I'm just having a hard time. Today has been not great. He's been nice to me and all...texting and calling. Saying "I love you" at the end of each conversation. But we talked on the phone tonight and he still can't decide...well actually he DID, he just didn't come out and say it straight out. I told him that I hope he's good with his decision, because he will NOT come back to me again. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I told him all he thinks about his himself...not even Gracie..just what makes HIM happy. F**k who gets hurt as long as HE'S happy. I told him that he treats me like a piece of s**t and he said that he doesn't and I asked him how he even thought that he didn't. That why did he think it was OK to do this to me again? I told him that he even f****ed thinks up with Jayson and I. That I can't even go back to that. It was OK when he was with Gracie and I was just hooking up with random guys, but that as soon as one of them cared about me and wanted to be with me, all of a sudden, he wanted me back. So I treated Jayson like crap. I stayed away from him because Dave and I were trying to work things out. Yes he called me some names when he was pissed off at me, but how is that worse than what Dave has done to me??? At least it made him think. I told him that it's all well and good that he's "happy" again and with her, but that he messed up that chance that I had with Jayson. He says he knows and he feels "bad" about that. I told him to make sure that he can deal with the fact that one day I will find someone else and that they will be in his kids' life and will be doing things with them and make sure he's ready to deal with that. He says he doesn't know if he can..well too bad. The only reason he's OK with everything right now is because I don't have anyone in my life. I'm so stressed out and sad today. I guess there will be many more days ahead like that. Better get used to it. Guess we won't tell our families until after the 4th of July. No need for everyone to hate each other before the barbecue that Daves' sister is having.
On the weight loss front...I suck. I've still lost like 42 lbs, but I should have lost more this past week and I haven't. Being on low carb is hard when you're upset like I am..just want sugar and carbs. So I've had some and I still want some. But trying to fight it.
How do I go on in this life??? Do I even want to??
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