SICKNESS SUCKS & OTHER THINGS....

I started getting sick on Christmas Day.:(  I had to work the next day even though I felt like crap.  I felt that it was better to go into work & then maybe get to go home early than not to go into work at all.  Well I had asked them if I could leave early since I was feeling so bad, but there just wasn't enough people & we were still pretty busy..so I stuck it out.  I spent all day yesterday in bed.  "Just" have a chest cold thing going on, I guess.  Not sure what it is.  My throat is killing me.  I did have a fever, but don't now.  I see the doctor today at 3:15pm.  I'm not sure what they can do, but wanted to make sure that it wasn't strep.  I called off work today. There was just no way that I could go in feeling like I do.  I don't work again until Monday..hoping to feel better by then. 

My mom took my step-dad to a hospital in Colorado Springs the night of the 26th.  The doctor here said it would be better if he was down there around his regular (military, heart, etc) doctors.  Mom came home yesterday for a bit of rest & then went back down today.  It's not looking good.  Right now they are saying he has cirrhoisis (sp?) in his liver & congestive heart failure.  He's pretty yellow.  His daugher & granddaughter are supposed to fly into Colorado Springs on the 31st..I'm sure he'll still be there...she knows what all is going on.  She's a nurse, so she knows how bad it is.  Phillip is having a really hard time with it, as I know the other two are probably as well..I have just tried to keep some of it from them.  Phillip is older & knows what is going on.  He told me "Duke is the only grandpa I have left, I don't want him to die."  It broke my heart.

I ended up eating Christmas Eve dinner by myself...woe is me.LOL  It's OK..I knew that Bev & her daughters had other plans & had to leave before I got there.  Christmas Day...OK where do I start here with my crazy kids?LOL  The younger two still believe in Santa (I hope that I'm not ruining anything for anyone here).  Well I started getting their stockings ready and the presents from Santa out around 1:00am or so.  Dominic insists on sleeping in the living room all the time..have no idea what that's about..so anyway, he is asleep out there as is Matthew.  I get the stockings done & hung back up..and bringing the presents out...luckily I was turned away from Dominic...when he says in a sleepy voice "hi mom."  Scared the crap out of me for one thing.LOL  I told him hey & told him that I had to go in my room for something, so I went & covered the Santa stuff back up.  He then asks if he can check his stocking!  Well I told him that I would have to check first & he can go in the other room for a few & "rest."  So while he did that, I took the Santa presents out & then told him he could look at his stocking & whatnot.  He then wants to wake his brothers up to open presents at 1:30am!!!  I knew that he wouldn't go back to sleep until this was accomplished, so I told him to go ahead.  It was a close one for sure!  Good thing I hadn't fallen asleep!  So he got the other two up & they opened their presents & were all happy with what they got.  Then I told them that I was going to bed & that they should too.  Phillip & Dominic did...Matthew stayed up for the rest of the night playing with his toys and didn't fall asleep until like 3:00pm Christmas Day!  So much energy....
Around 11:00am or so, we went down to my moms' and they opened a few presents there.  My mom....she did awesome for me!  My dad had been in the Navy & there was a picture of his ship that had hung on our wall in the living room all of the years that I was young...she got 3 copies of it made & put into nice frames and gave one to me & to my sisters.  I thought it was an awesome thing to do!  I love it!  I miss my dad.....
Then they went over to their dads'...by this time, I wasn't feeling good at all.  My friend & girl I used to babysit, Tracy, wanted to come over & hang out for awhile at moms' with me, so she did.  We talked some..then I actually fell asleep a couple of times!!  I apologized, but told her that I wasn't feeling great.  After that, I went to the ER because my ankle was really swollen & hurting a lot...it's a normal thing anymore..but I was just tired of it.  They ran some blood tests...good to know that I don't have gout or rheumatoid arthritis..but they have no idea what the problem is & told me to see my regular doctor about it...so 2 hrs wasted pretty much.  Went by my ex-sister-in-laws' & ate a bit & played a game with all of them, then back to moms' for a few..then home.

Yesterday, I stayed at moms' & "pet sat" since she wasn't there.  Mostly I just slept.  I still have to get cards done!  It's been crazy.  I dragged myself home last night after mom got back...just wish I felt at least a little better & that my throat wasn't hurting so friggin' much.:(

JM left yesterday for Seattle instead of the 29th.  Then he is going to fly to Canada from there to see one of his old high school friends who is really sick.  Her name is Mandy.  Was I jealous at first?  Yup..that's just who I am.  But I also know that we have to grab onto whatever happiness that we can.  That we do have freedom of choice, but I also believe that some things are already "set in place."  Guess you would call that Fate or Destiny.  So I just try to go with the flow more & not freak out about every little thing...not easy, believe me.  He texts me & that's cool.  If you remember back in August when he was in Seattle...he rarely texted..but then again..we had only known each other for like 6 weeks at that time.  It's been 6 months now.  Makes a bit of a difference.  She also has a boyfriend who has been cool enough to stick it out throughout her sickness.  I know not many would do that.

