5 months??!!

Can't believe that it's been 5 months since I last wrote here. A lot has happened in that time. I should have been writing here all the time. It might have helped. Well Dave (hubby) and I are separated now. He moved out on August 17th. Is living with his sister here in town. Blindsided it an understatement. Yes, we were in an "open relationship," but it was STILL a relationship. Only problem was, he was only seeing one person...Gracie (real name Michelle). She lives in Denver. In July, she started pressuring him...she couldn't do "this" anymore, because she was in love with him, etc. So we're sitting in McDonald's drive-thru the night of August 7th. I was messing around and had asked him this a zillion times in our 12 1/2 years together.."you would never leave me, right?" Instead of him saying that he would NEVER do that to me and that he loved me with all his heart...he looks at me and says "I don't know." WTF??? So since that night, my life has been strange, different, off it's axis...however you want to put it. Even after we decided he should move out for awhile and see what he wanted (he kept going back and forth..he wanted to stay, wanted to go, etc.)...has just been a mess. Our 12th wedding anniversary was on August 23rd...he told me on THAT day that he wanted to be with HER. That it's just something he HAD to do. Let's just say he could have gotten me for domestic violence if he wanted to...even though it was just a couple of shoves. I was SOOOOO mad and hurt. My 40th birthday was August 31st...needless to say, it sucked. There has been more drama since then, but I will write about that soon. Just wanted to put an update in here.