I have been seriously sucking at the weight loss. I have gained and lost the same 3-6 lbs over the past week or so. I'm sooo over it. But all I really want to do is EAT. Especially when I'm stressed...I want SUGAR!! Since I've been so stressed lately..it's hard to resist. I leave for Vegas on the 13th and was hoping to be way less than I am right now.:( I may go out the 11th if I can get some things changed. I bought a "package" thru cheaptickets and now if I want to change the flight out, I have to cancel the whole package (which includes 2 nights at Circus Circus and the flight home). There will be a cancellation fee. I don't know what the big deal is. I just thought that with everything going on, a couple of more days out there would be nice. Will call again tomorrow and see what I can do if anything.
I noticed something recently...some of Daves' extended family isn't as friendly to me as they once were...not sure what that is about. I hate that. If you have a problem with me..then come out and say it. I don't think it's my imagination. So don't know what they have heard and what they haven't.
As for Dave and I, I have come to realize a few things. I will never get totally over him. I just can't. I don't think he will ever get totally over me either. So we have a sort of truce right now, but I know it won't last forever. I can't let myself believe that we will ever get back together or that he wants that. It's hard though. We still talk and hang out. Maybe that's not a good thing, but I can't let go right now. I know that when he DOES go to Denver to see her that it will devastate me. Right now, I'm just ignoring that...it hasn't happened, so I don't have to deal with it. When he DOES go..I don't know how I will react. I know it probably won't be good.
I don't even feel like telling my family what is going on. I don't want them to be sad. I don't want them to hate Dave. I don't know what he plans on telling his sisters...that's up to him. I feel like sending HER an e-mail and saying a few things...but I'm sure that wouldn't help matters much. I'm pretty sure that I couldn't be nice about it. In my head..I know that we are thru, but my heart refuses to believe it.
I joined a dating site...just to see what was out there, plus I just like seeing if I get any responses and on this one there are questions you can answer (a lot of them) and I love that. Weird, I know. I have come to find that a lot of Colorado guys don't like fat girls. I can't speak for all of them though...so there may be a few out there that do. I find that guys in Oklahoma are nicest.:) Like I said, not looking for anything. Friendship is good enough for me. I think that I have become too jaded. I can't see myself being in love ever again. Just don't think it's gonna happen, especially since I can't get over Dave. In my next post...I will tell you about one of my guy friends who has done the same thing that Dave has practically. He wants to know how to make it easier on his wife!! Wants my advice on that! What is he...crazy???
Went to see the Air Force Band at the park tonight and had a lot of fun. Went with Dave, his sister, my 6 year old, Matthew, my mom and step-dad. It was beautiful out! The funniest thing was watching Matthew dance around and be silly!LOL He is my drama king for sure.
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