I don't know what to do with my life as pathetic as that may sound. If I could do anything what would I do? Run away. That's how I feel right now. Where would I go? I have no idea. Away from here. Away from it all. But I won't...because I have responsibilities...but the lure is there. To just disappear...start over. Be someone, something different. I feel so much pressure here. I love my family...just a lot of stress & drama sometimes. Hard to deal with. I can't deal with Dave right now. I don't even want to. Don't know how to get him to leave me the hell alone. Why even try to get me back?? It makes no sense. He says he loves me, wants me, he's sorry for the past 3 years, he won't ever hurt me like that again, etc. It's bullshit. It has nothing to do with me..even though he insists that it does. He doesn't have any money, he doesn't want to live with his sister anymore, he doesn't want to be alone. THAT's why he wants me back & that's the only reason as I see it. I don't have the feelings for him anymore that I once had. He thinks that we can get all of the feelings back. I don't even want to try. Am I totally happy with my life right now? No I'm not...there are a few things that could be better..that I need to work on. But I wouldn't be happy with Dave. I can say that & KNOW that's true. I don't have any desire for him at all. It makes me sad to see him hurting so much, but I don't know what he expects me to do about it. I just can't be there for him like he wants me to be. He won't accept that.
Then I had posted something on Facebook the other day, how people who have never been fat, don't "get it." That I was tired of people being so shallow. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, I was stating a fact. Dave's nephew, Roger..who I have always got along with..just basically let me have it. Out of nowhere. He NEVER posts on my page...I didn't even know he looked at my posts. His mom & sister are heavy. That's why I don't get where he got off saying what he did. Yes, to say something if you know what you're talking about is one thing..but we see him MAYBE once a year. He doesn't know what's going on in my life, what I do, etc.
Roger: i love u that is why im going say this get off ur ass and do some thing about it then. In sted of tring to eat ur sorows away go for a walk insted of stuffing ur fucking face! And take ur son with u b a positive exampal for him in sted of a nagitive one if u love him u will do this and then u mite to start to love ur self sorry tuff love is supost to hurt . love u
Me: Wow really??? Considering we see you once a year if that...I'm not sure you have any room to say anything. You don't know WHAT I do and you don't bother to ask. So don't go off on me. My sorrows? Are you fucking kiddiing me??? What do you know about my "sorrows?" You are being a total asshole... and I say that because I love you. Don't even talk about my son...a positive or a negative influence??? If I love him I will do this?? Ummmm....maybe you should talk to your uncle about being a positive or negative influence on him..oh wait..Phillip doesn't want anything to do with him...guess it's too late for that. I won't even say anything else about other members of the family..that would start a whole other drama. BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT.
There will always be haters. I get that. But when that someone is a family member that you never had issues with before...I don't know how to take that.
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