Well on the bright side....I'm at the lowest weight I've been for over 4 years!! So I'm very happy about that! 312 lbs...I know it's still a lot, but it's really a big thing for me. It's been hard to get down to this point...and though I have a long way to go...I'm still proud of myself for getting here.:)
I'm sad today and feel lost. I want sooo much to believe my ex. For things to somehow to go back to what was. Do I just take him back, knowing that I will always be wondering if he's still talking to her?? I don't know. I hate feeling like this. So damn alone and insecure. I just want to be able to trust him, to KNOW that's he's not talking to her..to not ask to see his phone, not check on him. Thank GOD she lives 3 hours away. I would go crazy if she lived here. He gave me the password to his e-mail, so I can "see" that he's not talking to her. That doesn't help me really. Why would he keep the same e-mail if I had the password to it? He could just get a different e-mail and use THAT one to communicate with her. I'm going to drive myself crazy with all of this.
I'm not with Jayson anymore...well never really was. But we haven't talked in a few days and I don't see that changing any time soon. I just wasn't "into" it. Too many issues...age, his temper, my unwillingness to try harder to make it work, me not being able to get over my ex like I should. Can't have another relationship with someone when you're still hung up on your ex.
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