.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
LOSING GOOD & BAD
I had my MRI done. They said my brain looks OK, but that I have a bulging disc at C4 & C5 in my neck.:( Guess that would explain why it has hurt so much off and on for over a year. It doesn't hurt all the time, but when it does..gives me headaches and makes me nauseous. I see the doctor again next Wednesday to talk about my options. At least I know what the problem is and can work on it now.
Still doing well on the low carb. I have surprised myself. I weigh again on Monday. I had noticed that I haven't been nauseous in the mornings since I started low carb...which is awesome. Get tired of feeling like crap every morning. But last night, my mom and step-dad ordered pizza and I had 2 slices...my first "slip up" in 10 days. This morning, I'm nauseous.:( I'm just glad that I'm not beating myself up for the pizza. Before, I would just say "fuck it, I've already blew it, so I might as well just eat."
My mortgage company has been trying to work with me, so I wouldn't lose my house. Well I have faxed everything they have wanted me to and was waiting to hear from them. When I didn't, I called them yesterday. The main person I needed to talk to wasn't there and I need to call back on Monday, but the guy I talked to said my house is in foreclosure status!!! My ex is supposed to pay the house payment thru next March and he hasn't been, since I have been trying to get lower payments. We were behind before then. So right now, I'm probably like 8 months behind. The guy I talked to said they will probably give me 3 options. To pay the house off..yeah right..we still owe like $93,000. Option 2: to pay all the back payments that we owe...which would be like $8,000...which I don't have OR do a "short sale." OK, the kids and I have no place to go. I'm on the list for Section 8 housing and have been since last August..I called them in May and I was #41 on the list...I called them yesterday and I'm STILL #41!! So I won't even be up for that for at least another year or so. Rent around here is like $1,000 a month and up. If I can't afford $800 a month in mortgage, I sure as hell can't afford that. I'm kind of freaking. I will just have to wait and talk to them and see what they say, I guess. Hopefully I won't lose this house.
Still doing well on the low carb. I have surprised myself. I weigh again on Monday. I had noticed that I haven't been nauseous in the mornings since I started low carb...which is awesome. Get tired of feeling like crap every morning. But last night, my mom and step-dad ordered pizza and I had 2 slices...my first "slip up" in 10 days. This morning, I'm nauseous.:( I'm just glad that I'm not beating myself up for the pizza. Before, I would just say "fuck it, I've already blew it, so I might as well just eat."
My mortgage company has been trying to work with me, so I wouldn't lose my house. Well I have faxed everything they have wanted me to and was waiting to hear from them. When I didn't, I called them yesterday. The main person I needed to talk to wasn't there and I need to call back on Monday, but the guy I talked to said my house is in foreclosure status!!! My ex is supposed to pay the house payment thru next March and he hasn't been, since I have been trying to get lower payments. We were behind before then. So right now, I'm probably like 8 months behind. The guy I talked to said they will probably give me 3 options. To pay the house off..yeah right..we still owe like $93,000. Option 2: to pay all the back payments that we owe...which would be like $8,000...which I don't have OR do a "short sale." OK, the kids and I have no place to go. I'm on the list for Section 8 housing and have been since last August..I called them in May and I was #41 on the list...I called them yesterday and I'm STILL #41!! So I won't even be up for that for at least another year or so. Rent around here is like $1,000 a month and up. If I can't afford $800 a month in mortgage, I sure as hell can't afford that. I'm kind of freaking. I will just have to wait and talk to them and see what they say, I guess. Hopefully I won't lose this house.
Monday, July 25, 2011
WEIGHT UPDATE
I forgot to put my weight in my last post!LOL I have been doing really good at low carb. This is day 6. It's been a little hard, because I don't have any money until Friday, so I can't buy anything. I can't eat eggs anymore, because they make me sick to my stomach. So I haven't been eating a lot, but when I do, it's low carb. I am now at 305, so I lost 3 lbs this week.:) My 25th year class reunion is next June, so I figure if I can lose at least 3 lbs a week, then I will be able to be around 165 by then. That's pushing it though. I'm just happy with this weeks' weight loss.:) So hopefully next week, I will be 302 or below.
MRI
I'm getting my MRI done in a little while. Kinda nervous about it. Plus I don't like being in enclosed spaces, so that should be interesting.LOL I know that things will be OK.
