I had a pretty good Thanksgiving.:) Things went well. The only thing that I'm irate about at the moment is Mike K. He texts me saying that he had a crappy day (him and his wife are separated, but still live in the same house, because he doesn't want the kids to be upset and because she can't make it on her own..though she's the one that doesn't want to be married anymore). So Thanksgiving with her and her family was awkward and not the best this year. I told him to call me later if he wanted to talk about it and he said that he would. Well he works at night..he texts me later and says that he'll talk to me soon, that he's talking to one of the girls at work..no problem..then texts me again later and says that it's nice to have shrink at work that he can talk to anytime and he feels better now. OK...well sooo glad that he has someone that he can talk to there (he lives 3 hours away) instead of talking to me, like he said he was going to. Has told me in the past that he really needed someone that he could talk to about things, etc. Well obviously..he doesn't need ME to talk to. It just annoys the hell out of me. Texts me and says "did you need to talk?" Ummmm...excuse me?...I thought YOU needed to talk? Anyway it doesn't matter. I told him not to worry about it and that I was glad he was feeling better. I should know better.
Then I have Sean B. texting me constantly or calling me constantly. It's come to the point that I don't answer his calls and most of the time, don't answer his texts. If I'm not available to talk 24/7, he's flipping out. "I don't have enough time for him," "I must be too busy to talk to him," "no wonder my ex left me," etc. etc. We have talked off and on (mostly on) over the phone for a couple of years. He is also 3 hours away. We haven't met yet. HE keeps putting it off. Even when I have been available and asked if he wanted to hang out, he comes up with an excuse. So that's kinda shady. He doesn't have kids..so that's another issue...if he needs all this attention now, how will it be if we ever got together? Would he be jealous of the time I spend on the kids? So whatever.
Then Paco..I don't know. I don't want to lead him on. I really like Mike K., but I don't know how that would work out anyway. I don't plan on moving any time soon..causing more stress for my kids. Yet I'm not postive I want to be in a long term relationship with someone who is 18 years older than me..and only a couple of years younger than my mom. That's just creepy to me.
.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
"SAD" AND OTHER HEALTH ISSUES
PAUL..if you're reading this..I LOVE your blog!!:) I'm just not able to comment on it for some reason?:( Drives me crazy. Any ideas, let me know.
I love this time of year!!:) BUT I also have a really hard time with it. The cold, the wind, the snow, the getting dark at 4:30pm thing. I get restless sometimes...don't know what to do with myself. I don't like the really hot days of Summer, but I have come to love the sunshine, the warmth, the being able to go outside and not freeze. Go to the mountains, take the kids to the park, etc. I have been going for walks some in the evenings or even later at night..just because I feel like I'm going to go crazy being "cooped" up. It's a long way to go until Spring...and I don't want to rush life any more than it already rushes. It FLIES by. Not always a good thing. So I find things to enjoy each day (or try to). I take one day at a time..sometimes one minute at a time.
I may go get check for Fibromyalgia (sp?) I probably don't have that. But my joints are worse than they have ever been. It seems like everything hurts..my ankle, my knees, my neck, my arms...sometimes it feels like the joints and other times it feels like the muscles. I don't know. All I know is that I find it hard to move sometimes and I don't like it.
I love this time of year!!:) BUT I also have a really hard time with it. The cold, the wind, the snow, the getting dark at 4:30pm thing. I get restless sometimes...don't know what to do with myself. I don't like the really hot days of Summer, but I have come to love the sunshine, the warmth, the being able to go outside and not freeze. Go to the mountains, take the kids to the park, etc. I have been going for walks some in the evenings or even later at night..just because I feel like I'm going to go crazy being "cooped" up. It's a long way to go until Spring...and I don't want to rush life any more than it already rushes. It FLIES by. Not always a good thing. So I find things to enjoy each day (or try to). I take one day at a time..sometimes one minute at a time.
I may go get check for Fibromyalgia (sp?) I probably don't have that. But my joints are worse than they have ever been. It seems like everything hurts..my ankle, my knees, my neck, my arms...sometimes it feels like the joints and other times it feels like the muscles. I don't know. All I know is that I find it hard to move sometimes and I don't like it.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!:)
I hope everyone has a wonderful day with your friends and family.:) I'm going to the community dinner with my mom and step-dad and I think that Phillip and Matthew are going too. Then will go to my ex-sister-in-law, Tina's. I thought it was nice of them to still invite me. Dominic doesn't want to go to either place..so anti-social..he's 9!LOL He's definitely the one with the most opinions and the one who doesn't like change at all.
