Ok with the weight thing first. I have eaten sooo much the past 3 days.:( I'm soooo pissed off at myself right now. I'm not going to "start over" on low carb, I'm just going to get back on it. Starting today. I weigh in on Wednesday and I know it's not going to be good. If anything, I have gained. I just wish I had the willpower like some people do. But I will keep on keeping on and try to get down to as far as I can.
My oldest, Phillip, turned 13 yesterday!!! That's soooo hard to believe! He had a nice day. Cake and ice cream at his grandmas' AND his aunts' house!! That means I did too...unfortunately. One if his friends went bowling with us on Saturday. We will have a party with more of his friends this weekend.
When Arturo and I first started writing, he would send cards..ones that he made or other ones..quite a bit. He was able to send me a stuffed animal for my birthday in August. Now he doesn't seem to even make an effort. Today is Valentine's Day and he didn't send me anything.:( Just a little disappointed. He said he would call me on Saturday morning and he did..but I didn't get the phone in time. I thought he would call right back, but he never did. So he's probably pissed about that too. I have no idea what is really going on with him these days. He says he loves me and wants to marry me when he gets out..but his actions aren't really showing that. Not sure how I feel anymore. I still love him, but can I trust him like I used to? Trust him to be in my corner and be there for me? I don't know and that sucks.
Went up and saw Big Mike yesterday for awhile. He's fun to hang around with. Just need to not get too close to him either since he has a girlfriend. Story of my life.LOL
I had another meltdown on Saturday. Dave said he's going to Denver on the 4th and that just stressed me out. The boys have a bowling tournament in Pueblo on the 6th and he said he would be there, since he's coming home on the 5th. She has to get injections in her back or whatever on the 4th, so that's why he's going up there. She was in a car accident in September or October and it messed up her back some. I told Dave that karma is a bitch. I'm sooo not nice sometimes.:( I'm working on that. Just gotta forgive and move on. I'm trying. Just going to have to stop having so much interaction with Dave. He doesn't understand that, because he's over me. But in order for me to move on, I have to keep a certain distance from him. It's hard. Especially when I still miss him and he texts and calls me. I will be better someday, right?
Then with mom....she is soooo sad and scared. Which makes me feel the same way. They are going to do surgery in Colorado Springs on the 22nd. They will put a tube or whatever it is, in thru her groin and go up into her heart and see how bad things are. Then they will know more and go from there. Either put a stent in or do a bypass if they think it's necessary. They said that it's not IF she has a heart attack or stroke but WHEN.:( So I hope that this works. I know that she will never be totally fine, but I hope that she can be at least feeling good again. She has a lot of risk factors...I'm worried. I don't want to lose her. I try to be more positive, but it's hard for me sometimes.
The depression has been kicking my ass lately. I just wish it would go away. Tired of dealing with it.
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