Dave has to split the income tax with me until our youngest, Matthew, is 18..he's 8 now. Anyway, we usually get the "rapid refund" from H&R Block. Guess they're not doing that anymore.:( So I was planning on getting the income tax back this week and now won't get it until between the 7th-10th.:(
Not a good thing, since I have checks out already..had to buy food last week for the boys and also pay my TV bill. So I'm already over in my checking account and, of course, they're going to charge me extra. Dave gets paid tomorrow and I don't have any money until the 3rd. So he's going to lend me some money to put in the bank tomorrow and then have to pay him back on the 3rd. Money is always an issue and I get sooo tired of it. I was hoping that I could use some of the income tax money to take a little vacation to Vegas again this summer, but it doesn't look like that's going to be possible this year.:( I need to save some of the money to take the kids to Nebraska in June to see their aunt..I have to rent a car and that's like $300. Plus everything else. I was going to see about getting a part-time job, but there's no point right now, because I won't be able to work in the summer. I won't have a babysitter. I know my kids are getting to the ages that they should be able to stay by themselves..but I can't risk that yet. They fight a lot and I don't want anything to happen to any of them while I'm at work. Dave will most likely be in Denver by this summer, my mom and step-dad don't feel well most of the time and their aunt works too and can't be expected to watch them after she gets off work. I'm annoyed and overwhelmed sometimes. I have to start making the house payment in April..Dave has been having to do it (court ordered), but he only has to do it thru March. So after bills, I will have to learn to live on $600 a month. That may sound like a lot, but with 3 kids..it's really not. I try not to complain about money too much, because it just depresses the hell out of me. I resent Dave for the money thing too. He will be in Denver, have that extra money, plus have HER money and will be living in the city where he can take her and HER kids places and do things, while HIS kids and I are here and pretty much broke. I won't be able to take them to amusement parks, restaurants, the mall, etc. I have some major pity parties for myself sometimes. I feel bad for my kids. They don't deserve this. They need their dad and he just doesn't want to deal with it. It seems like he doesn't care if they're upset, but God forbid if Gracie is. I can't even think about most of this stuff most of the time or I get so depressed, stressed and overwhelmed that I feel like I'm going to go insane. Just start crying and never stop. Gracie just pissed me off so much the other day..that I want to text her and tell her exactly what I think of her, but I won't for now. Dave is going up there this weekend...I know that I may have a meltdown. He IGNORES me when he's up there. Yes he's my ex. But he's still my friend and I HATE being ignored..by him or anyone else. It just shows me how it will be when he's up there for good. He says it won't be like that, but I know it will. I just hope I never "snap." It won't be pretty if I do. Anyway, back to the income tax..I need to pay off some bills, pay some people back..but for the fun stuff...I'm going to buy the boys some games (not many since they are so expensive), some shirts off of Ebay and also a few books for myself and THEN I'm going to get a tattoo!!!! Yes I'm finally going to do it!! I have been saying that since I turned 40 and I will be 43 this year. This will be the only time that I will have extra money to do it and I'm determined. Not sure what it will be yet, but have an idea...will be sure to post a pic of it when I get it.:) Now if I can handle the pain...but I AM a woman and should be able to.:) Then the rest of the money will be put away for Summer.
OK, as some of you know, I consider myself a sex addict. Sex with random people, etc. Well I'm happy to say that I haven't had sex with anyone since December 10th..believe me, I think that is a record!! I don't even feel the need. I'm worth more than that. I deserve more than that. I haven't gone a full month before, since all of this started, without hooking up with at least one guy. Like I said, I don't feel the NEED, but sometimes I get to that lonely place and feel that that would help, but I know from experience, that it wouldn't. I just want to find the one that I can be myself with, who accepts me for who I am, who makes me laugh and feel secure. I want to be in love with this person as much as he is in love with me. If I never find that..then I will have to learn to live with that.
OK now this is about a friend of mine. I won't name names. For that purpose, I will use the name "Stella." OK, where do I begin? She lives here in the same town as me. She has a husband and kids. Her husband works in a different state and is gone for 6 weeks at a time, then home for a week, then back to work again. Has been going on for a couple of years now. I think she is now considering moving to where he works, if he can find them a place. Anyway, she has been talking to this other guy on-line and on the phone for almost 2 years now. Her husband found out about it a few months after she started and he was pissed to say the least. They were thinking about a divorce for awhile. Well then he forgave her and thinks that she stopped talking to this guy..but she hasn't. I'm the only one who knows that. Well she hadn't told me the whole story at first. All she told me was that his name was Cole and that he was a cowboy from Texas. Even showed me a picture. OK...a month or so ago, she told me the whole story. That he was overseas, he was working over there and he didn't have enough money to get back to the States, then he was sick and he needed money and etc., etc. WELL this sent up red flags for me. The reason her hubby found out in the first place was because this guy sent her a check to cash and send him the money. Well, of course, the check bounced and they had to pay back like $2,000!!!!!!!! Since then she has sent him money here and there for various reasons. He never has any money, he's sick, he's this, he's that, etc. I figure over the past couple of years, she has sent him over $10,000!!!!!!!! She doesn't even have that kind of money to send!!! She's "in love" with this guy, but still loves her husband. Well I found a website for scams..and this is one of them. I didn't want to tell her that I was looking things up like that, but felt I needed to. So I told her about this scam where guys in places like Ghana do this kind of thing..I think she knows that in the back of her head what is going on, but she won't accept it. Says that he wouldn't still be talking to her after two years, calling her, telling her how much he loves her, etc. if it was a scam. Well if someone kept sending me money, I would keep talking to that person too. I feel so bad for her that, in the end, she is going to get hurt majorly. I just hope that she doesn't leave her husband for this guy. He's just a scammer. I don't know what else to do. I have told her, but that's all I can do. I can't make her stop talking to him or stop her from sending even more money to him. She tried to break it off a couple of months ago and then didn't hear from him for a few days. Then she gets an e-mail from his "friend" saying that he's in the hospital, because he tried to kill himself. So she felt horrible and guilty about that. Then after he got out of the hospital (which I'm pretty sure he was never in in the first place), he said that what he took (he won't tell her what it is), that it screwed up his kidneys. So now he has been back in the hospital, but the doctor won't really help him, unless he has $500 more (it keeps changing and going up). So then she's freaking out that he's just laying there dying and it's her fault and trying to figure out how to come up with some money to send him. She even asked me if I could find some money. I tried to tell her that most likely he is fine, but she doesn't really believe it. He calls her from the "doctors' phone." He sends her pics of him in the hospital (I have seen them) and he always has something in front of his face...food or whatever and, of course, he's white in the pics. She is so blinded by the fact that she feels that she loves him, that she can't see that who she thinks he is doesn't even exist. She's not stupid, but maybe naive and wants to believe. She is heavier too and never had male attention like her thinner sisters did, so she likes that he sends her poems, calls her, tells her how beautiful she is, etc. I'm just sad about the whole situation. Not much I can do. Just hoping her hubby doesn't find out..she will end up alone, since "Cole" doesn't exist.
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