WEDNESDAY

I can't believe that it's been a month since I have been on here.  I have seriously lacked motivation these past months.  An update:  Jeff & I e-mailed briefly on November 19th.  He said he would like us to be friends & that I knew him better than almost anyone.  I sent him one e-mail after that (the same day) telling him all what has been going on here & I didn't hear from him.  So I haven't contacted him since.:)  I'm proud of myself.  I see no point in even having him back in my life again.  What we had (or didn't have) is gone.  He did say that the reason he put on Facebook that they had been together since March was for her family & friend's benefits.  I guess they didn't want them knowing that they had only known each other for a few weeks before he moved in with her.  Whatever, she can now deal with his lies & BS.  I don't know if I told you or not, but his mom, at one time, still wanted to remain friends.  She has since changed her mind, though she didn't come out & tell me that.  She just started ignoring my texts, unfriended me on Facebook, etc.  She had asked me to go antique shopping out of town the first weekend in December, but didn't even cancel that...just ignored my texts asking about it.  How old are we?  It's fine.  I guess it wouldn't have been a good idea to remain friends anyway.  Just seeing her would automatically remind me of him.  I do have a health issue now that I'm seeing the doctor about tomorrow that regards Jeff.:(  I'm NOT happy.  I will go into detail more after I find out for sure or not.

My weight has gone up to 323 lbs.  That's enough, ya know?  I'm disappointed enough in myself as it is.  I went the doctor for some blood work a week or so ago & she noticed how swollen my lower legs were & told me I have gained about 30 lbs since last May, that things were just going to get worse if I continued to gain weight...or even stayed the same weight...and that I need to lose some.  She wasn't being mean about it.  It's really the first time that she's ever said much about my weight at all.  She didn't know me when I was 350.  So now I have to wear compression socks.  Hopefully one day, I won't have to.  I have to buy a new scale.  Mine totally died.  Will have to do that after January 2nd.  I found a cool one for around $35.  It shows you your BMI, water weight & a few other things.  I have exercised a little, but mostly just to the DVD's I have.  Haven't gotten out & walked yet.  It's cold & I'm so not a cold weather person.  My joints have been really bothering me, but I try to ignore it mostly.  My hands & feet get cold really easily & hurt...which isn't a good thing.  My mom has Raynaud's Syndrome & I don't want to end up with that.  Circulation problems.  I'm sure I l already have some,  but I don't want them getting worse.  I also started drinking (this morning) an Apple Cider Vinegar, Lemon Juice, Cinnamon, Honey drink.  I'm hoping it will help with everything basically.LOL  I have read some on it & decided that I might as well try it.  

Matthew (youngest) & I have had the flu for a few days now.  I'm feeling better now...but still not 100%.  Matthew is sicker than I am & he tends to get higher fevers.  He coughs A LOT...even before he got the flu.  He has asthma...but the doctors don't know why he coughs all the time.  Being sick doesn't help it at all.  He was up most of last night because he was coughing so hard...even with medicine, me greasing his chest & back & a vaporizer in the room.:(  Any ideas on what else I can do that might help?

How has everyone been doing on Christmas & getting ready for it?   I finally got my tree & the rest of the apartment decorated last weekend.  I haven't sent cards out yet & probably won't get most of them out until after Christmas. We haven't done a family picture yet.  So I might just send those out for a New Year's thing.  Phillip (oldest) & I are going to help mom with fudge tomorrow night.  

My niece, Justine, is now 7 months pregnant & she has gotten a huge belly!!  It's so cute!  She hasn't really gained any anywhere else.  She's due around February 11th.  They are having a boy.  So exciting!  Her & her bf are still living with mom...which mom isn't happy about.  She loves Justine...but she needs her space as well.