FMM: FILL IN THE BLANKS

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Fill in the Blanks

 

 

1. I want to...wear a tight shirt & not have any rolls of fat showing.
2. I’ve never…walk across a "swaying" bridge.
3. I believe…I can learn to love myself.
4. My mind often wonders…whether I'm doing what I was meant to do.
5. Last night I dreamed that…I can't even remember what I dreamt.
6. This morning for breakfast I ate…corned beef hash..yes I know I'm strange.
7. My love life is…pretty much non-exsistent.
8. I enjoy…drinking margaritas..though I don't do it often anymore.
9. When I was a child I used to…believe that my parents would always be around to protect me.
10. When I’m in the kitchen I…think that I should cook more.
11. My favorite exercise is...Richard Simmons...or walking.
12. When I travel I…feel happy.
13. My friends would tell you that I am…sweet, kind, sarcastic, funny, caring.
14. If I had to eat at a fast food restaurant today I would choose…Wendy's
15. My favorite…smells are lilacs, cinnamon, vanilla & cedar.
16. My home is…cluttered..but getting better.
17. I read…any book that catches my interest & a lot of magazines!
18. The last movie I saw was…Bloodwork on DVD recently.
19. Music makes me feel…like I'm not totally alone in how I feel...the words express my feelings.
20. All I want for Christmas is…for my family & friends...as well as myself..to be healthy & happy.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

TIRED.....

Yesterday at work was crazy too....but not as bad as it was on Saturday...only thing is...I'm overwhelmed, tired,...I know that it's just the way things go sometimes.  Just not easy to deal with people all day every day...especially if your back hurts or whatever.  I'm NOT complaining...just writing it down.  Plus other things are bothering me.  Our mortality for one.  My step-dad is really sick.  I don't know what is going on, but he's been sick with whatever he's sick with for way too long.  I just wish that the doctors could find out for sure what's going on.  It's frustrating.  Then the whole thing with Bevs' friend...Jenny.  Bev & another friend went up to see her over the weekend.  She is in the hospital in Denver.  She has gotten weak so fast that Bev had to help her brush her hair.  She's already in Stage 4.  The cancer is in her lungs, her liver, her lymph nodes.  Found out that she's 52...but she looks like she's in her 30's.  It doesn't even matter how old she is...the fact is, it's horrible.  She's fine, then she's not.  She didn't even have any real symptoms...had a cough...the doctor said it would go away.  A couple of weeks later, she has a little pain in her hip, sees another doctor...he says that she's not even going home, that she's going straight to the hospital in Denver..that maybe if the first doctor would have done x-rays, it may have made a difference.  Who knows if it would have or not.  Life goes by too damn fast.  It's too short.  Not enough time to do everything that you want to do.  Just too much thinking....

Dominic is having a hard time with me working so much.  Misses me...he doesn't say it in so many words, but more in his actions.  It makes me sad.  Just hard to know the "right" thing to do.  I don't know if the other two feel the same or not.  I just know that I feel guilty..that I'm missing out on things that I shouldn't be missing out on.  I know that other mothers feel the same way. 

JM is going to Seattle on the 29th to see friends & family.  We were going to hang out New Year's Eve..but then found out that I had to work.  I told him that he should go, see who he needs to see.  Like I said, life is too short not to do what you want to do...see who you need to see, say what you need to say.  I don't even know what is "right" where he is concerned.  Maybe it's just a "friend thing."  I do know that I want him in my life.  Guess will just take one day at at time. 

Mom is having her Christmas dinner the afternoon of Christmas Eve..which technically is today already...though it's still really early in the morning.    I won't be able to go..because they are having it at around 4:00pm & I don't get off until 6:00pm.  But since Bev & her daughters have other things to do after...it's just the way it has to be.  At least my kids will be there.  They will open presents from Bev & they will open presents from us.  Christmas came so fast...I haven't even sent out cards with school pictures yet.  Will be doing that this week..even though it is late.  My ex-sister-in-law asked me to come to Christmas dinner...the boys want me to go...but Dave & Christy will be there.  So how weird would that be?  I know that we have to learn to deal with it, but it may be awkward if I decide to go.  Again, what is "right?"

