WHY AM I UP?????

It's almost 6:00am, but I have been up since around 3:00am!!!!!!!!! It's like this every day anymore. I wake up around 3 or 4 and can't go back to sleep for awhile, so I get on the computer. I plan on going back to bed in awhile (I sleep better between like 7:00am-11:00am..have no idea why). I try not to sleep that late though...it just wastes the day.:( I have had a hard time sleeping since Dave left. That was in August 2009 for pete's sake!! I still don't sleep in the room we used to sleep in..my oldest son sleeps in there. That might change one day...don't really know.

I will admit that I TRIED not to eat yesterday..but that didn't work very well.LOL I get cranky and feel sick when I don't eat. I just really need to try to control HOW MUCH I eat and WHAT I eat. If I can do that, I will be OK. I have been exercising again..I feel sooo much better when I do! Just some days, I'm not so motivated...but force myself to do it anywho and am always glad I did. It's about that time of the month again..or is it??? Have no idea..because my period (for any guys reading this..sorry to gross you out)LOL...shows up when it feels like it anymore. First it was around the 20th of the month, then the 23rd, 25th, 28th and last month (or I should say earlier this month) it was on the 2nd!! Not a good thing for trying to plan vacations and all around!! I find it annoying. Luckily I haven't had cramps this time. Last time..I had cramps for like 2-3 weeks before I actually got it!!:(

I want a boyfriend..a relationship...BUT I was thinking about it. I do want those things..no doubt. But my house isn't that big and it's me and 3 boys living here. I can't imagine getting to the point of letting some guy move in with us. As it is, the boys and I have a certain routine down. Plus I can come and go as I please, watch whatever I want to on TV, clean when I want to (I really need to do more of that!), etc. I don't even know if I could stand living with a guy again. It's crazy. I loved living with Dave. But now that I've been without him for this long...I just don't know how I would be able to do that. I have never brought any guys around my kids and I won't until I'm sure it's a serious relationship. I just don't know how that is going to happen at this point. I still talk to Ron (the guy up by Denver) and MIGHT go see him the weekend of April 8th. Will see about the weather and all. Plus it's like a 3 hour or so drive. I'm just conflicted about a lot of things. I want to eventually find "the one," but how can I make sure that I don't end up with someone who is an idiot??LOL My old bf from Job Corp (almost 22 years ago!!) wants me to go see him for a week this summer in Alaska!! I think I posted that before. So I would really like to do that. But then if it works out..then what? Dave won't let me move the kids out of state. I'm pretty sure Bruce wouldn't move down here. Why does life have to be so confusing?? Why should Dave be able to just up and move to Denver and leave his kids behind, yet I can't do what I would like to do? He'll be away from the kids either way, so I don't know what his problem is. He lives in his own little world and thinks everything is going to be great...he is going to have a rude awakening I do believe. He only sees his gf a couple of weekends a month if that and it's probably fun and like a vacation. Living with someone full time and having to deal with each other and all the crap that goes on..well I don't think it's going to be that much fun for him...plus having her kids and grandkids around all the time. Hell I hope he misses HIS kids and doesn't turn into a complete ass and ignore them. I don't think he will, but I never thought he'd leave either.