There is a Biker rally here every Memorial Day, so my step-dad is going to set up a food booth at the fairgrounds this year. Will probably help out there some..I could use some money. Plus it's cool seeing all the bikes and the interesting people.
It's nice out today..but windy. As long as it's not freezing like it has been, I'm good.
A friend, Bobby, that I haven't seen in years, will be here this weekend.:) So hopefully I will get to see him. If not, then that's just the way it goes. I know he has a lot of people to see.
Then going to my step-nieces' graduation in the morning. Hard to believe she's 18 and going off to college next year!
Took the two younger boys to the park yesterday. We had fun...took a walk over by the railroad tracks and the river. Making some memories.:)
Might go to a friends birthday party tonight. So gonna be a busy weekend! I hope everyone will be safe.
.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
THURSDAY
Not much new going on. Just pretty much hanging out. Trying not to weigh...just do it once a week. That's hard for me. But weighing every day..it's not a good thing either..because I let that decide if I'm in a good mood that day or not. Usually I'm not.LOL I'm just trying to weigh on Tuesdays. Last Tuesday, I was 305. Not happy with it, but it could be worse. I need to start going for walks again. Have been doing some of Jillian Michaels' Shred It With Weights. It's definitely a workout!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
SANITY HAS RETURNED
OK, I realize that I can't just stop eating.LOL For one, I love food too much to do that and for another...if I try to starve myself, I will just end up bingeing later on and feeling even worse. So just going to take one day at a time..sometimes one second at a time. I WILL get some more of this weight off of my body.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
GOOD BYE TO FOOD
Ok, I can honestly say that I'm TIRED of food. Tired of worrying about, thinking about, obsessing about, dreaming about food. It's ridiculous. I can't even enjoy food anymore because always worrying about either the calories, the carbs, the fat OR all three. Tired of not seeing any weight loss. Tired of feeling "icky," tired, bloated and sluggish all of the time. I ate this morning and feel sick. I'm just soooo over it. So starting now...I'm not eating for awhile. I know that's drastic and I may fall off the wagon tomorrow, but for now, this is how I feel. I will just have to make sure I get my vitamins and minerals thru a protein drink or something. Other than that, will just drink water, diet soda (yes I know its bad, but I have to have some kind of carbonation), coffee, tea. I will still keep up with the exercise. My body is all out of whack. I'm obsessed with weighing myself every day. Sometimes mulitple times. Tuesday I weigh 306, Wednesday 303 and now today 308. How is that even possible???? I'm tired, cranky, irritated, annoyed. I have period cramps really bad and have had them for weeks and yet NO PERIOD.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I'M BACK!!:)
I have been a bit lazy about writing here. I feel bad about that.:( But I'm back.:) Today I started Jillian Michaels' Shred with weights. I'm not sure that's what it's called..will have to look!LOL It feels good..so we'll see. My goal right now is to lose 25 lbs by June 16th. That is about 6 lbs a week until then. I will really have to try. I weighed yesterday..so will have the official weekly weigh ins on Tuesdays. I was 306 lbs.:( Just have to keep my eye on the bigger picture. So hoping for 300 by next Tuesday.
The rash on my neck is gone...the doctor gae me some cream to put on it and it worked. I have no idea what it was. I'm just glad it's gone. I STILL haven't gotten my period. Very weird. I even took a pregnancy test!LOL It was negative. So maybe I'm just starting to go into menopause.:( Just haven't been THIS late in a long time....well since I was pregnant!! I have to go to the doctor on Friday for something else, so I will ask her about it then. I just have the cramps...my body is obviously crazy.LOL
I'm sick.:( I have a cold...my throat is really hurting right now. Hopefully I don't get strep throat like I usually do.:(
Took the boys to Denver last weekend for their bowling tournament. Daves' gf, Gracie, was there. It went OK. My friend, Ron, went to the bowling alley with us and maybe that helped some. I HATE driving in the city!! But I managed. Ron stayed at the hotel with us both nights. He is a cool person. He slept in the same bed with me and didn't try anything at all...because of the boys. So that was cool. Phillip said he wouldn't like anyone that I was with, because I dont need to be with anyone. That they are my priority, which is true. But obviously it's going to be really hard to have anyone in my life with an attitude like that. But he will just have to learn to deal with it if I ever do find the "right" one.
