FEELING CRAZY.....

I don't know how much more of this I can deal with.  Dave is being ridiculous.  First he's begging Gracie to get back with him...then when he was texting her last night, a guy texted him & told him to back off, that Gracie was with him now & to leave her alone.  So now Dave totally is in "get back with Tammy" mode.  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  He tells me to break up with JM, that it won't work anyway, that long distance relationships never do, that the boys would be happy if we got back together (Phillip told me not to be stupid).  He says that he's sorry for messing things up & being a jerk.  I just don't have any feelings towards him anymore.  Then today.,,I KNOW better than to be at my house alone when he wants to come by & talk.  I told him that we could meet in public...but he didn't want to "cry in front of people."  So I told him that he could come over & we could talk, but that he needed to keep his hands off of me.  Needless to say, he didn't.  I had to actually demand that he stop trying to kiss me & pressure me into more.  He was "but I love you, I need you,"  Finally I told him that he had to leave.  He told me to think about what he said.  Every time he brings the boys down to my moms' after school or on weekends....since I don't want to be at home when he comes by...he's constantly telling the boys to come in & get me because he needs to talk to me.  Him pressuring me...it brings back unpleasant memories of things that happened when I was a kid...was molested by a couple of male cousins.  One was a bit "off," so I have forgiven him over time..but the other one had no excuse.  He doesn't live around here anymore..but when I DO see him, I still get that disgusted feeling...that's how I have started feeling around Dave.  I put negative feelings & emotions into the back of my mind when I was a kid, so I wouldn't have to deal with it.  This is bringing back all sorts of horrible memories that I would still rather not deal with.  I actually feel trapped.  Feels like my head is going to explode or something.  I feel like shooting myself (which I wouldn't do) or running away..but what would that solve?  Besides, I wouldn't leave my kids.  When things calm down a little...which is hardly ever it seems...&  I start feeling a little more calm...then something else happens to shake things up again.