WEDNESDAY...

Well Mike never did call. I guess that's just the way it goes. I haven't tried to call him again either. No point in making myself look desperate or whatever I would look like chasing a guy who obviously doesn't want me.

Big Mike had to stay in Colorado Springs with his daughter until yesterday. She has some ear problems as well and they operated on her for that and she's doing good. They found that she has nothing wrong with her gallbladder or liver, so that's awesome!

It's friggin' COLD here!!! We got some snow yesterday finally. We haven't gotten much at all the whole Winter. I knew that as soon as Spring got closer, we would start getting dumped on. It's been that way for the past few years. It was sooo cold here yesterday, wind blowing hard, snowing and yet they STILL didn't close the schools. They had a 2 hour delay though. I just decided to keep my kids at home. Dominic and Matthew have been sick enough.

Arturo called on Sunday. He seems in a pretty good mood. But he says that if he doesn't get paroled this year, that he doesn't care about not getting a "write up" anymore. He hasn't gotten one in 2 years and has stayed out of trouble, yet they still denied him parole last year. He has taken all the classes that they want him to and done all he needs to do. I don't understand why they wouldn't let him out this year. He has hope, but he also doesn't think that they will. He said he won't try to stay out of trouble as much if they deny him again. He will just do his full term..which is another 4 years...April 2015. He has been in for 13, so he said that another 4 is nothing. Well it's something to me. I'm not getting any younger and a lot of things change in 4 years. So don't really know where this is going or how it will end. Just have to wait and see.

Dave went to Denver last weekend to see his girlfriend. I don't know why that still bothers me, but it does. It still hurts. But I can kinda put it in the back of my mind when he's up there. He came back on Monday. That same day, her daughter put a picture of them up on facebook. Well I didn't take that very well. Just hard for me to see them together and looking so damn happy. I know that him and I don't feel the same for each other anymore and we can't go back, but I miss what used to be. Just hard knowing that he doesn't love me anymore. So Monday was a crappy day to say the least. Those kinds of days I don't like having. You get to a point where you wonder what the point even is. Why bother to keep trying, keep moving on, if things have the possibility of just getting worse? Why not just leave on your own terms? But that's a horrible way to think and feel. So I'm better now and try not to have too many of those days. I have kids that I love with all of my heart and they love me and I can't leave them. They need me. I know that one day they won't and then I will reconsider some things. But for now I keep trudging on thru this thing called life. I hate the fact that I can't let a guy see the real me. It seems like whenever I try, they back off. I don't even talk about my ex to them. So don't know exactly what I'm doing wrong, though it could be having sex to soon!LOL But hell they want it and so do I, so I don't know what the big deal is. I have made a decision not to go out by myself..that just leads to trouble. So will only go out if one of my friends wants to go and asks me, not the other way around. I also don't need to become an alcoholic and I think it would be easy to do. I don't drink A LOT when I go out, but enough. At least I feel better for a little while.

I'm going with my mom and step-dad on Friday when she goes to see the heart doctor in Colorado Springs. She's in a lot of pain from her torn rotator cuff and VERY depressed about everything that's going on. She saw the doctor yesterday and he's concerned about her. He gave her some pretty strong pain pills. He said that maybe if she wasn't hurting so much, that she would feel better. They FINALLY checked her cholesterol. I don't know why the hell they didn't do that before! It's high and her diabetes isn't under control.:( It seems like everything is going wrong with her at the same time. Never take for granted that you have your health or your loved ones, because your health or your loved ones could be gone the next day....the next minute. I wish now that we would have done a lot of things last Summer..go places more with her. Now may not get that chance. I can't even think about losing her. It makes me feel
sick.:(