I didn't tell you in my last post, but my best friend when I was growing up, a girl named Tracy, we were pretty much inseparable. We were always over at each others'houses etc. Her parents were like my second parents. Her dad made life sized statues out of bronze and sold them for quite a bit of money at art sales around the country. They had a place here and one in Florida. Her dad had heart surgery in May and just really never recovered from that and was kept in a medically induced coma. They moved him to a different hospital at the end of June. He died of a heart attack on July 5th.:( It's sad that I didn't get to say good-bye or see him one last time. But I couldn't afford to fly to Florida. Her mom is taking it really hard. There was never much affection in that family when I was there..no hugging, kissing, I love yous, etc. But I know that her parents loved each other and it must be really hard for her mom right now. She's totally lost. Tracy and her husband are planning on taking over the business (if her mom will let her). She can make things out of bronze as well. So I guess they'll be moving to Florida sometime soon. Tracy had lived in Florida for awhile when she was married the first time. Her husband was abusive, so she took her two kids and came back to Colorado. She met a guy here (they are the ones that got married in Vegas last July that I wrote about). Her kids are teens now. I hope everything works out for them. I think this time is good for Tracy and her mom. They have never been close and her mom didn't treat her the best when we were growing up. She was always grounded. Was told that she should get whichever guy she could, because she wasn't pretty enough to get many guys. Her mom didn't want a girl in the first place, she wanted a boy, but Tracy came first. Rodd came later. So she doted on Rodd. Tracys' dad tried to make it up to Tracy by giving her money and things when she needed it. Just a weird situation.
Mike B called the other night..shocked me. So I went and hung out with him Friday night. He's a cool guy, but not my type. He's shorter than me and thin. I feel like an Amazon!LOL Plus he drinks too much and too often.
I heard from one of my 'friends' that some woman here in town was calling me a slut. I don't know what the hell that is about. I sent her a message saying she needed to say it to my face, considering she doesn't even know me. She wrote back and said that she never said any of those things, that HE instigated the talk and that HE called me that. So I don't know who I'm supposed to believe. He wasn't that good of a friend. I don't go out with people in this town for that reason. Go out with someone once and you're fucking everyone.
Then my ex-brother-in-law, Tad...he was married to my youngest sister Cindy at one time. Anyway, he has been a friend for years. I don't feel anything else for him. This isn't a friggin' Springer show. But he's been after me for years now. He says I lead him on...if I'm talking too nice to him or whatever, I guess. So I quit talking to him much, quit answering his texts, etc. Well then on one of the friend sites yesterday, he sends me a question asking how I feel about him and everything.:( I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he KNOWS that I don't feel that way dammit. I don't want to even deal with this. It's ridiculous. He's a nice guy and everything, but not for me. He's just lonely. He has told people in the past that he's in love with me. That's what caused all the problems in the first place. Whatever, ya know?
I didn't tell you in my last post, but my best friend when I was growing up, a girl named Tracy, we were pretty much inseparable. We were always over at each others'houses etc. Her parents were like my second parents. Her dad made life sized statues out of bronze and sold them for quite a bit of money at art sales around the country. They had a place here and one in Florida. Her dad had heart surgery in May and just really never recovered from that and was kept in a medically induced coma. They moved him to a different hospital at the end of June. He died of a heart attack on July 5th.:( It's sad that I didn't get to say good-bye or see him one last time. But I couldn't afford to fly to Florida. Her mom is taking it really hard. There was never much affection in that family when I was there..no hugging, kissing, I love yous, etc. But I know that her parents loved each other and it must be really hard for her mom right now. She's totally lost. Tracy and her husband are planning on taking over the business (if her mom will let her). She can make things out of bronze as well. So I guess they'll be moving to Florida sometime soon. Tracy had lived in Florida for awhile when she was married the first time. Her husband was abusive, so she took her two kids and came back to Colorado. She met a guy here (they are the ones that got married in Vegas last July that I wrote about). Her kids are teens now. I hope everything works out for them. I think this time is good for Tracy and her mom. They have never been close and her mom didn't treat her the best when we were growing up. She was always grounded. Was told that she should get whichever guy she could, because she wasn't pretty enough to get many guys. Her mom didn't want a girl in the first place, she wanted a boy, but Tracy came first. Rodd came later. So she doted on Rodd. Tracys' dad tried to make it up to Tracy by giving her money and things when she needed it. Just a weird situation.
