OTHER THINGS

A lot has happened over the past couple of months.  My middle son, Dominic, turned 13 at the end of January & my oldest, Phillip, turned 17 in the middle of February.  So weird them being those ages!!  Then my niece, Justine, had a baby boy on February 7th.  His name is Maximus Xavier.:)  He's a cutie!!  Just love him totally already.  I see him most days as they are still living with my mom.  They have been for almost a year now. They really need to get their own place.  But things are expensive around here.  Justine is 22 & Brandon will be 30 later this month.  This is a small town & there are always rumors.  Well pretty much the whole time she was pregnant, people were telling Brandon that the baby wasn't his, etc.  So sometimes he believed the other people & sometimes he believed Justine.  There was a lot of fighting going on.  She was always with Brandon or around mom & I...so not sure when he thought she was seeing anyone else.  I know that she had been seeing someone briefly right before she started seeing Brandon..so I think thaf's what caused the biggest issue.  Brandon has an ex wife here in town who is a total bitch...well I shouldn't say that...it's not like I know her personally.  But she won't "allow" the kids she has with Brandon to be around Justine AT ALL.  Well she really has no say in the matter unless it was court ordered & it's not.  But Brandon lets her control that situation.  He has to be around his ex to see his kids.  He goes out of town with her to buy them clothes or whatever!!  NO WAY would I let that happen if I was with some guy with an ex wife.  Either that or let Justine go with them...which doesn't happen.  He goes to see his other 2 kids pretty much every day.  He says he misses them.  I can understand that...but to be gone for HOURS??  Then some other girl is trying to get back with him & he has left to talk to her...telling Justine that he was "going to see his kids."   He doesn't have a steady paying job, so they are always broke.  Mom can't keep supporting them.  Hell she can't even support herself hardly since my step-dad passed away.:(  She is annoyed with Brandon & doesn't really like him.  ANYWAY, back to the paternity thing....he wouldn't sign papers at the hospital because he wanted a DNA test first.  He didn't want his name in the newspaper in the birth announcement.  So it's just hers.  It's bullshit.  So he won't pay for a DNA test...because he has no cash.  But the baby looks JUST LIKE HIM.  At first, you couldn't really tell...but he's 3 weeks old now & you can tell that he belongs to Brandon.  I don't know what Brandon thinks, but if he doesn't see it, then he just doesn't WANT to see it.

Mom has been pretty sick again.  In a lot of pain.  She had something called C-diff in January. It was bad.  She couldn't hardly stay awake, had no energy, was acting confused.  It's when too much bad bacteria gets into your intestines or something & not enough good bacteria stays.  It can be caused by an overuse of antibiotics.  She has had to take antibiotics over the years for numerous things...so it could be it.  It "went away," but now she's in a lot of pain.  She sees the doctor this afternoon.  It could be a kidney or bladder infection this time.  I'm just hoping it's something they can help her with.  She's afraid to take antibiotics now.  I can't say that I blame her.  So with her health not being great & her being stressed out because Brandon is .....well Brandon...I worry about her a lot.  She's only 65...but has had health issues for the past 30 years.  It's hard seeing her get older.:(

My health hasn't been exactly great.  The past week or so I have just been REALLY tired.  Zero energy.  Feeling nauseous off & on, headaches, stomach pains,  a low grade fever the past few days etc.  Could just be a "bug" going around.  I'm hoping that's all it is & that it's gone soon.  Then my allergies are kicking in...Claritin really seems to help with that.  My eyes are red, watery, itchy,  my nose is stuffy....so annoying.  I had allergies when I was a baby to everything...had to drink goat's milk...I haven't had it since...but it just gets a big YUCK from me now.LOL  I was allergic to eggs, bananas..etc....there was a whole list of stuff.  Then I outgrew it.  Well the allergy to eggs is back..my face doesn't get swollen anymore (there was an incident when I was a kid...I loved eggs & my grandpa loved me...so he fixed me quite a few)LOL  That allergy had gone...but now I can't eat eggs without feeling really sick & being in a lot of pain for hours.  I still love eggs...but have to give them up.  Hopefully that never happens with bacon!!LOL  I don't know what else I"m allergic to...but it could be the reason that I feel like crap all of the time...maybe I should see an allergist if I can come up with the cash.  

DIET

Let's just say I suck at this.:(  I keep saying that I'll eat low carb, drink more water, exercise more, etc.  I may do it for a day or two...but that's it.  It's annoying.  I have no willpower or motivation.  I WANT to lose weight to look better, feel better, wear cooler clothes, not be invisible.  So I'm not sure what my problem is about losing the weight.  I have gained about 30 lbs since last year at this time.:(  Most of it after August...but not all.  I"m totally disgusted with myself at the moment.  I weigh 320 lbs.  The "ideal" weight for a woman my height (5'8) is like 145-160.  I can't even think about losing THAT much weight...approximately 170 lbs!!  So I'm going to try 10 lb increments & hopefully that will work.  I think I would be happy at 215.  I will never be a model.  So starting today (AGAIN)...exercise for AT LEAST an hour a day, drink AT LEAST 8 glasses of water and try to eat low carb as much as I can.  I will do this for 6 weeks & see what the end results are.  Hopefully I can lose a decent amount of weight before then.  Tired of being fat, of clothes not fitting right.  If anyone wants to do this with me...just let me know.  A diet buddy would be good.  Oh, I also started taking a "diet pill" called W700.  Have to take 2 a day with water & meals.  Maybe that will help?  I think they are all pretty much bogus..but might as well give them a try.

