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Thursday, April 29, 2010
Some nerve...
Where does he get the nerve to tell me who I can and can't talk to, write to, etc.?? Honestly, it's getting to be like it was before he left. Asking who I'm e-mailing, talking on the phone to...I understand he wants it all back...but it's just not that easy. I DO miss him and I like hanging out with him. BUT I'm also OK with where I am in my life right now. I lived with him for 12 years and have now lived with just my kids and I for he past 8 1/2 months...I can't imagine living with him again. Things change. Honestly, I can't see myself living with anyone else again.LOL I can clean my house, read, watch TV, go places, etc. when I want to. I don't have to ask permission or feel guilty doing the things that I like to do. I go to Bingo on Wednesday nights and now instead of keeping the boys at his sisters' (where he lives), he brings them to the house. Which I don't have a problem with. What I have a problem with is if I have things laying around the house..he'll read whatever or even this computer. I don't mind him using it, but I have to delete the history or he will read this blog! He HAS to quit being so nosey. I'm kinda seeing this guy named Jayson..I may have told you already. Well he will text me sometimes when Dave is around and I will ignore it until later, but Dave always has some snide remark to make. At least I don't just keep texting with him right in front of Dave! He did that with me and the woman he left me for!! I don't even really know what to do about Jayson. I do love him, but he wants me to move in with him in Colorado Springs and I just don't see that happening. I have primary custody of the kids and I don't want them going to a city school. Besides that, Jayson couldn't live here in this small town either...well maybe if he had his own place...but he wants to live in the house with me. That wouldn't go over well at all. Dave pays the mortgage and I just feel that gives him some right to say who lives here. Am I wrong? I don't know. I figure that when the boys are older, then I can start doing things for myself...what I want to do, etc. For now, it's about them and I don't have a problem with that. That's the way it should be. I love my boys and will do my best to give them a happy life. I just hope I'm not messing it all up by not going right back to their dad.
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1 comment:
You have an awesome opportunity right now to be an example of a strong woman to you boys. A strong woman knows what she wants. A strong woman takes time for herself and her pursuits. A strong woman doesn't tolerate abuse--physical, mental, or emotional. A strong woman doesn't cave in to emotional manipulation. A strong woman knows the right actions to take to raise and protect her children. Right now, you are that woman.
As long as your children have their dad in their lives, they'll be ok. He doesn't have to live with you. In fact, if he's become insecure about where you go and what you do, it's probably best that he doesn't live with you. Insecure men are dangerous. They can end up walking all over women like doormats. That kind of behavior is not good for children to witness.
As far as your husband snooping through your business, tell him he can have your love when you have his respect.
However, understand that he probably thinks you're being unreasonable. After all, he's apologized; why wouldn't you jump to take him back? That's why he's digging through your things: he's trying to discover the answer, and he feels he can't trust what you say because he doesn't understand what you say. You say, "I'm hurt and angry." He's thinking, "But I apologized. I said the magic words. Everything should be ok now." When you say you are still angry and hurt (and even explain why), he can't grasp it. Men are programmed for results; when they do something, they expect a change. When they apologize and there is no change, they become confused. They start thinking, "Was the apology not good enough? Did I use the wrong words? Did she not understand what I said?"--never realizing that the situation has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of their apology...or the boyfriend you might have on the side.
Also, personal freedom and marital bliss are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I don't think you can have one without the other. My husband probably spends 60 hours a week at work, but I still let him go out jogging or cycling alone at the park. On Saturdays I often leave him with the baby and spend three or four hours at a beading class. We both have single friends of the opposite sex on our Facebook pages, and neither of us really mind. We are both secure enough in our relationship to not be suspicious of infidelity--mainly because neither of us has given the other cause for suspicion: no unexplained outings, no mysterious phone calls. We are open about where we go and what we do, so there's no reason for us to spy on each other. My husband can log into my Facebook account anytime he wants, but he never has. You can have a marriage like this for yourself, but it requires a great deal of trust--and trust takes time to earn and honesty to maintain.
Don't give up on counseling for you and your husband. You can still work things out.
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