My weight isn't going anywhere....well guess it's better than going up.  Just frustrating.  But guess I can't expect miracles when I have been eating fudge & cookies lately.  I know that I will get "control" over it again...just hope it's soon.  Know what's horrible?  I saw a lady at Wal-Mart today...she was really big.  I thought to myself "at least I'm not THAT big."  WTF?!  Can't believe I even thought that.  I'm sure other people compare themselves to me like that...look at me & think "I'm glad I'm not THAT huge."  The thing is we all compare ourselves to other people.  Though we shouldn't.  We are all who we're supposed to be.  We all matter.

WORK....

Work was totally crazy today!!  It was worse than the night of Thanksgiving when they had the sales...will probably be just as crazy the next couple of days.  It totally kicked my ass.  I went to work a 10:30am & it was non-stop pretty much til I left at 7:00pm.  Which makes the time go by faster for sure...but damn!  Need time to breathe too!!LOL

One of my sister's friends that she works with...she is a sweet person..I think she's in her 30's.  I just saw her the other day at Wal Mart & talked to her some..wish I had talked to her a bit more.  She went in for a routine physical...found out that she has cancer in her lymph nodes & liver.;(  She stars chemo tomorrow..but it doesn't look good.  It just totally sucks the way things happen sometimes.  Please keep her in your prayers.

I have so much to do still...wrap presents...send out cards...so behind!  Just really tired a lot of the time after I get home & don't feel like doing much of anything.  Can't believe that Christmas is only a few days away!  It's gone by fast. 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.:)

IN MEMORY OF THOSE KILLED IN THE SHOOL SHOOTING IN CONNECTICUT 12-14-12

The family of 6-year-old Avielle Richman had recently moved to Newtown from San Diego. Richman’s parents maintained a blog that documented the precious angel’s life whose smile can brighten up a room. One of the family’s last updates included photos from the Stamford Thanksgiving Day Parade.

A year ago, 6-year-old Ana Marquez-Greene was reveling in holiday celebrations with her extended family on her first trip to Puerto Rico. This year will be heartbreakingly different. The girl’s grandmother, Elba Marquez, said the family moved to Connecticut just two months ago, drawn from Canada, in part, by Sandy Hook’s sterling reputation. The grandmother’s brother, Jorge Marquez, is mayor of a Puerto Rican town and said the child’s 9-year-old brother also was at the school but escaped safely. Elba Marquez had just visited the new home over Thanksgiving and is perplexed by what happened. “What happened does not match up with the place where they live,” she said. A video spreading across the Internet shows a confident Ana hitting every note as she sings “Come, Thou Almighty King.” She flashes a big grin and waves to the camera when she’s done.

Music surrounded 6-year-old Benjamin Wheeler as he grew up in a household where both his mother and father were performers. They left behind stage careers in New York City when they moved to Newtown with Benjamin and his older brother Nate.“We knew we wanted a piece of lawn, somewhere quiet, somewhere with good schools,” Francine Wheeler told the Newtown Bee in a profile. She is a music educator and singer-songwriter. Sometimes the musical mother would try out tunes on her own children, with some tunes that she made up for Ben as a baby eventually finding their way onto a CD, she told the newspaper.

Caroline Phoebe Previdi, 6, daughter of Jeffrey and Sandy Johnson Previdi and sister of Walker, from Sandy Hook, CT died on Friday, December 14, 2012 in the shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School. Caroline was born in Danbury on September 9, 2006. She was a first grade student at the school and a lifetime resident of Sandy Hook. Caroline was a member of St. Rose of Lima Church in Newtown. Caroline loved to draw and dance. Her smile brought happiness to everyone she touched.

Catherine’s parents released a statement expressing gratitude to emergency responders and for the support of the community.“We are greatly saddened by the loss of our beautiful daughter, Catherine Violet and our thoughts and prayers are with the other families who have been affected by this tragedy,” Jennifer and Matthew Hubbard said. “We ask that you continue to pray for us and the other families who have experienced loss in this tragedy.”

They were supposed to be for the holidays, but finally on Friday, after hearing much begging, Charlotte Bacon’s mother relented and let her wear the new pink dress and boots to school. It was the last outfit the outgoing redhead would ever pick out. Charlotte’s older brother, Guy, was also in the school but was not shot. Her parents, JoAnn and Joel, had lived in Newtown for four or five years, JoAnn’s brother John Hagen, of Nisswa, Minn., told Newsday.“She was going to go some places in this world,” Hagen told the newspaper. “This little girl could light up the room for anyone.”

Chase Kowalski was always outside, playing in the backyard, riding his bicycle. Just last week, he was visiting neighbor Kevin Grimes, telling him about completing – and winning – his first mini-triathlon.“You couldn’t think of a better child,” Grimes said. Grimes’ own five children all attended Sandy Hook, too. Cars lined up outside the Kowalskis’ ranch home Saturday, and a state trooper’s car idled in the driveway. Grimes spoke of the boy only in the present tense.

