I'm having issues. Obviously I still love and care about Dave too much.:( Every time he goes up to Denver to see Gracie...for the few days before, while he's there and for a couple of days after he gets back..I'm pretty much a bitch.:( I can barely live with myself. I get moody and everything else. It's hard. We got into an argument last night and I get a little loud at times. It started in person, but then it was over the phone. So he told me while we were on the phone that he didn't have to put up with me yelling at him and he hung up on me!!! I hate that!!! He has never done that before. I get sooo damn annoyed. He doesn't want to just sit down and talk to me about anything. He has never once sat down and told the kids anything about what is going on and he's the one that left! Why should I have to be the one??? Then all 3 of them are upset that he's planning on moving. He hasn't told them much about that. I told them that if they are upset about it, then they need to tell him that. Me telling him that just causes another fight. I'm soooo mad at him right now. Dominic (9 year old) doesn't show emotions much. Last night, he kept asking me if he could have a hug. Then I asked him if he was sad and he said "kinda" and I asked why. He said he didn't want dad to move. Dave thinks that this is all going to be so fucking easy and that the kids will "adapt." Whatever. He doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself. Phillip is going to Denver with him this weekend and it's hard for me to let him go, but I'm not going to make him feel bad about it. Dave doesn't want to hear that he's being a selfish jerk. Then he wants me to meet Gracie. Yes I have to at some point, but I don't think I should have to any time soon. She knows way too much about me and I feel uncomfortable with that and a lot of other things. Dave has told her God knows what and I don't like her having that kind of power over me. Obviously I haven't totally let go of Dave and I need to start. We have been talking and acting like she's not in the picture. Talking and joking like we used to when we were together. It doesn't mean anything to him, because he is over me. But it means something to me, because I'm not over him. So I just need to work on staying away from him, not talking to him, depending on him for things, etc. It's not going to be easy. But nothing ever is. He's the one I have turned to for years...how do I get past that? I have no idea.
As for the kids...I don't know what to do. They go and spend time with him every day. I don't have a problem with that..I think it's a good idea. In the divorce papers, he has them on weekends and that's pretty much it. So I have been being decent about it...having them go over there daily. BUT here's my thing. They are so used to going over there every day and seeing him, spending time with him, having fun with him, etc. Then one of these days..in the not too far future..he will be 3 hours away. Shouldn't I then start just having them go over a few times a week and then on weekends? Then cut the weekly thing down some more until they just see him on the weekends, so it won't be such a shock to their systems when he's not here at all anymore? I don't know what to do.
I don't even want to answer his calls today (if he does call), because what's the point? But then I'm being immature, right? I just don't feel like dealing with him today. Starting next week, I think I will just start picking the boys up from school instead of them going over to his place..actually his sisters' place. At least for next week and see how it goes. I just need to chill out and try to figure out my life without him and distance myself from him as much as I can. I should have done it a long time ago.
2 comments:
I think your kids need this time with their dad before he goes, keeping them away is going to make them resent you.. PLUS if he is spending all this time with the kids, don't you think when he leaves he will realize how much he is going to miss them, how much he misses that time with them. People don't realize how much they miss what they use to have, until it's gone. He will leave, his kids will be calling him, telling him how much they miss him.. I think it will tear at his heart strings.. I don't know how it couldn't... just a thought! Keep your head up k? Things always have a way of working out in the end.. u may not see it but they do
You don't know how much it means to me to get someone elses' opinion that's not close to the situation. I know that I have to let them see their dad as much as possible and for him to see them. I just need to take myself out of it...which is killing me.:( Kinda mad at myself that I haven't done it before now. Always had that hope....
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