Mike B called the other night..shocked me. So I went and hung out with him Friday night. He's a cool guy, but not my type. He's shorter than me and thin. I feel like an Amazon!LOL Plus he drinks too much and too often.
I heard from one of my 'friends' that some woman here in town was calling me a slut. I don't know what the hell that is about. I sent her a message saying she needed to say it to my face, considering she doesn't even know me. She wrote back and said that she never said any of those things, that HE instigated the talk and that HE called me that. So I don't know who I'm supposed to believe. He wasn't that good of a friend. I don't go out with people in this town for that reason. Go out with someone once and you're fucking everyone.
Then my ex-brother-in-law, Tad...he was married to my youngest sister Cindy at one time. Anyway, he has been a friend for years. I don't feel anything else for him. This isn't a friggin' Springer show. But he's been after me for years now. He says I lead him on...if I'm talking too nice to him or whatever, I guess. So I quit talking to him much, quit answering his texts, etc. Well then on one of the friend sites yesterday, he sends me a question asking how I feel about him and everything.:( I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he KNOWS that I don't feel that way dammit. I don't want to even deal with this. It's ridiculous. He's a nice guy and everything, but not for me. He's just lonely. He has told people in the past that he's in love with me. That's what caused all the problems in the first place. Whatever, ya know?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
UPDATE...
Hi everyone!:) I have missed writing here...I have just been lazy. I have a lot to tell you. First of all..my weight is still about the same. Just haven't had the discipline. But then saw a few pics of me...OMG! So am back on low carb..only on 2nd day...but already feel sooo much better! Not sluggish, tired, my stomach doesn't hurt. I have energy! Right now, I want to lose 13 lbs..that would put me at 295 and then go from there. Little goals, ya know? Plus on the 17th, I wasn't feeling very well and at one point couldn't move my fingers on my left hand! So went to the ER. The did a CAT scan on my brain and that came back OK. He said it could just be a pinched nerve, but he couldn't rule out a mini stroke.:( I went to my regular doctor the next day and he wants me to get an MRI done on my head and neck to see if there are any blockages. So that is scheduled for the 25th. Hopefully all is good. So I just feel that I need to lose weight and get healthier. I need and want to be around for my kids.
This hasn't been the best year for my mom and step-dads' health..well my step-dad was OK until earlier this month. First, I will tell you that mom is doing pretty good. She doesn't wear her sling as much. She still has some pain, but probably will for awhile. She goes to physical therapy 2-3x a week. OK, my step-dad...Duke...first went to the hospital by ambulance on the 5th. He couldn't move is leg and was in a lot of pain. Well they said that it's "probably" gout. Anyway, a couple of weeks later..he now has to use a cane and/or walker...the doctor gives him 3 new medications to take. He takes them for the first time on the morning of the 14th. He has a major allergic reaction (though we didn't know that's what it was at the time). He fell in the bathroom, was incoherent, was having a hard time breathing, was sweating. I was down there luckily and called for the ambulance. Went and saw him at the hospital and he looked BAD. They had oxygen on him, he couldn't really talk, was really red, was cold and clammy. He has heart problems as it is, so this didn't help. They kept him overnight and luckily he's OK now. But within a month..well it's just hard to see him having to use a cane! He's 64 and mom is 61. So actually not that old. It freaks me out.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but I'm on Tagged.com. It's kinda like a dating site, but really just a friend site. I love it. Anyway, I formed a group on there called "Colorado Friends." There are over 400 members now. Some of us decided to get together for a barbecue on the 16th at a park in Colorado Springs. It went really well. Only about 16 people showed up, but since this was the first one, I'm not too worried about it. We plan on having more in the future. It was cool meeting new people.:) I stayed the night at one of the guys' houses...Ken. Nothing happened! Yep, couldn't really believe it either. Well he's a nudist...so to each his own. I told him it was OK with me if he wanted to walk around his own house naked. Which he did. It was a little strange at first, but then it was no big deal. I kept my clothes on. I'm just not THAT comfortable with my body. He's a cool guy and hopefully we will stay friends, but I don't feel any attraction and I'm pretty sure he doesn't either. Whether it's my weight or not, I don't know. But we all have our preferences.