To get back to the Gracie thing..it was awkward talking to her and we really didn't say much to each other. She was really nervous..which I thought was a good thing. The boys bowled on Saturday afternoon and then again on Sunday morning. On Sunday morning, she asked me if the boys and I wanted to go to her house after bowling and meet the rest of the the family and have spaghetti. I wasn't too sure about that. I mean..how weird is that? But Phillip wasn't feeling well at all and Matthew wanted to go, so we went. I still have feelings for Dave, so it's strange seeing him with someone else. They didn't hold hands or anything in front of me, which was a good thing. Her oldest daughter, Nicole, is 23. She is pretty cool. Then she has a son around 13, a daughter around 12 and a son who is 7. Nicole also has 3 kids ages 4, 2 and 6 months. I didn't see them though since they were with their dad. I don't see Gracie and I being bff, but maybe I can try to be civil. None of this has been easy.
My mom is doing OK. I've been trying to help her out as much as I can. My step-dad isn't really into all of that. He gets too nervous and stressed out. I don't mind taking care of my mom..I love her immensely. I just resent the fact sometimes that everyone automatically thinks that I will be the one to take care of everyone. I took care of my grandma, my father-in-law and now my mom. It's just hard. Hard to see her in pain like she is. But she is hanging in there and doing better. It's just going to be a long process.
My niece, Justine graduated from high school on May 13th!!!! WOO HOO!!! Didn't think she was going to. I'm proud of her. Yes I helped her get her work done, but she ultimately had to do it. Her mom, Cindy (my youngest sister) who I hadn't seen in over 3 years came over for it along with her bf, John and their 8 month old daughter, Jasmine. She's such a cutie!! I talked to Cindy some and it went OK.
It's MAY and it's cold here. The mountains are getting some snow. But I don't like it really hot either, so I'm good...somewhere in the middle would be awesome.
Oh, that guy that I saw at the beginning of the month when my friends and I went out? The "bad boy?" I hadn't heard anything from him, then last Saturday night he texts to see if I can pick him up. Actually he said "come get me." I told him I was in Denver and he told me to have a good night. SUCH AN ASS.
Chris..the guy in Vegas..says he misses me..which is amazing. He's not one to show his feelings often. He said if I lived out there, that he would be with me all of the time.
Arturo had his parole hearing on the 12th. He thinks that it went good (he called me), but he thought that last year too. I hope he does get out and can start his life. I just don't think it involves me either way. I don't see how we could make it work. I don't know what the hell he's doing anyway. He acts like we're still together, but doesn't treat me that way. He won't find out if he's paroled until next month sometime probably. I do miss him and wish that he still wanted me like he used to, but I just don't think he does.
The rash on my neck is gone...the doctor gae me some cream to put on it and it worked. I have no idea what it was. I'm just glad it's gone. I STILL haven't gotten my period. Very weird. I even took a pregnancy test!LOL It was negative. So maybe I'm just starting to go into menopause.:( Just haven't been THIS late in a long time....well since I was pregnant!! I have to go to the doctor on Friday for something else, so I will ask her about it then. I just have the cramps...my body is obviously crazy.LOL
I'm sick.:( I have a cold...my throat is really hurting right now. Hopefully I don't get strep throat like I usually do.:(
Took the boys to Denver last weekend for their bowling tournament. Daves' gf, Gracie, was there. It went OK. My friend, Ron, went to the bowling alley with us and maybe that helped some. I HATE driving in the city!! But I managed. Ron stayed at the hotel with us both nights. He is a cool person. He slept in the same bed with me and didn't try anything at all...because of the boys. So that was cool. Phillip said he wouldn't like anyone that I was with, because I dont need to be with anyone. That they are my priority, which is true. But obviously it's going to be really hard to have anyone in my life with an attitude like that. But he will just have to learn to deal with it if I ever do find the "right" one.
To get back to the Gracie thing..it was awkward talking to her and we really didn't say much to each other. She was really nervous..which I thought was a good thing. The boys bowled on Saturday afternoon and then again on Sunday morning. On Sunday morning, she asked me if the boys and I wanted to go to her house after bowling and meet the rest of the the family and have spaghetti. I wasn't too sure about that. I mean..how weird is that? But Phillip wasn't feeling well at all and Matthew wanted to go, so we went. I still have feelings for Dave, so it's strange seeing him with someone else. They didn't hold hands or anything in front of me, which was a good thing. Her oldest daughter, Nicole, is 23. She is pretty cool. Then she has a son around 13, a daughter around 12 and a son who is 7. Nicole also has 3 kids ages 4, 2 and 6 months. I didn't see them though since they were with their dad. I don't see Gracie and I being bff, but maybe I can try to be civil. None of this has been easy.