I have started exercising again. I decided that I'm NOT going to gain everything that I have lost back again. No way. I was 317 the other day!! Talk about being depressed and disgusted. Now I'm down to around 314. Can't believe that I got down to 290 and then let myself gain this much back again.:( So will just have to work harder at losing it and keeping it off. For awhile..I was out-of-control with my eating. It seems like I couldn't stop eating carbs and eating A LOT of them. I hate when I don't have any willpower at all.
My friend, Joannie and I, went to see "Twilight-Breaking Dawn" on the 19th. I LOVED it!!! I haven't read any of the books..so it was all a surprise to me. Which I think is better.:)
I went over to Pacos' the night of the 12th. He is an awesome guy. I know that he would like a relationship, but I'm not sure that's what I want with him. Part of it is the age thing and another part is the fact that I really like Mike K. We have gotten closer over the past month and I would like to see where it goes.
I have started exercising again. I decided that I'm NOT going to gain everything that I have lost back again. No way. I was 317 the other day!! Talk about being depressed and disgusted. Now I'm down to around 314. Can't believe that I got down to 290 and then let myself gain this much back again.:( So will just have to work harder at losing it and keeping it off. For awhile..I was out-of-control with my eating. It seems like I couldn't stop eating carbs and eating A LOT of them. I hate when I don't have any willpower at all.
My friend, Joannie and I, went to see "Twilight-Breaking Dawn" on the 19th. I LOVED it!!! I haven't read any of the books..so it was all a surprise to me. Which I think is better.:)
I went over to Pacos' the night of the 12th. He is an awesome guy. I know that he would like a relationship, but I'm not sure that's what I want with him. Part of it is the age thing and another part is the fact that I really like Mike K. We have gotten closer over the past month and I would like to see where it goes.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
LIFES UP & DOWNS
Went to Colorado Springs with my friend, Tracy, on the 7th. It was fun.:) Nice to get away and talk to an old friend! There is a comfort knowing that this person has known me since I was 5 and knows how my life has been. I don't have to explain anything and she's always been there and has known me in my not so great times. Nothing like a childhood friend. I love all of my new friends too..but they can never know me like I "used to be." Anyway, I was able to buy a few Christmas presents.:) I think the boys will like them. I saw her new house that they just bought in Canon City as well...VERY NICE! I wish that my house was more "open" like that and not so gloomy. But I'm just thankful that I HAVE a house after everything that has happened.
Dave went to Denver yesterday for the weekend. The boys and I were going to go up today for Nicoles' kids' party, but decided against it. For one, the kids don't want to go and for another my jeep is acting weird and I don't want to get stuck somewhere. PLUS it's supposed to snow some tomorrow and I don't like driving in the mountains in the snow. Sean won't be happy with my decision, I'm sure, but we haven't really talked much this past week anyway. I don't hear from Jeff anymore. I still talk to Mike K and things are going really good.:) I hope that it stays that way. Makes me feel like I'm in high school again. That excitement when he calls me or I get a text from him....
I have known this guy..they call him Paco..since I was about 19 or 20. He's a bit older than me..he just turned 60. That's way too old for me. But he's a pretty cool guy and sweet. We still talk some when we see each other. He asked me to come over tonight and watch a movie, so I may just do that. Would be nice to hang out with a friend and just chill.
Jason is mad at me. He wanted to come stay a night last weekend (basically a booty call) and I made an excuse why he couldn't come over or whatever. If he called on a regular basis and we talked more..then maybe I wouldn't have a problem with it. But don't call me for a booty call once a month or so and that's the only time you talk to me. Not going to happen.
My mom got her cow elk on the 8th!!!:) It was her first elk that she's EVER gotten. I didn't know that. Her and my dad used to go hunting all the time when I was a kid, so I just assumed that she had gotten one before. So I'm very happy for her and proud of her.:) My step-dad has a buck tag, but not sure if he will get one or not. It really wears him out. Plus I'm worried about him. He is starting to get confused easily it seems and says words for things that don't make sense. Like he was going to get the gun out of the truck for my mom the other night (after hunting) and he said "I will get your airplane in a little bit." He didn't even realize that he had said that.:( He just turned 65 on the 6th. I hope that he's not getting Alzheimer's. My grandma had that and it's a HORRIBLE disease.
I went to a funeral the other day..one of the guys I went to school with...Randy...his mom had passed away. Even though Randy and I weren't close in school and didn't hang out together, we talk now when we see each other. I would like someone to be there for me when one of my loved ones die (hopefully not any time soon) and I wanted to be there for him. Just to let him know that I was there. Is that weird? It's hard now...getting older and having more people that you know die.