JEFF

Jeff's girlfriend contacted me around January 12th & asked me a bunch of questions about him & what really went down.  So I told her everything.  She acted sweet & concerned.  Really wanted to know things.  Was going to confront him.  He had told her that he had been single since December 2013 (he was living with me).  He moved in with her & her two kids within a month after moving out.  Well she contacted me a couple of days later & was a total bitch.  Said I was trying to come between her & Jeff.  That she loved him with all of her heart, that they were going to get married on his birthday in July in Washington state (where he's from), that though she couldn't have any more kids, that they were going to use a surrogate, that he totally loved her kids.  I asked her about his gaming (he's a serious gamer & wanted to develop video games).  She said that she though that they were stupid, that he hardly ever played them anymore because he wanted to spend all of his time with HER, etc.  Well she pissed me the hell off.  First of all....Jeff had told me the same things about getting married, the surrogate, etc...though it was going to be with me.  If he did give up his gaming for her...I think it was stupid of him to do & he will end up regretting it.  Giving something up that he loves for someone?  I just don't see it.  So I asked her if he had told her about certain things & she said that she knew all of those things from "Day 1."  Yeah sure ya did.  I basically told her that she was trying too hard.  There was no way that he would tell her everything that went on in his life that fast.  The first time we talked, she told me that she hadn't even met his mom until Christmas...though they live in the same city.  He's a mama's boy, so that was weird. She said it was a bit awkward. So the next time she talked to me & was trying to piss me off...she said that his mom was SO happy about them getting married & had wondered what took him so long to ask her.  Are you kidding me??!  For one, his mom wouldn't ever say something like that. Anyway...she ended up calling me a bitch & promptly blocking me on Facebook (where we had been talking).  Oh, I also asked her if she would ask him if he would talk to me....he told her that there was nothing left to say (that was before the 2nd conversation).  Well...she did what he was unable to do...she totally got me over him.  He told her exactly the same things he told me.  He lied about so many things.  It took her being a bitch to make me realize what an ass he is.  Regardless of what she knew, I told her more.  So she will always wonder what he's lying about & what he isn't.  The fact that he allowed her to talk to me like that was another thing that made me realize that I meant nothing to him.  So I wrote him an email (who knows if he ever read any of my emails) & told him a few things.  Well the next morning....lo & behold...I was unblocked on her Facebook page...just to see a picture she had put up of the two of them.  Yeah nice.  Well I'm sure she thought I was just going to flip out.  So I did the opposite.  Told her how good they looked together, that I was happy for them, that I wouldn't bother them anymore, etc. etc.  Then I sent an e-mail to him saying pretty much the same thing.  Then let it go at that.  That was on January 16th.  I had no plans on every contacting him again.  I thought it was ironic..that it was exactly 5 months to the day that he moved out.  Well his mom & I were planning on staying friends...but she hadn't answered any of my texts or messages since around the beginning of November.  So it was whatever.  Then I get a short note on FB from her on January 25th.  Saying that I had really crossed the line by doing what I did & to never contact her again.  She then blocked me on FB.  I had her e-mail address, so I sent HER an email saying that she hadn't contacted me for over 2 months..then she comes out with that?  That all I did was tell Jacque (his gf) the truth & that if Jeff had been honest with her from the beginning, it would have never came to that.  That if hadn't acted like such a jerk after he left me, that I would have gotten over him much faster, etc.  That I had just wanted to be friends with him...like he said we would always be.  That she would prefer his lying over my telling the truth.  That what was worse, she KNEW that he had been seeing someone else & didn't bother to give me a heads up.  That they saw me as weak..and they were wrong.  I sent the exact same email to him, so she couldn't say that I said things that I didn't.  I didn't call her any names, wasn't a total bitch.  Told him I wouldn't have contacted him again if it wasn't for his mom contacting me.  Jacque blocked me from her FB again...which is cool.  I was done & haven't e-mailed or tried to contact him for a month now.  I don't know who I was even with for 2 years.  Don't know what was a lie & what wasn't.  If he loved me or if he didn't.  He lied about so many things that I don't even know what to believe.  He totally fucked me up for 5 months.  I was close to suicide a few times.  Though I wouldn't have gone thru with it....I have kids & I couldn't leave them like that.  I was still hoping that he would change his mind.  I know....pathetic.  I let him make me feel that I could never trust anyone ever again.  I still have trust issues...but I can't judge all guys by him.  Though the guys I have talked to on line since then don't exactly inspire my faith in men.  So I still have my guard up & probably always will to an extent.  Live & learn, right?  I won't say I don't think about him sometimes, that I don't miss him & what I thought we had, that I don't miss talking to him on a daily basis & having him as my best friend.  But it's not as often as it used to be.  Maybe one day I won't think of him at all.