I'M BACK!!:)

I have been a bit lazy about writing here. I feel bad about that.:( But I'm back.:) Today I started Jillian Michaels' Shred with weights. I'm not sure that's what it's called..will have to look!LOL It feels good..so we'll see. My goal right now is to lose 25 lbs by June 16th. That is about 6 lbs a week until then. I will really have to try. I weighed yesterday..so will have the official weekly weigh ins on Tuesdays. I was 306 lbs.:( Just have to keep my eye on the bigger picture. So hoping for 300 by next Tuesday.

The rash on my neck is gone...the doctor gae me some cream to put on it and it worked. I have no idea what it was. I'm just glad it's gone. I STILL haven't gotten my period. Very weird. I even took a pregnancy test!LOL It was negative. So maybe I'm just starting to go into menopause.:( Just haven't been THIS late in a long time....well since I was pregnant!! I have to go to the doctor on Friday for something else, so I will ask her about it then. I just have the cramps...my body is obviously crazy.LOL

I'm sick.:( I have a cold...my throat is really hurting right now. Hopefully I don't get strep throat like I usually do.:(

Took the boys to Denver last weekend for their bowling tournament. Daves' gf, Gracie, was there. It went OK. My friend, Ron, went to the bowling alley with us and maybe that helped some. I HATE driving in the city!! But I managed. Ron stayed at the hotel with us both nights. He is a cool person. He slept in the same bed with me and didn't try anything at all...because of the boys. So that was cool. Phillip said he wouldn't like anyone that I was with, because I dont need to be with anyone. That they are my priority, which is true. But obviously it's going to be really hard to have anyone in my life with an attitude like that. But he will just have to learn to deal with it if I ever do find the "right" one.
To get back to the Gracie thing..it was awkward talking to her and we really didn't say much to each other. She was really nervous..which I thought was a good thing. The boys bowled on Saturday afternoon and then again on Sunday morning. On Sunday morning, she asked me if the boys and I wanted to go to her house after bowling and meet the rest of the the family and have spaghetti. I wasn't too sure about that. I mean..how weird is that? But Phillip wasn't feeling well at all and Matthew wanted to go, so we went. I still have feelings for Dave, so it's strange seeing him with someone else. They didn't hold hands or anything in front of me, which was a good thing. Her oldest daughter, Nicole, is 23. She is pretty cool. Then she has a son around 13, a daughter around 12 and a son who is 7. Nicole also has 3 kids ages 4, 2 and 6 months. I didn't see them though since they were with their dad. I don't see Gracie and I being bff, but maybe I can try to be civil. None of this has been easy.

My mom is doing OK. I've been trying to help her out as much as I can. My step-dad isn't really into all of that. He gets too nervous and stressed out. I don't mind taking care of my mom..I love her immensely. I just resent the fact sometimes that everyone automatically thinks that I will be the one to take care of everyone. I took care of my grandma, my father-in-law and now my mom. It's just hard. Hard to see her in pain like she is. But she is hanging in there and doing better. It's just going to be a long process.

My niece, Justine graduated from high school on May 13th!!!! WOO HOO!!! Didn't think she was going to. I'm proud of her. Yes I helped her get her work done, but she ultimately had to do it. Her mom, Cindy (my youngest sister) who I hadn't seen in over 3 years came over for it along with her bf, John and their 8 month old daughter, Jasmine. She's such a cutie!! I talked to Cindy some and it went OK.

It's MAY and it's cold here. The mountains are getting some snow. But I don't like it really hot either, so I'm good...somewhere in the middle would be awesome.

Oh, that guy that I saw at the beginning of the month when my friends and I went out? The "bad boy?" I hadn't heard anything from him, then last Saturday night he texts to see if I can pick him up. Actually he said "come get me." I told him I was in Denver and he told me to have a good night. SUCH AN ASS.

Chris..the guy in Vegas..says he misses me..which is amazing. He's not one to show his feelings often. He said if I lived out there, that he would be with me all of the time.

Arturo had his parole hearing on the 12th. He thinks that it went good (he called me), but he thought that last year too. I hope he does get out and can start his life. I just don't think it involves me either way. I don't see how we could make it work. I don't know what the hell he's doing anyway. He acts like we're still together, but doesn't treat me that way. He won't find out if he's paroled until next month sometime probably. I do miss him and wish that he still wanted me like he used to, but I just don't think he does.