Daniel’s family says he was “fearless in the pursuit of happiness in life.”He was the youngest of three children and in a statement to the media, his family said Daniel earned his missing two front teeth and ripped jeans.“Words really cannot express what a special boy Daniel was. Such a light. Always smiling, unfailingly polite, incredibly affectionate, fair and so thoughtful towards others, imaginative in play, both intelligent and articulate in conversation: in all, a constant source of laughter and joy,” the family said.

Dawn Hochsprung’s pride in Sandy Hook Elementary was clear. She regularly tweeted photos from her time as principal there, giving indelible glimpses of life at a place now known for tragedy. Just this week, it was an image of fourth-graders rehearsing for their winter concert; days before that, the tiny hands of kindergartners exchanging play money at their makeshift grocery store. She viewed her school as a model, telling The Newtown Bee in 2010 that “I don’t think you could find a more positive place to bring students to every day.” She had worked to make Sandy Hook a place of safety, too, and in October, the 47-year-old Hochsprung shared a picture of the school’s evacuation drill with the message “safety first.” When the unthinkable came, she was ready to defend. Officials said she died while lunging at the gunman in an attempt to overtake him.

Dylan Hockley, 6, was among the young victims who was tragically killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. Hockley had reportedly just moved to the United States from Britain. The Telegraph reports, “He and his brother Jake, eight, were ‘best buddies’ who did everything together and, as both were ‘confident lads,’ they had already made many new friends.”

Quick to cheer up those in need of a smile, Emilie Parker never missed a chance to draw a picture or make a card. Her father, Robbie Parker, fought back tears as he described the beautiful, blond, always-smiling girl who loved to try new things, except foods. Parker, one of the first parents to publicly talk about his loss, expressed no animosity for the gunman, even as he struggled to explain the death to his other two children, ages 3 and 4. He’s sustained by the fact that the world is better for having had Emilie in it.“I’m so blessed to be her dad,” he said.

With broken hearts, the parents of Grace Audrey McDonnell said Sunday they couldn’t believe the outpouring of support they’ve received since the little girl who was the center of their lives died in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. Lynn and Chris McDonnell called their 7-year-old daughter “the love and light” of their family in a statement released by the little girl’s uncle. The family also shared a photo featuring Grace smiling into the camera, her eyes shining and a pink bow adorning her long blonde hair.“Words cannot adequately express our sense of loss,” the McDonnells said.

6-year-old James Mattioli especially loved recess and math, and his family described him as a “numbers guy” who came up with insights beyond his years to explain the relationship between numbers. He particularly loved the concept of googolplex, which a friend taught him. He was born four weeks before his due date, and his family often joked that he came into the world early because he was hungry.

6-year-old Jesse Lewis had hot chocolate with his favorite breakfast sandwich – sausage, egg and cheese – at the neighborhood deli before going to school Friday morning. Jesse and his parents were regulars at the Misty Vale Deli in Sandy Hook, Conn., owner Angel Salazar told The Wall Street Journal.“He was always friendly; he always liked to talk,” Salazar said.

A happy soul. A good mother, wife and daughter. Artistic, fun-loving, witty and hardworking. Remembering their daughter, Anne Marie Murphy, her parents had no shortage of adjectives to offer Newsday. When news of the shooting broke, Hugh and Alice McGowan waited for word of their daughter as hours ticked by. And then it came. Authorities told the couple their daughter was a hero who helped shield some of her students from the rain of bullets. As the grim news arrived, the victim’s mother reached for her rosary.“You don’t expect your daughter to be murdered,” her father told the newspaper. “It happens on TV. It happens elsewhere.”

According to her parents, 6-year-old Jessica Rekos loved everything about horses. In a statement, Rich and Krista Rekos said “She devoted her free time to watching horse movies, reading horse books, drawing horses, and writing stories about horses.”When she turned 10, they promised, she could have a horse of her own. For Christmas, she asked Santa for new cowgirl boots and hat. The Rekoses described their daughter as “a creative, beautiful little girl who loved playing with her little brothers, Travis and Shane.

7-year-old Josephine Gay had just celebrated her birthday on Tuesday, three days before the shootings. She loved the color purple, according to the Wall Street Journal. A neighbor recalled the family as “very welcoming.”

Lauren Rousseau, 30, had spent years working as a substitute teacher and doing other jobs. So she was thrilled when she finally realized her goal this fall to become a full-time teacher at Sandy Hook. Her mother, Teresa Rousseau, a copy editor at the Danbury News-Times, released a statement Saturday that said state police told them just after midnight that she was among the victims.