OK..the guy situation...Arturo called me last month and told me that they were sending my letters back to him! So he wanted to know if I was just denying them. I'm not. So now they won't even let our letters go thru to each other.:( I'm sure his dad had something to do with that. I haven't heard from him in about a month now. Maybe he'll call again sometime, but us not even being able to write to each other...well I guess that part of my life is over.:(
I went to see Ron the first weekend in July. We had an OK time, but he pretty much annoyed me beyond belief. Just a personality clash I guess. I like him and didn't want to "end it." Just wanted to see how it went. Well at one time I did tell him that if he found someone else closer, to tell me. Okay..so on the night of the 14th...he knows my step-dad is sick..he still tells me that he loves me. The NEXT day, I get a text saying that it's over, that he found someone else and he wishes me luck!! WTF???!! I asked how long he had been lying to me and he said he wasn't a liar. I said "you just told me last night that you loved me, so that makes you a fucking liar and you did this when you know how sick my step-dad is, so that makes you an asshole too!" He didn't reply to that. I deleted him from my facebook and tagged pages. His roommate sent me a message on facebook later and said that he had met this girl THAT day and that he actually texted me from the bar while she was sitting right there! Obviously I didn't mean crap to him at all. He told me at one point in the earlier conversation that we could still be friends. I think not! Geez. He didn't even have the balls to call me and break up with me! Total jerk.
I still text Bruce and Chris, but not as much as I should. I'm really bad about calling people or texting.:(
Guess that's it for now...I'm sure that's plenty!!LOL Hopefully taking the boys to Nebraska next month to see their aunt. Talk soon.
This hasn't been the best year for my mom and step-dads' health..well my step-dad was OK until earlier this month. First, I will tell you that mom is doing pretty good. She doesn't wear her sling as much. She still has some pain, but probably will for awhile. She goes to physical therapy 2-3x a week. OK, my step-dad...Duke...first went to the hospital by ambulance on the 5th. He couldn't move is leg and was in a lot of pain. Well they said that it's "probably" gout. Anyway, a couple of weeks later..he now has to use a cane and/or walker...the doctor gives him 3 new medications to take. He takes them for the first time on the morning of the 14th. He has a major allergic reaction (though we didn't know that's what it was at the time). He fell in the bathroom, was incoherent, was having a hard time breathing, was sweating. I was down there luckily and called for the ambulance. Went and saw him at the hospital and he looked BAD. They had oxygen on him, he couldn't really talk, was really red, was cold and clammy. He has heart problems as it is, so this didn't help. They kept him overnight and luckily he's OK now. But within a month..well it's just hard to see him having to use a cane! He's 64 and mom is 61. So actually not that old. It freaks me out.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but I'm on Tagged.com. It's kinda like a dating site, but really just a friend site. I love it. Anyway, I formed a group on there called "Colorado Friends." There are over 400 members now. Some of us decided to get together for a barbecue on the 16th at a park in Colorado Springs. It went really well. Only about 16 people showed up, but since this was the first one, I'm not too worried about it. We plan on having more in the future. It was cool meeting new people.:) I stayed the night at one of the guys' houses...Ken. Nothing happened! Yep, couldn't really believe it either. Well he's a nudist...so to each his own. I told him it was OK with me if he wanted to walk around his own house naked. Which he did. It was a little strange at first, but then it was no big deal. I kept my clothes on. I'm just not THAT comfortable with my body. He's a cool guy and hopefully we will stay friends, but I don't feel any attraction and I'm pretty sure he doesn't either. Whether it's my weight or not, I don't know. But we all have our preferences.
