing with it all...so have kind of kept to myself.  Not all things have been bad.  I have been going to work as I'm scheduled.  I've been using my exercise DVD's & feel better for it.  I just got back today from spending a few days with JM.  It was nice.  It always is.  Watching movies, talking & cuddling.  Sex is not part of our relationship right now & not sure it ever will be, but I'm learning to deal with that.  Doesn't mean it's not difficult at times.  I love him a lot & would like to share that with him, but I see no sense in pushing it anymore.  Just causes arguments & me being upset.  As some of you know, I have been on Social Security for over 20 years.  I have a bit of a learning disability, depression, anxiety.  Anyway, I had worked in 2004-2006 & now again starting last November.  Well I went over the limit in December by like $20...so they are thinking of taking away my Social Security.  This would be a major catastrophe for me & my kids.  I went to the office in Canon City on the 14th (the letter they sent said that I needed to respond within 10 days..so I was able to get an appt).  I filled out some more papers, she said it could take up to 6 months for them to review my case, get medical records, maybe have me see some of "their" doctors, etc.  But that I should still be getting the money until they make a decision.  Well I got back today & there was a letter out of Washington DC saying that they had decided that I wasn't entitled to SS anymore & that I owed them $2500.  So I was flipping out.  But the letter was dated March 17th...which was a Sunday & I had just seen that lady on the Thursday before, so I think that they just didn't realize that I had turned in the papers.  I'm hoping that's it. I need to call them in the morning and see what's going on.  If I lose my SS, I would also lose my medical.  The kids & I were barely making it before...there's no way that we could make it on what little I make at Wal Mart.  Yes there's the child support, but that would just go towards the house payment now.  I would have to go back on food stamps.  I don't even know how we would make it.  I know that there are people out there that are worse off than me, but right now, I'm just trying to figure out what I'M going to do.  I had started working a bit again, so I could get some bills caught up & have a little extra money for the kids & I to do things.  In doing so, I lost my food stamps right away.  OK...so that's fine, we adapted.  But this is a whole different story.  They would be taking away a lot of money that we depend on to live.  I'm just hoping & praying that they are still reviewing it & haven't already made their final decision yet.

Phillip has started going back to school...though this week is Spring Break.  They have told him that if he misses one more day, that it will be turned over to the courts.  I just hope that he doesn't blow it.  I know that he can do this.  He just has to learn to ignore the bullies..but that isn't an easy thing to do.
Dominic &  Matthew are both doing good.  Dominic is getting A's & B's...he has one C in Math...just having some problems with fractions.  Hard to believe that there is only 2 months of school left before Summer.  Not sure what I'm doing yet.  If I'm staying here or moving...will see what happens in the next few weeks.

My step-dad isn't doing all that great...still on oxygen, lost quite a bit of weight & just doesn't look good.  My mom hasn't been well since around the middle of February.  She had the flu & pneumonia at first, then had strep throat.  Now she has this horrible cough that won't go away.:(  I worry about both of them a lot.

My niece, Madison, turned 11 today (well on the 24th).  So we went & had cake & ice cream with her.  My other niece, Taylor will be 15 next month!!  My sister (their mom), Bev, turned 40 on March 20th.  I need to get her a present still after I get paid later this week.  There are a lot of birthdays this month & next in our family.

FMM: TEN QUESTIONS

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Ten Questions

1. Describe the kind of home you would live in if money were no object. I’d live in a spacious log cabin, with great mountain views and a lake nearby.  A fireplace...two stories...one of these days.
2. Are you more conservative in your actions or more rebellious? I guess most people would say that I'm conservative.  I don't really know.  In my opinion, I'm a little bit of both.
3. Would you go to Mars even if it meant you could never return to Earth?  No.  I don't like the unknown.  Death is a big enough unknown to me...I have no desire to see Mars...Earth is just fine thank you.:)
4. Name one song that makes you want to dance every time you hear it. There are a few of them...but will have to go with what came to mind first..."Poker Face" by Lady GaGa.
5. Share one thing that you wish you could go back and do differently in your life. I wish that I could go back and experience life and live on my own for awhile.  I never got to do that....that & not sleep with so many guys.  Might as well be honest here.
6. Share at least one accomplishment that people wouldn’t expect you to be proud of.  I really don't know.:( 
7. Describe one delicious thing that you’ve eaten lately.  Coconut cream pie...yummy!  Love it when it's just a little bit frozen.:)  Needless to say, I rarely buy this...as I will eat it all by myself!!
8. If you had a theme song that would play every time you entered a room, which song would you choose?  LOL....first one that came to mind..."She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals.
9. Had technology enhanced your life, or has it over complicated your life?  It has enhanced my life.  I can research anything, find new friends, as well as locate old friends & family, I can help my kids with their homework...progress is good.
10. If you could get paid to do any job, which job would you choose? I’d be an author.....I agree!!:)

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments. Happy Monday, friends!!!!

