I haven't bought a scratch ticket since around May 12th. Yes this is significant for me. I have an addiction & it sucks. I love to gamble. Even though I don't have a lot of money to gamble with. That has never stopped me before. But it does now. I need to get a grip. I need to grow up & quit doing stupid shit. I need to act responsible. The real test will come when I get paid on June 3rd. Will I be able to fight the urge? I hope so. I'm going to do my best. I compromised with myself. I will give up scratch tickets, but can still go to Bingo. I love playing Bingo. But it's not just that. I like the friends that I have there & the whole social aspect of it. I'm just not willing to give that up. Cut back to maybe once or twice a week? Yes. I live in a small town. I can go up to 3x a week here (probably a good thing that I don't live in a city). Do I NEED to go 3x a week? My addiction says HELL YES!! But I know that I can't be doing that UNLESS I'm actually winning & coming out ahead. I can go Wednesday, Thursday & Friday nights. If I had to choose just one, I would pick Friday nights. Even with that, I didn't go last week at all & won't be able to go this week either. NEXT week I will be able to. Another thing...I need to just spend the bare minimum. I sometimes have a tendency to spend a lot more than I have to. Those who go to Bingo or have been to Bingo understand how easy this is to do. Another thing, I can only go to Cripple Creek once every 2-3 months or so. They have a bus that goes up there the first Monday every month. It's fun to go..but so easy to just blow your money. A town with a lot of casinos...as soon as I get into one of those places, it seems like I lose all sense of reality & am like a zombie. Love the sounds, smells. I get an adrenaline thing going. I have learned only to take a certain amount of money up there with me & to leave any credit/debit cards at home. I also need to quit borrowing money from people..because then I can't pay them back right away usually. It's embarrassing. I was able to pay some people back at the beginning of this month....but still have a few people to pay totally back. I'm NOT going to borrow anymore money. My mom helps me out when she can if I need something for the kids. But she is on a fixed income now too. Plus she has my niece, my niece's boyfriend & their 3 1/2 month old baby living with her at the moment. She has enough problems & things to deal with. She doesn't need me adding to all of that stress. I feel like such a moocher & loser sometimes. I'm 45 years old & I still depend on my mom too much. Always have. I just need to be better about everything in my life. I'm not happy right now. I have to figure out what will MAKE me happy & do that. I have been trying to figure it out...shouldn't be such a hard question, but, for me, it is.
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