My mom is doing OK. I've been trying to help her out as much as I can. My step-dad isn't really into all of that. He gets too nervous and stressed out. I don't mind taking care of my mom..I love her immensely. I just resent the fact sometimes that everyone automatically thinks that I will be the one to take care of everyone. I took care of my grandma, my father-in-law and now my mom. It's just hard. Hard to see her in pain like she is. But she is hanging in there and doing better. It's just going to be a long process.
My niece, Justine graduated from high school on May 13th!!!! WOO HOO!!! Didn't think she was going to. I'm proud of her. Yes I helped her get her work done, but she ultimately had to do it. Her mom, Cindy (my youngest sister) who I hadn't seen in over 3 years came over for it along with her bf, John and their 8 month old daughter, Jasmine. She's such a cutie!! I talked to Cindy some and it went OK.
It's MAY and it's cold here. The mountains are getting some snow. But I don't like it really hot either, so I'm good...somewhere in the middle would be awesome.
Oh, that guy that I saw at the beginning of the month when my friends and I went out? The "bad boy?" I hadn't heard anything from him, then last Saturday night he texts to see if I can pick him up. Actually he said "come get me." I told him I was in Denver and he told me to have a good night. SUCH AN ASS.
Chris..the guy in Vegas..says he misses me..which is amazing. He's not one to show his feelings often. He said if I lived out there, that he would be with me all of the time.
Arturo had his parole hearing on the 12th. He thinks that it went good (he called me), but he thought that last year too. I hope he does get out and can start his life. I just don't think it involves me either way. I don't see how we could make it work. I don't know what the hell he's doing anyway. He acts like we're still together, but doesn't treat me that way. He won't find out if he's paroled until next month sometime probably. I do miss him and wish that he still wanted me like he used to, but I just don't think he does.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
THURSDAY MORNING....
Mom went in for her shoulder surgery yesterday. It was an outpatient procedure. Well she has sleep apnea as well and she had a hard time coming out of the anthesia..her oxygen levels would go down in the 70's when she fell asleep...so they decided to keep her overnight. She was NOT happy about this. They came and got me in the waiting room (step-dad had stepped out for a mintue), to tell her that she NEEDED to stay the night, because she was adamant that she wasn't. She's stubborn like that. It's funny, because my step-dad doesn't make a good patient either and she gets soooo mad at him for it. But she's just as bad!!LOL She's also like me (or I'm like her?), that she needs to have it cool in the room..not hot..or she's miserable. The hospital room what really warm when she first got into it. So she was hurting, hot, miserable...not a good thing. I went back and saw her last night and she was at least joking around a little. I hope that she'll be OK. They should let her go home today, but who knows.
I lied the other day about my weight...I had THOUGHT that's what it was, because it had BEEN that a few days prior. Well, I weighed myself that day and again yesterday....I weigh 305 lbs!!!! You don't know how horrible that is for me. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let myself get over 3oo lbs again and here I am. I'm pissed off. At myself for not being able to have any friggin' willpower, for food for being so damn good and tempting. I'm so disappointed in myself. Just want to give up, throw in the towel. Why even bother when the weight just keeps going up? Why can't I control myself? But then even when I do "good," I'm still not doing great. Maybe I was just meant to be fat. I don't know. I know that I'm being negative right now. It's a constant battle...both against my weight and the negativity. I'm just tired. THEN my period...hell I thought it was going to become regular again. NOPE. Should have had it by now. How can I plan anything when I have no idea when I'm going to get it? No I'm not pg. I have my tubes tied. It just annoys me some. I also have a rash on my neck that is driving me crazy..red, itchy and sometimes a bit painful. Have no idea what it is. I may go to the doctor, but I don't know. I hate having to pay an arm and a leg.