OK..the guy situation...Arturo called me last month and told me that they were sending my letters back to him! So he wanted to know if I was just denying them. I'm not. So now they won't even let our letters go thru to each other.:( I'm sure his dad had something to do with that. I haven't heard from him in about a month now. Maybe he'll call again sometime, but us not even being able to write to each other...well I guess that part of my life is over.:(
I went to see Ron the first weekend in July. We had an OK time, but he pretty much annoyed me beyond belief. Just a personality clash I guess. I like him and didn't want to "end it." Just wanted to see how it went. Well at one time I did tell him that if he found someone else closer, to tell me. Okay..so on the night of the 14th...he knows my step-dad is sick..he still tells me that he loves me. The NEXT day, I get a text saying that it's over, that he found someone else and he wishes me luck!! WTF???!! I asked how long he had been lying to me and he said he wasn't a liar. I said "you just told me last night that you loved me, so that makes you a fucking liar and you did this when you know how sick my step-dad is, so that makes you an asshole too!" He didn't reply to that. I deleted him from my facebook and tagged pages. His roommate sent me a message on facebook later and said that he had met this girl THAT day and that he actually texted me from the bar while she was sitting right there! Obviously I didn't mean crap to him at all. He told me at one point in the earlier conversation that we could still be friends. I think not! Geez. He didn't even have the balls to call me and break up with me! Total jerk.
I still text Bruce and Chris, but not as much as I should. I'm really bad about calling people or texting.:(
Guess that's it for now...I'm sure that's plenty!!LOL Hopefully taking the boys to Nebraska next month to see their aunt. Talk soon.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
HARDER THAN PLANNED...
Losing weight is not for the faint of heart! I tell ya...I really have to work at losing ANY weight now that I'm this age. It sucks. So this week...I'm doing the exercises...as much as I can...and doing meal replacement shakes...high protein. Then when I do eat something, just make sure that it doesn't have that many carbs OR calories. I weighed yesterday and am 305 again. I hate when I don't see a change...or worse when I gain! It's a neverending thing. At least with the shakes, I don't have to worry about how many calories I'm putting into my body. Plus trying to drink a lot of water. At this point in time..my goal is 275 lbs. I'm hoping that I can achieve that as fast as possible..but at least by my birthday at the end of August.
Last weekend wasn't my best weekend..the depression is just kicking my butt again. It comes and goes and is sometimes worse than other times. When it's really bad, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm hanging in there.
Arturo tried to call yesterday, but I wasn't able to pick up. I'm hoping he'll call back today. I just want to see how he's doing. Yes I still love him...which is pretty ridiculous.
As some of you know, I write to prisoners. Some of them have gotten out this year and are in half way houses. One lives in Arkansas. His name is Damon. He's black. He's been a good friend. He says he's in love with me and wants to get married!!! OK, seriously, he's a cool guy. But for one thing, I have never even met him in person. Who knows how we would get along. For another, I just got a divorce and am in NO WAY ready to get married again. Plus, I'm still confused on who I want. I HAVE decided to chill out on the going out and also from sleeping with random people. All that does is leave me feeling empty. I want real love, not just a temporary fix. It's not fair to any of the guys who I've been hanging out with to keep leading them on. Damon..as much as I hate to admit it, I have to think about the whole black/white thing. This is a small town..it wouldn't be easy. Plus I'm not sure how my family would react. I have dated a black guy before, but it was when I was younger and he was from California. I'm still hung up on Arturo. I like hanging out with Ron...but not sure if I see a future with him. Care a lot about Chris (in Vegas), but we have decided that it's unrealistic for us to even think about a relationship..plus he likes someone else and is also "playing the field" it seems. So we have just decided to be friends. Which is hard too, because I had a great time in Vegas, but if it's not there for both people, then there's no chance of it working. Bruce..my first love...lives in Alaska. Not sure if or when I will ever get to see him again. Though I would love to see him and see if "its" still there. So I really don't know who I'm supposed to be with if any of them. I'm just trying to take a step back and take care of myself and my kids. Lose some weight, get my house cleaned up, figure out what's going on in my life now. Yes I would love to have the companionship and the security that a relationship brings, but I don't want to make the wrong choice. If I could have any of them right now, it would be Arturo. But after all that has happened in the past 7 months, that's probably not the best choice.
The weather is beautiful here! I love Summer evenings the best!! Love being able to sit outside under the stars...that has always made me feel better..more calm and not so stressed out about things.
My mom is doing better.:)
Last weekend wasn't my best weekend..the depression is just kicking my butt again. It comes and goes and is sometimes worse than other times. When it's really bad, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm hanging in there.