When the shots rang out, Mary Sherlach, 56, threw herself into the danger. Janet Robinson, the superintendent of Newtown Public Schools, said Sherlach and the school’s principal ran toward the shooter. They lost their own lives, rushing toward him. Even as Sherlach neared retirement, her job at Sandy Hook was one she loved. Those who knew her called her a wonderful neighbor, a beautiful person, a dedicated educator.

Noah Pozner, 6, was “smart as a whip,” gentle but with a rambunctious streak, said his uncle, Alexis Haller of Woodinville, Wash. Noah’s twin sister Arielle, assigned to a different classroom, survived the shooting. He called her his best friend, and with their 8-year-old sister, Sophia, they were inseparable.“They were always playing together, they loved to do things together,” Haller said. When his mother, a nurse, would tell him she loved him, he would answer, “Not as much as I love you, Mom.”

6-year-old Olivia Engel loved school, did very well in math and reading, and was “insightful for her age,” said the statement released by her uncle, John Engel. She was a child who “lit up a room and the people around her.” Creative with drawing and designing, she was also a tennis and soccer player and took art classes, swimming, and dance lessons in ballet and hip hop. A Daisy Girl Scout, she enjoyed musical theater.

Days before the Connecticut shooting rampage, the boyfriend of Rachel D’Avino, 29, had asked her parents for permission to marry her. D’Avino was a behavioral therapist who had only recently started working at the school where she was killed, according to Lissa Lovetere Stone, a friend who is handling her funeral planned for Friday. D’Avino’s boyfriend, Anthony Cerritelli, planned to ask her to marry him on Christmas Eve, Lovetere Stone said.

Those who knew 27-year-old Vicki Soto said they weren’t surprised by reports she shielded her first-graders from danger by hiding them in a closet.“We heard at one point that they found some people hiding in a closet, and all of us said Vicki would never be hiding in a closet. She would be out there protecting those babies,” her mother, Donna Soto, told CBS’ “This Morning.”Soto said her eldest daughter, who had two younger sisters and a brother, used to joke that she was “the perfect one” of the siblings. They got back by calling her “The Queen V.”

Nancy Lanza, 52, was discovered dead in her Connecticut home on Friday, Dec. 14, 2012. According to the authorities, she suffered numerous gunshot wounds to the head. Investigators said Adam Lanza killed his mother before driving to Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., where he opened fire on staff and students, killing 20 children and six adults before taking his own life. (HANDOUT)

The family of 6-year-old Jack Pinto described him to be a huge New York Giants fan who idolized wide receiver Victor Cruz. To pay tribute to the first grader, Cruz wrote the name “Jack Pinto” on his cleats and gloves in this weekend’s face-off with the Falcons. The boy will reportedly be laid to rest in Cruz’s number 80 jersey.

BEEN AWHILE!

I will try to remember all that has happened in the past couple of weeks.  Time flies.  I have been working A LOT.  Then when I get home...I'm just friggin' tired & don't feel like doing much of anything, except zoning out watching TV for a few & then heading to bed.  I'm not complaining...just explaining why I haven't posted on here in so long.  Standing on my feet all day...at night my legs ache & my left ankle hurts like crazy.  Still haven't figured out how to make that better.  I take Aleve & that helps some, but not totally.  I will be staying on at Wal Mart after the Holidays which I'm thankful for.:)  They were going to put me in HBA (health & beauty aids) for two days & then in Pets & Chemicals for the other two days...just putting things on the shelves, etc.  I wasn't really looking forward to that, but it's a job.  But one of the CSM's up front wanted me to stay up there as a cashier, so she told me to tell "them" that I would prefer to do that..which I do.  So I did that yesterday..don't think they were too happy about it, but said that was fine & they didn't want me doing something that I wasn't happy with.  So I won't be working for a week starting the 29th, but should have some hours after that.  I don't need a lot, just some extra money so won't always be worried about it.  Not sure about the food stamp thing, most likely I won't get those back, which I will deal with.  I think I will make too much with child support, Social Security & income from work.  I also have to talk to Social Security about me working.  I know that I can work up to a certain amount of hours per week & up to a certain amount every month, just not sure what it is.

As for Phillip, he was diagnosed with major depression, panic disorder & generalized anxiety disorder.  He's on 3 different medications now.  One to help him sleep at night...think it's call Trazedone or something like that.  Then he also takes Prozac & Abilify.  He seems to be in somewhat of a better mood...but he's tired a lot & sleeps a lot.  He hasn't been going to school like he should.  I'm having a hard time "making him" go.  I don't know what to do about it really.  Then Dave gets on my case about it.  I feel bad enough that he won't listen to me at all where that is concerned, I don't need Dave making me feel worse.  I'm the parent & should be able to "make" him go to school & do what he needs to do.  I'm hoping that once he gets used to the medication that things will be better.  Christmas break starts this week....well they get out on the 20th...so maybe by the time it's over, he will be ready to "deal" with life.  Please keep him in your prayers that he'll get better.

