Confusing life...

Well as far as my ex in concerned, he thinks that we are back together. He has situated himself in my life like nothing ever happened. It bugs the hell out of me. But who I am to hurt him, right? I tell him that I'm not ready to commit to him at this point in time. That upsets him, because he doesn't want me seeing anyone else. But that's not up to him. He texts all the time and wants to know why I don't text him back sometimes. If he texts "I love you' and I don't text it back, he wants to know why. He wants to know who I'm talking to, etc. God forbid I ever want to go out of town on my own now. If I do, I will just go and leave him a text!! Otherwise I feel guilty after he gets all upset and teary-eyed. Yes we're having sex....hate to admit that, but he's very persistent. Not like he ever took no for an answer before. No it's not that he rapes me or forces me, but he just does it. Does that even make sense?? I do love him and I don't want to lead him on. I keep telling him the way it is, but he just wants to see it his way. He wants his family back. He just has to realize that it's not that easy. Other guys show interest in me from time to time and I want to be able to go out and have fun. I don't want someone always looking over my shoulder. He comes over in the evenings and then stays until like 11...I tell him that he has to go because I'm tired and he says it's just because I want to talk to my "boyfriend." Whatever. I'm so stressed out about all of it. The depression is coming back and I don't feel like getting out of bed before like noon. I get the boys off to school in the mornings and then go back to bed. I just don't feel like dealing with all the craziness. I don't want to hurt him like he hurt me. Dumb, right?

As for the weight loss...I've been on BioSlim for over a month now and haven't lost anything, but haven't gained either. I've lost a few inches. I've started exercising more...at least walking and trying to drink more water, so hopefully that will help. One of my best friends is getting married in Vegas in July and I'm going for that. So I want to lose AT LEAST 20-30 lbs. before July 13th..when I would fly out. I don't want to have to worry about fitting in the seats on the plane. It would be mortifying not to be able to fit into one of their seats and be asked to leave the plane!!:( Ex wanted to know how many days I would be gone...I told him probably fly out the 13th, wedding is the 14th and come back the 15th or 16th. He wants me back the 15th. He seems to think that I have to ask him for permission like we're still together. Grrrrrr.....