GETTING BETTER

I have been starting to feel a bit better.  I still have a cough & some stuff in my chest, but the fever has stayed gone & my oxygen levels are like 94%, so that's all good.  I went back to the doctor for a follow up on the 16th.  She wanted me to let her know immediately if the fever came back & that we would just have to be careful about the whole pneumonia thing from now on.  I go back for another chest x-ray on the 24th & also some blood work.  The spots on my thyroid showed up during the CAT scan, so she's going to do a blood test & see what's going on with that & "keep an eye on it."  Also check me again for diabetes...because I basically have pre-diabetes, check my cholesterol, etc.  I have a "fatty liver," which I have known about for a little while.  They ask if I drink.  I used to go out & drink quite a bit, but haven't in a long time & it was never on a regular basis.  I know that high fat foods can cause that as well.  So we'll see how it all goes.  My kids are doing good as far as getting over being sick goes.  Matthew still has a cough going, but he also has seasonal asthma, so he's better if he uses his inhaler when he needs to.  Phillip isn't working anymore.  It came under new management & they just didn't think he was fast enough, but that maybe after school starts again & Summer is over, he can try to go back.  I thought it was nice of them to say that he could go back if he wanted to.  I don't know if he will or not.  I told him that this Summer, he can do some school stuff (he goes to the alternative high school & can work on different things for credits), start seeing his therapist again (he has anger issues & depression) & lose some weight.  He would feel better if he did.  I think it would be easier for him since he's only 17 & he's a guy.  They seem to be able to lose weight faster than women.  He just needs to find the motivation to do it.  To go for walks or whatever & to not eat so much & definitely not eat the carbs like he does.  It frustrates me that he's so unmotivated to do anything.  I hope that he figures it out soon. 

My niece (the one who lives with my mom) has been stressing even me out a bit these days.  She says they can't afford to move out & get their own place.  Well they are going to have to figure out a way.  They don't help mom around the house at all.   They live there basically for free.  Bring home food for themselves & not even ask mom if she wants anything.  They go to the mountains on a regular basis to "find rocks."  Yes they find some cool ones sometimes & are even able to sell some of them, but that's not going to pay rent.  He also works on cars some...but when they do have money, they blow it fast.  Instead of putting it aside for rent or whatever, they are going out to eat, buying new clothes, etc.  They have lived with mom for over a year now.  She also has a couple of dogs.  Mom has really never really liked dogs...not big ones anyway...and Justine has a pit.  Mom puts up with that one & the other little dog that she has. But Justine is always looking in the paper for dogs or cats & then she gets mad when mom says that there is to be absolutely NO MORE animals brought into her house.  Justine KNOWS this, but continues to look & then get's all pissed off when she can't have one that she likes.  Then Brandon (her bf) left his dog with his ex since he can't have it at mom's.  Well now she says that he either takes the dog or she's going to take it to the animal shelter, so they are flipping out about that & want mom to let them have the dog at her house.  WTF don't they understand about no more animals??  Half the time (more so really) MOM is the one that is cleaning up the dog poop in the yard.  They don't.  Even though mom doesn't like their pit, she's the one that makes sure she has water when it's hot out.  They do to an extent, but not on a regular basis.  It's just a bunch of different things that they do or don't do that is stressing mom & everyone else out.  Yes my kids stay down there some....but it's mostly Dominic & he helps out when she asks him to.  She'll ask Justine to do something & it rarely gets done.  My youngest sister, Cindy, was up over the weekend (Justine's mom).  Cindy has been with her fiancee for quite a few years now & they have a 4 year old daughter together, Jasmine.  Plus his son from a previous relationship, Nathan.  They all came over to visit & do some other things.   They hadn't seen Maximux (Justine's son) since he was born in February, so they were excited to see him.  Cindy bought Max some "swimming diapers" so that they could all go up swimming yesterday.  Cindy was even paying for it all.  Well Justine didn't want to go because it was "too hot" out....ummmmm....that's why you go swimming, right??  Cindy was disappointed.  I don't blame her.  She hardly gets to see them.  It's not like Justine & Brandon don't drag Max out to the mountains or wherever when it's hot out.  She was just being rude.  No Cindy wasn't the best mom to Justine (she was 14 when she had her)...but she's trying now & is much better with Jasmine.  Justine should make the effort to at least be civil.  Family crap is always stressful.  I have always tried to keep the peace, but it's not always easy to do.  I agree with mom about the no pet thing, it IS her house.  Plus mom is still dealing with the death of her husband in July 2013.  She still has a hard time with it.  She has health problems & I don't think she needs the added stress.  She doesn't want Max living in the truck or in a shelter or whatever, otherwise she would just kick them out.  They need to get their own place.  They would be happier too.  I wouldn't want to stay with someone who didn't want me there.  Mom loves Max but refuses to get too attached, because of the way Cindy was with Justine.  It's a whole other story, but basically mom loved Justine so much & Cindy (who was on drugs at the time), would use that against her.  As in "you'll never see her again if you don't do this or act like this," etc.  She did the same thing to me, but I still love Max totally.  You just have to hope that things will be a bit different & if they're not, then you deal with it then.  I know I ramble a lot, but just needed to vent some.  I love my niece, but she & her boyfriend really need to get themselves together & figure out how to rent a place.  