Since I have been working crazy hours...they have me on all different shifts...I haven't been able to spend much time with my kids.  Which makes me sad.:(  But now Dave is like "you need to spend more time with them."  It's ironic...because I used to tell him the same thing!  Kinda weird that he's telling me that now.LOL  I KNOW that I need to spend more time with the boys...I should be able to after I get a set schedule in a few weeks.  They stay with me at night, except for on weekends.

Dominic had a band concert on the 10th & that was really cool.  The 5th graders actually did a great job playing!  I was impressed.:) 

Matthew is sick again.:(  Just started yesterday.  I hope he feels better soon.  He's had a hard time the past couple of weeks...gets over a stomach bug & now is getting another one.:(  Poor kid.  My step-dad has been really sick with it for a couple of weeks now.  He's going to the doctor sometime today.  I worry about him.  He's older & has other health issues, so it's a bit worse for him.

I did end up going to Colorado Springs on the 12th.  JM & I hung out after like 2 1/2 months of not seeing each other.  It was cool.  I got a hotel room for the night.  We just basically watched a movie & talked some.  He's definitely NOT attracted to me (how many times has he told me that)?  I guess I thought that would change over time, but it hasn't.  So will just hang out like we do & accept that that's as far as it will go.  I used to complain that all guys wanted from me was a "piece of ass."  Guess I can't say that now!!LOL  I don't know when I will go back again...maybe in a few weeks..will have to wait & see.

Arturo called me on the 13th out of nowhere.  He's living in Pueblo with his gf Charlotte, but she's abusive or whatever.  He really has to watch that...he was in prison for something pretty major that happened when he was angry...so he really needs to stay away from that kind of thing or he's going to end up going back.  He actually drove up here to see me the night of the 14th.  That was interesting to say the least.  I haven't seen him since October 2010 & that was when I went to visit him in prison.  I had it totally bad for him at one time...luckily those feelings aren't there anymore.  I don't need that kind of drama in my life.  I haven't talked to him since.

I have all of my Christmas shopping done..amazing I know.LOL  I think that I may have to get one or two more little things, but that's it.  I still have to wrap everything though!  I hate wrapping, because I'm not good at it....either get too much paper or too little.LOL  I haven't sent any cards out yet...but plan on doing that starting on Thursday.  We didn't do a family picture this year...just didn't have the time...so hoping that I can get one out for New Year's maybe.  I'm sending school pictures out of the boys to some relatives, but otherwise, just sending cards.  If you would like one, please send me your address at cinnamonsugar869@yahoo.com.:) 

FMM: TWELVE IN 2012

How do you feel about 2012? Let’s discuss it, shall we?
Now…If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Twelve in 2012

1. What was your greatest personal accomplishment in 2012?  I finally got totally over Dave...and found a job.
2. What’s the best thing your did for your health?  I have watched carbs more & have TRIED to exercise on a regular basis. 
3. Share one thing that caused a significant change in your life this year. It's not a thing...but a person...Jeff.
4. List a few things that you experienced for the first time at some point over the last twelve months.
One thing that I experienced that wasn't fun at all, was pneumonia.:(  Hoping never to get it again. 
The boys & I went to see WWE in Denver in July & that was a blast!!
5. What was the coolest place you visited? I don't get to travel to many places...so don't have an answer for this one.
6. If you could change one thing about the last year what would it be?  I would have been more into getting this weight off & being A LOT thinner by now.
7. What is the best meal you ate this year? No answer for this one either..geez I'm a boring person!!LOL
8. Tell us about a new friend you made. I have made a few this year....Jeff for one...he has made me happy, sad, annoyed, pissed off, etc.  But he makes me laugh, we get along really well as friends.  I'm thankful to have him in my life.  Also Kristen, Brianna, Carolyn, Terry & all of my friends on here.:)
9. What did you hope to accomplish this year that you did not?  Losing weight, getting caught up & staying caught up on all of my bills including the mortgage, being in a relationship with someone who can overlook my weight & see me....but I'm not real concerned about that anymore.
10. Share something you learned in 2012. That you can't "make" someone feel something for you that they don't.  That I need to learn to control my emotions more.
11. Share an odd and unexpected thing that you experienced this year.  Drawing a blank.
12. How do you think 2013 will differ from 2012?  I think I will be more focused on losing weight & getting some of this off of me, that the kids & I will move to a different house...maybe a different town as well, that I will love myself more & not be focused on finding a guy to fill some void that I have in my life.

