MOTHER'S DAY

I just want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the moms' out there!  I hope you all have a very good day.:)  I took the boys' to Canon City yesterday.  We went to a bookstore (they love books like I do) and a few other places, took them to eat and then to the park for awhile.  It was a good day/:)

As for all of the drama...no I didn't go to Colorado Springs yesterday.  Yes Dave and Gracie did...as well as Angela.  Angela texted me again on Friday night and was just as rude as ever.  I've just had enough of her bullshit.  I have been putting up with her and her crap since she was 13 (she's like 26 now) and I have had enough.  Most of the family is probably mad at me now anyway, so I'm not going to try to play nice any longer.  She's not allowed around my kids unless Dave or I are there and she can't take them anywhere by herself.  I had issues with that before..she's just not a very trustworthy person...but Dave would just let it go.  Matthew told me of one time when her and a friend of hers locked him in a closet with a heater..so it was hot...and thought that was funny.  When he was younger, she took him down by the river when the Spring runoff was going on and the water was high and moving fast...yet she barely kept an eye on him!  I told Dave numerous times that she didn't need to be taking the kids places by herself.  He just always blew me off.  I had posted something on Facebook the other night saying that the family was probably mad at me because of the issues I was having with "A" and what she said.  Well I had blocked her the day before, yet she texted me and said that if I was going to talk shit about her, then to at least put her real name.  I'm like REALLY?!  I was being "nice" not putting her real name.  I told her that stalking was illegal.  That she was blocked from my page and that if she was going on someone elses' page to look at mine, then that was messed up.  She said that we had a mutual friend who told her about it.  I'm pretty sure who it was, so I blocked her too.  I just don't want to deal with her anymore.  Not now..not ever.  Dave thinks that this is just going to blow over like our other issues have, but it's not.  I'm not kidding that if she talks shit to my kids about me (and she has in the past) or if Dave allows her to take them places alone..that I WILL get a restraining order against her.  Yes I it started out that I was mad about her being friends with Gracie.  But Angela and I have always had issues and there was always tension.  So it just added fuel to the fire.

As for Gracie...I know I have to accept her.  Obviously, she's not going anywhere.  But that's easier said than done.  I have talked to her a bit and we'll see how it goes.  But we'll never be buddy buddy.  Dave continues to act like Dave.  He avoids and ignores.  I'm done with that.  I'm physically and emotionally tired.  I feel like crap physically most of the time and I know that at least some, if not all of it, is from stress.    He can play his games somewhere else. 

Mom had brought up the other day (and it shocked me, because I had thought the same thing, but thought she would be all pissed about it if I mentioned it) that it would be better to just let my house go and find someplace to rent.  As it is right now, I have no money for anything.  The house needs a lot of work done on it and I can't pay for it to get done.  My mom and step-dad can't support me and it's not right that they have had to help out from time to time.  Dave is supposed to help out on half of maintenance, but that will never happen.  I can't sell it, but I can let it go back into foreclosure.  I hate to do that, but it's time to move on.  Find another place and start new.  It may not be around here...I need like a 3-4 bedroom for not more than around $800 a month with utilities included (yeah I know I must be dreaming).  Around here...those kinds of places go for like $1200 and up PLUS utilities.  No way I can do that.  So will also look elsewhere.  I told Dave some about it and he's like "why do you want to move, you own the house (I told him that I would never actually OWN it), that where am I going to find another place for under $600, etc.  That I would just be helping to pay someone elses' mortgage.  He's right and I will never be able to buy another house again, but I figure that I will have to move out of here in a few years anyway.  There's no sense in prolonging the inevitable.  If the house was in good condition, it might be different.  But I need a new roof, the siding is coming off, we have problems with the plumbing, etc.  I asked the boys if it came down to it, would they be OK moving out of town.  I thought that Phillip wouldn't want to..he has a hard enough time with kids picking on him here..and I was right.  He doesn't want to go.  I thought Dominic would be freaking out and not want to go at all...he surprised the hell out of me when he said he WANTED to move.  Matthew who I thought would just go along with it, is the one freaking out about leaving his friends.  So we'll see.  Don't think I would move that far away, but it depends on what I can find.  I'm hoping to be able to move this Summer sometime.  Will just have to wait and see I guess.  I told Dave that he chose his happiness over ours and that he has no right to deny us trying to find our happiness.

