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Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Anger....
I still have A LOT of anger...I thought that I was past that, but I'm sooo not. The 21st was a horrible day...started filling out papers for legal separation. Way too much paperwork and it may take me forever to finish it. Maybe it's because I don't want this...I don't want it to be soo final. Even Dave is sad about it. It doesn't matter, I know it's over. I'm just having a really hard time with it. I get so mad sometimes, I feel like my head is going to explode...would be very messy!!LOL I LOVE my kids with all of my heart, but I must admit that I'm suicidal and I'm not thinking about anyone but myself. I'm tired of dragging myself thru the days. It's a major effort to just get out of bed, take a shower and deal with the day. Christmas Eve, we would have been together for 13 years. I've made enough threats that if anything does happen to his girlfriend, I'm sure I'm the top suspect. I just need to chill. Easier said than done. I'm just so pissed off, hurt, sad, depressed. He took our oldest up to Denver with him last weekend. That was really hard for me. How am I supposed to deal with this? I know people do it every day, but they must be Super Humans or something. I just want to be able to find that medium, where I'm not always upset. Where I can handle all of this crap without crying all the time.
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2 comments:
I've been through two divorces and I can tell you it's not easy. It's not supposed to be easy. It's that line about "til death do us part" that sticks in your mind as you envision guns and weapons of destruction.
Keep this in mind. It's a silly line my mother used to say when things got really bad. "In 100 years you won't even remember this." It's so true....concentrate on the good, find your center, find your future, lean on your friends. Remember that the rest of us are pulling for you to make it through this.
Thank you!:) It's funny, because I always tell myself "it won't matter in 50 years."LOL I'm hanging in and WILL make it thru, though sometimes it does seem impossible.
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