I had a good time this past weekend.:) Though it wore me out! All the driving about kicked my butt. Went to see Ron on Friday...got there around 4:00pm...traffic into Denver was crazy! He's a cool guy...though he doesn't have much patience with anyone and every other word seems to be "fuck." He's Italian, he's a little shorter than me. Wears baggy clothes...which looks good on him..even though he IS 39. Has a Boston accent..which I love. Wears quite a bit of jewelry...a couple of rings some chains and all. We went and got the room, then went and got something to eat. We then went to a bar called "The Cuckoo's Nest." They have a free poker tournament that you have to sign up for. So he signed us up for that. If you're the last one in, then you get a $25 bar tab...you spend more than that on drinks while you're playing!LOL I had never played Texas Hold'em in "real life," only on the computer, so I was afraid I was going to make a complete fool of myself. I did OK though and stayed in for about an hour and a half! I then later played at another table..but the first one, Ron was only in for the first hand, then he lost everything...played with chips. He was pissed off about that. But he played later as well. We both had some to drink...me "screwdrivers' and him beer. I hate the taste of beer. Anyway, met a couple of cool people there...a lesbian named Gretchen and a younger guy named Ian. Gretchen was sitting next to Ron and talking and joking with him. Later she took me aside and asked what the hell I was doing with him, considering he has no money, no job, no car, etc. That I was better than that, had 3 kids to raise and didn't need to raise him too. She was drunk as well. She was just voicing some of what I was feeling at the time.:( I wish I knew her last name. She was totally cool. Then Ian...I sat next to him for some of the tournament and we talked some. He was pretty drunk too. He was a Marine, but had gotten out. I wish I knew both of their last names. I think it would be cool to hang out again. Then we left there and went back to the room. Pretty much crashed. Though there was some fooling around going on. Got up the next morning, watched part of "Transformers 2" on the movies channel..very cool movie by the way. Then we went to Golden, CO. It's right by Denver...a suburb like Denver has. It's beautiful there!! It's it's only little town. I could see myself living there someday. The Coors Brewery is there and we went on a free tour of that. That was cool!! Then we walked downtown Golden for awhile and ate some pizza. It was a great day. He wanted me to stay another night..his roommates said I could stay there..I didn't meet his roommates..maybe next time. I had already told Allison that I would be in Colorado Springs for her 30th birthday on Saturday night. So just took Ron back to his place. I do miss him and he says he misses me. Wants to spend more time with me. I can't see him living in my hometown..too small for him and not much to do. He would go crazy. Like I said, it might be cool to live in Golden, but I don't like change and don't see myself moving up there any time soon. If we did, it would probably be in the Summer of 2012. So not sure if Ron and I will be together that long. He asked me on Saturday if we were together now and I told him sure. He's worried about how we're going to make it work too. I'm the one who is going to have to do it all though.:( Make the 3 hour trip up there, maybe get a room for a night or two, spend money that I really don't have to go out and do things. So I don't know if I see this going anywhere or not.
Left Denver on Saturday around 4:30pm. Got to Allisons' around 6. She's as beautiful as she ever was....skinny and all that. I felt huge really. Her mom and younger sister, Tracy, were there as well. Some friends came over..Christina and Heather. Then her guy friend, Chris. He seems like a nice guy and is pretty hot.:) He was driving, since he wasn't going to be drinking. Allison's other friends from our hometown, Lisa and her bf, Phillip came down and rode with us. Went an awesome country western bar..can't remember the name right now. There was a line of people waiting to get in..so weird for me coming from a small town and all. I felt underdressed though. I mean I had jeans and a nice t-shirt on, but Allison and everyone else was really thin and had awesome dresses on. We got to go to the head of the line, because Allison and Chris know people there and had already booked for a b-day party. It was soooo cool in there!! As soon as we got there, another guy came over...Allison goes to mechanics school with him...yes she's going to be a mechanic! Every guys' dream...a hot mechanic!LOL He's 33, a cowboy and his name is Britton. I drank a bit and was already feeling pretty good..since I really hadn't eaten that day. I danced a 2 step with Britton. I asked him. I can't dance at all..so he showed me some.LOL Otherwise, we stood around and talked constantly. It was sooo cool. It's just a friend thing..but the vodka loosens my tongue some and I asked if I could kiss him or some stupid thing like that..don't really remember. He said no. OK, so THAT was embarrassing! I mean I didn't expect him to say yes..I didn't expect anything considering I didn't even mean to say it.:( I felt sooo bad, because we were talking really good up until that point and then it became awkward even though I apologized. Oh also during our conversation, I had given him numerous "outs." If I was talking too much, that I would back off so he could talk to other girls or whatever. He always said that I was fine. Even after my slip up, and I was watching other people dance and trying not to feel mortified, he stuck around that immediate area. Before we left, I gave him a hug and told him once again that I was sorry. He said it was cool and when I asked if we were still friends, he said we were. I was having my doubts though. Went back to Allison's and crashed. I left around 1:30pm on Sunday for the drive home...still kinda tired. I texted Allison when I got home and asked if I should go on her facebook page and send him a friend request. She told me to go for it as she didn't have that kind of interest in him. So I sent the request and THEN read his wall. He says in different posts that he wants to find a woman that accepts him for him. Then in one post...I was like WTF? I really felt that I had made a fool of myself after that. He was rude...it was like in the middle of March..said that all the girls that liked him were fat and that he had standards, etc. That he had to be an asshole to them and tell them he wasn't interested, etc. I was like WOW. He wants acceptance, but doesn't want to give it. So I sent him another message saying that I felt really stupid then, since I'm fat and all. Told him I didn't want a hook up, just a friend thing. Didn't really think he would add me, but he did. So wrote a longer message, just talking some. So we'll see how that friendship goes.
I fucked up again..for one thing, I have NO money, For another, I thought I could "win" it back, by going on-line. Well all I have on there is my mom's checking acct. info, so I used her fucking bank account AGAIN!!!!!! What the FUCK his wrong with me?? She told me not to. Now I owe her another $150 and I don't have it. I need to cover that or they will charge her for it...and it's in $50 increments!!! I don't know who to ask, though I did ask a few people on facebook...that MIGHT be willing to help. I told them that I oculd pay them back on May 3rd. I have heard back from a few of them and so far, nobody can help me.:( I'm panicky and don't know what the hell to do. I haven't told mom yet and it won't show up in her bank account for a couple of days, but STILL!! I'm just totally stressing out over this. I know it's my own fault, but it's still bad. I don't know what to do.
I have felt bloated and everything this weekend. I want this weight OFF! So this week (before I go to Vegas with no money), I'm not going to eat ANY carbs and drink a lot of water. Exercise a couple of times a day, etc. Tired of being this way.
Time to get the kids up for school. Talk to you later. Hope this wasn't TOOO long.
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