PNEUMONIA

Yep it totally came on all of a sudden.  It's a bit of a story, so if you don't want to hear it (it could be boring)...then I totally understand.   My middle son had been sick the last 2 weeks of the school year.  I was trying not to get it.  I hate being sick any time of the year, but when it's warmer out, it seems worse to me.  Plus I get a little paranoid anymore because I had gotten pneumonia in June 2012 for the first time ever...and it was a horrible experience.  Once you've had it, you're more likely to get it again.  I had an pneumonia vaccination about 2 years ago...they say you need one every 5 years.  I started feeling like crap on June 2nd...tried to ignore it.  Mom & I had plans on the 3rd to meet some family friends up in the mountains to spread the ashes of another family friend.  I went ahead and went because I didn't feel "too" bad.  We had to walk a ways to spread the ashes...up a hill...OK...for one I'm fat.  So I knew I wasn't going to make it the entire way to begin with...no way.  But I also had that crap starting in my chest...I'm wheezing & coughing, etc.  I made it a ways, but that was it for me.  I went & waited in the truck...feeling embarrassed really.  After we made it back home that afternoon...I decided that I had better go to Wal Mart before I felt worse.  My youngest was with me.  Coming back to the apartment, I grabbed some bags & came up...that was it...I was done.  I told Matthew that I was sorry, but that he was going to have to bring up the rest.  I just couldn't breathe.  He was awesome & did that & put things away that needed to be put in the fridge or the freezer.  Mom called later & said that I probably had pneumonia again & should go to the doctor.  I didn't listen to her soon enough the first time, so went ahead & went to the doctor the next day.  By then, I had started running a fever around 101.  I don't get fevers a lot.  She listened to my lungs, etc, etc.  Said that I just needed to rest, if it got worse to let her know, but she didn't hear anything in my lungs.  By that night...I was miserable, so went to the ER...of course, after I had managed to make myself get out of bed (the chills were crazy), having 2 of my kids go with me, I get to the ER & I'm sweating.  My fever had come down some & they didn't see a need for a chest X-ray or anything, so he gave me a prescription for antibiotics & sent me on my way.  The next 3 days are a blur of thinking I was dying, having chills so bad that they hurt (which I would prefer) OR feeling like I was going to burn up & spontaneously combust.  It was bad.  Matthew did what he could, be wasn't feeling great by then either.  He would bring me ice water, cold washcloths, turn the fan on or off, etc.  I sipped a lot of water, but had no appetite.  I couldn't bring myself to go back to the ER...I didn't feel like walking downstairs & driving there really.  My mom came around some insisting that I DID have pneumonia, the doctor was stupid, etc.  I didn't want her around too much, because  I don't want her getting sick or getting my 4 month old great-nephew sick.  I even called the doctor on Saturday or Sunday & told her how high the fever had gotten...103.4.  She said "the virus just needs to work it's way out of your body."  I told her I had gone to the ER.  She asked me what their "diagnosis" was & asked why they gave me antibiotics.  So whatever.  Monday, I call and make an appt, because I just can't deal with it.  I feel like I'm dying.  I just want someone to DO something to make me feel better again.  I had a 2:30pm appt & my ex husband is the only one who could take me.  Luckily, we now talk civilly.  I get down there, get a "mask," they tell me I look like hell & I go sit down.  30-40 minutes LATER...people have come in after me & have already been seen & left...keeps happening.  I'm just trying to stay alive at this point.  Wonder if people can see that I'm melting.  My ex is just about to say something to someone, when one of the nurses comes out to get yet another person & asks me if I'm OK.  I'm like no.  So they get me in...my temp is 103.7.  They put one of those oxygen things on my fingers.  It takes a while to register and then it stays around 85%-88%...then it just turns off.  Well I'm HOT, but my fingers are freezing.  