THE GUYS IN MY LIFE....

I guess that title makes me sound like a ho.LOL I'm not. Just have guy friends and some are more involved than others. It's funny, because there are times that I can go weeks without hearing from any of them (with the exception of my ex) and then all of a sudden, they are all back in my life again and wanting to hang out, talk, etc. I want to write freely in my blog and hope I can do that. I feel a little weird, I guess, because I live in a small town and if someone from here read this...then it would be all over town. So should I use real names of these guys or "fake" names? I really don't know. I hate having to censor myself or worry about what I should or shouldn't say. Well, for now, I will just keep it real and tell it like it is. That may change in the future if circumstances call for it.

Arturo: the prisoner that has been in my life since February 2010. Who I could always talk to, rely on, etc. I looked forward to his letters, because he was sooo funny and cool and could always make me laugh. Used to go visit him, talk about marriage when he got out, etc. I won't go into the details here, but in November things started to change and just got worse from there. He called on March 20th and pretty much told me that it was over..that he didn't need my drama. THIS coming from a guy who told me he would never bail on me, would always be my friend no matter what, loved me, wanted to be with me when he got out, etc. Believe it or not, I believed him. I tend to trust people until they give me a reason not to. Still can't believe that he bailed. Just because he is a convict, doesn't mean he is automatically a "bad person." There are plenty of "regular" people in the world that are just as bad or even more so. He goes up for parole again in May. I really hope that he does get it, but I can't go back to what was. He has proven to me that when the going gets tough...that he can't deal with it and won't be there for me. He has proven that he can't be trusted and doesn't really give a crap about my feelings. Would I still like to hear from him? Yes I would, because I don't just stop caring for someone that easily, but it will never be the same and I think that sucks.

Dave: my ex and the father of my 3 sons. I have loved him for years and will continue to love him until the day I die. No matter what has happened in the past couple of years, I will never totally get him out of my system. We should have worked harder on our marriage, shouldn't have took each other for granted..but it's over now and I hate it. Hate that he is with someone else. Maybe it wouldn't be AS bad if he wasn't with the woman he left me for. That they are sooo damn happy..even though she lives 3 hours away and he only gets to see her once or twice a month right now. He will be moving up there sometime and it bothers me to no end. That he won't be here for our boys...that he won't be there for me. Yes I said it. He was my best friend for 13 years as well as my husband and that was taken away from me as well. So yes, it still hurts and I still have some anger and resentment. Have I used the kids to hurt him? Unfortunately, yes I have. Just threatening him with not being able to see them again, etc. But I would never really do that. They love him and he loves them. But with him moving...I know where is priorities lie and I think that sucks. HE'S the priority and SHE'S the priority...his kids aren't. They should be. I wish they would live closer, so the boys could see him often like they do now. But at this point in time, I don't think that's going to happen.
Dave and I are getting along really well right now...because I don't talk about anything "serious" anymore. I don't let him see how much things are bothering me. What is the point? If I tell him my concerns..he just gets defensive and we end up getting into a big argument and I leave feeling even more pissed off. It's just better to "go with the flow," even though that's hard for me to do.

Bruce: My 1st love. Met him in Job Corps in Montana in July 1989. Was an intense kind of thing and wish it wouldn't have ended. This is the first time in all these years that we have both been single at the same time. He lives in Alaska. We had lost touch for years, but a couple of years ago..."found" each other again and wrote from time to time. We were both happily married to other people and we were fine with being "just friends." Though we both have fond memories of when "we were young and carefree." Now it's different. We both have the same feelings that we did back then. We talk more on the phone. He wants me to go visit him in Alaska in July (he's paying for the plane ticket!) At that time, it will be over 21 years since I've seen him in person. I know that a lot of things change, but it will be awesome to see him again and see if "it" is still there. But what if it is? Then what? He lives in ALASKA and I'm in Colorado. Dave will not let me move the kids out of state and certainly not that far away. I won't give my kids up. So I don't see how it would work. But I don't care....I just want to see him again and spend some time with him. Will deal with everything else as it comes up. Do the day to day thing.

Ron: A guy I talk to who lives up by Denver. We haven't met in person yet..met him on-line and we text and talk on the phone. He seems like a really cool guy...but I seem to attract a certain kind of person..has been that way since I was younger. Though Dave and Bruce are the exceptions. The type of guy I attract: usually an ex-con, who has no job, no car, no place of their own. Who smokes pot, drinks. Who may or may not have a temper. That is Ron. He's a sweet guy, but seriously do I want him around my kids? Not if he would continue to drink, smoke pot, not get a job, etc. But don't want to totally rule him out either, because he's not just that. He's sweet, caring, funny and hot. If it was just me..I would have already went up and met him and who knows what, but it's not just me. It's me and MY KIDS and I WON'T put them in danger. So who knows where this will go if anywhere.

Chris: He lives in Las Vegas. Met him last July when I went to Vegas for a friends's wedding. He is a sweet guy. Is the chemistry there? Yes somewhat. But it's mostly a friend thing. We have kept in contact and I'm going out there to see him on April 18th-22nd. It would never be a serious thing. Just hang out, talk and work thru his "women" problems.LOL Like I said, it's mostly a friend thing with us. I look forward to going to Vegas though! I hope him and I will always be friends.

"Big Mike" and Derek...both great guys. But they just want to use me as a booty call. Am I willing to be that? I want more than that. I don't think either one of them are capable of that at this point in time. They are both great friends and I hope I don't lose that. Derek lives hours away, so not really worried about that. We only talk from time to time. "Big Mike" and I text a lot and he lives much closer. So we will most likely see each other and hang out every now and then. Will it be a sexual thing? I don't know, but I do know that is friendship means a lot to me and I care about him.

So there you have it. So when I talk about them in the future, everyone will have a basic idea of who I'm talking about.:)