ANOTHER WAR

I have to chill the fuck out is all I have to say.  I get soooo pissed off and annoyed sometimes, that I just act crazy.  My ex's niece, who I have always had a hard time getting along with, is now friends with Gracie.  I flew off the handle at that one.  I mean she can like who she likes, but there ARE sides to be taken.  She said some rude things and so did I.  Let's just say I don't plan on talking to the witch again.  So I'm sure the rest of his family will be pissed off at me now as well...oh well...such is life.  His great aunt is having a 90th birthday party in Colorado Springs on Saturday.  I was going to take the boys and go, but Dave & Gracie will be there...so in order to not stress everyone out (as well as myself), the boys and I aren't going.  It sucks, but oh well.  I will take them somewhere else for the day and just chill out.  Try to see this from my point of view.  Gracie acts holier than thou and is condescending towards me.  Dave is like "she's a really nice person."  I just think the piece of ass has blinded him.   The boys are with Dave a lot after school and on most weekends.  I thought that would be good, since he will be moving soon.  Well, according to "the niece," I never have my kids, don't take care of them and expect Dave to always have them.  Really???  Also since Dave lives with his sister, the niece said that she shouldn't have to have them around all the time either...OK..no problem.  I will just have Dave see them on weekends at a "neutral" location.  I have decided to just not talk to Dave...all we ever do is fight.  The kids are upset by it (and to the haters...no it's not all my fault..though I take the blame for my part in it).  Dave is a good dad, but he thinks the world revolves around him and he doesn't like to hear that at all.   He doesn't want me moving away from here because he wants to be able to see the kids "when he can."  So he thinks he can just tell me where to live and where not to.  Last time I checked, I was paying all the bills..so obviously he's not my dad.  I can do whatever the hell I want.  He wants to "sit down" and talk about things...he's been saying this for over a year now.  I told him it obviously wasn't that important...since he hasn't done it before.  When he gets back from Seattle next month, we'll see the mediator and then just let it go from there.  I shouldn't be as pissed off as I am about things...I really don't know why I have all this anger, but I do.  So until I can figure it out, Dave can just go on with his life and let me take care of the kids.  All I hear from him when I try to talk to him is "bullshit," "whatever" or "shut up."  It gets old after awhile.  I know he gets tired of hearing my crap too, so it's just better to let it go.  The kids don't need the stress in their lives and neither do I.  He has moved on and so will we.

Hope everyone has been having a good week.:)

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Q&A

1. What’s the most obnoxious word/phrase you use on a regular basis?   Probably "whatever"

2. What’s the most memorable bumper sticker you’ve ever seen?   "My day is not complete, until I have terrified a complete stranger."

3. Share one pet peeve that causes you more grief than it should. When people ignore me

4. What are your thoughts on re-gifting presents?  I have never done it.  I'm not saying I wouldn't though.  If I didn't like the gift and I knew someone else would, I would definitely do it.

5. What was your biggest accomplishment this week?   Didn't get a lot accomplished this week.:(  Gonna have to go with I got the living room straightened up some so it doesn't look like a tornado hit it.

6. What’s the title of the last movie you watched?  Took the boys to see "The Avengers."  Awesome movie!

7. If you could only choose one, would you rather have a full-time cleaning person or a full-time chef?   I don't really want to choose!!LOL  I would take the chef...that way he/she could fix me healthy foods and I don't have to deal with it.  I hate cooking.

8. Do you enjoy shopping for clothes, or do you dread it?  I dread it.  Have ever since I was a kid.  Nothing ever fit me "right."  They have ugly clothes for big people and I find that annoying.  Maybe I will like it more after I lose a decent amount of weight?

9. What’s your favorite sport to play/watch?  I like to watch pro-football (American).  My fave team is the New Orleans Saints.

10. If you could have coffee with anyone today who would you choose?  Sandra Bullock

Now it’s your turn. Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments. Happy Monday Friends…Thanks for being here.

MONDAY

I didn't go to Colorado Springs over the weekend after all.  Just didn't feel like it.  I also wasn't feeling that good that day anyway.  He said we could reschedule..but I'm just going to "let it go."  I don't feel like hanging out with any guys right now.  He has another date next weekend as well..so just not really into being just another number anymore. 

On Saturday, I did take my 3 kids to see the movie "The Avengers."  LOVED IT!!  Very cool movie.  I don't take all 3 of them at once very often, because it's too expensive, but they all wanted to see this one.  Then went and had a couple of drinks with my friend, J.  Then headed home.  She's still believing that guy.  Oh well.  Will just be here for her.