Arturo tried to call yesterday, but I wasn't able to pick up. I'm hoping he'll call back today. I just want to see how he's doing. Yes I still love him...which is pretty ridiculous.
As some of you know, I write to prisoners. Some of them have gotten out this year and are in half way houses. One lives in Arkansas. His name is Damon. He's black. He's been a good friend. He says he's in love with me and wants to get married!!! OK, seriously, he's a cool guy. But for one thing, I have never even met him in person. Who knows how we would get along. For another, I just got a divorce and am in NO WAY ready to get married again. Plus, I'm still confused on who I want. I HAVE decided to chill out on the going out and also from sleeping with random people. All that does is leave me feeling empty. I want real love, not just a temporary fix. It's not fair to any of the guys who I've been hanging out with to keep leading them on. Damon..as much as I hate to admit it, I have to think about the whole black/white thing. This is a small town..it wouldn't be easy. Plus I'm not sure how my family would react. I have dated a black guy before, but it was when I was younger and he was from California. I'm still hung up on Arturo. I like hanging out with Ron...but not sure if I see a future with him. Care a lot about Chris (in Vegas), but we have decided that it's unrealistic for us to even think about a relationship..plus he likes someone else and is also "playing the field" it seems. So we have just decided to be friends. Which is hard too, because I had a great time in Vegas, but if it's not there for both people, then there's no chance of it working. Bruce..my first love...lives in Alaska. Not sure if or when I will ever get to see him again. Though I would love to see him and see if "its" still there. So I really don't know who I'm supposed to be with if any of them. I'm just trying to take a step back and take care of myself and my kids. Lose some weight, get my house cleaned up, figure out what's going on in my life now. Yes I would love to have the companionship and the security that a relationship brings, but I don't want to make the wrong choice. If I could have any of them right now, it would be Arturo. But after all that has happened in the past 7 months, that's probably not the best choice.
The weather is beautiful here! I love Summer evenings the best!! Love being able to sit outside under the stars...that has always made me feel better..more calm and not so stressed out about things.
My mom is doing better.:)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
SATURDAY
Since I didn't put down my weight this week...it was 303 on Tuesday. So I lost 2 lbs. I know it's not a lot..but I guess for the week it's OK. I just have to try a bit harder. But at least I lost some and not gained or stayed the same..so was happy about that.:)
Was supposed to go see Ron this weekend, but I just didn't have the money. I have to get a hotel room and everything when I go up there. I just can't do that a lot.:( I do miss him though. I like hanging out with him. I won't be able to go until June 24th at least now and that depends on the whole money situation then. Dave is going to Denver next weekend to see Gracie. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but I still get irate about things like that. I have no idea why and am tired of it. Maybe it's because he's happy and I'm not? Well I'm "happy," but not like I would like to be, if that makes sense. Plus I'm not too happy with him at the moment. He's court ordered to pay the house payment thru next March. The mortgage company was willing to work with me IF "I" paid the house payment for 3 months in a row on time. That started in April. Well he didn't make the house payment last month and is late with it this month. He says he will call them on Monday and explain why he hasn't paid or whatever...he thinks that all will be great. If I lose my house because of him...it's not just ME that he will be leaving homeless..it's HIS KIDS. I just don't get it. I'm on the list for Section 8 and have been since last August..but it's going to be awhile before that comes thru.
I never did get to help my step-dad with the food booth..my son, Phillip, did some though and was able to make some money, which he was happy about. At least he was happy about something. We are seeing about getting him a therapist to talk to. I hope that helps. As it is now...he's angry all the time. Has no respect for me or Dave...but maybe a little more for me. Thinks he can call Dave whatever he wants to and act the way he wants to...rude and disrespectful. My mom asked him to mow the lawn the other day and he wouldn't do it!!! Yes I'm the parent...but I couldn't get him to either..what kind of mom does that make me??:( He asked why he "always" had to do it and why couldn't I? All he wants to do is sleep and play video games. Well he's grounded off the X Box now, so we'll see how that goes. BUT the X Box is down at Daves'..so whether he enforces it or not...
