FRIDAY NIGHT

The younger two and I are at home...exciting life I lead.:) Dominic is playing the X Box and Matthew is laying next to me on the bed watching TV. I feel like I should go to bed and start another day pronto.LOL Today wasn't THAT bad..but not one of my better days. Food-wise or anything else. I ate way too much. I feel bloated and disgusted with myself. So hopefully tomorrow will be a better day where that is concerned and I will have some willpower.

Phillip went to Denver with Dave today. It was hard..but I guess not as hard as I thought it would be..not as hard as it used to be. What IS hard is when Phillip calls from there (I asked him to) and he sounds happy and like he's having a good time. That just makes me feel totally unwanted and not needed. It was bad enough when it was just my ex not wanting me and needing me..but then I feel that I'm not a good enough mom at these times too..even though I know that's crazy. I do the best I can and love my boys more than my own life. Someday I WILL get totally past this..I just can't say when.

Then I wasn't going to gamble on-line anymore. Well that went out the window. I really need to stop. Worse is that I use my moms' checking account and even though I cover all the money I spend, the fact is she will know (she knows that I have done it before, but told me to stop). I don't look forward to THAT conversation. Hell I'm 41 and I shouldn't even be doing crap like that. I should have just opened my own checking account (I closed mine years ago..because it's better NOT to have checks). Anyway, I need to chill and quit being stupid.

You know how I said before that either all the guys are talking to me or none? Right now, it's none. Which is probably good, because I don't feel like talking to anyone really. Believe me, that's a rare thing for me!!LOL I just get in these moods sometimes where I just want to be unsociable. This is one of those times.

I'm planning on going to Vegas on the 18th-22nd to see a friend. I look forward to that.:) The first time I was there as an adult was last July and it was just for a couple of days, but I had a blast! My friends' name is Chris. He's a cool guy and just a friend. We have a little bit of chemistry, but nothing major. We had fun hanging out last Summer and I think we'll have fun this time. It was his idea for me to come out and is paying for half of it. I thought that was cool. I do feel weird leaving the kids though. I just worry a lot. My mom will watch them most of that week, since Dave has to work. I hope she feels up to it. Now I just need to find a ride to the airport in Denver!!