I lied the other day about my weight...I had THOUGHT that's what it was, because it had BEEN that a few days prior. Well, I weighed myself that day and again yesterday....I weigh 305 lbs!!!! You don't know how horrible that is for me. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let myself get over 3oo lbs again and here I am. I'm pissed off. At myself for not being able to have any friggin' willpower, for food for being so damn good and tempting. I'm so disappointed in myself. Just want to give up, throw in the towel. Why even bother when the weight just keeps going up? Why can't I control myself? But then even when I do "good," I'm still not doing great. Maybe I was just meant to be fat. I don't know. I know that I'm being negative right now. It's a constant battle...both against my weight and the negativity. I'm just tired. THEN my period...hell I thought it was going to become regular again. NOPE. Should have had it by now. How can I plan anything when I have no idea when I'm going to get it? No I'm not pg. I have my tubes tied. It just annoys me some. I also have a rash on my neck that is driving me crazy..red, itchy and sometimes a bit painful. Have no idea what it is. I may go to the doctor, but I don't know. I hate having to pay an arm and a leg.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
BOOKS...
OK, I totally stole this from one of my fellow bloggers!!:)
How often do you read? I LOVE BOOKS!!! I could spend hours and hours in a bookstore..which my family hates if they have to wait for me!!LOL All kinds of books: historical romances, paranormal romances, true crime, biographies, etc etc
What's the last book you read and loved? It's been a while since I have read a really awesome book. "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice was AWESOME, but it's been awhile since I read that. I would have to say the books by Jacqueline Frank..they are paranormal romance and I loved them.
What book(s) are you currently reading? A book about Talluleah (sp?) Bankhead. I LOVE "Old Hollywood!" Also the "Dummies Book about The Secret." No that's not what it's really called, but I'm drawing a blank here!!LOL But it has to do with that..positive thinking and sending out love. Not being so negative like I tend to be.
Share a few of your favorite authors. Dean Koontz, Jacqueline Frank, Nora Roberts, Christine Feehan, Sylvia Browne (yes the psychic..love her!) and I think that's about it for right now, though there are some awesome authors out there!
What's next on your list of must-reads? There are sooo many!! I try not to get books at yardsales anymore..I have too many to read already!LOL Probably another biography. We shall see.
How often do you read? I LOVE BOOKS!!! I could spend hours and hours in a bookstore..which my family hates if they have to wait for me!!LOL All kinds of books: historical romances, paranormal romances, true crime, biographies, etc etc
What's the last book you read and loved? It's been a while since I have read a really awesome book. "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice was AWESOME, but it's been awhile since I read that. I would have to say the books by Jacqueline Frank..they are paranormal romance and I loved them.
What book(s) are you currently reading? A book about Talluleah (sp?) Bankhead. I LOVE "Old Hollywood!" Also the "Dummies Book about The Secret." No that's not what it's really called, but I'm drawing a blank here!!LOL But it has to do with that..positive thinking and sending out love. Not being so negative like I tend to be.
Share a few of your favorite authors. Dean Koontz, Jacqueline Frank, Nora Roberts, Christine Feehan, Sylvia Browne (yes the psychic..love her!) and I think that's about it for right now, though there are some awesome authors out there!
What's next on your list of must-reads? There are sooo many!! I try not to get books at yardsales anymore..I have too many to read already!LOL Probably another biography. We shall see.
A NEW DAY....
Starting my "diet" AGAIN today. Geez!LOL I weigh 298 lbs. I would like to lose at least 25 lbs before the middle of June, but we will see. I always set myself up for failure...saying I will TRY to lose the weight. Guess it's pretty much a cop out and I need to quit doing it. I'm ready to lose some more weight. I've been stuck around this weight for long enough now..since last September. I just wish that I could stop thinking about food constantly. What am I going to eat? When am I going to eat? This goes on constantly in my head. It gets very tiring AND annoying.
I have a lot of things to do today...go pay bills and get some things that I need from Wal-Mart. Got some groceries last night. Doesn't seem like I bought that much, but the money I spent says I did!LOL I don't like to spend money on myself..makes me feel guilty..but may get some new shoes today and some capris'. It's not like I buy myself new clothes all of the time.
This is my 100th post! Took me long enough. I don't plan on stopping blogging any time soon..so it won't take as long to do another 100 I'm sure. Talk soon!!
I have a lot of things to do today...go pay bills and get some things that I need from Wal-Mart. Got some groceries last night. Doesn't seem like I bought that much, but the money I spent says I did!LOL I don't like to spend money on myself..makes me feel guilty..but may get some new shoes today and some capris'. It's not like I buy myself new clothes all of the time.