Dave and I got into an argument last night..mostly because he just doesn't get what not paying the house payment means, the fact that he thinks he can just do what he wants whenever he wants, etc. It's just better if I don't talk to him much..which I haven't been. Though if Phillip is with him and he starts mouthing off or whatever, Dave is either texting or calling me and telling me. Like I know what to do about it. The way that Phillip is with Dave is Daves' fault. So he needs to deal with it instead of bitching to me about it. Phillip has attitude enough with me. Plus he's ALWAYS fighting with his brothers. I know that some fighting is "normal," but every little thing they do sets him off. It's getting ridiculous and VERY stressful...not only for me, but for the younger two. I hope that talking to someone will help.
I went out the night of the 28th...by myself, because my friends couldn't go or whatever. I talked to a guy that I briefly meant a couple of weeks ago. His son just graduated from high school and he just needed someone to talk to. We exchanged numbers and all. I heard from him once or twice, but he's living in Durango, CO now and that's a few hours from here. Plus he's not my type at all. He's older (51), shorter than me and tthin. I just feel more like an Amazon when I'm around shorter, thinner guys!LOL But he's cool and makes a good friend.
Haven't heard much from Chris (Vegas). He's having "women issues." He seems to pick women who aren't ready to be in a committed relationship with him. I would love to be that person, but it's just not going to happen for us. So I want him to find someone who he can really be happy with..but he needs to find women who are willing to give him a chance, who aren't hung up on their exes or who like to see multiple guys at the same time. No we AREN'T talking about me here!LOL Though I think I just described myself a bit.:(
Haven't heard from Arturo, but sent him a letter.
Was going to go see Bruce next month in Alaska..but that's not going to happen right now. Just lack of money on both of our parts. I think that maybe that ship has sailed. Which sucks..because he really was my first real love. But you never know what the future holds.
Heard from Bobby on the 30th when he called..said he would call back and didn't. Haven't heard from him since. Typical.
Mom is doing better.:) Though she's still uncomfortable, it's not as bad as it was. The physical therapist is happy with her progress. My step-dad...I'm not too happy with him at the moment. Mom pays the bills. He gives her money every month to pay them. She needs a certain amount. He just goes out and blows money on stupid shit sometimes. Well yesterday she told him she needed a certain amount for bills and he got majorly pissed off. Said that he's NEVER giving her "his" money again and that if they have that many bills, then they need to start cancelling things or whatever. So that upset her. She does the best she can with what she has and goes without A LOT. She never buys anything for herself. But then he makes her feel like that??? I love him dearly, but he really pissed me off yesterday. So they're not really talking. She told him that she would just move out and he can take care of the bills. I'm pretty sure she won't do that..but I don't blame her for thinking about it after that episode. Plus he doesn't really do anything to take care of her while she has been going thru the whole shoulder thing..I'm the one who has been helping her. He's her husband and lives there...you think he would be a little more helpful. I know he has his own health problems and all...but still. If it was him with the whole shoulder thing...he would be acting like a baby. I have even started giving mom her insulin shots! I never thought I would be doing THAT...but guess we all adapt to what we have to and do what needs to be done.
For now....I think that I will stop going out for awhile and just chill out. You can't meet "quality" guys at bars anyway. I think that I have been going out and all partly because I'm freaking out about getting older and feel like I'm "running out of time" to have fun and to find someone to be with. I need to just take a step back and focus. Going out and getting drunk doesn't solve anything...but it DOES help sometimes for a couple of hours.:)
Was supposed to go see Ron this weekend, but I just didn't have the money. I have to get a hotel room and everything when I go up there. I just can't do that a lot.:( I do miss him though. I like hanging out with him. I won't be able to go until June 24th at least now and that depends on the whole money situation then. Dave is going to Denver next weekend to see Gracie. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but I still get irate about things like that. I have no idea why and am tired of it. Maybe it's because he's happy and I'm not? Well I'm "happy," but not like I would like to be, if that makes sense. Plus I'm not too happy with him at the moment. He's court ordered to pay the house payment thru next March. The mortgage company was willing to work with me IF "I" paid the house payment for 3 months in a row on time. That started in April. Well he didn't make the house payment last month and is late with it this month. He says he will call them on Monday and explain why he hasn't paid or whatever...he thinks that all will be great. If I lose my house because of him...it's not just ME that he will be leaving homeless..it's HIS KIDS. I just don't get it. I'm on the list for Section 8 and have been since last August..but it's going to be awhile before that comes thru.
