A LITTLE BETTER....

I want to thank the two people who reached out to me and left comments on here. I only posted one of the comments, but only because the other one had the persons' e-mail address and I wasn't sure they wanted that published. Thank you both for caring enough to say something.

I feel a bit better. I realize that I can't hold on to something that is already gone. Why should I be concerned about "losing" my best friend, when he gave that up long ago? I know that I have to start forgiving myself for anything that I had done that led to the end of my marriage, I need to start trying to forgive Dave and I guess also Gracie. Otherwise, this pain, hurt and anger won't ever go away. It's not going to be easy, but I believe that I can make it thru. I still may get professional help though, so I can talk it thru. Yes I have a few friends that I can talk to, but I'm sure they are getting tired of hearing about it. When did I decide all of this? I guess it was yesterday. Tuesday night...I couldn't sleep, I hadn't been eating much (which isn't a worry), but I just thought I was going to go crazy. I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, I was thinking about it and it just doesn't make sense for me to be so torn up over this when he's not. I did ask him again why he left and he said that he just wasn't "in love" anymore. So I guess now I know. But does anyone stay "in love" for the entire length of their marriage? I don't know. I DO think that we could have gone to counseling and tried to work thru it, but he decided to do what he did, so I just need to accept that and let it go. I know it won't be easy making the house payment on my own now. I know it won't be easy being pretty much a single parent, but I will do my best. Not much else I can do. I know suicide isn't the answer. I know the devastation that it leaves behind and I can't do that to my kids, my family, friends and other people who care about me. I just need to keep that in mind when I'm feeling so down that I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

On other note...I lost 6 lbs this week!!! I have been trying the low carb thing again and I've pretty much been sticking to it. I have also started using my Richard Simmons DVD's. I have all 4 of them (I think that's all there was) and I do each for 3 days, then go to the next one. I just started on the 2nd one today (I had skipped a day this week). The 2nd one about kicks my butt! My youngest son, Matthew, did some of it with me. So that was cool.:) I wish my oldest would do that too. He's the one with the weight problem.:( Maybe eventually I will be able to talk him into it. This is the first time since I started recording my weight on here that I have been below 310 lbs. I plan on going down from here. I had gotten down to 290 lbs in September 2010, but slowly let myself get all the way up to 317 lbs. again. I refuse to gain back all the weight I have lost since my all time high of 350 lbs.

It's been beautiful out here! I love that it's almost Spring!! The kids have Spring Break the week of the 26th. So I really want to work on getting my house clean before then. It's a MESS. I don't even know where to start, but I can't live like this and the kids shouldn't have to. Just too much junk. I'm going to get rid of a lot of it and things I want to keep, but I don't need out, I will box up and put in storage.

I hope everyone is having a good week.