THURSDAY

Things are about the same.  Dave is always in my face.  Calling, texting,..etc.  I go to Bingo on Wednesday nights usually, last night he asked if he could go, since he "hadn't been in a long time."  I told him it was a free country & he could do what he wanted.  He did it to spend time with me.  It annoys me.  I was texting some while there & he kept asking who I was texting, if it was JM, etc.  I was texting him some, but was texting a couple of other friends.  I told him that & he actually had the nerve to ask if he could see my phone!!  WTF?!  Needless to say, I told him hell no.  He was grumpy the rest of the night.  He cries to me in front of the kids now..which isn't a good thing.  But I can't say much, since I used to do the same thing.  I want him to be happy..but he has to understand that it's not going to be with me.  There have too many things that have happened & been said.  Just a few weeks ago..he told me even if Gracie wasn't in the picture, that it wouldn't have worked for us, because he was unhappy.  Has told me a zillion times that he's not "in love" with me anymore.  I haven't changed..I'm still basically the same person I was when he left me.  He wasn't happy with me then...he won't be happy with me now...he just doesn't want to be alone.  I have gone to Vegas a couple of times in the past few years & I was talking about it last night some...saying that I need to get away..he's like "so when are we going?"  Meaning, when are we going to Vegas together...geez. 

I seriously just need to get away by myself for a weekend.  I don't know if I could swing it or not..depends on how much it would cost.  Would love to have someplace by a lake, so I could just go chill the hell out.  I would take my cell phone with me, but just in case of an emergency.  Other than that, I wouldn't talk to anyone.  That includes JM.  I need to figure out what I want to do.  I love him & he loves me.  I just don't know if that's enough?  I want it to be.  Sometimes I just don't feel that he makes that much of an effort to be with me.  He calls & texts some...but the past few days...it's been barely.  So I haven't been texting much either.  He doesn't feel that anything is wrong.  So maybe it's just me.  I would just like a bit more attention, I guess.  I know...I need too much attention as is!!LOL

I left my ipod outside the other night...didn't know that I did...must have fell out of my pocket.  Dominic found it yesterday...after it had rained all night.:(   So it's totally ruined.  I'm a bit bummed about that.  I don't like the new "ipods" they are coming out with now..way too small. 

I was going to take the kids to the zoo in Colorado Springs this weekend..still might, but not sure yet.  Marsha is having a birthday party in Pueblo for her two younger kids this weekend as well & asked if I wanted to come down.  I had asked JM to go with us to the zoo..but he may have to go back to Seattle for the weekend to fill out some more papers.  His mom went last Monday to do it & came back the next day.  So I'm just not going to ask him again.  I wanted him to meet my kids, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen for awhile.  I'm supposed to go down to see him next weekend (the 21st).   He says he wants to meet my kids...but he doesn't act like it.  He always seems to have something going on when I want to do something with him & them.  Well not always..he was in Seattle last month when we had gone down to Colorado Springs & hung out. 

I'm supposed to be going up to help my mom clean this one ladys' house today that she cleans every week..but I'm running a bit slow this morning.:(   I will get there to do it, but since I will be late..she'll be like "never mind."  Not in a nice way either.LOL