I never did get to help my step-dad with the food booth..my son, Phillip, did some though and was able to make some money, which he was happy about. At least he was happy about something. We are seeing about getting him a therapist to talk to. I hope that helps. As it is now...he's angry all the time. Has no respect for me or Dave...but maybe a little more for me. Thinks he can call Dave whatever he wants to and act the way he wants to...rude and disrespectful. My mom asked him to mow the lawn the other day and he wouldn't do it!!! Yes I'm the parent...but I couldn't get him to either..what kind of mom does that make me??:( He asked why he "always" had to do it and why couldn't I? All he wants to do is sleep and play video games. Well he's grounded off the X Box now, so we'll see how that goes. BUT the X Box is down at Daves'..so whether he enforces it or not...
Dave and I got into an argument last night..mostly because he just doesn't get what not paying the house payment means, the fact that he thinks he can just do what he wants whenever he wants, etc. It's just better if I don't talk to him much..which I haven't been. Though if Phillip is with him and he starts mouthing off or whatever, Dave is either texting or calling me and telling me. Like I know what to do about it. The way that Phillip is with Dave is Daves' fault. So he needs to deal with it instead of bitching to me about it. Phillip has attitude enough with me. Plus he's ALWAYS fighting with his brothers. I know that some fighting is "normal," but every little thing they do sets him off. It's getting ridiculous and VERY stressful...not only for me, but for the younger two. I hope that talking to someone will help.
I went out the night of the 28th...by myself, because my friends couldn't go or whatever. I talked to a guy that I briefly meant a couple of weeks ago. His son just graduated from high school and he just needed someone to talk to. We exchanged numbers and all. I heard from him once or twice, but he's living in Durango, CO now and that's a few hours from here. Plus he's not my type at all. He's older (51), shorter than me and tthin. I just feel more like an Amazon when I'm around shorter, thinner guys!LOL But he's cool and makes a good friend.
Haven't heard much from Chris (Vegas). He's having "women issues." He seems to pick women who aren't ready to be in a committed relationship with him. I would love to be that person, but it's just not going to happen for us. So I want him to find someone who he can really be happy with..but he needs to find women who are willing to give him a chance, who aren't hung up on their exes or who like to see multiple guys at the same time. No we AREN'T talking about me here!LOL Though I think I just described myself a bit.:(
Haven't heard from Arturo, but sent him a letter.
Was going to go see Bruce next month in Alaska..but that's not going to happen right now. Just lack of money on both of our parts. I think that maybe that ship has sailed. Which sucks..because he really was my first real love. But you never know what the future holds.
Heard from Bobby on the 30th when he called..said he would call back and didn't. Haven't heard from him since. Typical.
Mom is doing better.:) Though she's still uncomfortable, it's not as bad as it was. The physical therapist is happy with her progress. My step-dad...I'm not too happy with him at the moment. Mom pays the bills. He gives her money every month to pay them. She needs a certain amount. He just goes out and blows money on stupid shit sometimes. Well yesterday she told him she needed a certain amount for bills and he got majorly pissed off. Said that he's NEVER giving her "his" money again and that if they have that many bills, then they need to start cancelling things or whatever. So that upset her. She does the best she can with what she has and goes without A LOT. She never buys anything for herself. But then he makes her feel like that??? I love him dearly, but he really pissed me off yesterday. So they're not really talking. She told him that she would just move out and he can take care of the bills. I'm pretty sure she won't do that..but I don't blame her for thinking about it after that episode. Plus he doesn't really do anything to take care of her while she has been going thru the whole shoulder thing..I'm the one who has been helping her. He's her husband and lives there...you think he would be a little more helpful. I know he has his own health problems and all...but still. If it was him with the whole shoulder thing...he would be acting like a baby. I have even started giving mom her insulin shots! I never thought I would be doing THAT...but guess we all adapt to what we have to and do what needs to be done.
For now....I think that I will stop going out for awhile and just chill out. You can't meet "quality" guys at bars anyway. I think that I have been going out and all partly because I'm freaking out about getting older and feel like I'm "running out of time" to have fun and to find someone to be with. I need to just take a step back and focus. Going out and getting drunk doesn't solve anything...but it DOES help sometimes for a couple of hours.:)
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