The weight isn't really going anywhere. I've started keeping a food journal. Trying to watch the carbs, but still around 313. I really need to do better...just don't know how sometimes.
Oh, the guy I hooked up with in August..don't know if I told you about that or not...Steve...anyway he works at 7-11 so I see him every now and then. He wanted just more sex and not anything else, so I said no thanks. Well he sent me a message on Facebook the other day and said that he wasn't ready for a relationship but he would like the sex part (I hadn't heard from him in awhile). I was at one of my weak points, so I said that maybe we could do that. Well I checked my Facebook again last night and he's like "never mind, you've been talking to so and so and spreading rumors and act like an adult," etc. I'm like WTF?! I don't even talk about this guy to anyone because he's not worth talking about..sorry to be so mean, but he pissed me off. I sent him a mesasge back and wasn't nice. Told him basically that he's an asshole. I hate when people accuse me of something that I NEVER did. That's one of the biggest "no nos" with me. He could have ASKED me, but he didn't. Then I called him (he was at work) and asked what he hell was going on. He said that there are rumors going around...and for some reason, he decided that they were coming from me. Whatever. He told me that if I wasn't going to be an "adult," then I can quit coming into the store when he's working. I'm like you can't tell me when to go into a store!!LOL I get tired of small town bullshit. So he just blew whatever chance he had with me. I don't need that kind of crap. I have enough drama of my own.
Dave went to Denver yesterday for the weekend. The boys and I were going to go up today for Nicoles' kids' party, but decided against it. For one, the kids don't want to go and for another my jeep is acting weird and I don't want to get stuck somewhere. PLUS it's supposed to snow some tomorrow and I don't like driving in the mountains in the snow. Sean won't be happy with my decision, I'm sure, but we haven't really talked much this past week anyway. I don't hear from Jeff anymore. I still talk to Mike K and things are going really good.:) I hope that it stays that way. Makes me feel like I'm in high school again. That excitement when he calls me or I get a text from him....
I have known this guy..they call him Paco..since I was about 19 or 20. He's a bit older than me..he just turned 60. That's way too old for me. But he's a pretty cool guy and sweet. We still talk some when we see each other. He asked me to come over tonight and watch a movie, so I may just do that. Would be nice to hang out with a friend and just chill.
Jason is mad at me. He wanted to come stay a night last weekend (basically a booty call) and I made an excuse why he couldn't come over or whatever. If he called on a regular basis and we talked more..then maybe I wouldn't have a problem with it. But don't call me for a booty call once a month or so and that's the only time you talk to me. Not going to happen.
My mom got her cow elk on the 8th!!!:) It was her first elk that she's EVER gotten. I didn't know that. Her and my dad used to go hunting all the time when I was a kid, so I just assumed that she had gotten one before. So I'm very happy for her and proud of her.:) My step-dad has a buck tag, but not sure if he will get one or not. It really wears him out. Plus I'm worried about him. He is starting to get confused easily it seems and says words for things that don't make sense. Like he was going to get the gun out of the truck for my mom the other night (after hunting) and he said "I will get your airplane in a little bit." He didn't even realize that he had said that.:( He just turned 65 on the 6th. I hope that he's not getting Alzheimer's. My grandma had that and it's a HORRIBLE disease.
I went to a funeral the other day..one of the guys I went to school with...Randy...his mom had passed away. Even though Randy and I weren't close in school and didn't hang out together, we talk now when we see each other. I would like someone to be there for me when one of my loved ones die (hopefully not any time soon) and I wanted to be there for him. Just to let him know that I was there. Is that weird? It's hard now...getting older and having more people that you know die.
The weight isn't really going anywhere. I've started keeping a food journal. Trying to watch the carbs, but still around 313. I really need to do better...just don't know how sometimes.