This is my 100th post! Took me long enough. I don't plan on stopping blogging any time soon..so it won't take as long to do another 100 I'm sure. Talk soon!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
MY WEEKEND
Dave went to Denver and Phillip went with him again. I know that Phillip likes hanging out with her kids. He came back this time and was OK. AND the best news is that I wasn't soooo upset the whole weekend like I usually am when Dave is up there. Woo Hoo!!LOL It's a step in the right direction. Dave is still seeing the boys after school and I have no problems with that. I'm just letting the anger and resentment go..well trying to anyway. Trying to do what is best for my kids. It doesn't matter how I feel or how Dave feels, it's about how our kids feel.
Osama Bin Laden is dead! Another WOO HOO!! It took long enough, but at least he's gone now. There are so many more like him though. We will never be able to get all of them, but this is an accomplishment. Some people are just evil and he was one of them..along with Hitler. I don't understand how someone can have so much hate inside of them that they want to kill as many people as possible and be OK with it.
My neck WAS getting better...now it's just itching like crazy and driving me insane. I helped mom clean a house the other day like I have for years. I have never had any issues with the cleaning products. Well this time, every time I sprayed the bathroom cleaner, I was sneezing and my eyes got all itchy. So now I'm becoming allergic to things? I have also noticed that when I eat peanuts...I'm usually nauseous and sick for awhile after, so have stopped eating those. Don't know what is going on.
This is MAY and we got SNOW!! Quite a bit actually. We haven't gotten snow all Winter pretty much. Then we get this?? Crazy ass weather.LOL
OK, this may get graphic for a moment..actually I won't make it too graphic because I'm just not that kind of person. But was just warning you, in case you didn't want to read it. My friends and I went out on Saturday night. I drank A LOT. More than I usually do. I won't use my friends' real names here..so will just use initials. J decided that she wanted to go home around 11:30pm. She's married and the the other girl and I aren't. So then M starts talking to some guys. Well these one guys we know. Went to school with one of them and the other is a friend of his. Then there were a couple of other guys. We left the bar at closing and all of us decided to go back to the hotel room where the guy we went to school with and his friend were staying. There was another girl too, and she drove. She hadn't been drinking. So we stayed there for awhile. One of the other guys...Will...he is HOT. But you can tell he's a player. Just the way he acts. Well M is all over him pretty much. But he keeps talking to me and coming on strong. Plus I'm talking to the other guys and just laying across the bed. Like I said, I was pretty drunk. After awhile, the one girl leaves and one of the guys. She asked if we needed a ride..since it was snowing and all. M said no that she was going to stay. So I decided to stay with her. She's a really good friend and she was pretty wasted too and I didn't want to go home yet anyway. Then after a bit, M and the other two guys..Will and his friend Scotty, decide they are ready to leave and I go with them. The other guys that we knew better asked if we were sure we wanted to go with them. I told them since M was adamant that she was going, that I was going to go too. We walked to another hotel and they got a room. OK so Will and M are still messing around some. But he's still coming on to me. Scotty and I are talking some too. I knew that they wanted the whole sex thing. I mean seriously. We have all been drinking and then we get a room??? M acts a little like she didn't know that that would happen..but then says that Will is hot and so anyway..they are in one bed and Scotty and I are in another. I'm not going into details here, but M and I ended up doing both of them. They both gave me their phone numbers which shocked the hell out of me. Scotty texted me back..Will hasn't really. He is the one that I would want to really hang out with again, though Scotty is cool. Will and I found out that we both went to the same Job Corps in Montana, but about 5-6 years apart. I thought that was cool. I did feel like a ho. But this is my life, I'm single, there are things I want to experience before I'm too old and I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm a bit more wild than M is. If she hadn't been drinking so much she would never have done them..or at least not both of them. I probably would have..I'll be honest. Just for the experience and besides, I like sex. I hope I don't lose readers over this. I'm just being honest about it all. I don't know why I do half the things I do anymore. Maybe it IS the fact that I'm getting older and I'm freaking out, maybe it's because I'm insecure and think that I have to do that to get attention from guys, maybe it is an addiction, maybe it's none of those. I really don't know. I'm just me. Trying to be happy. I may not be making the right decisions as far as I'M concerned, but I will always make sure that I make the right decisions where my boys are concerned. I never bring guys around them. They don't need "uncles" like I have seen so many women do. That part of my life is separate and will always be. Both of them said they wanted to see us again...but I don't think M ever will. I will though, if they ask. But I'm not holding my breath.LOL I'm OK with being friends or whatever with guys from now on. Tired of trying to "find" a relationship. I'm not good at them...obviously. I'm better of as the friend or the FWB. If I ever DID find a relationship, then all of my screwing around would stop. But, for now, this is just how my life is going. I DO believe in Heaven and Hell and I hope that all of this doesn't get me sent to Hell. I try to do good and be good in all other aspects of my life.
