OK...there are some shirts that I shouldn't probably wear because they make me look bigger than I am. The September 2011 photo is one of those!!LOL But anyway..wanted to put an updated pic or two of me up. I have decided to go with the "flat hair" look for awhile and see how that goes. It's a bit weird, because I have always tried for the big "80's hair." My hair has always just been too thin. As I have gotten older...I'm not as concerned as I once was about what people think of me. I still care, but just not as much.
I weighed 310 on Monday.:( I have been exercising every day since then and haven't been eating as much, but I'm still around the same.:( I know muscle weighs more than fat and all and I'm hoping that's it. It's just really frustrating. I don't want to be in the 300's anymore. So I will keep exercising and drinking a ton of water and hopefully that will eventually get me down to where I want to be.
As for Dave...he got all teary-eyed and said that he doesn't want to give up the friendship. Said he was sorry for sending the certified letter. That I can get ahold of the court and tell them that we will sit down and figure it out ourselves...well he should have done that before he did all this other crap. I don't understand him at all.
Phillip has been saying that he wants to kill himself.:( He cries most nights, because he doesn't want his dad to move. The other two are upset as well, but don't show it like Phillip does. So I'm the one who has to try to comfort him and tell him that things will be OK. When I don't even know for sure that they will be. I texted Dave and told him about how upset Phillip is and, of course, he didn't text back. Phillip says he has tried to tell Dave how he feels, but that he won't listen and just ignores him. Dave is putting his happiness before his kids' happiness and he can't tell me otherwise. His priorities are screwed up if you ask me. But he will deny that they are.
I spent last weekend with Jason. He stayed over at my place. I know, I know...but he is a cool guy and I think he just wants someone to hang out with. He totally loves Kelly. I hope that she comes back. They belong together. The boys were with Dave last weekend. I don't have guys around my kids...as I have said before.
Then I met this guy on Wednesday (Jack) and we hung out for a bit. Hooked up and then went to lunch. That's all it was..was a hook up. He lives 3 hours away and drove all that way for a HOOK UP. Guys are sooo strange.LOL We had talked a bit before then...but haven't talked since. It just wasn't all that. He's a cool guy and all and we got along, but it just wasn't there. I can't seem to stop what I'm doing.:( I know I'm an adult and we all have to take responsibility for our actions...I just feel out of control. I don't know where my morals and everything have gone.:( I hesitate to even write about this stuff, because I know that people will judge me, but I figure that I might as well be honest. At least on here. I'm certainly not in "real life." I lie to myself more than I lie to anyone else..but I still lie to people to an extent.
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