Now it’s your turn! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments!

FMM: CHRISTMAS QUESTIONS

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Christmas Questions

 

1. How will you celebrate the holidays this year?  We are having Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, so my sister & her daughters can be there...not sure if I will be able to make it to that though since I have to work until 6 pm & they are doing that around 4 pm.:(  On Christmas...the boys & I will get up & they will open their presents, then just hang out around here for awhile.  Then to my moms, so they can open more presents down there, then they will go with their dad for the rest of the day probably.  I will just be lazy for the rest of the day.:)
2. What’s the weather currently like where you live? It's cold & cloudy.  Has been for the past couple of weeks.  This is Colorado...but we weren't getting any snow at all...the ski area was going to refund season passes & all.  But about a week ago, they started getting quite a bit of snow...but down here in town...we haven't gotten any at all...which is weird.
3. Do you decorate your home for the holidays? If so, share a picture please!  I should...and plan to every year..but never seem to get it done.:(  I know...a horrible person.  We do have a tree though & I love that!!:)  I would put a picture on here...but my phone doesn't take the best pictures.:(
4. What is your favorite Christmas movie? I really don't have a fave movie...but do like watching "Rudolph," "Frosty" & " Polar Express.":)  Wait...just thought of one that I really like!!:)  "Miracle on 34th Street."
5. What is your favorite Christmas songs?  Love A LOT of them...my absolute favorite is "Have Yourselves A Merry Little Christmas."  Also love "Jingle Bell Rock" among quite a few others.
6. Do you have an advent calendar?  No I don't.:(  Used to...but haven't had one in years.
7. Do you prefer color lights or white lights?  My kids & I both agree that we LOVE colored lights!!:)  We went to look at Christmas lights the other night...we find the white ones BORING.  The colored lights look so much better!
8. What is your favorite food to eat over the holidays?  Fudge for sure with walnuts in it & sugar cookies!!  Probably why I'm not losing any weight at the moment!!LOL
9. Do you display a live tree, or do you prefer fake trees?  I think we had a live one one time when I was a kid...but otherwise have always had fake ones.  I have a fake one now that has the lights already on....which is good...since I suck at putting lights on a tree.  The kids helped me decorate with all of our ornaments though.:)
10. What would you need to make your holiday perfect this year?  Just for everyone to be healthy.  My step-dad has been really sick for the past couple of weeks with the flu or something..he's having a hard time.  Also for someone to give me a gift card to a bookstore!!LOL  But that's not gonna happen.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday!!!!!

LIFE IS NOT FOR THE WEAK....

A lot has happened since I last wrote.  Not sure where to begin.  Phillip (oldest) has been having some issues in school as you know.  I know that he has depression.  What I didn't know is that he hears voices in his head.  That he has a hard time sleeping because of them, a hard time concentrating in school, says one of the voices sounds like my youngest, Matthew...which would explain why Matthew can't even open his mouth without Phillip telling him to shut up.  He's not like that with Dominic at all...so couldn't figure out why he was like that with Matthew.  Now I know.  The voices tell him how stupid he is, that he's not allowed to sleep, etc.  Yep really upset me when he told me.  I didn't realize that that was going on.  I have always had a "voice" in my head.  But my mom & a couple of other people just look at me weird when I tell them that, because they say that they don't.  Do any of you?  I figure it's just my "concious" or whatever.  It's not like it tells me to do horrible things, it's just there.  So maybe Phillip gets his "issues" from me??:(  I don't know.  I know he gets the depression & anxiety for me...which makes me feel bad enough.  Anyway, it's a major concern, of course.  He is on Dave's insurance, so Dave has been calling around to see what psychologist is "in network."  There is one here, but not a psychiatrist, who would have to be the one to prescribe any medications.   The closest one is in Pueblo, which is about 2 hrs from here.  So we went down there on Monday.  They said he could see a psychologist on Friday, but couldn't see the psychiatrist (the main reason for going down there) until the beginning of February, because he was that booked.:(  He would have to see the psychologist every other week...which could be a pain in the ass having to drive down there & all.  So Dave talked to them yesterday, plus a psychologist here who is willing to see him.  He will see both the psychologist AND the psychiatrist now on Friday.  Which is awesome.  So maybe we can get him some help.  Then after they see him, we will see how it goes.  Hopefully he can see the woman here that we found.  If not, then we will just make the trip to Pueblo every couple of weeks.  Just as long as he gets better.  Dave's insurance thru the State sucks.  There's a mental health center here...with Dave's insurance, it's a $3500 deductible!  The first appt would be like $450 & all others would be like $298 or some crazy amount like that.  It's insane.  Luckily the one that Phillip will be seeing isn't as expensive as that.  I'm going to try to get the kids on a different insurance next year.  The school is being decent about things too...Dave explained the situation to them.  They said that they wouldn't count his grades this semester.  That the priority is getting him better.  That he does need to go to school though & at least learn.  But he's being a pain in the ass about getting up in the mornings.  I get so over it at times.   I know that nobody ever said that being a parent was going to be easy, but damn.  All I'm hoping is that he will get better.

