I don't know how some people can just "go with the flow," do the one day at a time thing, etc. Now I am trying to be more like this, but I just wasn't born that way. I have been a worrier since I was a kid. I know that things will work out the way they're supposed to, that I"m where I'm supposed to be in my life right now, that things happen for a reason & that some things are already destined. That we have some control over things, but that some things were "written" before we were born. Yes I do believe that. But it's hard for me when I don't at least FEEL in control of things...even if I'm not in control of them at all. I want things to work out the way that I want them to work out. I don't like change, don't like surprises..well it depends on what kind of surprise!LOL Don't like the "unknown." I guess that makes me a pretty boring person at times...I don't know. I have wished that I was more adventurous, more spontaneous, more "go with the flow." But I'm just not like that. Though I do try to live one day at at time (sometimes one minute at a time), enjoy what every day brings, live more in the moment, etc. I just have to try somehow to just chill out. Just not sure how.
The weight thing....I get so annoyed. It's up, it's down..why can't it just stay down??? Sometimes I feel huge, sometimes not so huge. It annoys me too that we all have to worry about the way we look so much. We should just accept people for who they are not what they look like, but we don't.
Going to see JM this weekend again. Just like hanging out with him. So maybe that's all it will be in the end. Who knows. I hung out with a couple of guy friends last weekend. I go to Bingo on Friday nights in another town close to here. That's where I met Brad. So we have known each other for awhile. We have just talked, laughed, joked around there. Well last Friday, he invited back to his place after Bingo for coffee & maybe a drink or two. So I went. It's just totally a friend thing. He's not looking for anything & I have JM. We talked for awhile, hung out. I had a couple of drinks, so didn't want to drive 24 miles home. So I slept on his couch. Not the most comfortable thing. Left early the next morning, because I wanted to watch the boys bowl. It would be cool to hang out with Brad some more, but not sure how that will go. It might just be a "Bingo thing." LOL Then Saturday night, my friend Adam asked me to go over and hang out. I have mentioned him before. Met him at the end of last May. We have hung out a few times since then, going to the mountains, etc. So I went over there. Believe me, if he had wanted a relationship with me before JM came into the picture, I would have sooo been there. But we're just friends. I'm not his type..geez am I anyones' type??LOL Adam & I are comfortable with each other & will hang out some more.
It's been beautiful here! More like Spring. I know it won't last, but trying to enjoy it while it does! I have only worked one day this week..yesterday. Then tomorrow night...So not many hours. It's all good though.
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