FMM: PONDERING PERSONAL THOUGHTS

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Pondering Personal Thoughts

1. How old would you feel if you didn’t know how old you are? Mentally I'm around 23 or so.LOL  Seriously.  It's weird to me that I'm 43.  I guess I would FEEL somewhere in my 30's.
2. Are you the kind of friend you’d want to have as a friend?  Not really.  I'm not a great friend most of the time.  I hate to say that, but it's true.  I don't text back on time, I don't show up for things on time....always late.  BUT I do put forth the effort to get together with friends and hang out.  They are the ones that usually have other things to do.
3. Look back at the last year. When did you feel most excited about something in your life?  When I first met JM.  It was the end of June 2012.  We talked on the phone for hours & I felt that we had a ton of stuff in common even though we were 14 years apart...some things have changed since then, but that's when I first felt that excitement.
4. Have you ever been with someone and not spoken a word, only to walk away thinking that was the best conversation ever?  No
5. If you won 100 million dollars Monday, would you continue doing whatever you usually do on Tuesdays?  LOL no.  I would quit my job, start packing my stuff, find a financial advisor, tell my family that I won & I'm moving, that I will send them some money after I find where I want to be.LOL   
6. What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?  I would totally color my hair red...not bright red, but have always wanted red hair.LOL  Or maybe purple..blue..green...something different.  Also have a couple of facial piercings.LOL  Just "snake bites" maybe.
7. Share something you do differently than most people. I'm not sure on this one...guess I will have to go with I'm not able to really TALK about my deep, inner thoughts with anyone...I'm much better at writing them down & then giving them the letter/note.
8. What’s one thing that you really want to do that you’ve never done?  Go to Hollywood...just to go to the cemeteries where celebrities are buried.  Yes I know I'm weird.LOL  I love the people & things of "Old Hollywood."
9. If you had to move out of state right now, where would you move?  Washington state with JM...I know that would make him happy & I love rain.:)
10. What is the one thing that you’d like to change most about the world?  That nobody would care about what religion anyone else is...I mean who cares?  There have been wars fought over this forever & I think it's ridiculous. Believe in what you want to believe in & just let it go at that.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Have a happy Monday, friends!

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: All The Single Ladies (and Gents)

1. What is your current relationship status? Are you happy with that status?  Well I'm in a relationship, but it's complicated.  We get along really well for the most part & have an easy time talking to each other.  More passion would be good.  It's more of a friends with cuddling thing. 
2. Do you find it enjoyable to take care of someone in addition to yourself, or do you prefer to be responsible only for yourself? I have 3 kids..so already take care care of other people...wouldn't mind taking care of someone else...though I'm not used to that right now.
3. What’s the most important physical characteristic in your mate/potential mate?  His smile.  If a guy has a nice smile, I'm a goner.:)
4. What’s the most important (non-physical) characteristic in your mate/potential mate?  He has to be funny...laughter is a good thing.  Plus loyal, honest, dependable, caring.
5. Is it important to you that your significant other have the same hobbies and interests as you?  You have to have at least a few things in common otherwise you can't relate to each other.  You have to have your own interests as well...but if you don't have anything that you like to do together..it most likely won't last.  I have this issue a bit at the moment.  He's 14 years younger than me.  So don't have a lot of the same interests or hobbies...which has led to some issues.
6. If you could go out on a date with a celebrity who would it be?   Jefferey Dean Morgan.:)



