I know & I'm sure everyone who reads my blog knows...that I'm an idiot. OK, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'm just so tired of being alone. I know that I don't NEED a man to complete me or whatever, but the thing is I WANT one.LOL Yeah JM & I are "together" if you can call it that, but that's a whole weird situation. Nobody who was thin, beautiful, had a ton of self-confidence, etc. would put up with that weird situation. But that's not me. It's frustrating & hard to deal with. So I'm just trying to back off some. I was never one that could just leave a person or situation even if it was the wise choice to do so. I haven't quite figured out the things between JM & I. Maybe one day it will become clear. For now, I'm just trying to lose some weight, take care of my kids, not lose my house, make some extra money to get caught up on some bills, enjoy every moment of the day, etc. Work is going OK. Some days are harder than others. I have found if I take an Aleve as soon as my back or feet start to hurt, then I'm good for the rest of the day. It's a relief that I found something that works. I sometimes have to drink one of those 5 hour energy drinks to get going..but try not to rely on them too much. My mom hasn't been feeling good the past couple of days...she won't go the doctor because she's so fucking stubborn. If it was me, she would be hounding me to go to the doctor. I worry about her. My step-dad isn't doing that great. He's always cold & doesn't feel that good. His daughter & granddaughter are coming up from Texas at the end of December....just hope everything goes OK until then. I just want everyone to be healthy...but guess that's not going to happen at this point in time. Christy is always with Dave now it seems. Am I jealous? No. Am I annoyed that he can just find someone so easily both times & he's hardly ever been alone? Yes I am. I think I have talked about that before. It's like so fucking effortless for him. For me....well I haven't had a "real" relationship since Dave left...so 3 years ago. Get tired of being alone.
Went up & saw my friend, Mike the othe day. He got married in August. They seem to be doing good, which is awesome, considering his first wife was a psycho. He still has to deal with her since they have kids together. His new wife seems to really care about the kids, so that is a good thing. Mike & I have been friends for years. I was friends with his brother first...since he used to hang out with my sister, Cindy. So Mike is a bit younger than me...31 I believe. Am I ever friends with people my own age or older? Not very often.LOL If Mike & I had ever been single at the same time, I would have totally gone out with him & he has said the same about me. But that isn't going to happen in this life. I'm glad he's found his happiness.
I'm upset with my sister Bev. I know that she is a private person & lives her own life. But hell we're sisters. At least she talks to mom some and went down for Thanksgiving dinner. She usually doesn't answer my texts anymore, which bugs the crap out of me. I'm tired of not mattering to people.
1 comment:
I've finally caught up and I think the number 1 thing you should be thinking about at the moment isn't JM, Dave, Joanne, your sister etc but YOU. Focus on yourself. Focus on how you want to better yourself. Learn to love yourself more and not worry about others. You're a great person, someone who obviously cares a lot about the people close to you but you need to remember that you deserve time putting you first more.
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