Oh, the guy I hooked up with in August..don't know if I told you about that or not...Steve...anyway he works at 7-11 so I see him every now and then. He wanted just more sex and not anything else, so I said no thanks. Well he sent me a message on Facebook the other day and said that he wasn't ready for a relationship but he would like the sex part (I hadn't heard from him in awhile). I was at one of my weak points, so I said that maybe we could do that. Well I checked my Facebook again last night and he's like "never mind, you've been talking to so and so and spreading rumors and act like an adult," etc. I'm like WTF?! I don't even talk about this guy to anyone because he's not worth talking about..sorry to be so mean, but he pissed me off. I sent him a mesasge back and wasn't nice. Told him basically that he's an asshole. I hate when people accuse me of something that I NEVER did. That's one of the biggest "no nos" with me. He could have ASKED me, but he didn't. Then I called him (he was at work) and asked what he hell was going on. He said that there are rumors going around...and for some reason, he decided that they were coming from me. Whatever. He told me that if I wasn't going to be an "adult," then I can quit coming into the store when he's working. I'm like you can't tell me when to go into a store!!LOL I get tired of small town bullshit. So he just blew whatever chance he had with me. I don't need that kind of crap. I have enough drama of my own.
Friday, November 4, 2011
FRIDAY MORNING
My youngest, Matthew, turned 8 yesterday! That's sooo hard to believe! That my "baby" is 8! Time goes by sooo fast. I took some cupcakes to school for him. Then after he got out I took him to the Mexican Restaurant that he wanted to go to.:) My oldest, Phillip, went with us. Then went down to moms' for cake, ice cream and presents. I got him a couple of little transformers and a Spongebob DVD. He liked all of those OK, but mom got him a nice, soft blanket with deer on it and he LOVES that!LOL You never know what they will like from one minute to the next. Then he went with his dad for awhile. I took the two older ones to see "Paranormal Activity 3." My niece said it was stupid, but I thought it was a really good movie! Scared the hell out of me!!LOL That makes it a good movie in my opinion. Of course, didn't like the ending...maybe leaving it open for another one? Who knows.
Mom and Duke are going to Grand Junction today to see my sister and niece. They want to go before the weather gets worse. The mountain passes suck during the winter. There is another storm coming in tomorrow, so I think they'll go over for a few hours and come back. It's a 4 hour trip though..so it will be a long day for them.
Sean and I are talking again and I plan on seeing him in Denver next Saturday. We will see how that goes. I was thinking about it and I have been talking to him off and on for over TWO years, not one like I put in the last post. Time goes by too fast sometimes. I'm still talking to Mike K and he's totally cool. He's easy to talk to and I enjoy getting his calls and texts.
I'm going to Colorado Springs Christmas shopping on Monday with my friend Tracy. She called and asked if I wanted to go. I don't have a lot of money, but maybe can spend a little. Christmas will be hard this year...hell it's hard EVERY year.
Dave wants me to start letting him take the two younger ones to Denver with him on weekends when he goes sometimes. I know that eventually I will have to, but I'm not happy about it. I know they need their dad and I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with Gracie. I don't trust her not to say things about me and try to turn them against me. But the boys are getting older and I know that I can't protect them forever from all the bad in the world.:( I would if I could, believe me.
Mom and Duke are going to Grand Junction today to see my sister and niece. They want to go before the weather gets worse. The mountain passes suck during the winter. There is another storm coming in tomorrow, so I think they'll go over for a few hours and come back. It's a 4 hour trip though..so it will be a long day for them.
Sean and I are talking again and I plan on seeing him in Denver next Saturday. We will see how that goes. I was thinking about it and I have been talking to him off and on for over TWO years, not one like I put in the last post. Time goes by too fast sometimes. I'm still talking to Mike K and he's totally cool. He's easy to talk to and I enjoy getting his calls and texts.
I'm going to Colorado Springs Christmas shopping on Monday with my friend Tracy. She called and asked if I wanted to go. I don't have a lot of money, but maybe can spend a little. Christmas will be hard this year...hell it's hard EVERY year.
Dave wants me to start letting him take the two younger ones to Denver with him on weekends when he goes sometimes. I know that eventually I will have to, but I'm not happy about it. I know they need their dad and I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with Gracie. I don't trust her not to say things about me and try to turn them against me. But the boys are getting older and I know that I can't protect them forever from all the bad in the world.:( I would if I could, believe me.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
WEDNESDAY
Sometimes I can't think of anything to title my post...so I will just make it an obvious one.:) Halloween went well. Took the boys trick-or-treating. It was really nice out...no snow!!LOL They had fun, but got "over it" after their bags were about half full. They just wanted to get home to eat their candy!!