7. What’s your idea of a good first date?  Movies is cool...but then you can't talk and get to know a person...so dinner or coffee...then go to a park or somewhere quiet where you can just walk & get to know each other or maybe go on a picnic and talk.
8. Are there any traits/habits that you’d consider a deal breaker?  Rude people, someone who is arrogant or feels that the world revolves around him.  I have dated a couple of ex-cons in my life...and that's a no go.  They have their own issues to deal with.  No alcoholics or drug users.  If they want to occasionally go out & drink with me that's cool...but an every day thing...no thanks.
9. Okay ladies…Facial Hair: Yes, or No?  I used to say no to facial hair of any kind...but now I think that either way is fine...though I still don't like a TON of facial hair.
10. Would you marry someone who is opposed to diamond engagement rings?  I don't really care about the ring...I actually like rubies & sapphires more.:)  I don't think I'll ever get married again anyway.,.but never say never, right?
11. What do you wish you could do differently in your next relationship?  Quit being so insecure & acting "helpless" when I'm not...I AM insecure...but not helpless.   I would also quit giving so much when the guy doesn't put in the effort to give back. 
12. Is there anyone from your past that you’d like to date again now? I don't think that would work...there are some cool guys from my past...but if it didn't work then, it most likely won't work now.
13. Describe your worst first date story ever.  I haven't had a lot of dates...but I guess this will count.  I had driven 2 hours to see a guy that I had been talking to on the internet.  We had gotten along fine and all.  Well I get to his place, we talk for a bit, then decide to go grab something to eat.  It was an OK restaurant...but I ended up paying for myself...even though I had told him I didn't have a lot of money on me..since I paid for gas & all.  He didn't even OFFER to get my dinner.  While we are there, he tells me that he probably should work on some of his college homework..even though he had told me on the phone before I went down there that he was doing all that, so we could spend time together.  I said OK...we go back to his place.  He says that he's going to go into his room to work, since his computer is in there.  That's cool.  I said I would watch some TV and chill.  Well pretty soon..like after an hour...I go in there & he's sleeping!!  So I'm like whatever, I'll give him an hour.  So I do & I hear him moving around in there a bit..but he never yells for me or comes out.  So I wait a few & check again...yep he's still sleeping.  So I wrote him a note, got my stuff & left.  Drove home 2 hours in the dark...which I don't like doing, that's why I was going to stay at his place and sleep on the couch.   He doesn't text or anything, so finally I call him to tell him that I thought he was a rude jerk...I woke him up...this was around midnight.  He says he thought I was still in the living room!!  Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.LOL
14. Describe the perfect date with your significant other. I like the idea of a picnic somewhere.
15. Would you date someone shorter than you? I've always liked guys to be taller than me...I'm 5'9.  I don't like towering over a guy.  I don't like feeling that I can protect HIM instead of the other way around.LOL  Plus I feel like an Amazon or something....so at least my height or taller is good.
16. Share one (or a few) bonus traits that would be fun to find in an significant other (even if they aren’t as important as other traits.)  I love going to cemeteries....yes I know that it may be weird.  I like looking at old tombstones, wondering about what people's lifes were like...so that would be a bonus trait if he liked that too.:)
17. What’s one thing you’d like to do with a significant other that you’ve never done with another?  Go on a vacation that HE plans.  I think it would be awesome to just go somewhere with the guy I like & not have to worry about having to plan everything.
18. PDA: Yes, or No?  A little yes.  But appropriate is good.  Holding hands, hugging...maybe a little kiss here & there...but not a full make out session.LOL
19. Do you kiss on the first date? Depends on the chemistry & if you both want to.
20. Who, if anyone, makes your heart flutter?  Jeff for sure.  But gotta admit that a couple of my guy friends do as well.  Always makes me smile when I see them.

SAD DAYS

The past few days have not been good ones for me.  The depression is always lurking about, but sometimes it just totally kicks my ass.  I called in Sunday & Monday from work..which got me a "warning" that I'm missing too many days.  I haven't felt good...physically or mentally.  Just wanted to block out the world.  Totally snapped at people yesterday..even though I didn't even leave the house.  My mom got the brunt of it.  I don't feel "better" today, but will deal with things anyway.  Was at the point yesterday that I was just sick of everything & everyone.  I had over 400 "friends" on Facebook...people I actually know from high school, Job Corps, family, etc.  I now have like 200 friends, since I deleted the rest.  I know that I'm all over the place with this post & I apologize for that.  Thoughts are just everywhere at the moment.  Will go for now & will post more later when I feel a bit better.