I told him on Easter that I just couldn't get past some things and he cried and knew that he had royally messed everything up. I don't know if we can get back to anything resembling a marriage, but he agreed to go to counseling if I find a counselor. So I guess that's something. I really don't know what to do anymore, but at least with the counseling, we can talk things out with someone on the "outside" of it all and see how it goes from there. If it doesn't work, at least we can't say we didn't try.
I had started seeing a guy in Colorado Springs (2 hours away) at the end of January...so this is a stressful situation. I think that the ex thought that I wouldn't ever find someone else? I don't know. But it seems like this all started after I started seeing Jayson. Jayson is a lot younger than I am, but he wants the relationship a lot. I've been down to see him a few times and he came up here one weekend....Dave (ex) was pissed about that. I know that even if we're not together, that he wouldn't let me have a relationship with another guy for any length of time. But I don't know how to let Jayson go either. I really like him and he feels the same about me. I don't want to hurt him, but that's what may happen in the end. It makes me sick to hurt people. Especially ones that I care about. I told Jayson that we could go slow and see how things are going with everything, but that I wasn't going to bring my kids around him right now. He says that I'm not putting enough effort into the relationship. It's a lot of pressure. I don't really know what to do. Just trying to work things out.
I had asked Dave in September if there was any possiblity that he would come back to me and he said "sorry, I don't think so." Said that we didn't have anything in common, that we were both unhappy, etc. I can't just forget those things. Plus the way he treated me...not calling or texting...unless it was about the kids...didn't want to talk about my feelings, money or anything like that. He pretty much told me that I needed to get over it and that I needed "help." Not only that, but the woman he was with..I saw some e-mails from him to her and he said that she was the "best thing that ever happened to him," that she was "the best friend I ever had." He's sorry that he said those things, of course, but the fact is he said them. He complained about me to her and that bothers the hell out of me too. I don't know what was all said and he won't tell me. I could contact her and be a bitch and she might be mad and hurt enough from him to tell me things, but I don't feel that's a good idea. Why bring up even more crap for me to deal with? I have never trusted anyone like I trusted him and he totally broke my heart and I doubt that I will ever totally be able to trust someone again and that pisses me off. My health hasn't been the best for awhile...especially when I'm under stress...so the past 8 months have kicked my butt. But where once I thought that he would be there for me when I was sick...now he SAYS he will, but I feel that me not feeling good is a burden and I just don't want to depend on him anymore. What a mess.
2 comments:
This is the point where you have to take charge. It's great that your husband is sorry, but you need time to process what has happened. Don't let him guilt-trip you into taking him back or saying you forgive him before you're ready.
Jayson needs to understand that you're in a tough situation right now. If he thinks you're not putting enough effort into your relationship, that's fine. Whatever you're putting in is all you're emotionally capable of at the moment. If he wants to hang around to see how it all works out, great. But you need love and support, not another guilt trip.
I wouldn't be too concerned with what Dave said to the other woman about you. You're right: it will just upset you for no good reason. Instead, I would want to know why he's suddenly so sorry and desperate to have you back. It could be that his infatuation with the other woman wore off and he realized she wasn't worth giving you up. Or he could have been burned by the other woman and is now trying to rebound with you. His motivation for reconciling with you can be very telling. Either way, for your own peace of mind, you should still go to counselling and get the answers you deserve.
You don't know how much that helped me!! You're awesome! I was feeling guilty about both Dave and Jayson and it puts a lot more stress into my life. I just want to BE for awhile, ya know? I hate hurting people, but they don't seem to have a problem hurting me. I'm glad that you read my blog and give me great advice.:)
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