FEELING BETTER....BUT

I'm finally feeling better..Thank God.  I have found if you don't have your health..you pretty much have nothing.  I still have a little ways to go..need to see the doctor again in the morning.  Then need to start packing up my house and trying to figure some things out.  Jeff & I talk...but it's not as easy as it was before.  I hate that.  I think that things are OK for now...we both want to spend a little more time together and see how it goes, but I don't see it really working out, even though I REALLY want it to.  Guess you can't force relationships..it's either there or it isn't.  We care about each other and all, but sometimes it takes more than that.  He's hard to figure out..yet he says that I'm the one that's confusing.  I'm not the one who changed out of nowhere...so I don't know.  I get too intense too fast and I know that...think I would be able to control that by now, but I can't.  His birthday is on Sunday..so sending a couple of things out tomorrow.  Nothing major...but some cute little things. 
I usually continue to talk to numerous other guys on-line or whatever even when I'm talking to one guy that I really like.  I haven't been doing that since I met JM.  I don't know if that means anything or not.  I just know that he gives me butterflies.  BUT I also feel kinda panicky and things sometimes too...is he going to text, when is he going to text, should I text first, etc.  It wasn't like that at first and it sucks that it's that way now.  He says I matter to him...but he doesn't always act like that anymore.  He admits that things have changed..but yet he still wants us to 'try.'  Hell if I know what I'm doing.  Maybe this is why I shouldn't go for younger guys..but then again...older guys can be just as finicky.  I guess I just need to find someone that is as intense as I am...at least be intense about ME.  But then why even bother to look or try to hang on to whatever it is I have with JM?  Who wants to get hurt again?  Defnitely not me.  I guess the good side of being sick & also being stressed out about things is that I have lost 10 lbs in like a week.  I don't feel like eating anything...hopefully that will continue.  Maybe if I was thinner...guys would be more interested in me.  Well duh...I KNOW they would.  It just sucks..because I will still be the same person no matter what I weigh.  I'm just really sad & overwhelmed with things right now & don't know what the hell to do.