I'm going to TRY to be more happy and optimistic instead of sooo pessimistic and negative all the time. I read some of my posts on Facebook and I'm thinking "people are going to think that I'm always depressed." I'm not. Just have hard days, but even then, I need to think postive thoughts and go on.
Dennis e-mailed me the other day and wants to be friends...unless it starts to interefere with him and his wife. I told him that was fine. He can e-mail me when he wants and I'll reply, but I'm not going to just send him one. Arturo has called twice since I last wrote (one being yesterday) and I also got a letter from him.:) He sent a couple of pics. He is soooo hot!! The letter...well I guess I expected more of an apology than what I got, but the phone conversations were nice. He told me that he's scared that he will push me away. He has been in prison for almost 13 year...it's going to take him awhile to learn to deal with things again. He sees the parole board in May again. I hope that he gets out this year, so we can be together. We'll see though.
Dave went to Denver this past weekend. I'm not too happy with him at the moment. Just by the way he treated me on Friday..the day he left. He texts me a lot when he's here. Calls in the mornings to make sure the boys and I are up to get them off to school. Texts me before he goes to bed, etc. I let myself get used to that. Then he treats me totally differently when he is going up there. No phone call, texts. All I got on Friday is one telling me what time he left for Denver and then when he got there. He called a couple of times over the weekend to talk to the boys. I just handed the phone to one of the boys when I saw that it was him. I didn't want to talk to him. Then last night, I told him he was being an ass. I have told him numerous times that he needs to treat me with respect and quit being a jerk and thinking only of himself. He sees the boys every day, even though in the divorce papers, it says that he can have them on weekends. I told him that if he's going to be such an ass, that I will be a bitch and just let him see them on the weekends and no other time. He gets upset over that, but I'm tired of bending over backwards for him and then getting walked on. I also told him that I just need to distance myself more from him. It's too hard for me to see him daily and talk to him all the time. He has moved way past me and obviously, I haven't totally moved on. It's a complicated situation.
My diet has sucked big time lately. I just want to eat all the friggin time. I have stayed between 295-300 lbs for months now. I work out for an hour a day and that's just helping to maintain my weight, I guess. So I either have to quit eating or exercise even more. It annoys me and I get frustrated. My jeans are looser and all and my stomach is a bit smaller. Just wish the scale would reflect that.
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