Osama Bin Laden is dead! Another WOO HOO!! It took long enough, but at least he's gone now. There are so many more like him though. We will never be able to get all of them, but this is an accomplishment. Some people are just evil and he was one of them..along with Hitler. I don't understand how someone can have so much hate inside of them that they want to kill as many people as possible and be OK with it.
My neck WAS getting better...now it's just itching like crazy and driving me insane. I helped mom clean a house the other day like I have for years. I have never had any issues with the cleaning products. Well this time, every time I sprayed the bathroom cleaner, I was sneezing and my eyes got all itchy. So now I'm becoming allergic to things? I have also noticed that when I eat peanuts...I'm usually nauseous and sick for awhile after, so have stopped eating those. Don't know what is going on.
This is MAY and we got SNOW!! Quite a bit actually. We haven't gotten snow all Winter pretty much. Then we get this?? Crazy ass weather.LOL
OK, this may get graphic for a moment..actually I won't make it too graphic because I'm just not that kind of person. But was just warning you, in case you didn't want to read it. My friends and I went out on Saturday night. I drank A LOT. More than I usually do. I won't use my friends' real names here..so will just use initials. J decided that she wanted to go home around 11:30pm. She's married and the the other girl and I aren't. So then M starts talking to some guys. Well these one guys we know. Went to school with one of them and the other is a friend of his. Then there were a couple of other guys. We left the bar at closing and all of us decided to go back to the hotel room where the guy we went to school with and his friend were staying. There was another girl too, and she drove. She hadn't been drinking. So we stayed there for awhile. One of the other guys...Will...he is HOT. But you can tell he's a player. Just the way he acts. Well M is all over him pretty much. But he keeps talking to me and coming on strong. Plus I'm talking to the other guys and just laying across the bed. Like I said, I was pretty drunk. After awhile, the one girl leaves and one of the guys. She asked if we needed a ride..since it was snowing and all. M said no that she was going to stay. So I decided to stay with her. She's a really good friend and she was pretty wasted too and I didn't want to go home yet anyway. Then after a bit, M and the other two guys..Will and his friend Scotty, decide they are ready to leave and I go with them. The other guys that we knew better asked if we were sure we wanted to go with them. I told them since M was adamant that she was going, that I was going to go too. We walked to another hotel and they got a room. OK so Will and M are still messing around some. But he's still coming on to me. Scotty and I are talking some too. I knew that they wanted the whole sex thing. I mean seriously. We have all been drinking and then we get a room??? M acts a little like she didn't know that that would happen..but then says that Will is hot and so anyway..they are in one bed and Scotty and I are in another. I'm not going into details here, but M and I ended up doing both of them. They both gave me their phone numbers which shocked the hell out of me. Scotty texted me back..Will hasn't really. He is the one that I would want to really hang out with again, though Scotty is cool. Will and I found out that we both went to the same Job Corps in Montana, but about 5-6 years apart. I thought that was cool. I did feel like a ho. But this is my life, I'm single, there are things I want to experience before I'm too old and I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm a bit more wild than M is. If she hadn't been drinking so much she would never have done them..or at least not both of them. I probably would have..I'll be honest. Just for the experience and besides, I like sex. I hope I don't lose readers over this. I'm just being honest about it all. I don't know why I do half the things I do anymore. Maybe it IS the fact that I'm getting older and I'm freaking out, maybe it's because I'm insecure and think that I have to do that to get attention from guys, maybe it is an addiction, maybe it's none of those. I really don't know. I'm just me. Trying to be happy. I may not be making the right decisions as far as I'M concerned, but I will always make sure that I make the right decisions where my boys are concerned. I never bring guys around them. They don't need "uncles" like I have seen so many women do. That part of my life is separate and will always be. Both of them said they wanted to see us again...but I don't think M ever will. I will though, if they ask. But I'm not holding my breath.LOL I'm OK with being friends or whatever with guys from now on. Tired of trying to "find" a relationship. I'm not good at them...obviously. I'm better of as the friend or the FWB. If I ever DID find a relationship, then all of my screwing around would stop. But, for now, this is just how my life is going. I DO believe in Heaven and Hell and I hope that all of this doesn't get me sent to Hell. I try to do good and be good in all other aspects of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)