WEDNESDAY

I thought that maybe this year there wouldn't be as much drama..but the year started off with drama and it looks like it may continue for awhile. If I make it thru this year without losing my mind, I will be amazed. I haven't talked to Jason at all. I was wrong about him not giving Kelly up. He hasn't talked to her either and she's messaging me on Facebook wanting to know what's going on with Jason and how much she misses him. I refuse to be in the middle. As far as I know, he's now living with Heather and she's pretty controlling. But if that's his thing, then it is. I miss his friendship more than I thought I would. It's been hard not talking to him. I got a new phone number on Saturday and am only giving it to a few people. My phone was on my step-dads' plan, but he wasn't able to do it anymore, so I went and got my own plan..just another bill. I finished paying my jeep off on the 3rd...so am happy about that.:)

Dave and I have been getting along to an extent. I had talked to him when he was on his way back from Denver. Told him that he either ignores me both places or is a friend in both places. He said he doesn't want us to ignore each other. But we don't talk much. Talked to him tonight and he's going to go ahead with the transfer. Will put in for it in March or April. I really didn't think he would do it. Didn't think that he would leave his kids. But it's on him now. He'll just have to realize that he won't get to see them much. I'm so depressed about him going...I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. I just need to stop talking to him altogether. I have to get past this somehow. I'm just soooo tired. It's like my soul is tired. I don't look forward to being alone for the rest of my life. I'm not one of those people who like to be alone..but I'm one of the ones who will end up that way. It makes me sick to think about. I'm just sooo tired of all the stress and pain.

I have been kind of avoiding Louie just because he says he only wants friendship and then says things that say otherwise. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I did go over yesterday for awhile. I don't want to lose his friendship, but may in the end.

My Saints won and so did the Broncos!! Woo hoo!!:) The Broncos game was intense. So will be watching both games on Saturday. Hoping for both to win again.

I guess I have to wear oxygen at night soon. I go in for another sleep thing on the 29th..not for a sleep study, but to see how much oxygen works for me. It sucks that I have to wear oxygen, but guess it's OK if it's going to help me sleep better and to wake up feeling like I have slept.

I only lost a pound this past week. Kind of disappointed with that, but guess that's better than nothing and better than a gain.

I feel so sad and overwhelmed at the moment that I don't know what to do with myself. Don't want to deal with anything. Don't want to think about anything, feel anything. Don't want to talk to anyone. Don't want friends who can walk away from me so easily.