The younger two have been home sick the past couple of days...a stomach bug it seems.  I wasn't feeling great yesterday, but feel better today..which is good since I have to work later today...1:30pm-10:00pm.  They sent a note home the other day, saying that they have had two confirmed cases of Whooping Cough in both the elementary school & the middle school.:(  Not a good thing.  I know some people have serious reservations about getting their kids vaccinated, but the alternative could be worse, plus they are putting my kids at risk.  I was always concerned when I had to take the boys in to get their shots...wondering if it would have an adverse effect...cause autism or whatever, but I just prayed before I took them, that that wouldn't happen.  There are risks to everything it seems.  But there is a reason that they have vaccinations now...the child mortality rate was horrible in the "old days" because they didn't have anything to stop all of those horrible sicknesses such as whooping cough, diptheria, typhoid fever, scarlet fever, polio, smallpox, measles etc.  Now that they have things that can stop them, we should take advantage of that.  I know that there are some out there that will disagree with me & that's fine.  Everyone has their own opinion.

OK...I know that there will be haters on this one.  I was getting food stamps..yes they helped.  No I wasn't taking "advantage" of the system or whatever.  I get child support & I get Social Security.  I may have said why I get Social Security before in my blog, not sure..but it's really nobody's business unless I want to tell them, which at this point, I don't.  So yes I was getting "help" since I have 3 kids & have a zillion bills to pay it seems.  I know it's not as many bills as some people have, but it's enough.  Anyway, I decided that I would try to get a job for the Holidays, so that I would have some extra money for Christmas.  Of course, I had to report it to Social Services.  I thought that they would probably cut my food stamps in half, which was OK.  I could manage that.  But nope...they cut them off completely.  So I really don't have any extra money for Christmas, since I now have to buy food with it.  It makes no sense.  You try to help yourself, to get ahead & it's like they punish you for it.  This job is only a Holiday thing & they will let me go right after Christmas.  So then she said I could "reapply" for food stamps in January, which would mean that even if I do get them back, that I wouldn't get them until February.  So January will be even worse than this month where that is concerned, since I won't be working.  I seriously don't know how people make it without help.  Yet I see other people coming thru the lines at Wal Mart with A LOT of food stamps....I have nothing against people coming to this country to try to better themselves, their lives or whatever.  But I don't get why people who come here from other countries usually get more help than we do.  Again, just my opinion.  If it was just me, I wouldn't even worry about food stamps.  But I have 3 boys & they eat a lot...have to have food.  I seriously feel like a failure as a parent.

My weight loss sucked this week.  I won't put the "official" weight on right now because I usually weigh after my shower & I haven't done that yet, but will post it after I do.  I know that I have gained a few pounds. Don't know why it's so fucking hard to lose weight...I know that I'm over 40 now & everything, but it's insane.  I have been exercising...though have slacked on that a bit this week.  I know that I have eaten a few things that I shouldn't..but to gain a few pounds because of that?:(  Plus it's around "that time of the month."  Or it should be.  My period shows up when it feels like anymore.  Which is annoying as hell.  I get cramps & everything, but never know when it's going to start.  Since June, it's been like this (when it started):  June 19th, July 31st,  September 7th,  November 2nd.  See what I mean?  It's all over the place.  I totally skipped August & October.  I know, I know, TMI....lol

Just not a good few days.  I'm not even close to being ready for Christmas.  Still have to get the tree up, take a family picture (if I decide to do that now), get them sent out, make fudge, try to get a few little presents for my kids...can't get anyone else anything this year, etc.  I hope this next week is a better one.  I work every day thru next Tuesday now.  Some are only 4 hour days...but most are 8 hrs.  I still look forward to going to Colorado Springs on the 12th, but now just have to watch what I spend...plus was planning on getting a hotel room & staying overnight...not sure I can swing that now, but we'll see. 

Tim...thank you for all the comments.:)  You're right, I do need to focus on myself a bit more & not worry so much about others.  Of course, I need to worry about my kids, but you know what I mean.  I will work on that.  It's never been easy for me to just focus on me & try to make myself "better." 
Glad you liked the bright shoes!!;)

Hope everyone is having a good week.:)