I'm not really talking to Dave at the moment.  I texted him last night about the boys..and what they need money for this month.  Among a few other things...he ignored me as usual.  When I talk about anything "serious," that's what I get from him.  It's annoying.  So I just don't feel like dealing with him right now.  I can ignore people just as well as they can ignore me.  Sounds so high school.LOL

It's cloudy and rainy here today.  I love this kind of weather (though I wouldn't like it every day).  Just wish I was in a better mood.  I'm annoyed, tired, stressed out, overwhelmed.  Just feel like sleeping.  But have some things to do first.  Just need some energy!

Hope everyone has a good week.

A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

It is sooo nice out today!!  Love it...though my house gets really hot in the afternoons...have to get the cooler hooked up soon.. 

Tim, I absolutely love getting comments from you.  You make me feel better about things.  Yep, not going to waste my time on a jerk (Vic) who doesn't have time for me.  I texted him a couple of days ago to ask what the hell his problem was and I wasn't really nice about it.LOL  He finally called me and asked why I was texting him all the time (I wasn't).  He said he has been really busy helping people with their yards and he didn't have much time to talk to me.  Said "maybe" in a couple of weeks.  I'm like really???  He has no balls.  All he has to do is come out and tell me..but he won't do it.  I can take a hint...so that's done and over with.  I can't believe him.  He says all these sweet things to me for like 4 days and then he's out.  I have been told by other people though that he has a temper, that he's bad news and I can do better.  Still...I really liked the guy.  I'm such a great judge of character (NOT!);)

I took Dominic to the doctor on the 2nd because he has been having really bad headaches off and on for the past month or so.  The doctor told him to make sure he drinks more water and that he will make an appt for him to see a neurologist who specializes in kids' headaches...hopefully it's just because he's not drinking as much water as he should.

I'm supposed to go to Colorado Springs tomorrow and hang out with that guy.  I still don't know if I'm going to yet or not.  He asked me like 3 weeks ago, so  I feel bad for backing out now.  I'm just not in the sociable mood at the moment. 

I've been doing so-so on the eating...I'm doing pretty good on the exercising though.  I gained a few pounds this week...so annoying.  I will just keep up with the exercising though and try to eat better.

My mom & step-dad seem to constantly argue these days.  It's just who they are, but I get over it.  They like me playing cards with them, but it's uncomfortable to be down there when they are mad at each other. 

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!

SAD....

Avery, the little girl I told you about just a few days ago, died on Monday.  They didn't expect her to go this soon.  It's a sad thing.  I don't know why babies and children have to die before they even get a chance to live.  It doesn't seem fair or right when there are so many evil people in this world that just go on living....but I'm not God and don't know the bigger plan if there is one.  It just doesn't seem right to me.

I called Vic this morning..yes I'm weak.  He actually answered.  Said he had just been busy and then crashes at night.  Do I look stupid?  OK don't answer that question!!LOL  Why can't he just be honest and tell me he doesn't want to see me again?  Does he think this hurts any less than that would?  At least I wouldn't feel like I do right now.  He said he would call me later today...of course I knew he wouldn't.  I don't know why I got so hung up on him so fast.  I haven't felt like that towards a guy since my ex.  Maybe that's why this is so hard to deal with...to just let it go.  Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it.  Just need to refocus on things.  I don't think that I'll put myself out there anymore for this kind of hurt.  Can you imagine if we would have a relationship for months or years and then break up?  I would have to go thru all the pain and devastation I felt after Dave left.  Why was I even thinking about doing that again?    Yes I love affection and having someone who loves me and I love them, but is it worth all this?  Probably not.  I just feel really lonely at times.  Nights are hard...hell some days...every minute is hard and just have to get thru them.  I don't like feeling like I have to "get thru life."  I want to live my life.  I will have to work on that more. 

For May...my goals are to eat more fruits (and maybe vegetables..even though I don't really like them), drink more water and definitely exercise a helluva lot more.  Only about 6 weeks until my reunion...maybe I can lose at least 20 lbs before then.  Will have to wait and see.

WHATEVER......

Well he never called and has answered none of my texts.  I HATE being ignored more than anything.  If he doesn't want anything to do with me, then at least have the balls to tell me that, right??  Is that too much  to ask for??  I guess so.    I don't know what I do wrong, but obviously it's something.  Thought maybe he was different...I'm sooo delusional.  Yeah he could call me tomorrow or whatever...but right now, I'm pissed and upset.  I don't deserve to be treated like this.  I was supposed to go to Colorado Springs this Saturday to go on a date with a guy named David.  I was going to cancel it because of Vic.  Guess I don't need to do that.  I don't know if I really want to go though.  What's the point?  It's just ridiculous.

Decided not to do this weeks questions...it's about cooking and I hate cooking.LOL  So I will wait til next week and maybe there will be questions that I can relate to.:)