The ex........

My ex...such a stressful situation. I still love him and would love for things to just go back to the way they were before he left me for someone else. He wants me back..so why can't it be that easy? I don't trust him, he doesn't trust me. I guess that's the main issue. Plus he said he was unhappy last August when he left and that we had nothing in common. Now he's happy and we have something in common?? I'm sooo confused. I wish I knew exactly what to do. I talk to some other guys that I made friends with during the 6 months that he was with HER and he asked me yesterday if I was "just keeping my options open." I told him yes I was. I was just being honest. I told him that it was hard to forget things that he said to me and also things he said to HER either about me or just telling her shit like "you're the best friend I ever had," "you're the best thing that ever happened to me," etc. How do I get past those words? I really don't know how. So he cries a lot...which is hard to see. I don't mean to hurt him. I told him last night that I cried A LOT when he was gone and that he didn't want to deal with it, so he just avoided me. Wouldn't take my calls (if he did, he would just let me rant and not really listen), wouldn't text me back if I said I loved him or I missed him. He just didn't want to deal with me and my emotions. Didn't really give a crap at all. He's sorry for all of that and that's cool. But it doesn't change how he made me feel..how much it hurt. So now that I feel "guilty" for making him feel bad, it pisses me off. Why should I feel bad??? But I do and that's just the way it is. I'm tired all the time, I feel like I'm at the end of my rope MOST of the time, that there is no point to anything. I hate feeling like that. I really don't know what to do anymore. I told him I keep my options open for when he changes his mind again. He says he won't...but I don't believe that right now.