She tells me that sometimes it can't get a reading.  Shows me how purplish my fingernails are.  She still can't hear anything in my lungs.  So sends me to the ER.  She calls over there first, so when I get there, they're expecting me, which is good, because there are a lot of people in there.  They bring me a wheelchair & I go back for blood tests & a chest x-ray.  The doctor on call, the same one who was there Thursday night when I was there, seems surprised that they didn't do all of these tests then.  OK?  So we wait...and nothing.  Then a nurse comes back in for more blood, they are now checking for blood clots.  More waiting...the blood test comes back positive, so now they want to do a CAT scan to look for blood clots.  So I get that done..at the very end of it..it feels like my lower left back kind of "inflates" real quick & it hurts for like 15-20 seconds.  I tell the guy & he said that was weird & asks me about it again back in the ER & if it hurts anymore...it doesn't.  After about another hour of waiting...the doctor comes back in kinda laughs & says "you really gave us quite the runaround."  He said that there are no blood clots, but that I DO have pneumonia in my lower left lung...(where I had felt that weird thing)...though I forget to mention this to him.  Nobody...and there were many who checked...had heard anything in my lungs thru the stethoscope.  It didn't even show up on just the chest x-ray.  He told me to quit taking the antibiotics that I was already taking...they weren't going to help at all & that he would start me on a 7 day course of this really strong antibiotic (it's also used to treat Anthrax).  My fever was gone after I took the first one & hasn't been back since.  I know that doctors aren't miracle workers & don't know everything.  I'm just annoyed that my regular doctor basically refused to listen to how I felt.  If it "wasn't that bad," I wouldn't have been calling her about it on a weekend.  I'm not a baby.  I haven't decided if I will change doctors or not.  I live in a small town & there isn't a huge selection.  I just don't like not being taken seriously.  Pneumonia may be treatable now, but it's still a serious thing.  I'm still tired, still short of breath, still have to "take it easy."  I guess I "sound" better, because that's what people keep telling me.  They must also think that I feel 100% better.  Back to running my oldest to work, my youngest to the doctor, then to get meds at the store, etc.  Yes I feel a bit better (Thank God!)...but I'm not going to bounce back in a few days.  I feel panicky that I won't feel better EVER, but I know that's not the right way to think about it & that I will feel better, have more energy & be able to do things again soon.  I'm scared of dying.  I don't want to leave my kids.  I'm thinking...what have I done??  I need to get better NOW so I can get healthier & quit all the nonsense that doesn't make me stronger.  There is a list of risk factors that make you more likely to get pneumonia: 

• infants & children
• adults over 65
• people who have lowered immune systems
• people who have COPD
• people who are diabetic
• smokers                                                                         

I'm none of those things....so I have no clue.  I had to take Matthew to the doctor today because he is coughing so hard.  The doctor (a different one) heard something in his left lung, so is going to start him on antibiotics.  I checked my oxygen when I was there & it's staying around 88%.  I can't sleep.  I don't know what that's about...but have NO LUCK at all.  I lay there...for hours...maybe sleep for 2 hours a night, then I'm awake again.  I know I need to sleep for awhile & just rest, but as soon as I try...too much stuff going on in my head.  I rarely suffer from insomnia...so I guess this is just one of those things that you have to deal with & get thru.  The ER doctor also asked if I knew that I had a nodule on my thyroid.  Geez...I have gotten blood tests checking that thing a zillion times over the years & it's always been "fine."  I'm not even going to mention that until later.  I'm just focusing on this one battle at the moment.  On the "bright side," I have lost like 6-7 lbs.  For a total of 22 lbs now.:)