DEPRESSION

This is one of the worst depressions I have ever had hands down.  I don't feel like doing anything, take joy in nothing.  Even thinking about getting up in the morning fills me with anxiety.  I have no energy & just don't care about anything.  I take that back...I care about my kids, Jeff & my mom.  That's it.  Don't get me wrong, I AM grateful for everything that I DO have.  I just can't get out of this dark hole that I'm in right now.  There are bills that I can't pay....I have to double up on rent next month.  I can't pay the TV, the phones, storage..or any of the other bills I have.  Getting the car was a necessity...but it's making it almost impossible for us to survive financially.  They took $500 out at the beginning of the month as part of the down payment.  They are going to take another $500 out on June 3rd for the rest.  Yet the car dealership doesn't even have us financed yet.  Why did they even let us take it off the lot in the first place??  I don't get it.  I told them my credit was bad, etc.  They have tried numerous places to get me financed...I know this because I keep getting denial letters in the mail.  So far I have like 10 of them.  I'm supposed to have a $340 car payment due on June 14th.  But guess they can't do that if I'm not financed by then?  Do they then take the car back?  I don't get it.  All I know is that, for the forseeable future, we are screwed.  We make it thru May & June without any extra money, including for food...because I don't qualify for food stamps...with 3 boys who love to eat...then we have to make double or triple payments on everything in July, so that month is screwed as well.  Then school starts in August...so new clothes, school supplies, pictures, sports, etc.  When does this ever end??  I can't see a light at the end of this tunnel.  I look forward to nothing.  Just trying to get thru the days.  It sucks when you feel that you have to get "thru life."  I'm glad to be alive.  I just can't seem to find the enjoyment in it right now.  I know Jeff tries to understand.  He puts up with a lot of shit from me.  I need to get a grip.  I can't keep going on like this.  I do know that.