Still talking to Mike K., but not so much to Jeff H. Now sure why Jeff isn't texting much, but that's on him. Mike and his wife are separated right now...she needs to "find herself." I think they will end up back together. Which is a GOOD thing. They have 3 little kids and all. Yes I like him, but I wouldn't come between that. I know how that feels. I don't know for sure that they will get back together, but if they do, I will be supportive. He sent me a few little gifts that I got on the 31st! I was sooo surprised! I haven't gotten anything like that "just because" in years. He said it was a Halloween gift and a token of his friendship. He got me some earrings, a really nice necklace, a pack of gum, some tic tacs and a really nice friendship card. Is that cool or what? Made my day.:)
I think that I have talked about Sean B. before, but it might have been awhile. Not sure. We have talked off and on for over a year. He was going to go to the party with me on the 12th (would be the first time meeting). Well, I don't always have time to text back right away. Plus he has an overnight job and he gets upset when he calls at 2:00am or whatever and I don't answer. I'm sleeping!! Anyway, I told him I would call him last night. He had texted me yesterday to call him, but I had gone to Colorado Springs with my mom and Duke and told him that it would be nice to talk alone. Before I could call last night...he texted me and told me to just forget it. That since I didn't call, I was a liar. Told me to fuck off. That he thought I was smarter than that (to be able to push buttons on a phone). That I was self centered and don't care about anyone but myself. Damn. Guess he told me. So I didn't say anything back to him..what am I going to say?? Before he sent me the last few rude texts, I told him that it was over, that I didn't need to deal with that. That he needed to find someone without kids, who could put all the focus on him. He just tried to call a gain a little bit ago, but didn't answer. What am I going to say??
It snowed here this morning! We have like 5-6 inches and it's still snowing. Mom and Duke were going to go over to Grand Junction to see my sister, Cindy and my 1 year old niece, Jasmine, today, but with the snow, they won't. There are a few mountain passes to go over and it's not a fun thing. It's supposed to be "nice" tomorrow and Friday and snow again on Saturday. Then next weekend is supposed to be nice..which is awesome since I am planning on going to Denver.
I weighed myself on Monday and was 310...so down a pound from last week. I had gotten down to 290 at one point. Can't believe that I let myself gain back 20+ lbs.!:( Then Monday and Tuesday I ate way too much and felt like crap. Today is a new day and I WILL be better. Exercising, drinking more water, not eating as much, etc. It's just not easy. Wish me luck!! First main goal is 300 lbs
Still talking to Mike K., but not so much to Jeff H. Now sure why Jeff isn't texting much, but that's on him. Mike and his wife are separated right now...she needs to "find herself." I think they will end up back together. Which is a GOOD thing. They have 3 little kids and all. Yes I like him, but I wouldn't come between that. I know how that feels. I don't know for sure that they will get back together, but if they do, I will be supportive. He sent me a few little gifts that I got on the 31st! I was sooo surprised! I haven't gotten anything like that "just because" in years. He said it was a Halloween gift and a token of his friendship. He got me some earrings, a really nice necklace, a pack of gum, some tic tacs and a really nice friendship card. Is that cool or what? Made my day.:)
I think that I have talked about Sean B. before, but it might have been awhile. Not sure. We have talked off and on for over a year. He was going to go to the party with me on the 12th (would be the first time meeting). Well, I don't always have time to text back right away. Plus he has an overnight job and he gets upset when he calls at 2:00am or whatever and I don't answer. I'm sleeping!! Anyway, I told him I would call him last night. He had texted me yesterday to call him, but I had gone to Colorado Springs with my mom and Duke and told him that it would be nice to talk alone. Before I could call last night...he texted me and told me to just forget it. That since I didn't call, I was a liar. Told me to fuck off. That he thought I was smarter than that (to be able to push buttons on a phone). That I was self centered and don't care about anyone but myself. Damn. Guess he told me. So I didn't say anything back to him..what am I going to say?? Before he sent me the last few rude texts, I told him that it was over, that I didn't need to deal with that. That he needed to find someone without kids, who could put all the focus on him. He just tried to call a gain a little bit ago, but didn't answer. What am I going to say??
It snowed here this morning! We have like 5-6 inches and it's still snowing. Mom and Duke were going to go over to Grand Junction to see my sister, Cindy and my 1 year old niece, Jasmine, today, but with the snow, they won't. There are a few mountain passes to go over and it's not a fun thing. It's supposed to be "nice" tomorrow and Friday and snow again on Saturday. Then next weekend is supposed to be nice..which is awesome since I am planning on going to Denver.
I weighed myself on Monday and was 310...so down a pound from last week. I had gotten down to 290 at one point. Can't believe that I let myself gain back 20+ lbs.!:( Then Monday and Tuesday I ate way too much and felt like crap. Today is a new day and I WILL be better. Exercising, drinking more water, not eating as much, etc. It's just not easy. Wish me luck!! First main goal is 300 lbs
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